aprilmcspadden`s poll Show results | Hide results

thirdtimearound (48.6 days ago)
It is better for children to be from a broken home then to be living in one. Good luck.

mumbo (48.7 days ago)
Leave! Take control of your life and your self esteem and GO! In an ideal world, every child may deserve a father, but sadly not every father deserves a child! If you don`t want to do it for yourself, then PLEASE do it for your children. You will gain more respect from them from leaving him than staying for their sake! I'm a single mum by choice, we're happy and my son will NEVER be exposed to domestic violence, nor will he witness seeing his mother being treated like a piece of shit and me allowing it. Yes it can be tough at times, but when I look at people in damaged relationships, I think I have it easy. Being a single parent is NOT a bad thing - you don't NEED a man to provide a happy home for you and your children. One happy parent is better than two unhappy ones.

nutnut (49.1 days ago)
you can get assistance make sure you tell the case worker he is abusive, they can check the police records too. doesnt matter if youre going to have to get help from your parents. you dont want your daughter thinking its right for daddy to hit mommy. and.. one day he will end up killing you, then your daughter has no mommy. get out do what you need to do. if your parents are willing to help you out, let them. thats what family is for. its not going to help your children in the long run to stay with the father when all he does is abuse and use. get out. and seriously youre NOT stupid. you just got stuck in a bad situation, youre smart enough to get yourself out of it, so do it and dont look back. he`s a piece of trash, leave him at the curb where he belongs.

roomfor1more (49.1 days ago)
LEAVE ASAP!!! The kids and you will adjust. You deserve better and so does the kids. No matter what he promises, DO NOT GO BACK OR STAY. You didn`t tell him you were leaving did you? I hate you are going through this. If you have to rely on your parents for a while so be it. There are also resources out there that will help you as well. Please let us know you are alright...we got your back!

bjenna1 (49.1 days ago)
YOu know what you need to do honey! And you will be a better person and mother for doing it. You have to break the cycle and you will!! You are strong, if one thing he has done its give you strength.. you may not think so but when you look deep inside and dig in deep you know it. There is absolutly NOTHING wrong with asking for help, infact it takes courage and strength and earns you respect on confidence. Your children will thank you for it and you deserve to be happy. Take back your life and your independence and show your children and yourself tht you are strong, know the difference between right and wrong and that you love yourself!!! You can do it sweety! Im rooting for you!! God bless.

jessberr31 (49.3 days ago)
Good for you. You deserve to be happy, and so do your kids.

laney. (49.4 days ago)
I would never stay with a man because I had a child with him. In your case April, LEAVE. It is not healthy for you or your children.

t555rm (49.4 days ago)
Please please leave the hell out of that house! DO NOT stay just for the sake of yr kids, it`s only going to do more harm to them and to yrself. U don`t deserve to be trashed around like that. Go to yr parents and take their help until u get back on yr feet, there`s nothing to lose and don`t think twice. Just leave ASAP. Or if staying with parents wont work maybe u should look into shelters for abused women. Will be thinking of u...good luck!

Amalthea (49.4 days ago)
Please leave!!!!!!!! Thats not the kind of Daddy your kids need... treating you horrible..I fear your kids will one day think that its acceptable... Please PLEASE LEAVE... BIG HUGS..the hardest part is puting your foot out the door... but you will feel SOO MUCH BETTER once you do...

kohlsmommy (49.4 days ago)
good for you. those kids don`t need to be in that environment. stay strong... it will take a while for things to get back to normal, but once they do, you`ll be so much happier. you won`t be relying on anyone to support you, and your kids will see a happier mommy, which is most important.

pooka (49.4 days ago)
april.. you have one question to ask yourself `would you want to see your daughter married to a man like your husband?` because that is EXACTLY who she will marry if you don`t leave and teach her some self respect for herself. I would get her some counseling too she is going to need it. As for your boys I think you already know if you don`t leave they will end up abusers too. All I can tell you is from my own experience of leaving my ex. He wasn`t abusive but I had no job, no money, nothing. Yes I had to rely on people for a short time but I fought to get my life back and it came. Yours will too. Your always stronger then you think you are.

brendalee (49.4 days ago)
Where are you? I`ll come kick his ass. You need to leave, your kids can`t grow up seeing that. I`d leave, stay with your parents....maybe have to be supported by them for a little while. If your checks from work get direct diposited, change it so they either go into a new checking account or you just get a check, take him to court for child support and make sure he never sees the kids....at least not without a police officer around. You need to leave like...today. That`s how my dad was, all my parents money (actually...MY money, because they used my social security checks that I got from the time I was 2 til 18) went to beer and whatever other random shit he`d go buy. I was the most quiet and shy person ever growing up, and in school I`d rarely talk because I was literally too afraid to. Whats going on will effect your kids...you def. need to leave for them and for yourself.

MelissaJoanne (49.4 days ago)
April, you still are a strong independent woman. He can`t make you stop being YOU anymore. Your children give you all the more reason to leave, not to stay. You don`t want your daughter to enter into a similar relationship, and you don`t want your sons to think it`s okay to treat women that way. You`ll be better off, your children will be better off. Violence begets violence, until someone breaks the chain. Get out, without delay.

heathert (49.5 days ago)
You know your need to leave and take the kids. I have never been in a situation like this so I am sure it is easier said than done. But no food or diapers for the kids, plus he is teaching your daughter a man can treat a woman that way. I do not know if you have a son but you would hate for him to pick up that behavior and abuse you, your daughter or any woman. So glad you have your parents support right now. I was not abused but my husband cheated and I left, I struggeled for a year on my own then my 2 kids and I moved in with my parents and I finished nursing school. You have lots of opportunities for single mom in school to help and with child care. You sound ready and you can do this. I do not know you but I am proud of you. Do your parents live in the same town or no? Is your husband abusive to the kids? You deserve to have things in life and to be happy. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

lovemyfamily (49.5 days ago)
Good for you April, don`t put yourself down because of it, and don`t worry about the past, it`s over now :) Concentrate on you and your childrens future. I was abused my whole childhood, I wish my mom had of left :(

-avasmama- (49.5 days ago)
LEAVE. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

courtenay (49.5 days ago)
i would never stay because of kids, infact i walked away a long time ago. look out for you and your happiness because eventually it will rub off on the kids. its better to have separated but HAPPY parents then have them stay together and be unhappy.

aprilmcspadden (49.5 days ago)
thank you all for your support, I guess I need to be reassured Im doing the right thing, and lovemyfamily, I DO relize that i Dont deserve this crap, Im starting to be strong agin, I used to be SUCH a strong independent women, I have no idea how i got myself into this siutation, relying on a man, not having ANYTHING at 30 years old, ugh. stupid me LOL. I just cant take this unhappyness anymore, i want to be happy again, and i DONT want my little girl to marry a man like him, which I told her the other day and she said no Im not going to marry a guy like daddy know why? I said Why, and she said cause Im gonna marry Bubby!! (her b rother) LOL.

lovemyfamily (49.5 days ago)
Oh hunn, there are sooo many options for you, and it`s great that you`re realizing how terrible of a situation it is on your own, because so many battered women, just feel as though `they deserve it` Which NOBODY does. I`m very proud of you, never feel bad for relying on someone else til you get back on your feet, even if you stay with your parents, go check out the womens shelters because there are TONS of government programs for women in your situation to help you get back on your feet. He will not see any custody seeing as you filed police reports...Good for you!! Good luck with everything!!!

sexymummy (49.5 days ago)
never stay together just for the kids it never works

taniamommyX2 (49.5 days ago)
There are tons of womens suport groups and assitance available for people in your situtation. I would strongly urge you to find support and leave as soon as possible. Once your daughter gets old enough, she will be the focus of abuse as well. http://www.johnnieshouse.com/index.htm http://www.abusedadultresourcecenter.com/programs.htm http://www.batteredwomensproject.org/programs.cfm

amber325 (49.5 days ago)
YES IT IS BEST FOR ALL INVOLVED! I would of left when he first hit you. That is not love...no matter how you look at it. He needs to go to therapy an AA. I hope it all works out for the best! I doubt your parents will mind the little burden...they will help.

5against1 (49.5 days ago)
that was actually like reading my life story. so similar it is scary. except i was 27 w/4 kids and only a high school education, and i never worked a day in my life. but 1 day, i snapped, couldnt take it anymore. i deserved soooo much better. more importantly, my kids deserved better. i kicked his butt out and never looked back. it was soooo scary, but it was the BEST decision ever.

blondie9504 (49.5 days ago)
I`d say you`re doing the right thing. They have battered women shelters to help you and the kids out and though you would be more comfortable with your parents, the shelter would be able to help you more and get your own place and job and daycare etc...Not only that but they would also be able to keep your husband away. Once you get the divorce rolling you should be able to get some child support too. He doesn`t need to be anywhere near the kids if he can`t respect you and no judge would over look that. I`ve never been in this situation but I`ve known plenty of people that have. I`m too bull headed to deal with assholes like that. My ex hit me one time when I was pregnant and I hung him up by the throat. My Dad raised me rough so I could take care of myself, as a matter of fact when my SO and I got together my Dad said `Now you better not beat him up!` The sad thing was, he was serious, I`m a little bit of an agresser myself. I try to be nice but I wont take ANYONES shit. All and all, you`ve given it your best and it hasn`t changed so I think you are right in every way. The kids don`t need that. It`s better to have no father at all then have an abusive one that may eventually build up enough anger to seriously hurt or kill one of you. Good luck!

aprilmcspadden (49.5 days ago)
So here the deal long story kinda short. LOL been married 9 years, the physical abuse started a couple months after we got together, when he was drinking a CASE of beer a night, threw me up against the wall when I was 6 months pregnant because I woke him up to go to work,it finally came to a head a few lyears later when he broke my wrist and threw me around in front of our daugther. Among man y many many other occurances, I had him arrested, we worked things out. Thats when she was 3 the physical abuse ended then, but he`s still been mentally and verablly abusive. He calls me names in front of my kids, yesterday it swas Im a `fucking retard` and pathetic and a bitch all with my 7 yr old daughter next to me, things like that, all the time, takes my car keys with him to work so I cant go anywhere, Ive never been on the bank account in 9 years, I dont get any money, We dont have food or diapers for the kids yet he ALWAYS has beer. Im done with him and his shit. BUT since i have NO money. no anything at 30 years old. Im going to have to rely on my parents. I dont want to do that even though I know Im going to need too. I dont want the drama of haveing to leave here move my kids, go through a divorce, but I DO NOT want them around a man like this, i have 2 boys and I DO NOT want them to turn out like there father. Im leaving next week, am I doing the right thing or what, Is what Im doing really best for the kids.. ugh. Its just all too much

aprilmcspadden (49.5 days ago)
So here the deal long story kinda short. LOL been married 9 years, the physical abuse started a couple months after we got together, when he was drinking a CASE of beer a night, threw me up against the wall when I was 6 months pregnant because I woke him up to go to work,it finally came to a head a few lyears later when he broke my wrist and threw me around in front of our daugther. Among man y many many other occurances, I had him arrested, we worked things out. Thats when she was 3 the physical abuse ended then, but he`s still been mentally and verablly abusive. He calls me names in front of my kids, yesterday it swas Im a `fucking retard` and pathetic and a bitch all with my 7 yr old daughter next to me, things like that, all the time, takes my car keys with him to work so I cant go anywhere, Ive never been on the bank account in 9 years, I dont get any money, We dont have food or diapers for the kids yet he ALWAYS has beer. Im done with him and his shit. BUT since i have NO money. no anything at 30 years old. Im going to have to rely on my parents. I dont want to do that even though I know Im going to need too. I dont want the drama of haveing to leave here move my kids, go through a divorce, but I DO NOT want them around a man like this, i have 2 boys and I DO NOT want them to turn out like there father. Im leaving next week, am I doing the right thing or what, Is what Im doing really best for the kids.. ugh. Its just all too much



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