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♥ ☼shine (867.4 days ago)
Every child is different, every family is different, and every circumstance is different. You put 2 people in the same situation and both are likely to react differently. Personality and environment are both equal influences in determining an individuals lot in life. Some people have a weaker EQ and some have a strong EQ. I don’t mean that insultingly, it is not a character flaw; some people are just emotionally stronger than others. A person may have a good family life, but surround themselves with poor peers and vice versa. More vulnerable individuals are likely to succumb to their environments whether it is family or peers. Stronger people are more likely to rise above and pave their own way. I have never met a person that had a good upbringing and good friends that turned out badly. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but the majority still rules.

blondiex2 (867.4 days ago)
Kr - I agree no one forces an ADULT to screw up their life because of their childhood. However, some things are forced upon CHILDREN that makes their lives like their parents. I was persuaded on a daily basis to get high with my parents. So was my step sister. In that time that I was using with them I knew a man who told his 11 year old son he was a `wimp` (not the word he used) if he didn`t help him sell drugs and know how to use a gun. So I don`t think that every child just has the easy choice of saying `oh, I won`t be like them` if they were already forced to be just like them. I understand a lot of people have rough environments, but that doesn`t mean they are all the same. some children are forced to become the same way - it is literally all they know.

nutnut (867.5 days ago)
it usually either causes them to be the total opposite, or it sucks them in and the cycle continues. the ones who break free from it are few and far between as its harder to over come than to let life bring you down. when they have no help or support in the home, they are most likely to either give up, or just not know any other way. thats why its important to give your children the best start you can whether you have the money or not. its not all about money. its the whole support system and sense of security. its just statistically proven that children who start off in `bad` situations have more difficulty rising above it. but there are always a few who do, and lead wonderful lives.

KR (867.5 days ago)
I agree, i think its all about the choices each person makes. Ive seen both sides of each world and have lived threw horrid situations. Now dont get me wrong im not going to school to be a doctor or anything amazing, im young with two children but have always known what was right and wrong. Because of the things i have gone threw i felt i had to be more mature then most ppl my age. I was bounced around allot during a very fragile time in my life and from it i knew exactly what i didnt want to be like. Im proud to say that i have NEVER touched drugs when i come from a family who has had troubles. I NEVER risked having a child at a young age and having to make a hard choice about a baby while being baby bc again these were things my family had to go threw. Ive had one partner, not 2,3, or 4 bc i wanted to be mature about MY CHOICES and wait until i was out of high school to have a relationship like that. I think ppl who blame their life styles on their childhood are looking for excuses bc when its all said and done you always have the right to fight for yourself. I fought for myself and moved out on my own when i was 16 to give myself a better life etc. You can become the opposite of something you grew up with and didnt like. No one forces you to do anything. It all depends on ones strength. I for one am moving my children from a unhealthy city to a better one to give my children an even better chance at life without getting mixed up with bad kids. Again my life choices.

brendalee (867.5 days ago)
Amber what you said was interesting about your SILs lol, my hubs grew up in a REALLY religious environment with the strictest parents you`d ever meet and he turned into a huge rebel. I on the other hand, had all the freedom in the world pretty much...from the time I was like...8 years old I`d be out on school nights and weekends to bars til bar close, my dad has been arrested many times...has been in court ordered anger managment has had restraining orders against him, him and my brother have done drugs around me and I`ve never once been in any sort of trouble. So I agree with you that it`s entirely the children, not the environemnt.

smarie79 (867.6 days ago)
That is a tough one. Just from people I have known. It seems to me that girls that grow up with a crazy life with no guidance or father figure seem to struggle there whole life and don`t turn out so well. The guys that I have known that grew up without their father and seen how there mothers struggle turn into very responsible adults. Not saying that is true for everyone just from what I have seen.

blondiex2 (867.6 days ago)
I completely agree with mskitty. I think its a combination of both nature and nurture. Considering I was a distinguished honor roll student with no problems up until my mom moved me in with an alcoholic and I went spiraling out of control, I can say for me and my step sister that the environment we were in severely affected us. I understand your saying you also had a rough environment but you didn`t end up that way, but that doesn`t mean it was the same exact situations in the home. Two different homes can have `rough` environments but they can be very different still. For example, one od my friends in high school had a dad who drank a lot, but it wasn`t an extremely dysfunctional home. My step dad on the other hand, starting giving my step sister and I cocaine, vicodin, marijuana, and cigarettes when we were 12 and 13. So, for us, when your own parents are giving you the drugs, its not really that we `chose` to let it effect us. I still remember (I gave in to the drugs first) the night that he finally convinced my little sister to try cocaine, after persuading her for over an hour. We were just kids, we weren`t yet capable of knowing what was bad, especially when our own parents were forcing all the bad stuff on us. I can say, however, that we both got out and grew up to be nothing like them. We don`t even drink a beer because of our childhoods, and were both in college and overall `normal` people :) !

honghuzhenni (867.6 days ago)
I think both can have strong effects on a child`s upbringing. Obviously to be in a bad environment can cause lots negative effects even if they turn out what we call `well.` (that`s why we all work so hard to give our kids a good environment to grow up in) They have different struggles that others who haven`t been there can never understand. Thankfully we`re not asked to fully comprehend or judge them. Yet there are people raised in great environments who still struggle with such things (teen pregnancy, drug abuse, low self worth, etc). So it cannot be 100% based on your environment. I can see personalities come out even in babies, before the environment has really affected them, too. I would say some percent of both. I don`t think any scientist or psychologist will ever TRULY figure it all out, all we have is our experiences and that of others to guess with.

pc (867.6 days ago)
I feel bad for the baby involved. On the other hand, depending on the living situation the baby might be better off not living in that environment. My question is how can a baby be at fault for not bonding??? He is a baby after all. Again, this story is very one-sided, so I would have to get more details to provide a more judgemental opinion.

mskitty (867.6 days ago)
This I think relates to the Nature VS Nurture deabate. Me and my SO talk about all the time. It`s a hard question. Personally I beleive it`s a combination of both. Not one or the other. Oh..just reading other posts and mommiekayla brought it up too lol It can be an interesting topic to see what other poeple think.

mommiekayla (867.6 days ago)
I believe in NATURE VIA NURTURE. It`s both personality and upbringing..I believe they go hand in hand.

amber325 (867.6 days ago)
My sisters in law ( all 5 ) are total slut, slept around did drugs you name it...Most got pregnant out of wedlock in there teen years! There household was insanely religious....well off and great environment. It all depends on the kids not there environment.



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