christinamommyto3`s poll Show results | Hide results

christinamommyto3 (302.5 days ago)
I think some people missed the point. Its something thats mine and I didn`t want to give it away. I didn`t want to give it to her or anyone else. Noone ever helps us even when we have fallen on hard times. I`ve learned to do for me and mine. Had nothing to do with not caring, or being heartless, or doing for others how I`d like to be treated because most people I come across treat me like crap. I feel like if you don`t do for yourself and look out for yourself noone else will. Nonetheless, I did not give her the a/c. Also I`m cutting people out of my life who are all about me, me, me. what I can do for them, only calling or whatever when they want something. Sick of all the crap!

2babiesforme (304.8 days ago)
Treat others how you would like to be treated. Its for the kids - take your personal feelings for her out of the equation and it should be simple.

angie2008 (307.1 days ago)
I would for the kids- no need for them to suffer, it`s not their fault. My biggest pet peeve is smoking too, so i completely understand!!! Maybe sell it to her for say $50 which is cheaper than buying in a store.

MichelleMc(pink!) (307.9 days ago)
What about the option of lending it to her? You could draw up an agreement that you both sign stating that it will be given back to you upon an agreed-upon date (when it gets cooler, maybe?) or upon the time you move back into a house, whichever you decide. I just feel awful for the poor baby being too hot and having a mother whose priorities are like that, as it`s not his/her fault. Good for you for telling her she should save her cigarette money to help her kids, though!

MJamison (308.1 days ago)
i would just for the kids.... it is not the kids fault. and look at it as good karma...because one day you might need something and someone judges you for any reason....

emmy (308.4 days ago)
I wouldnt give it to her i have been in a similar situation with my cousin she wont help herself but expects others to help her, 3 kids to different fathers, has never worked, smokes, drinks i also have a friend with 3 kids to 2 different fathers shes poor but every cent is spent on her kids she trys hard and is studying her washing machine broke and without a second thought we gave her our old one

emmy (308.4 days ago)
I wouldnt give it to her i have been in a similar situation with my cousin she wont help herself but expects others to help her, 3 kids to different fathers, has never worked, smokes, drinks i also have a friend with 3 kids to 2 different fathers shes poor but every cent is spent on her kids she trys hard and is studying her washing machine broke and without a second thought we gave her our old one

lilyxox19 (308.4 days ago)
I grew up poor with my mom on welfare and not being able to work because of my brothers health (he is a kidney transplant patient and is constantly in and out of the hospital, even now). My mom remarried eventually and it has brought her off of welfare but then my step-dad lost his job and has been struggling to find one since. So they are living pay check by pay check, and really struggling. I help them out when ever they need it and she always tries to pay me back (they currently owe me $200 for last month and $400 from 2 years ago that I don`t think I will be getting back. But I`m ok with that because it was for a couple of our/their animals that got really sick and had to be rushed to the ER vets and ended up being put down). My husband and I live pay check by pay check just about, we have a little cushioning but not much. So yes I would give them whatever they need that I`m not using. I have given them a tv, am letting them borrow my husband`s truck while he is deployed, and I am even financing their car under my name since they have horrible credit. But I also disagree with there spending and do get irritated when they ask to borrow money. My mom doesn`t like eating by herself at work so my step dad drives every day to eat lunch with her...so they spend a lot on gas. They also have the movie channels for their tv, and the highest speed internet They go out to eat a lot. There washer broke a couple of years ago, and instead of cutting out these luxuries, they go to the laundry mat to wash their clothes---so lots of money spent there too. It makes me mad, but I still help them out when they ask.

luvbugs (308.6 days ago)
She is going to have to learn to provide for her own family. Just because you have one, doesn`t mean you have to lend it out. I have had really bad luck when lending items out they always come back damaged or not at all. When the time comes to move out of your apartment you are not going to want to buy another one again. An air conditioner is not a life or death item, no matter what anybody says-100 years ago, heck even 50 years ago there were not any/very few A/C`s and people apparently lived....

Waiting for Roland (308.6 days ago)
Everyone has an ac where I live. It is a must here, especially the young and old and we still have many heat stroke deaths. When they break you usually have to move in with someone else or go to a hotel until it is fixed.

mommywithquestions (308.6 days ago)
I would, but I even gave our renter an ac, we weren`t using it and it was probably under 200 brand new. Follow your heart and give from your heart.

BabySchofield (308.7 days ago)
If I did give it to her I would tell her I`m not doing it for her and I`m doing it for her kids

letthisonestick (308.8 days ago)
It is yours, not hers. If she breaks it, is she going to buy a new one? I agree 100% about the cigarette thing but, perhaps next time say something like this `I`ve lent things to family members before and for various reasons, it has backfired on me. I`m sorry but, I don`t want to jeopardize family relations.` At the most, offer her to purchase the AC unit. No one can make you feel guilty but, you. If you STILL can`t sleep at night buy her a fan. We humanes lived a million years without running water or AC`s.

cbv25 (308.8 days ago)
You`re kind of acting like it`s a life or death situation. Like this broad needs food or water. It`s a friggin air conditioner. It`s a luxury that MANY people do not have. There are a ton of ways to cool down and stay safe in the heat. She`ll figure it out. Keep enabling her, and her children will never have better, because she`ll never be forced to get up off her ass and do it. I would never give it to her. It`s not a need; it`s a want.

christinamommyto3 (309 days ago)
tto sitting here crying because thats exactly what my husband said. He said when he dies he doesnt want God to judge him. I guess I felt/feel like I dont want to be used. Her bother makes alot of money and no kids or wife. He just bailed them out for rent. She tries to get things from everyone. Yes, I was brought up middle class and my husband and his family poor. I`ve always heard charity begins at home but when do you draw the line? I told my husband todsy airconditioner, tomorrow washer and dryer if not from her asking then another one of his family members. or what if we`re asked can we live with you? we live in a 3br apt. We can hut rock bottom anytime ourselves. even the rich of the rich can...Right now we need 2000 and my hisband is busting his butt trying to come up with it. I see your point. Im caught in the middle. I wish i.was like the good samaritan.

tto (309 days ago)
Tough one. At first I thought of the kids- who are not at fault. But I see your point with the lack of money management and priorities. Then I read Bcalove and agree with her. It seems God blesses whenever you give- it always comes back somehow. But I again see your point of enabling. I`ve had some training at work in dealing with poverty. It`s a whole different culture and it appears as you are from more of a middle class view and she is from true poverty. Personally, I would either sell it to her or provide a way for her to work for it (work for you). I would not enable her life style choices. The fact that no one has helped you is fairly irrelevant because that`s the way it should be- no one should have to help you and when you fall on hard times as we all do, you should be able to handle it yourself and be proud of that. But at the end of your life- what are you going to think about? Let`s say you die in two weeks or a few months (God forbid!!!) Are you going to be glad to have the ac in storage? Glad that you held on to them for your own kids? OR will you think about how you helped the kids who are in need and a victim of their mother`s choices AND showed your own children a good example? Questions only you can answer. But again, I don`t think you should enable her by simply giving it- but do give her the opportunity to earn it from you.

christinamommyto3 (309 days ago)
so sorry for all these phone typos. the more you write the more typos you get lol

christinamommyto3 (309.1 days ago)
The reason we are in an apt wasn`t necessarily by choice. We put things into storage we don`t have room to store here. Not that we don`t wany the stuff but the the apartment has those things. It took us years to have what we have, noone has helped us. when we`ve needed help noone had been there for us not my sidr of the family or his. We wont be in this apartment forever but because his family know some of the things that are in storage, they feel lime we shoukd give it all away or sell it to them for cheap. I`m not heartless, I always donate my kids name brand clothing and have given away lots of things a mattress, highchair etc....I don`t understand why people think they are entitled to what we worked for and have whether its being stored for a year or not! when and where do you draw the line? My husbands mom.cant maintain a home and bounces from family members, cousins and whatnot are constantly being evicted and pop out kids they cant afford. They can find money to smoke, drink buy weed.......So it turned into a big fight yesterday because I was very offended she had the nerve to ask for something that is ours. Like I said we dont have much, what we have has takrn.years to get! His family feels that people shoulf constantly help help help...I`m sorry but I think I have to look.out for our own kids and family. We,have been in horrible situatio.s and have no help. Right now we need 2000 or we`ll be in trouble ourselves. Noone to bail us out from.things big or small. wether it be 2000 or if we were the ones who needed an ac. I also dont believe we should takr in.family members once again I feel like we have to look out for our oun family and kids. I`ve never seen people like this living with multiple family members not just his cousin but others in his family as well. My point is yeah we`ve fallen on bad times.and even had bad situations but we have to figure it out ourselves. Kids can be used as excuses everytime in.my..opinion. Like hey I need 500 or we will be homeless, or...I need 200 or my electric will be turned off, or hey my kids need food. In my opinion her behavior is neglectful to her kids and it`s not just an emergency its years of the same lifestyle and not working, nothing to better herself. The same damn cycle. but she can find money to smoke. sure I think.of her jids but is she thinking of them being hot as she lights her cigarette or buys a carton for like 80 bucks? I`m just venting, may e I`m all wrong but I have learned I need to look.out for my oun kids. We dont make a whole lot. Were bot poverty stricken but we`re not comfortable either. we just live paycheck to.paycheck.

kourtne (309.1 days ago)
I agree in bcalove I also just give and it ALWAYS ends in getting something back. But I dont do it b/c im expecting something. I just do it b/c I really dont need it or I feel that person will benefit more from it then I would. If she came to you with the problem and you cant give her the a/c I too would politely discuss ways of saving money so she can afford her own one.

Waiting for Roland (309.2 days ago)
I would draw the line with family or anyone else so far as what we don`t need ourselves we gladly give to others. It has always come back to us, though. Always. Like I said, my opinion in not really based on logic but a mixture of religious belief and superstition. For example, we gave an old jeep to a teenager. We did not use it, it as taking space. The teenager paid for parts. Well, later dh`s motorcycle got totalled. In one week his mom brought us down an old jeep that was freakishly abandoned whose owner signed the title over NICER than the one we gave away. We got our washing machine when we were very broke from a friend who upgraded and just gave it to us. We donate everything we have once we are are no longer in need of it ( even the big name in great condition leos dd cwnnot wear that are worth fifty bucks each used.) Her cousin didn`t have to pay for them, even though they could have if the saved a long time. Our daughter got a nice QUEEN sized bed for free from other cousins because they just did not feel like taking it with them when they moved. I have never seen a downside to giving something you are not needing, just from pesonal experience. I personally do not have a line. If I am not using it you can have it! But that is just my personal experience and my whole family and dh`s family both practice that....and we are differing in religious beliefs. It just depends on how you feel and what you believe. It sounds to me that your mind is made up before you even posted, and that is fine, too. If it is not your belief or in your heart that you should give it to her, don`t. Maybe someone else you feel needs it more will come along later and you might be glad you saved it.

Wiandi (309.3 days ago)
This is not an easy situation... On the one side I feel, well, what if it was me desperately in need?? On the other hand - why should I, its mine and I worked for it! Its a personal choice you will have to make. Truth is, if I think a bit more about it, I wouldn`t do it for my cousin, I would do it for the kids. Fine, she doesn`t have her priorities straight, but the kids did nothing wrong in my eyes... But I`m always like that - if someone MENTIONS to me that they are in need for their children, I JUMP, because I know the situation could easily be reversed, and then?? What happens to MY kids if no one will help?? I`m weird that way, but maybe look at it from that perspective?? Besides, three ac`s is a lot... It`s your choice though hun:) I hope you can figure out what to do! Let us know what you decided, kay? Xxx

kirbyann (309.4 days ago)
I was a single mom with 2 kids for YEARS and I can tell you everything is a choice! You choose to smoke, you choose to stay home, you choose your kids (or you don`t in all the above.) You were right to tell her to save her smoke money and put it to proper use! She isn`t learning ANYTHING by people giving in to her `guilt trips,` nor is it teaching her children how to become self sufficient. Good for you to stand up and say `no` She is a grown woman, she needs to act like it! We believe in giving a helping hand, but there has to be some sort of basis for it too... you don`t give an alcoholic money if he`s hungry... you buy him a sandwich!

MommyOf3But4ToBe (*PINK*) (309.4 days ago)
I have always had to work for what i have, i am a giver, but no one has ever stopped to help us when we needed it. If you live near a kmart, have her put one on layaway, of have her look on CL... Now, if she wanted to buy it, i would be ok with that, but i would not give something of mine away simply because i was guilted into it... For example, we allowed my BIL to borrow our van while we were stationed somewhere else for a year, when we got it back it had a blown head gasket, so now we are left with one vehicle, and no money to fix the other one.. grrr....

christinamommyto3 (309.4 days ago)
Those that would give her the airconditioner, when would you draw the line with family? We have a washer,.dryer,microwave etc....my motto is we work for what we have. What we do have has taken 15 years to accumulate. Noone helps us. when we`re in a jam we have noone to count on but us. Both of our families suck! my husbands side of the family are moochers. They will take, take, take but don`t give back.

christinamommyto3 (309.4 days ago)
Those that would give her the airconditioner, when would you draw the line with family? We have a washer,.dryer,microwave etc....my motto is we work for what we have. What we do have has taken 15 years to accumulate. Noone helps us. when we`re in a jam we have noone to count on but us. Both of our families suck! my husbands side of the family are moochers. They will take, take, take but don`t give back.

Waiting for Roland (309.5 days ago)
I would but I am weird in that I am very superstitious. I truly believe we do so well ( mt family) because we have always given, given, given. There is no way I ever thought we would make ends meet and now we live comfortably, and we can afford extras. My mech dh fixes cars for our neighbors and family for cost of parts only. I just gave awat mg best suit because my friend needed it. I say give it if you don`t need it and you might be surprised should you ever need! But that is just my superstition based on my upbringing. There is no justice behind it because the girl does not sound particularly deserving.

christinamommyto3 (309.5 days ago)
sorry some typos I did the poll from.my phone



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