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no more sex?
Added: 86 days ago.
Added by: caitlin h
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


Since having the baby, my husband doesn`t seem interested in sex anymore. He says that he sees us in a parent role now, and that he just doesn`t feel like sex anymore. He sees me as a mother, not a sexual being. This has been very hurtful and hard for me to accept- any tips on what I should do? I try to spruce myself up after the baby goes to bed- I shower every day, etc. I just don`t know where to go from here- is my sex life over? I don`t want to ask for sex anymore b/c I get rejected. What is going on with him?

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Melanie07 - 76 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) He will come around. They all do. In the mean time, wear sexy things. Tease him. Also, have the baby sleep in their own room. Go out on a dtae without the baby. He just needs to see you as yourself a few times. It is normal for a man to feel that way at first. My hubby was afraid to have sex from about halfway through my pregnancy on. He now is getting back to wanting it more. You can also try talking to him and letting him know how you feel. Just remember, if guys stayed that way, there would never be more than one child in a family. LOL.

totallykatalicious - 83 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Have someone watch the baby over night and both of you sit down and have a good heart to heart and find out why he feels the way he does. I know my hubby couldn't wait to jump me after our 3rd child was born in Feb.

jojor - 84 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) do you go out much as a couple? im thinking if he see's you being a mummy all the time he cant allow his mind to wonder that way....maybe getting a relative or freind to have baby over night have a good night out talk about how you feel and who knows were it cld lead...?

brandi j. - 84 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Does your little one sleep in the same room? Some guys are afraid that it will wake the baby or that it will "scar" the baby for life having his/her parents making love in the same room. I suggest that you set up a place, maybe a guest room, or even a pallet on the living room floor that the two of you can escape to. Have candles, music, etc, your own little get away spot! Also, some guys are afraid that it will not feel the same, this is not true either. Explain your feelings to him and ask him what his suggestions are and you both can find what works for your love making! :o)

susanrich - 85 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You get a break. Sometimes I feel like a sex machine. Lucky you.

Baby3OnWay - 85 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) OMG my man was the same way. I read in a book too that watching you give birth kinda turns them off for a bit. You'd think they'd be all for it watching you work a miracle. In time it does get better though. Took a while for my hubby to come around after our first. We are on our third in less then three years so theres your proof it comes back with a vengence. Once he starts again he wont stop!! hahaha Try getting a sitter one night if possible, make him anice dinner and suduce the man like no tomorrow! and if he doesn't feel like it still he should see that your in need of some lovin's and hopefully tend to YOUR needs. This is a question my friends ask me all the time when they have their first child and everyone of them aare now begging for their man to stop! It will happen. Maybe he's worried the baby will hear you.. you know guys are weird like that! hehe take care love and the worst thing to do to yourself and your self esteem is to think its you cause its not YOUR BEAUTIFUL!! Good Luck and CONGRADULATIONS

Mommyof2Boys - 85 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You could also ignore it and act like you don't want it, then wear sexy stuff around the house and temp him, if he wants it say your busy. sooner or later nature will take its course and he'll be begging for it.

jah-baby - 85 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) idk.thats very weird.usually men want it more because or bodies are sprouting and our boobs and butts are getting fuller and sexier.my man is a sex feind.maybe u should trying talking to him about it..if this is his first baby maybe hes just really nervous and doesnt know much about pregnancy so he might think it will harm the baby or something

klasnaya - 85 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Tell him how you feel...My hubby is almost the same way and it hurts to feel unwanted. Tell him you need his attention and your true feelings. Some men just dont get it. (mine) but talking to him helps sometimes.

captshelley - 85 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You can have my DH..he wants it all the time and I'm so not interested.

asutori - 85 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I appreciate your question and the answers you've already received as I'm having the problem already and I'm not even in my second trimester! I know for a fact that my hubby is just afraid of hurting me or the baby, and he feels awkward like someone is watching... I think the most important thing for you (and that I've thought for myself) is to keep the communication open and remind him that you married each other out of love and deep attraction and passion... and remind him that just because you had a baby doesn't mean you're a totally different person now. You're still the woman he fell in love with, which includes the sexual side. I'm sure your husband will come around as will mine, just don't bottle it up or take it too personally as he needs adjustment time as well. Good luck!

michaela - 85 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think this is only a shortterm problem, you need to talk this through with your hubby. I'm the one not in the mood at the minute but my hubby is ok about it and he just does some DIY discreetly so as not to make me feel guilty about it. I may be worth suggesting he see his dr about this, I know my hubby was a bit traumatised at seeing what my body went through during labour and it does take time for you as a couple to adapt to your new family relationship. Give him the benefit of the doubt for a while longer and if things dont improve talk to him. Good luck. xx

eastern-Canadian-Lady - 85 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) My h wasn't the problem last time, it was me. I was scared of the pain that i was expecting. We weren't together for more than 6 months. (about 6 after the baby and 1 before) I was in pain the first few times, so we didn't continue. When we did, it felt so awkward, like we had never been together before. I was so embarrassed. In case nobody told you ( i was lucky to be warned) once your fun resumes, WEAR A BRA AND BREAST PADS. I was flowing so heavy I thought I would drown the poor guy. (I never lacked milk for the baby.) he's probably just worried about hurting you or getting you pregnant again. He needs time to adjust. I know Dan had more pressure on him when I had the baby, bc he had to cook and clean more than before. Plus he worked all day. I was moody, either crying or angry or mushy all the time. maybe he is just tired. Has it been long since you had the baby? Good Luck, E-C-L

mommy-of-3 - 85 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would give him some time, he is adjusting to a big change and for some guys it can take a while for them to get used to these new roles. I know you must be feeling hurt and frustrated over this but just try and be patient and see if he doesn't start to come around. If he is still feeling this way months from now then I would start to feel concerned.

wildberry - 86 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) hi hon i have been having trouble with my hubby to and i know how bad it hurts i think that for my guy having two kids has been a big adjustment and that the stress has been making it hard for him to get in the mood he is also more irritable thane usual if you want to vent my page is there))hugs((

prittigrl01 - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Gosh, your a mom your not dead! i'd like to see how long he can hold off for! There's no way you can go through your marriage with no sex. I think this needs to be discussed again. It can't be a 1 sided agreement. I think maybe he's feeling a little different because of the new born. Maybe if you give it a couple months. Or, you could always get him liqured up! jack daniels works for me!

Carmione - 86 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) I went through this with my son's father. The interest in relations seemed to dwindle to nothing, like um once a month and that was pushing it. I didn't know how to address it and just kept getting angry, at myself, at him-I just didn't know how to express myself. Unfortunately- it wasn't discussed until after we were divorced, but he was candid with me. He was a young father, was scared that I wasn't healed and didn't want to hurt me- plus he was nervous of me getting pregnant again right away- the weight of responsibility weighed heavy on him. We went through alot of issues, physically and mentally with the pregnancy and bottom line was that he just didn't want the agony again and didn't know how to tell me in words I would understand. Feeling rejected is horrible, it eats at you and you doubt yourself and get angry and that's not the way it should be. The only way you'll get past any of this is to talk to your husband. He could be on a totally different page, mindset than you are right now and he may not know you feel this way. Don't assume that dear old hubby knows exactly how you are feeling, don't be afraid to talk to him- that way it's all out on the table and there aren't any misunderstandings. I wish you the best on this.

JennSever - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) therapy...this is a dramatic change - i would give it some more time. i am sorry that this is happening, i know how frustrated you must feel. you are a beautiful woman, so my advice is to give him just a little more time. also, there is such a thing as "bob" and have fun!

littlelady - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Maybe you should try dressing for the event :) After my second child hubby never felt like it any more. So I got a little red ridding hood halloween costume (a size to small) and that revived him. We haven't had much of a problem since. :)

lulizzle - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would just give him some more time. I doubt it has anything to do with you really. He's is probably just a little weirded out about going "there" since that's where his baby just came from. Did he watch you give birth? I would try talking to him about the way you feel.

DustyCheyene - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I HAVE NO IDEA! That doesn't sound right to me- at all. Maybe there is something bothering him that he just hasn't been able to talk about yet. I think you should definitely talk about it more. Maybe he's under a lot of stress?? I don't know, but good luck to you- I wish you all the best. It will probaly pass.

LMO - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) my husband was the same way for a long time i guess it could be a stress thing good luck

LMO - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) my husband was the same way for a long time i guess it could be a stress thing good luck

Debra - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) is he tired? I'm usually the one thats too tired for sex! I had problems seeing myself that way but i got over it. Have you talked to him about this? that you feel rejected?? He has to know this from you. Ask him to describe what he's feeling to you, that there must be a reason why he doesn't feel like having sex with you. And where does he expect to get sexual relief from if its not from you? himself? From my understanding of the male psyche- they don't just stop being sexual. And if he has, then he needs to see a counceller about this

Debra - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) is he tired? I'm usually the one thats too tired for sex! I had problems seeing myself that way but i got over it. Have you talked to him about this? that you feel rejected?? He has to know this from you. Ask him to describe what he's feeling to you, that there must be a reason why he doesn't feel like having sex with you. And where does he expect to get sexual relief from if its not from you? himself? From my understanding of the male psyche- they don't just stop being sexual. And if he has, then he needs to see a counceller about this. In the meantime, make sure baby is NOT sleeping in your bed. Get a babysitter and go out, have a nice dinner somewhere. Put on some makeup and clothes that don't smell like baby spit up. Talk like you did when you were dating- and not about the baby! Start there- try to rekindle a romance or do something like you used to before baby came. He has to get used to the fact that your a mom now... but you are still his wife, still you- a woman. Your marriage does need to come before the baby does in importance to you- your baby is important, yes- but children need you to have a healthy relationship to thrive. After all, the baby exists because you as a couple exist.

jen - 86 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I've heard this happens quite a bit with guys. I don't know if because he sees you as a "mom" now, but sometimes after seeing you go thru the birthing process, men get it in their heads that "it" won't be the same. And because "it" won't be the same, he's afraid he won't be able to satisfy you. They just don't understand. I find someone to watch your child while you have a nice dinner, and tell him you just want to try it once and if he still feels the same afterwards, you won't bug him. I'm pretty sure he'll be happy when he sees that your girly bits are back to normal! Good luck!

caitlin h - 86 days ago ps my baby is 5 months old, and it is not like my husband does a lot with the baby that would make him tired (he has never gotten up in the night b/c he works days). Also, I know that he WON'T go to couseling, so that is not an option