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Parenting
Added: 29 days ago.
Added by: jessicahedden
Section: Babies.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


My boyfriend and I are constantly arguing because he thinks I am parenting `wrong`. This is our 1st baby, she is just over 6 weeks old. Is it wrong for me to answer her when she cries? It doesn`t feel right to me to let her scream when I know that I can be comforting her instead. He doesn`t mind me answering her cries when his shows are on. Any advice would be nice.

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RandiLee - 21 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
I'm not exactly sure what "correct" parenting is, but I know that when my baby is born...I will never be able to just "let him cry" but that's just who I am. Your boyfriend should understand where you are coming from...especially this early on.

LMO - 24 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
you need to let her cry sometimes that helps build their lungs up and then also it will show them that you are going to come running everytime that she is crying.

amandapmills - 24 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
sometimes you should just let them, cry it out... it wont hurt the baby if you didnt answer every cry they made....

niki - 25 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
I dont think there is a right and wrong way to bring your baby up - you just do what your instinct tells you to do. My daughter had really bad colic until she was 15 weeks and theres no way we could leave her crying in pain. x

selenia - 26 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
my fiances mother said dont go rushing when he cries you will spoil him after he was born. my son is almost 4 months old and such a good baby doesnt cry much happy , laughing , smiling most of the time. when he cried i went to him. if he was sleeping and fussing i did wait until he did cry.

ttasha - 26 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
Girl if your baby is crying attend to her because it gives her reassurance that her mommy is there so tell your boyfriend that at these early stages of life shes needs your attention period 9when shes crying that is)

lindamc - 27 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
Right now the most important thing is that baby... you need to show her that when she cries you'll take care of her.

mommy-at-home - 27 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
You need to answer her cries. This is just the first of many times that you will not agree with each other about the whole parenting thing. Don't go to war with each other - don't forget that you are in this together.......The part about him not minding when his shows are on indicates to me that another issue might be in play here. When he gets upset about you tending to the baby, is he trying to spend time with you? Maybe he is feeling 'neglected' because you have to care for the baby when he is wanting your attention for himself. New mommies have to spend lots of energy on their little babies....and their big babies too!

2xmom - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
I think your baby is still too young to just "cry it out." Since babies can't talk, their crying is means of communication. That's how the let you know they need something. I agree with you on this one, not your boyfriend.

prittigrl01 - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
Ok, the reason why babies cry are because they need something. Diaper change, feeding time, belly ache, gas, cold, hot.... ect. It's there only way of comunucation. They don't cry just to be brats. That doesn't happen until later! So when you respond to thier cry your responding to thier needs! You are doing it right sweetie. Your boyfriend needs to read up on his parenting. If he thinks you are spoiling her...babies don't even know what spoiling means until they are older. They cry because they cannot tell you what it is they need. Your her only source of survival and your her mother.... you know what is BEST for her.

mommauv4 - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
When you respond to your baby you teach her that she is important to you. Babies that know they are valued develop into people wtih more self-confidence. Follow your instincts sounds like you have good ones.

skittles0607 - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
You are doing the right thing by going to her. She cries because she needs something. His shows dont matter. He needs to understand that the baby is more important and that she needs her parents.. Good Luck!

wildberry - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
oh hon that must be awful i guess it depends oh which "expert" you choose to listen to some say let the baby cry it out and some say that letting the baby cry it out will create distrust. this is my opinion our babies have been with us all the time for 9 months and that is where they like to be i mean if he were sad or lonely he would like to be comforted.

mattie4 - 28 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes)
at that age, that is how your baby communicates when it is needing something. It isnt old enough to be crying to manipulate you to get his/her way. Babies at that age cry for a reason. Stick to your mommy instinct and comfort your baby. :) If you have to take him with you to your next ped visit to have the dr explain it to him, i would do that. It doesnt hurt to have the back up of a dr. good luck :)

caitlin h - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
I'm so sorry- how frustrating! Being a new mom is hard enough, you second guess yourself all of the time, without having someone else question you too! I asked this question to my pediatrician, and he said that when babies are that young, they are not mentally capable of manipulation- in other words, if they cry, it is because they need comforting or something, not because they are being a brat and just trying to make you do what they want. My dr. said not to let them cry very long until they are more like 4-6 months, b/c at that age they can start to learn to self soothe. Until then, I would say respond to her cries if you can- she can't comfort herself really yet, and it will make her feel secure if she knows she can depend on you to come to her rescue! Good luck.

Christina1984 - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
when my daughter was born her dad said the same thing. he said let her cry cuz ur gonna spoil her. many people say u cant spoil a newborn. i kept going to her when she cried and at 3 she is fine and happy. think about it, a newborn cries because they have needs that they dont understand. at 6 weeks they just need something or they are scared or alone. thats not spoiling them. they need to know u are there. even my daughters doc told me when she was a couple weeks that she needs to be tended to cuz she is crying for a reason. once the baby is older and starts crying just because u put them to bed, then its fine to let them cry for a little while. i think that when her dad (who is now god knows where) was just lazy and didnt want to help out and wanted me to give him attention. im not saying that is ur case tho so dont get me wrong. u just follow ur mother instincts and good luck

gr8scottswife - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
Go with your gut. Also, check out debra's page. She has some awesome advice. Also, check out Dunstan baby language. It is worth it, knowing what your baby wants. Screw your boyfriend! He isn't your daddy, and he isn't your husband so you don't have to listen to a word he says!

JennSever - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
Umm - as she is a newborn you need to pick her up every time she cries. Period. Never let a newborn "scream" as they lose too many calories - and what they need most right now is to maintain body fat. She is screaming for a reason - and her want is YOU.. Right now your lives revolve around your baby girl and NOT shows.

Brandi J. - 28 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
First of all, he probably thinks that you are spoiling her, which is impossible. What you are doing is making her feel safe and loved! Security is something we all want to feel, so go to her and pick her up and take care of her needs as soon as she begins to get upset! You are doing great!

eastern-Canadian-Lady - 29 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes)
Babies learn to feel safe in this world by knowing that when they cry they will be comforted and soothed. In my opinion (and that of many other people), babies that don't get this much needed attention have a harder time, and can result in attachment disorder, which is a psychological kind of damage. Your baby is too young to be crying for attention. I read studies before about babies aged 6 to 11 weeks, and how they cry for what seems no rhyme or reason. You can change diapers, feed, burp, stimulate and several other things to try to calm them at this stage, but usually it doesn't help to control the crying. Even though nothing appeared to be wrong with the babies they still cried. What they discovered was that the crying was a part of their brain development. If baby is crying, there is nothing wrong with being there for her. Your boyfriend is probably a little jealous and missing your attention. I would try to do something special just for him. Maybe give him a massage once baby is asleep or make him a nice hot cup of coffee, or even just snuggle. Good luck, E-C-L

njstewy - 29 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
for one thing she's only 6 weeks old. .point that out to him. .when they are that young they tend to be fussy when they NEED something. .maybe when she gets alittle older then you could ween her off of you.

sarahann - 29 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
This is such a special time in your life, your first baby, and you don't want to look back with regret or sorrow for not doing something for your baby that you wish you had've done, such as comforting her when she screams and cries. You are her mother, it is instinct to tend to her. If it feels right to you, and it's what you want to do, then do it. It is a difficult situation when parents have different ideas of how do handle their babies. My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship and we now have a baby together. I find it difficult because he wants to do things the way he did with his daughter, whereas this is my baby and I have different ideas. Please keep doing what you feel is right for you and your baby. It isn't easy, good luck.

mercy - 29 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
That's your baby who else is going to spoil and baby her if you don't. You are 100% right, but don't continue when she's older like 2yrs b/c then they use fake cries W/ no tears to get their way LOL.

michaela - 29 days ago Rating: 4 (1 votes)
Babies will trust you more if you answer their cries promptly. You can't spoil them at this stage. Use your instincts, they are usually right. I hope this helps.

captshelley - 29 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes)
My DH does the same damn thing and it's sooooooo irritating. She'll get fussy and not do a thing. He will only pay attention to her when she's hysterically crying. He's such a jerk. I think we should dump the guys into the ocean and let them swim back. I'll drive.

klasnaya - 29 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes)
The baby learns to trust you when you are there for it when it needs. Obviously if baby is crying then it needs something! We as parents have to be there for our babies when they need us. I never let my babies cry. I dont care what anybody said. You are the right one here. Men can be very harsh about this stuff. My hubby tried to tell me the same thing and i have never ripped on him any harder than that one time. He learned fast! Best Of Luck!

mommy-of-3 - 29 days ago Rating: 4.5 (2 votes)
You are in absolutely no way in the wrong here, so don't listen to him for even one minute!!! An infant cries when it has to have one of it's basic needs met whether that is because they're hungry, wet and need a change, or just to be soothed and loved. There is no possible way to spoil a 6 week old child, babies need love and attention, when you go them it builds trust they learn that they can depend on you. I'm sorry but sometimes I just don't know where these guys get this stuff, part of me makes me think they get jealous because of all the attention the baby gets but that's their child too and they shouldn't feel that way.

Baby3OnWay - 29 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes)
its kind of the opposite here in my house, or was with our first I should say, but when I talked with a nurse and a few parenting groups they said that there was no right or wrong decision. If you have the energy and patience its perfectly fine as the baby is still to young to be "spoiled"as some call it. Just don't make a habit of walking around with them in your arms. I tend to my babies when they cry all the time after hearing that! Make sure when the child does get older though that when you both do not argree on something do not converse or argue infront of your little one as they catch on and start to learn ways of acting and not acting with either parent. you should try to come to an agreement or compromise about how things should be handled together...makes things easier on the both of you in the long run. I learned this through experience though... it will come to you guys! Hope this helps and good luck. Give the little one a big squeeze for me too!! a little extra comfort!