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mother in law is pushing me to far
Added: 71 days ago.
Added by: jodiie
Section: Pregnancy.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


i feel like CRYING MY DAM EYES OUTTT i just got back from my partners house he had to nip out with his sister so it was just me and his parents which i didnt mind when i first found out i was pregnant i was 5 weeks and told family straight away she told me not to buy anything till 14 weeks just to be safe so i didnt then at 12 weeks she bought loadsss of stuff and i went mental how dare she tell me not to buy my own baby stuff and go out and buy stuff anyway so when i asked her why she did that she said `` i just couldnt help myself`` and i said well how do you think i feel im its mum and u do that?!.. she didnt answer i thought that was the end of it today she said her daughter had a cot i could have.. and i kindly explained that i didnt want it because her youngest now is 2 so it hasnt been used in years.. i said id rather buy a new one for safty and she seemed ok with it but when her and her partner was in the kitchen i over heard her say `` shes just a f*cking kid we try to help her and she throws it back in our faces like our hand downs arnt good enough for her well f*ck her then if she wants to be like that! and i felt like burtsting into tears there and then i just left and came home and just posted this... i may be only 17 but i know whats best for MY baby and what i want a few months ago i chose a mosses basket while mea nd her was looking through littlewoods and it was a mama`s and papa`s one and she said `` oh you dont want that one do you? this ones so much nicer``.. and when it came the other day it was the one she wanted not the one i had chosen i dont know what to do !!! ive already had words with my boyfriend and her about it PLEASE COMMENT

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mrscolegrove - 64 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) yea just distance ur self let her do what shes doing cuz honestly theres no way to stop it u probly wont use half the stuff you get or deside you want something else if u can afford it get it dont worry when it comes up that she bought all this and you bought the same thing just about say well i tryed to tell you i was going to but you wouldnt listen

niki - 64 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) I would just accept what she gives - if you have already told her you want to buy the stuff yourself.... my mother in law bought a stack of stuff for my daughter and alot of it was never on her. Distance yourself for a while she may get the hint. Dont let it annoy you thats inlaws for you. lol

heather4185 - 65 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i defo agree with athome. I know how hard it is though, when we told the B/F parents all they said was oh great, not a very good time for a baby is it, i hate my inlaws but just learn to live with it, put on a smile and keep the peace.

MelissaJoanne - 67 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Awww, try not to let her get to you. I'm sure that she's just excited about your baby, and it's probably hard for her to not take charge and act as though she knows what is best. She certainly shouldn't have said something cruel though.

lady26 - 68 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) Don't bother yourself with them

monica9 - 68 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree completely with athome

athome - 70 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Take everything they give you and thank them, keep what you want and Ebay what you dont like, then use the money to get the things you want !!!!

Mommyof2boys - 70 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) My MIL is the same way, she told me that back in her day they did only one baby shower and for us not to plan on her buying anything for the baby, my first baby was born in Jan this one is due in June, how in the world would I make those clothes do? and as far as furniture goes, there is so many safty issues with using old things. I can't stand my MIL she makes some really mean comments towards me and the baby, its her grandchild and still she doesn't care nothing about it but her self. I told my MIL that she can either be nice and say nice things about everything/everyone or just to stay away, maybe you can try to sit down with your MIL and explain to her what she's doing to you and hopefully that will help, good luck!

windchime - 70 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Sounds like you're making some progress already, good for you! I wish I could be that direct with my MIL...she does the same sort of thing with the hand-me-downs and then calling me ungrateful when I don't want them. I'm finding that I may just have to smile and say thank you, and then just use what I want to use. I don't know your financial situation, but that may be a bit harder for you if you can't buy your own baby stuff. Unfortunately, if your bf's mom is paying for stuff, you might have to put up with her having a say in it. Hopefully when you have your 2nd you'll be more independent.

jodiie - 71 days ago wow thank you for so much advice of everyone of you i wasnt sure if i was being unreasonable or ungreatful but from what everyone wrote i guess i didnt act rashonally like a few of you said it is easier said then done and its very a awkward situation to be in later after i posted that question and read about 10 replys i went to mothercare with her and my boyfriend ( as much as i was dredding it ) and as you could proberly guess she was picking up everyyything even blues when we dont know what we're having yet i told her i had a super strong feeling it was a girl but im still going to hold off but that didnt stop her she picked up about 5 packets of babywipes and put them on the desk when we went to pay and i told her to put them back and get the 'sensitive' ones because alot of people in my family including myself have very sensitive skin and i just wanted those to be on the safe side and she put them back and got the ones i wanted she had a say on everything i chose out and what my partner chose out but id had enough and said 'this is the first time weve come out together to buy babythings i want it to be a plesent experiance and a happy one so if you cant accept our wishs on what we want to buy can you pick out stuff youd like at your house for when the baby comes or just wait in the car'' and she looked a little taken back by it but she apologised for being ''abit forward'' ooooo i wish i could slap her cometimes!!!! lol

ashleyandcaleb - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) it's gonna be ok.Yes,we are 17 but that doesn't mean we are stupid.I know how it is to go through stuff like that,it gets better.remember karma comes back to people,thats what keeps me going

RandiLee - 71 days ago Rating: 4 (1 votes) I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! lol.....people can be soo mean and insensitive. You're totally right to feel that way. It sounds like she is being pretty ridiculous.. This is YOUR child...not hers... You should definitely confront her....but make sure it's after you have calmed down a bit! lol....You don;t want to start a feud..

lmo - 71 days ago Rating: 4 (1 votes) i am sorry that you are having to go through that. that wasnt right of her to tell you to wait and then she turns around and does what she told you not too..and just because you didnt want that particular hand me down she doesnt have to blow up and say those hateful words about you knowing that you could probably hear her. have you talked to your boyfriend about what she said. i would confront her also and tell her about your feelings maybe she will understand more. sorry good luck

Baby3OnWay - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) OMG.. sounds just like my situation with my MIL... honey shes is probably just really excited and its just like the MILs to get involved and sometimes over board. I should probably take my own advise when saying this as well as its easier said then done but I think shes just trying to make things good for her cause no matter what your parents will feel closer to the baby then she will (in her mind more probably as well) thats the way they all are. I was a little made that she played the guilty trip with me when I would refuse used things, they even bought their only grandchild AT THE TIME used stuff for her first xmas and birthday and it bugged me cause it was their first, they are loaded and the clothing was stained as heck!!! made me feel worthless and that my child just wasn't worth it! If you didn't get what you want and you REALLY want it no matter how selfish you feel this is your first and you never get that experience back with the first and you should fight to get what you want, how you want it. No matter how young you are you are the mother and this is your child an your experience and you want to make the best of it. I'm nearly 24 and on my third now... I have been through a lot!!! my hubby is nearly 22... we are young and have dealt with a lot from his parents EVEN BEING CALLED A SLUT!!! Stand your ground here and now and your hubby should be behind you no matter what. Those are his parents and he should step in and voice it for you so that you don't have to... although sometimes the men just can't step up to their own moms. Its hard but Hang in there and try not to let her bug you REMEMBER this is yor pregnancy your child and your experience and although she has the right to voice her opinion she is not the one in control YOU ARE!!! best of luck and if you ever need someone to InLAW bash with VIP ME... i wish you all the best, congradulations and HEADS HIGH... it never gets perfect it never will but you will learn to just let it slide and not bug you AS MUCH PROMISE!!

asutori - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree with UKMama completely!! You tell it girl! There is no point in fighting fire with fire, just stand your ground and let her know that it is still your baby and that she needs to respect your rights as the mother. I am sure that from her perspective, she probably is worried and doesn't know how to deal with her own issues... but the fact of the matter is that they are HER issues, not yours.

mattie4 - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) wow, regardless of your age, you still deserve the respect as the woman who is carrying her grandchild. Some MIL's feel inclined to take over. I know, i went through this with mine with my first child, now that we are with our 4th she knows better. It took me (luckily my husband backed me 100%) and my husband, letting her know that we were parents and she could give suggestions all she wanted but in the end we would be the ones raising our kids. There was even a year of not talking to her or her daughter. We had to just distance ourselves from her. If you over hear her saying things like that again, i would walk in and ask her exactly what it is she means and to explain why she feels that way. I would talk to your boyfriend about how this is effecting you, hopefully he will see your side of it. If your boyfriend is young like you and still lives at home..well that could be difficult since he probably still depends alot on his mother still. Anyhow, good luck, and stand your ground. You are the baby's mommy, not her.

agonzales - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Honestly if I were in your situation and I heard my mil say something like that about me.. I wouldnt even be at her house anymore. In the beginning my mil tried to make decisions for me and I put my foot down even though she got kind of mad. Oh well its my child I make the decisions on what goes on with her. She finally got the point and stopped. But I understand how you feel. My mil and I get along its just that it annoyed me when she did certain things I didnt want to do. I guess since it was her first grandchild she wanted to make alot of decisions. Most of the things she bought for my daughter she kept at her house to have when my little girl went over. Thats a good idea!

Christina1984 - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i hear ya! my fiances family has told me not to buy anything cuz they wanted my baby to use a 19 yr old crib and a god knows how old bassinet. they also want to give me all these handme downs of everything, u name it. i dont mind hand me downs, but i want to buy stuff for my own baby. im not using their old ass crib, i want a certain 1 i saw in the store. i already have a cradle but they are freaking out cuz i have to use theirs its a tradition. i was like no way. they are leaving me with nothing to buy. then i just heard them planning its baptism! do i have any say! then 1 of them was like i cant wait til the baby comes so i can dress it up everyday. that aint gonna happen, they want to play with it until its screaming, then i can be the mom i guess. 1 of them has the nerve to tell me everyday about what i should be doing while im pregnant and what i should be doing after, well this person has never even been pregnant b4. besides i already have a daughter. they all think i should have no say cuz im young i guess (24) so anyway im in ur boat and pissed to. just ignore them if u can and buy what u want. i just started buying stuff

UKMama - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You say, "i may be only 17 but i know whats best for MY baby" and I find myself thinking, even if you didn't know what is best for your baby, it's YOUR baby anyway! Any mistakes made (and really how bad would any be if your were to make them???) are your mistakes to make. It's how the world works. It may be that she half wishes the baby was hers and/ or has a hard time trusting her grandchild to one so much younger than herself. Or maybe she is plain controlling anyway! But whatever the reason for her manipulative and critical way with you, you must make a stand NOW. You needn't match her aggression. Be assertive. If you can, phone her and arrange a quick visit saying you need to talk to her privately for a moment or two. Tell her though that, as she must remember from her own experience, this is such an exciting and precious time for you, that you need, want and WILL make all the important decisions and choices yourself. DON'T apologise for what you say either (no, "I'm sorry but..."). You can say you understand how keen she must be to get as much from the pregnancy and life of her grandchild as she can but it is NOT reasonable or okay with you to usurp (great word) your position as mother. If necessary, you will have to be firm with your boyfriend too. Her using the F' word about you shows a great lack of respect I think. You might, if she's not yeilding enough have to tell her to keep her distance. I do so feel for you. You have been patronise and disregarded by her. But she's to be pitied. Without retaliating in kind, stand your ground. Be assertive and be prepared to act more drastically if you have to. You never get this time with your unborn baby again and what happens now could mark the standard of your relationship with her for many years to come as well.

Melanie07 - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Welcome to life with a MIL. They will drive you insane if yu let them. You need to stand your ground. If you want a new crib than explain to her what you want. Tell her thank you for wanting to help out. Do try and take some things she offers. Most of us on here understand what you are going through. My MIL and I got along great until my baby got here. Mind you I have to teen from a previous marriage. She all of a sudden thinks everything I do is wrong. It is even worse if you marry a momma's boy. Just try not to let her get to you. Like gr8scott said, there is a MIL forum on this site. You can get your frustrations out on their. Sometimes it just helps to get you feeling out. If you can, try and talk to her about your feelings. Don't count on the father to stand up to her. They usually won't.

blessedmom - 71 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) I was 17 with my first too. And I happen to have the worst in laws on the face of this planete(I am not kidding). People treat you differently because of your age and it's not fair they think they can push you around and bully you into decisions. Stay strong on what important for you. Pick you battle you can't win them all. But when it comes to baby, you are the one that know what right advices are always good as long as they are not push on you. Discuss this with you boyfriend and sit down with his mom and him (so you have a witness of what you said , and she can't go around and twist your words)and tell her how you feel and what she does got to stop. I f she doesn't then let your boyfriend deal with it because at that point He will start realizing that his mom doesn't respect you or him as parents to this baby.If you need to vent or talk. I am here!!! Just so you know it get better (maybe not with the in laws)I am now 23 and pregnant with my fourth, and I couldn't be happier. Enjoy your pregnancy theres not two the same, and most of all enjoy your baby.Good Luck!

gr8scottswife - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Read teh MIL forum. Post some questions there. Oh, how much fun we ladies have on that forum giving each other helpful, funny advice. You go with (1) what you want and (2) what your gut instinct is. I have discovered that mothers really do know what's best for them and their children. We have all been given that maternal instinct, though some choose not to use it and live selfishly. Overall, most women are good mothers and choose to mother well. I believe you know what is good for your baby and that you will be an awesome mother. Just look at you!

professorpreggers - 71 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) You can't let it eat away at you. I have a horrid MIL how started buying things before I even got pregnant. We asked her to stop it and she got all defensive and suddenly ran out of money for my baby shower--haha, they are millionaires, so that wasn't the problem. Of course you want to buy your baby things, or at least have the fun of picking them out and of course you want your baby to have a new bed. My MIL is trying to shove my husband's old pram and toys on me--this stuff is almost 30 years old. You might try this, I told her to keep all that stuff at her house for when the baby comes over to visit and she seemed happy with that. BUT, more importantly, if she is making you this miserable, and she shows so little respect for you, then you need to find a way to put a bit of distance between you and her. I've literally not seen my MIL more than three times in the last 5 mo because she's intent on making my life a living hell. You don't need the stress and your baby sure doesn’t need that kind of unhappiness around him/her. Have a chat with your partner and see if he can't understand that you can't be around her and her negativity at the moment. Fell better and remember, at the end of the day you are the baby's mommy and no amount of unwanted stuff or nasty comments can take that away from you. If she's anything like my MIL, she might feel a little threatened by 2 things: one, her boy is now going to be first and foremost concerned with the well being of his baby, and not the well being of his mom anymore. Two, you have the power to allow/not allow her to be part of the baby's life and for my MIL, who has only ever wanted children and grandchildren out of life, that is a really scary notion.

joyfulnoise - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Aaaahhh, this would drive me crazy too! I don't understand women who seem to have no compassion the feelings of a pregnant mommy. Afterall she's obviously been pregnant before, she should be able to get it together. As impossible as it may sound, the best revenge is ALWAYS living well and taking the high-road. Take each weird, tacky and uncaring moment you have with this woman and try to learn from it. Learn about what kind of MIL you have and the best way to handle her, learn about what kind of MIL you NEVER want to be, and most of all make this special time about YOU and be careful what you decide to share with her. Get a little plan together, stay calm, be observant, be strong in your choices about what you want. If she decides to buy things you don't want say something like "That's very nice, thank you, but I think I'm going to choose this one instead." It will be ok, hang in there. :-)

klasnaya - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Wow she is trying to live your life for you!!! Your not a kid and you have the right to decide for your own baby!!! I would try to tell her that you have your own style! Good Luck!!!

mommy-of-3 - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) That sounds like an awful situation to have to be in. First of all you're right, it is your baby and whatever decisions you make involving what to buy or not to buy, have or not to have, are up to you not your in-laws. Your mother in law had no right to talk about you the way she did, that was very disrespectful and you do NOT have to put up with that, you don't need that crap when you're pregnant. I would tell your husband what she's been saying and how you feel about it and let him know you need his support. It may get to the point where you say look, if you can't respect me and the choices I make for my baby then I don't have to have anything to do with you. She may just get it together after realizing that she could end up missing out because of it. I wish you luck, people can sure make life hell for some of us can't they?

stephandisaac - 71 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Oh my, I did the same things you are doing. When I was pregnant, my hormones were sooo bad. I let everything get to me. I tried to have everything perfect for my son and didn't want anyone butting in unless they were on my side. I had my baby a month early and then the hormones went back to normal and I realized that everyone was just trying to help. I felt like a B*tch for acting the way that I did. My advice is to try to ignore her the best you can and use this site to vent instead of exploding at her or your partner. It will help keep the peace a little :)

ibudoris - 71 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) That's really a tough one. You definitely need to try to get your boyfriend on your side and see if he can talk to his family. You they may get mad at or be offended by and stay mad or offended, but him they will eventually forgive, he's their son so they won't stay angry with him. However it is very important that everything he shares with them about how he wants them to treat you and the baby must come from him, and he must clarify that these are his ideas, his wishes, and his frustrations etc... otherwise it still comes back on you. If you can get him on your side it's worth a shot. I have been married five years, with some difficult in-laws, this is finally the method that my husband and I have chosen to use and so far it has worked beautifully. They get upset with him initially, but soon get over it, and we get to raise our kids the way we want without hearing about it from them! I sure hope it gets better for you, good luck.

jodiie - 71 days ago oh my partner said '' shes only trying to help jodie'' and he goes defensive on it but when i told my mum she said if i dont say anything then she will cause its bang out of order.. and it feels like im just carrying the baby for everyone elts to fuss over no one ever asks me how i am and stuff