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VERY LONG racial question.
Added: 81 days ago.
Added by: One.Day.Late
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


Ok, here I go. I`m a mother to a bi-racial child and have dealt with more than a fair share of racial comments and slurs towards myself and unborn son at the. I think of my self as a strong minded individual but race issues has always made me pretty sensitive whether I show it or not. I`ve played it off (with a few choice words to those people as well) as though it doesnt bother me but in reality it bothers the HELL out of me, I find myself getting VERY defensive if someone refers to his race(s). I somehow expect people to see him as just a baby no colors attached. I dont like the term half and half I`ve heard half breed etc. Im venting now because a few weeks ago out of no where I started crying because I was so worried for my son and furture kids. Why am I bringing kids into a world that will make them not want to be who they are!? Iv been attacked so many times before theres atleast 2 occasions that I remember wishing I wasnt Jamaican and could `blend` in with everyone else. Now I see that only made we weaker and not stronger on the subject. The comments regarding my son and being half black dont need to be repeated but they were vile and hurt me more than anything, all i kept thinking was - `is this how its going to be me defending my children because of their race` I cant imagine how it felt to have to stand up for my unborn to some one throwing racial slurs directed at him. Im really suffering from this and am really thinking about seeking some councelling I cry out of the blue and just feel uncomfortable around people when Im with him, ex: are they looking at us because they`re wondering why that white man is with such a dirt black girl (Iv heard things VERY similar to this already) Does this feeling ever go away!? Has anyone felt what Im feeling. Im searching for answers and no one can give them to me. all I know is I want to be mentally healthy for my kids and I dont feel like this is going to help me be that way. I know this is more of a vent than a question and I could still write more, but anyone who can relate msging me even private I need to talk this out. I cant even write anything regarding it anymore with out tearing. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read. More important to those that are willing to help me out.

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3rdbaby4me - 79 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am the mother of 2 bi racial kids. My son is 13 and my daugther 9. And I know what you mean being concerned b/c of the MEAN world we live in. It's sad but it's the truth (EVEREYONE is not going to like our children) but then again there is noone on the face of the earth that everyone does like. All I can suggest is be really honest with him, letting him know who he is and that he is loved and was created in LOVE. My kids don't have many problems with people say racial things to them. And to be totally honest it is more common now a days than it was 10 years ago. Bi racial kids are a race of their own. Continue to LOVE your son and insteal in him the right qualtities so that he will be confident in HIMSELF... then it want matter what anyone says or thinks cause he will know who he is.

brandi j. - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Unfortuneatley, your sweet little child will have to hear this probably his entire life. Raise him to be strong, raise him not to look at color, raise him to treat others equally, and let him know that not everyone is going to be so loving and kind. Let him know that he is no less than anyone else, and God created us all from His own image! Also, he will see how you deal w/ it, so if you get really defensive and angry, then he is going to think that something is wrong w/ it, but if you can somehow smile, bite your tongue and remind those ppl that your son is very special to you and you wouldn't have him any other way, then he is going to know that it is ok and that his mommy finds him to be so very special and is not afraid to let other ppl know it as well! I'm so sorry that you are having to hear such ugly things, I'm sorry that ppl are so cruel! Congratulations to you expecting a sweet little baby created by God's own hands! :o)

iamdesiree - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am a product of a bi-racial marriage and I can honestly say don't worry about your kids:) You are internalizing this way too much. I went through fazes where I wasn't black enough for the black folks and I wasn't white enough for my white friends but in the end when I finally realized that I am diffent I love who I am. I love having the best of both worlds. I love both of my heritages. My father is black and my mother is white. I have also dated white guys before and I can say for some reason society seem to except when black men date white women better than when black women date white men. For me I got the looks and crazy comments from black men when I was dating a white man. It sucks but people are stupid and ignorant. You cannot allow these people to effect your happiness or your children's happiness. Raise your children to love both parts of them equally be proud of who you are and be proud of who your husband is. Allow your children to see the pride you and your man take in yourselves and believe me they will one day take pride in who they are and will not allow negative comments to hurt them:)

iamdesiree - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am a product of a bi-racial marriage and I can honestly say don't worry about your kids:) You are internalizing this way too much. I went through fazes where I wasn't black enough for the black folks and I wasn't white enough for my white friends but in the end when I finally realized that I am diffent I love who I am. I love having the best of both worlds. I love both of my heritages. My father is black and my mother is white(polish). I have also dated white guys before and I can say for some odd reason society seems to except when black men date white women better than when black women date white men. For me I got the looks and crazy comments from black men when I was dating a white man. It sucks but people are stupid and ignorant. You cannot allow these people to effect your happiness or your children's happiness. Raise your children to love both parts of them equally be proud of who you are and be proud of who your husband is. Allow your children to see the pride you and your man take in yourselves and believe me they will one day take pride in who they are and will not allow negative comments to hurt them:)

Melanie07 - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I personally think biracial children are beautiful. I have also taught my children to not look at color. They have friends of all races and colors and nationalities. I am finding there is more and more acceptance in schools now. Try not to let what people think bother you. Try and be strong for you baby. If he sees it not bother you he will learn to be proud. Try to not make a big deal about it. There will always be idiots that think they are better than anyone else. It is all in how you handle it. I know it is hard. Build your son's confidence early. Confidence speaks louder than any word.

amygirl22 - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I hate racist people. I am white and when I was in high school I dated a black guy for a few months. Well my school was a very "white-minded" school I guess you could say. On the bus I'd hear "n*gger" this and "n*gger" that and when they said it everyone would stop and look at me. It made me sick. What was worse was when I got pregnant to this guy. I ended up having a miscarriage 3 months into the pregnancy bc of all the stress. When I'd walk down the hallways I'd always here "n*gger lover" or "tar baby"... how rude is that? People just dont sit and think how much their words can hurt other people. I'm sure your baby will be beautiful. Dont listen to anyone and their rude comments. Be proud of who you are.

smilebig27 - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I know how you feel, my son is mix his self. His father is mexican and I am black. I rise my son knowing that he is very special and he is different from his friends. You have to be strong for your child they learn from you. I have people that call my son "a girl" because he has long hair. I told him from day one if someone call you that what do you say." Thank you but I am a boy" and walk away. They are speech less have nothing to say. You are going to have a beautiful child and your child is lucky to have a mother that cares so much for him/her. This world don't understand that there are so many children that are mix and you can't hate them for that. But you can tach your child to have a open mine and they they will do just fine in this world.

RandiLee - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Wow....I don;t even know what to say to that. People can be so cruel. Especially the "mixed breed" comment!!!@!! He's not an effing dog! Oh my...Jamaican is beautiful!! Don't ever wishyou were different! God made you just the way he wanted you to be...You should feel bad for people who stare, and make comments. Shame on them. I can't imagine being that pathetic. All babies are beautiful, and i also agree that biracial children are just georgous! They get the best of both sides. Try not to let it hurt you...somtimes people can be really cruel, and there's nothing you can do about that...but you CAN remember that you are blessed to have your child, and pitty the fact that they have to live their lives full of hate and misery. *Smiles*

Rhonda Lynn - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am sorry that the world can be cruel. In this day and age people should be tolerant and open minded, but it isn't reality. The facts are there are so many children of mixed heritage these days that it is becoming more the norm than exception. But people can be rude, racist and unbending. I currently am having some worries of my own. My child will be caucasion and pacific islander mix. Since the father has strong Philipino features, the baby will probably inherit some of his features. I live in an area that is very racist and tolerance levels are low, unfortunatly. I know the father's other children are beautiful. ( their mother is African American) So I know it will be ok and I should only hope for a healthy baby, looks should not matter. But the reality is we all worry that we will "fit in" and be accepted. No one wants to see their child taunted. I wish you well and assume your child is beautiful. Maybe one day society will accept that, until then be strong.

MelissaJoanne - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Oh sweetie I am so sorry that anyone has ever said anything hurtful about you or your beautiful beautiful son, your lovely family! Please feel free to message me any time you're sad, angry, needing to vent, anything! While I am not in the same situation, I have several friends that are, and though I don't have personal experience this, but my husband does in a strange way, (I'll explain), as might my children... my husband's father is Puerto Rican, but my husband looks much more like his mother's (white) side of the family. He's used to getting very odd looks from people when they hear his last name, really awkward questions about how he could possibly be Puerto Rican. People look at me strangly when they hear my last name, but it's my married name so it makes a little more sense. It is possible that our children could look PR, but it's pretty likely that they'll be dealing with the same issues as my hus.. I don't understand why racial issues are such a big deal to people here, why it gives people a reason to be cruel and hateful. It really makes me sick. Skin color, eye and hair color, shapes of facial features, it is all a part of what makes a person beautiful and unique, not ever something to be looked down upon! We were in Kenya last summer as missionaries and discovered that our last name actually comes from Africa, from a tribe in Kenya. So in Kenya, everyone that heard our name excitedly accepted us as African, as a part of the Luhya tribe, despite our light skin. I love that belonging to a tribe in Kenya is a part of the heritage that we can pass on to our children. But here in North America, people look for reasons to not be accepting, and to be hateful. Again, I am so sorry for what you are dealing with, and that people feel free to make ugly comments. It's not okay, and it is horrible that it matters so much to people here, that they manage to look at it negatively and hatefully. It makes me so sad that anyone would miss out on seeing how beautiful your son is!

Its-Chelle - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i cant imagine people being so harsh, i happen to think too that biracial children are the most beautiful!!!god made us all, no matter what color, shape, race,etc..the most blessed thing in life are our children..im sorry to hear youre going through that, its not right..

gr8scottswife - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) In any case, I believe that we all attach attributes to people when we are describing situations, like that white guy in the blue shirt or that black guy that just went into the store or that kid with red hair. That's human nature. Everyone does it. I've met no exceptions to that rule, including those married to other races. However, the line is when it becomes derrogatory. That half and half or half breed are totally inappropriate. You should say something when someone makes these comments to you. However, you should also know that regardless of the color of a child, children are picked on by adults and other children for any reason, i.e. where they live, who their parents are, their social status, what sports they play or don't play, etc. So, somethings you are going to have to let go of or you'll just be fighting the world all the time and teaching your son to be bitter. Even in our own families, aunts and uncles say things like, "Brat." Of course, when words become downright degrading and mean, such as, "Brat," feel free to say something about it. Teach your child to shrug off most things but to stand up for some important issues and most of all just building his confidence with your love and security will help him stand up for himself naturally and respect himself regardless of what others say.

One.Day.Late - 80 days ago CONTINUED FROM MY QUESTION :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Id like to say thanks to everyone, but i wrote so quickly that i forgot to mention my sons already born and i love him to death think hes gorgeous and love he has a diverse background, but its that i worry about the looks ppl give the 3 of us now even when people smile and give compliments i hear something else at times like they saying something nice because we've spotted them looking. I try not to let theses ppl affect me but its hard because im looking for the answers because some of them i spoke with alot they concidered us friends or others i saw so much i thought theyd get over it but the still comment so i fear my children my get hurt by those they least expect those they concider their friends, then they build a wall and trust noone, kind of where im heading.

skittles0607 - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Sorry to hear that people are treating you and your unborn this way. The way it sounds is that they are jealous. Alot of people do not like when white date black and the other way around. I just wanted to let you know that I think bi-racial children are gorgeous. You need to speak your mind and tell them the way it is.. Stick up for your beliefs. People are just ignorant and racist. Everyone is equal no matter what race you are.. Its terrible that not everyone cant see the beauty in the person standing next to them.. Good Luck.

2xmom - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I don't know what you're feeling first-hand. I don't have a similar situation....I just wanted to wish you all the best! No matter your race, every person is a unique and special individual. We all have qualities we like or dislike, my skin is so white, I go out in the sun for 10 minutes, and I can feel it burning, unfortunately my children have the same problem. I do know people in my area that are horribly racist, and it bothers me so bad! You can point out problems in one race, and just as much in the next. We all have problems. I don't think it should matter, I wish we could all get over it. Your little baby, that's not even born yet, is inocent and precious! These babies steal our hearts! I say, stand proud, and stand up for what you know is right! Try not to let other's ignorance get in the way. Good luck and Best Wishes!

mayasmom - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) My 8 year old daughter is bi-racial and we have experienced very little outward judgment, thankfully. I can't speak to your situation, but for us, I know that while some people might not "agree" with me having a child with a black man, most judgments have been mostly related to me having my daughter out of wedlock than anything else. Where my daughter is concerned, we get more positive comments than anything. People constantly tell me how beautiful she is and what beautiful hair she has; in fact, I worry more about her thinking looks are more important than other attributes because she hears this so often. People often look at us when we are out, but more out of curiosity than anything hateful, I think. I have blond hair and blue eyes and I have this little exotic beauty with me...I think people just simply want to know if I am her bio. mom and what her heritage is, exactly. She could pass for Latina, Greek, Middle Eastern etc...So, maybe sometimes people are coming from a place of curiosity where your child is concerned. Sounds like you have received some outrageously ignorant comments, and maybe this should cause you to think about where you live and with whom you associate. I know some regions have more overt racism than others....some areas tend to be more progressive and liberal minded than others. If possible, try and make a life in one of those areas. If comments are coming from acquaintances, not strangers, just reevaluate who you associate with. You are obviously someone who sees beyond color, so try and associate with like-minded people. Also, all kids are teased for something at some point. As a mom, you just have to try and instill a solid sense of self worth in your kids so they can hadle such adversity. Good luck!

christina1984 - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) dont worry about any1. just worry about having happy healthy kids and teach them not to be cruel like the world we live in. i saw a really awesome movie clled Saving Issiah. its sad but its about a family who akes in a child o a different race and struggles to defeat racism and the child doesnt undersand color or see a difference until someone ridicules him. u should see it. its a shame cuz kids dont know color as in people and they lern to be hateful and grow up that way. like my daughter doesnt understand that, she is 3 and says people are the rainbow. i thought that was so cute.

lady26 - 80 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) You have to be strong for your child, I think he is beautiful and I think you are beautiful and his dad is beautiful. There are always going to be negative people, I don't think there is a single soul that has gone through life without being discriminated against. People are discriminated against because of the their culture, religion, speech, their handicap, their strength, their skin, their hair texture and the list goes on. Most of the time the ones that pick on others it's because they feel so small themselves and want others to feel small too. However, feeling sorry for yourself will not help, it will only weaken you and your oponents will win. It's not easy, but then again life is not easy. Try focusing on the positives in your life so you can be strong for your son and yourself. PS. fellow yardie abroad

karenc - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) oh dear, i'm sorry you're feeling bad about this. my dad is white and my mom is filipino and I heard a lot of crazy slurs when I was a kid. my parents were open about the two races, but didn't make a big deal about it -- we were what we were. I remember feeling confused about the slurs at the time, but not really hurt, and I think it's b/c my parents were laid back about it -- if a kid called me a 'chink'for instance and I mentioned it to my parents, their response was 'tell them you're not chinese'. lol, sounds silly nlw, but basically what it taught me is that people that will toss a slur are either ignorant or hateful or both -- you can try to educate them, but that's really all you can do. my husband is white and our baby's mixed too, and I still field weird comments, but tbh I rarely think about them for more than a minute or two after they're said. so... sure, your kids are going to hear things you won't like. but try not to let it ge you down and they will follow your lead and become strong, intelligent adults.

monica9 - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You are better than them. just turn the cheek. people like that should not be worth your time!!

LMO - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i havent gone trough that but i can just imagine how hard that it is for you. here racism is still a issue in some parts of texas, i dont think it is right because in all honesty when we went to school the science teacher taught us that every one is a shade of brown. of course you are going to be protective thats normal. good luck

agonzales - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I cant say I know what you are going through cause I dont but I do feel your pain just by reading what you wrote. You shouldnt let someone you dont even know break you down. Who cares what they think. Just love you for you. They are not even worth your time or tears. I know its harder said than done but ignore them.. they are ignorant ppl. Take care and I hope everything gets better with your situation.

stephandisaac - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I'm so sorry. Sometimes people can be ignorant and very insensative. I'm sure your baby is just beautiful and you never know, maybe by the time they start school, it won't even be a big deal anymore :) Good luck and stay strong !!!

LilMrsK - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I just wanted you to know that it is normal for a mother to be protective of their children. I wish it were a simple answer, but let's hope and pray that one day people will no longer see color and only see a perfect child. Gentle hugs for you dear *hugs*.

2b - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think its normal to get upset when you feel you are being discriminated against. I was born to a white mom and a black dad and I have to tell you that I am proud of who I am. My parents taught me about diversity, no two people are the same. I am glad I am an individual and would absolutly not want to be like everyone else. I am beautiful, inside and out. You can't make people accept you and not everyone will but honestly do you need those people in your life? Congratulations on your pregnancy, wear your belly proud. You already love that baby so much. Teach him right from wrong and he will do great things no matter what color his skin is.

michaela - 80 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I must admit that where i come from racism is not an issue, its more religon hatred. But the coping mechanisms are just the same. Be proud of who you are, not what colour your skin is, you are a wonderful mum to a fab. boy and you have a lovely boyfriend who loves you for being you. If others are not happy about this, that is there problem not yours. I having just looked at your page- which is beautiful BTW - and pics of your gorgeous little boy, and boyfriend- you look so happy together, don't let other small minded ppl ruin your happiness. I think it mightbe worth you getting some counselling to help you realise what and who is important in your life. If you get worked up about other ppls comments towards you, your children will grow up learning this from you and this mayhave anegative effect on their self-image. I hope that you can get over this issue. Please be aware also that that your baby is only 2.5 months old and we are all still vulnerable to post-natal depression, which can make you focus on an issue like this and you can become obsessed with it. if you feel really down, please see your dr sooner rather than later. All the best. xxxx

Baby3OnWay - 81 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You know you do see and hear this alot and its ignorant. My best friend just married a Korean woman he met while teaching in korea and we hear people say stuff about them a lot, my cousin has four children with a darker man and shes whitter then white... she gets comments alot, mostly from her family. A lot of people say things about Jews, about Blacks, about Germans, about muslims all because of history or whatevers in the news.... its something I think this world needs to lighten up on. Theres nothing I hate more then racial slurs, discrimination. Being young too and pregnant with my third child I get people walking by saying things like... "theres another mother living off our tax dollars just poppin out babies and living off our money. NUT I WORK AND SO DOES HUBBY!!! Theres no way to get away from the cruel things in this world and although its sad, I guess as mothers we have to build confidence in our children, make them aware of these things, build their self-esteem... Your a mother now and no matter what people say, think or how they look at your child your going to be get hurt, offendend. Those are your kids, theres no greater pain that hearing someone say something about your children. Councelling may just be a good thing, get your feelings out, understand the situation and hear someone elses view and learn how you can build yourself up and get the tools you need in order to handle it and to teeach your children to be able to do the same thing as they grow. Its a cruel world out there and we need to prepare our children for everything out there because we aren't going to be there for them forever. Best of luck girl and I'm hear if you need an ear to listen or a place to vent! (thats what VIP's for)

mommytobe29 - 81 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I kinda get what you are feeling. I am white and my boyfriend is black, so obviously our child is going to be mixed. I get so worked up sometimes about what people are going to say and think about him (my baby boy to be). I guess really the only solution though is just to keep our heads up. We can't change all the racist people in the world, so we just must make the best out of our situations. I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy! :) If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me!

ashleyandcaleb - 81 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Finally!!! someone who feels how i feel.I was crying about this issue again today.It's a cruel world.I already know that your a strong person.interracial relationships come with so much crap.but if its love its worth it.where i live its like a HUGE thing for me and my honey,because everyone is use to the white girl and black boy..so ya its hard.....i know you'll make it through,keep your head up!

riknlee - 81 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) oh, I can feel your pain and heartache through what I just read. I hate that you are feeling this way. I think you are doing the right thing in recognising how much these kinds of comments have hurt you and continue to hurt you, and even to the point of getting some counselling about it. We are all on the same planet where no one race is better than another. We are people under our skin with the same colour blood and same colour bones etc etc. People who say these comments would have to be the smallest minded people on the planet with such a limited and uneducated view on the world. As my husband says, some people live on life support only - as in, they only care about what concerns them in their direct world without ever trying to understand or appreciate any one else's culture or upbringing or anything which doesnt concern them. Do you really want to give this kind of person the power to upset you. Be proud of who you are and the colour of your skin and where you have been in your life. and teach your children to care about what they themselves think and not be upset by small minded morons who have no compassion or appreciation of diversity. In the end, you can only control what you think, you cant cant control what others think or say. there are a lot of good people in the world and you are one of them. Keep smiling - write anytime

Mommyof2boys - 81 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) No matter what color, there will always be people to talk crap and then there are others who will absolutely love your kid(s). It will be hard but the best thing you can do is raise them to be completetly opposit and they will ignore the people and their rude comments. Good luck with everything.

mellowyellow - 81 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Hey. I checked out your page and your baby is beautiful!!! And I must say that from the photo on your profile U R BEAUTIFUL TOO! I cant say much else to help, never have been in the situation u r in but I am pissed that anyone could treat u this way. Who the hell do they think they r? Best of luck.