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Long MIL question
Added: 210 days ago.
Added by: nich-vegas-mommy2be
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


I CANNOT stand my MIL. She is manipulative and rude and has tried several times to make trouble between my husband and I by involving his ex girlfriend in EVERYTHING from Christmas with the family to just regular conversation. I don`t feel threatened in the least, I just find it extremely rude that his family won`t accept that he is happy and that they treat me like the outcast or like I am not his wife. My husband stands by me (he`s great!), so I am just wondering what life is going to be like after baby arrives? I have a feeling she is going to act like she has never done anything to me or my husband, and that things have always been so fabulous. I just can`t forgive her and forget all the things she has done! I don`t want her around my baby, seriously. I don`t think I am obligated to pretend all the things she has done never happened just so that she can see my baby! Has anyone else had a HORRID MIL that tries to act completely different once the baby arrives? How did you deal with it?

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mellowyellow - 209 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) Yar. My Mil has bipolar disorder, which at times I believe she uses as an excuse for her bad behaviour. After all the horrible, manipulative and nasty stuff she has done to us in the past 10 years she now wants to take a more active role in our sons life. I just wanna smack her upside the head. Seriously! I am 26 wks preg and hubby has just told her about our newbie. She didn't have much to say. I refuse to be drawn into her mind games and I truly believe that what goes around comes around. Her life is complete shit. She wont be involved in the care of either of my children (Hubby agrees with this)(Once again, actions and consequences!) Currently she wants to turn up here and have a confrontation. Hubby asked her to respect our wishes and she is to leave me alone. I don't need the stress! My biggest gripe is that she acts all "Mary Poppins" like she can do no wrong! I do not talk to MIL and as far as i am concerned she is nothing to me, so I refuse to have anything to do with her. If she wants to see her son and her grandson she has to call hubby and arrange it. I just wish he would cut her from his life too! Good luck! See you on the MIL page! ( I leave all the MIL jokes... if I dont laugh I might cry!)

Mommyof2boys - 210 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) So sorry you have a bad MIL, I'm also in the same boat as you. My husband and I have been married for 4yrs and been together for 9yrs and my MIL has been nothing but trouble, she instigates, manipulates and causes so much trouble and acts like a perfect angel. After the years of dealing with it and i'm 35weeks prego now I finally snapped, I told him that she is ruining our marriage, my husband always stands by me and tells her that she needs to stop but I know it makes him feel like he's stuck in the middle and it makes me so upset. She lies so much and can't stand it when everyone is happy so she'll do something to ruin it. I came home the other day and my Father in law which isn't with my husbands mother lives states away from us called and sounded concerned about something so my hubby calls back and he said my MIL called saying we were divorcing!!! haha I called her and went off and asked her why in the world would she say that, her excuse, ohh well I thought you were arguing and it concerned me thats when I broke and told her how it was and how it was going to be. My husband just laughed and said well it was about time someone put her in her place. Haven't heard from her but I know every time now that I see her if she even starts her games I will tell her to save it. I'm sick of her crap and I won't let her get in the way of my life anymore. Also can't forget to tell you how upset she was when she found out we were having a boy and not a girl, ewww I could smack her! Anyway if she's like my wicked MIL it want be any different when the baby arrives, us having a baby didn't change anything between our relationship and she's retired but too "busy" to want to see her grandchild.

Its-Chelle - 210 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) my mil is full of drama no matter what its about..my hubby does a good job at making sure me and the kids dont get directly involved..if he needs to talk to his mom, he goes to her house without us, which is fine with me, and he has put his foot down with her many times, even if its not related to us, but just for the fact that she lives for drama and he just has had enough..i too feel like im the outcast and they cant accept he is happy and has his own life..things havent exactly changed much, but we just chose to not be around her much and continue living our lives with or without her..you just need to put your family and happiness first and try not to let anyone take that away..if she thinks she is able to, she wont stop..until someone puts their foot down..lots of luck to you..i know how it goes..

JennSever - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i am sincerely sorry that your faced w/this - however, (here comes the but part..) the focal point of this needs to be your child. if you so choose, you may confront the mil and state your feelings and how you wish for things to proceed. if said things are not obliged than you must think of a consequence (works for toddlers:)) your child is the most important person right now. the baby is entitled to a drama free life and you are the facilitator. i can empathize w/ you about not wanting this woman around, but in truth you would only be punishing your child. be the bigger person and ignore her remarks to you, but always protect your child. if you can honestly make decisions in the best interest of your child then nothing you do is wrong. good luck sweetie

eastern-Canadian-Lady - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) My h's mother takes the cake! When my daughter was 6 months old, we went for a visit. We were there for two weeks. I was always up int he night with the baby at home. I was really tired, so i slept a lot when we were there. H was more than happy to look after her early in the morning, bc he can't sleep long. He was injured when he was on assignment, and his back hurts all the time. He wanted a chance to bond with her. It was a good arrangement that looked totally wrong to her. She came home from work one day at 10:30 am. I had had a long night the night before, and I was up, had been showered, was dressed and was brushing my hair the bedroom. She assumed that I was still sleeping. She chose this opportunity to tell my husband that I was lazy and did nothing. My room was right next to where they were talking, so I heard the whole thing. He walked in about ten minutes later to see me crying on the bed. He asked what was wrong and I told him. He was defending me to his mother, but I was so hurt by this!! this wasn't the only thing. when she was 18 months we visited again, with his kids. His mother CONSTANTLY would tell everybody that the baby was so smart bc her daddy taught her well. I was so mad, bc he was never home. I stayed home with her and taught her everything. She was adorable. When she was 2 and a half we did a third visit, also this time with his kids from a previous marriage. My daughter, on the third visit had just gotten over being REALLY ill with a lung infection. She had not gained one ounce of weight in an entire year. His mother was aware of this, and knew that she was refusing to eat everything, and that we had been seeing a public health nurse weekly at this point bc of the whole thing. She had finally started to eat one or two bites per meal. Anyway, it was supper time one night. She made the meal, and the men ate quickly and left the table. (this is normal, bc why would they stay at the table for twenty minutes while the kids ate and giggled. no problem,t hey are busy guys. So anyway, there I am with his mom, the two kids, and the baby. The kids were finished eating, so she gave them a home made cookies. No problem. She kept asking me why I was making the baby eat supper and I reminded her that the baby hasn't been eating, hadn't gained weight, and was recovering from being ill, and I also said that she only ate a bite and a half up until that point. so I continued to try to feed her. I had to use the washroom, and when I came back into the room, that woman, and the two kids were giggling. I asked what was funny, and they didn't say anything. That was when I noticed a whole cookie in my child's hand)

eastern-Canadian-Lady - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) My h's mother takes the cake! When my daughter was 6 months old, we went for a visit. We were there for two weeks. I was always up int he night with the baby at home. I was really tired, so i slept a lot when we were there. H was more than happy to look after her early in the morning, bc he can't sleep long. He was injured when he was on assignment, and his back hurts all the time. He wanted a chance to bond with her. It was a good arrangement that looked totally wrong to her. She came home from work one day at 10:30 am. I had had a long night the night before, and I was up, had been showered, was dressed and was brushing my hair the bedroom. She assumed that I was still sleeping. She chose this opportunity to tell my husband that I was lazy and did nothing. My room was right next to where they were talking, so I heard the whole thing. He walked in about ten minutes later to see me crying on the bed. He asked what was wrong and I told him. He was defending me to his mother, but I was so hurt by this!! this wasn't the only thing. when she was 18 months we visited again, with his kids. His mother CONSTANTLY would tell everybody that the baby was so smart bc her daddy taught her well. I was so mad, bc he was never home. I stayed home with her and taught her everything. She was adorable. When she was 2 and a half we did a third visit, also this time with his kids from a previous marriage. My daughter, on the third visit had just gotten over being REALLY ill with a lung infection. She had not gained one ounce of weight in an entire year. His mother was aware of this, and knew that she was refusing to eat everything, and that we had been seeing a public health nurse weekly at this point bc of the whole thing. She had finally started to eat one or two bites per meal. Anyway, it was supper time one night. She made the meal, and the men ate quickly and left the table. (this is normal, bc why would they stay at the table for twenty minutes while the kids ate and giggled. no problem,t hey are busy guys. So anyway, there I am with his mom, the two kids, and the baby. The kids were finished eating, so she gave them a home made cookies. No problem. She kept asking me why I was making the baby eat supper and I reminded her that the baby hasn't been eating, hadn't gained weight, and was recovering from being ill, and I also said that she only ate a bite and a half up until that point. so I continued to try to feed her. I had to use the washroom, and when I came back into the room, that woman, and the two kids were giggling. I asked what was funny, and they didn't say anything. That was when I noticed a whole cookie in my child's hand! I was so mad. I asked the baby for the cookie, and she happily handed it over. I took the cookie and smooshed it into her nice clean table cloth, and walked out of the room with my child. It was bad enough that she would undermine me to my child, who would have been too young to remember it, but to do it with the other two kids present was unreal!!! I went to my room and after an hour h came in. He asked why I was in there with my daughter, so I told him. he was furious. He walked right out the door and had a few grumpy words with her. His kids misbehaved so much after that bc they thought that if she didn't think I was worth listening to, then why should they have to listen to me. I very rarely had a problem with them before that. his mother never apologised, but I certainly let her know that this wasn't acceptable. This kid is my child and I was raising three of her four grandchildren.........Don't let her undermine you!!! That is my best advice! She hasn't been wonderful since, but not as bad as before that incident either. she knows that h and I are on the same page. I don't let my child go anywhere with her. She lost that right when she tried to teach my child that what i said didn't matter. Stay strong!!! Good luck!

skittles0607 - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You shold have your husband talk to her and explain to her that the baby is not going to be around all the drama that she is trying to cause. She either needs to change her wys now or forget about seeing the baby.. Good Luck..

mrscolegrove - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) well i think here you should have your hubby talk to her my ex mil did this with my other children and if youve read my page i think she had something to do with it but she always treated me like s**t even after the baby then she just didnt even bother to acknowledge me ne more even when the babies needed to eat and i breast feed so deffinatly have a talk with your husband so hopefully he can get things under control with her

niki - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Yeah i was in a similar situation and my mother in law bought loads of stuff when i was pregnant and made abit of a fuss... now that the babys here shes calls once in a fortnight and totally forgets im in the room she boths with my daughter who cries when she goes to her and its never do you want to go back to mummy its always daddy but my husband sees it... now im past caring.

kalliemae - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I dont think you should ruin the relationship between your child and MIL, it has nothing to do with the child. The baby is your husbands too and his mom has a right to see him/her. Maybe hubby can take baby to visits with grandma alone.

monica9 - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Your husband should have a talk with your mother in law and get things out in the open before the baby arrives. Let them know that you arent happy with how they treated you. good lcuk

joyfulnoise - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) This is your husbands mother, so let him deal with it. Make sure he is understanding of how your feelings have been hurt by this, and how disappointing it is that your not comfortable with her. Then just take care of your own family, home & baby and let him deal with it.

lady26 - 210 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) I agree with KarenVG, I think it's your husband job to step in and fix the sitaution between you and your MIL

KarenVG - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Welcome to the world of mother in laws! Your husband needs to be the one to fix this in terms of how your mother in law is treating you. The reason I say that from experience is that when women fight it is nasty! I have a mother in law like you, after 8 years finally got it! However we got the best results once my husband stood up to her. I am the second wife, and the 1st wife really screwed them over so they were skeptical of me before we were even married. However Your Child is still her grandchild and your child needs to be taught how to deal with these kind of people so although it feels right and justifyable to make a counter attack it rally will not help in the long run. Also remember she is still your husbands mother and neither will change that fact. MOst Mother in laws feel threatened that their boys have a new "Mother"! So look at it a little like that. Your husband has to deal with it though and make her see it is not making him or you feel comfortable in being at family things etc when the ex is around. He has to tell them to let her go out of the family life as he has moved on. Make sure he says it is him that feels uncomfortable with her being there or they will use that as more ammo against you. It is hard to forgive, but if they do as he says then you need to show forgiveness towards them. It does not mean you have to be off your guard, but it is better that you show them that you are a better person than the ex and they will see what they have missed out on. Your Husband has to be the one though, even though boys hate to confront their mothers... it took along time for my husband to even see it wasn't me! So at least he is already on your side! Try and make things better rather than a horrid mess, your husband will thank you for it to. Good luck!

Shellybela - 210 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) WOW!!! I thought I was the only one! I am in the same exact situation...she has also acted as if I am non-existant. She has said some pretty demeaning things to other members of the family about me. She has put my husband in a position of having to defend me. It is so wrong! Now that I am pregnant, I really do not need the stress and am not willing to give an ounce of my energy to her. I remain respectful because it is my husbands Mother, but I have already made it very clear that the baby is not going to be left in her care. Unfortunately, she will be the one who suffers. Because my husband and I have talked about it openly from day one...she has been unable to make many waves in our relationship! Be strong and continue to lean on your husband for love and support.

Baby3OnWay - 210 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) YES YE AND OH YES!!! haha and then I get prego with another and it started again... and again HAHA I just bite my lip and be the better person and I talk to my hubby about how I feel and why and then leave it to him to be aware and make sure nothing is said and if there is HE speaks up to her as its his mother... he knows though if she really crosses the line I wont hold anything back. Its hard still for me as well to let her take my kids for a night, or to come visit cause I would rather her not BUT reality is no matter how they treat you those are her grandchildren and we should all ow or kids to know them. Just cause they treat us someway ot another theres no reason to get the kids caught up in the middle. If theres tension or she says tings to you around the children then thats her problem.. they will make their own opinions of her and best yet.. your kids feed off your emotion so when you feel uneasy around her your kids might too!! My daughter did for the longest time and she still wont go near her grandfather who called me aslut when i old him I was prego with my second... Kids know and feel who they can and cannot trust to an extent. MIL I think are all pregos worst nightmares HAHAHA

MissMarina - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i feel for you. i have one of those mil too. the women makes snide comments all the time and runs me down to the rest of the family. she takes great pride in telling me im starving my baby by breastfeeding and i am going to make her "retarded". so i feel for you. you need to stand up to her in front of the family and put her in her place. it wont cure it but it might settle her down some. i was suffering ppd and was being wailed on and attacked regularly from my mil. once i got on meds and got feeling better i basicall cut her off regularly and stood up to her in front of her audience. she has since cooled her mouth off to me or around me. but she is still yapping to my dh who i think is starting to get sick of it and is starting to tell her to back off. hubby suppoet is a big thing. all else fails tell her is she cant be have and be a good grandmother then she wont get the chance to be a bad one!

nich-vegas-mommy2be - 210 days ago Just a little more info - my husband and I will be married a year this July. We bought our first house last June, and we have been together for a total of about 7 years. We never go to his mom's house because of the way she is. My husband won't even call her, much less would we visit her. She has been to our house twice since we bought it. (she lives 6 miles away)

nich-vegas-mommy2be - 210 days ago Just a little more info - my husband and I will be married a year this July. We bought our first house last June, and we have been together for a total of about 7 years. We never go to his mom's house because of the way she is. My husband won't even call her, much less would we visit her. She has been to our house twice since we bought it. (she lives 6 miles away) I really think that instead of being fake about things, if she was sincere she would acknowledge her actions and actually apologize. This isn't just about me, it's about turning her back on her OWN SON to still have this ex girlfriend around. It's ridiculous to me. She can't have it both ways, because we are not willing to be 'one big happy family' with the ex still tagging about.

mommytobe29 - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) my grandmother acted that way to my mother the entire time she and my father were together. she was HORRID! but after my father died and my mom moved us to the US (we used to live in Canada) my grandma eventually started getting nicer to her. Now she even writes "Love, Mom" (to my mother) on Christmas cards! Either way.. sometimes all you need is a life changing event to really turn things around. Maybe this baby will do that for you. But do remember that if she starts being nice to you, there will be no point for you to be rude to her. I know that she has hurt you.. but the only thing you can really do is try to overcome that.

christina1984 - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) hopefully she wont act as if u know nothing about ur own child and tell u that u r doing everything wrong. mine isnt manipulative, but his family wont let me have a say in anything on this baby. the only thing to do is to be so happy and giddy around her that it drives her crazy knowing that she is not getting to u.

bonnieheather - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) yes my ex mil tried to make me drink a pint of guiness cause i lost so much blood.. she said it would sort me right out... eh hello i just gave birth and am breastfeeding.... GUINESS ... bloody guiness.. she marched round to the house eveyr day to see the baby, she had never been to our house before, total ass

professorpreggers - 210 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) Mine is pretty bad--if she could look up his ex, she would. Mine is incredibly passive aggressive and manipulative and it's taken us four years of marriage to really find our ground but now that we have, my hubby just tells her, in a nice way, to F off. Because of a litany of very hurtful things my MIL has done, neither my husband or I want her around our child all that much. She can be his grandma, but she's not going to play much of a role in his care giving. She was incredibly passive aggressive and destructive to her son, and since this behavior seems to continue, I don't see why she would be any less manipulative with my son. Lately, my MIL has taken to telling my husband how much she loves me, how great I am for him and all sorts of other flattery that she doesn’t mean. She's trying to get back into our good graces before the baby is born. (Her dream was to retire and raise him while I go back to work) but I've done my best to keep her at arms length during the pregnancy. We told her what the sex was, but she hasn't seen any sono pictures and we're not telling her the names. She's trying desperately to be nice now, but she still can't help her rude remarks, such as how bad I look at dinner the other night. You don't have to pretend that your MIL isn't hurting you, and you don't have to play nice either. I've taken to civility--Hi and goodbye, but that is it. You and your husband need to discuss how you want to handle this and then draw some distinct limits to how much of a role she gets to play.

stephandisaac - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I feel for you, I really do, but remember that this baby needs it's grandma. Have your husband talk to her or just tell her nicely that she hurts your feelings when she brings up his x all the time. Just remember that your husband is with YOU !!! Try to enjoy your pregnancy and don't get all stressed out.

agonzales - 210 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Never had that happen but I dont think I would want to be around her if shes starting problems like that. Are you around her constantly? Try to keep distance between yall and maybe you should ask her what her problem is with you. Has your husband tried talking to his mother about it? Wow I cant believe she tried getting the ex girlfriend to get in between you two. Wish I could be more help. Good luck and take care.