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What to call the grandparents?
Added: 122 days ago.
Added by: kfarlow07
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


My husband and I are pregnant with our first, so we have been trying to figure out what the baby will call his/ her grandparents. My mother-in-law INSISTS that her new husband be called Papa, but I am very uncomfortable with our baby calling my husbands step-parents anything but by their first names. Both my mother-in-law and father-in-law have been married twice just since I`ve known them (5 years) and have been in multiple other relationships. I`m not trying to be negative, but I don`t want our baby to start calling someone grandma or grandpa and then them not be there later in life. My husband completely agrees, but what do you think? And how should I break the news to my in-laws?

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Melanie07 - 120 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Your kids will come up with their own names. My kids call their step grandparents, mamaw and papaw. If the time comes, you will have to explain why they are not around but, it doesn't make a difference what they called them. My kids call a couple of my good friends auntie so and so. They are not family. They know that now that they are older. It is just a name.

Baby3OnWay - 121 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) No matter what you try to get your children to call the grandparents they tend to come up with their own names. I tried for grandma and randpa for my parents and nana papa for his parents. My daughter now calls my mom MAMA and my dad PAPA and his mom NANA and his dad is also PAPA!! sometimes the names you pick also come out differently, they tend to make things up and can tell them all aprat in their own way. Best of luck with the family

nich-vegas-mommy2be - 121 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I can totally see your point here. I would let them know why you are against the Papa issue, and just be upfront. It's not going to be one of those easy conversations to have, that is for sure, but if they are honest with themselves they should have no trouble seeing the reasons you and your husband feel the way you do. If things change over time, then the children can decide if they would like to use something differnt when they are older.

Brandi J. - 121 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You should be the one to choose what your baby will call other ppl. I do feel that you should tell those ppl and if they just really don't like it then maybe find something that you both agree on. I also have found that even after a name is agreed upon that the baby will sometimes come up w/ his/her own name for that person. For my cousin and her mother they had disagreed over what the grand daughter would be calling the grandmother and finally they decided on a name and when Aubri was old enough to talk, she called her Gammaw, so that stuck and they forgot all about what she was supposed to be calling her. I think as for the step-grandpa, if you do not feel comfortable with him being called Papa, then Mr.______, would be appropriate. I, myself, was adopted by my grandma, who I called Mama, and thought of my biological dad as my brother and called him by his first name. Now that I have children, he wanted to be called Pappy, I, nor my hubby, felt comfortable w/ this even though my sister and brother allow their children to call him this, so we decided that he would be called Uncle Danny. He does not like this, but he knows that this is his only choice. If you do not feel comfortable w/ something stand up for it, and try to find something that works w/out causing chaos. It is probably best that your husband break the news to the in laws, b/c I have found that inlaws may get upset if their own child disagrees w/ them, but they are much more likely to forgive them than if you as the daughter in law were to say something. Your hubby should sit w/ them and say "this is how we feel and this is what we have come up w/". Good luck, I know that dealing w/ family and especcially the in laws can be a very nerve wrecking thing to do, but we do have the right to respectfully stand up for our decisions.

Mommyof2boys - 121 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would get with your husband and inlaws and set down and tell them how you feel about the situation, they should understand and help you figure out a name the kids can call them. I hope you get it all worked out I know it can be stressful, my Mother in law has been married 3x and my son has 3 papaws on that side, but they all want to be in his life for how long I don't know but hopefully long enough until he can understand.

JennSever - 121 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) first of all, you have your child call these people whatever YOU like. don't let anyone tell you what you should do. grandpa and grandma are terms of endearment that should and must be earned, not to be given willy-nilly. i think that even extends to the term auntie/uncle! calmly tell your "relatives" that you and your husb have decided that so & so will be called "whatever" and just smile. tell them that the names you have chosen are what you are most comfortable with. if they have prob w/ that let them deal. you can so tell i have issues with this myself. oh one more thing - your child will more than likely end up calling these people a name that he/she has come up with on their own. so you might be only need be concerned for a short period of time. kids are so smart...

skittles0607 - 121 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) That is a tough situation you are in. Just explain to them how you feel about it. Maybe later on down the road when you see that things are working out then you can think about if they should call them something else. They should understand..

slg3233 - 121 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Wow! That's a tough one. But it is a good thing that your husband agrees! Just break it to them nicely and explain your situation. They should understand. If not oh well, that's your child not theirs!

eastern-Canadian-Lady - 121 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would probably just explain to the In laws that it might be too confusing for everyone to be called by a name like grandpa. There are only so many names to go around. The child will have at least two grandfather figures, and with step-grandfather figures it is to difficult to keep them straight. I would just let your husband do the talking. I think that "grampy John (or whatever his name is)" would be fine. I am a step-mother. I raised my step-children from the time they were 6 and 7. Right now I am totally on the outs with one, bc of catching her in lies. I don't know how they will refer to me with their children, but first names are ok with me, bc the kids always called me by my first name. There was a time, when they were young and after they moved in with us, that they asked if they could call me mom, but I said no. (without consulting their father, bc it was a spur of the moment decision, and he was at work. Once I explained, he absolutely agreed.) I told them that I was absolutely sure that it would hurt their mother if they slipped up in front of her or her dad(the grandfather) and called me mom. I told them that I plan on being around to help them in any way that I could. They could see that I meant it. I was kind of teary that they thought of me that way after only living with me for a few months. Maybe, in retrospect it was something she planted in their heads bc in court for final custody (several years after) she brought up that she thought that I was "trying to take her place". Then again, maybe it was so that they wouldn't have to explain to friends at school the reason that they called their mother by her first name. Who knows, and who cares. If their kids call me by my first name, I will be fine by it. It's normal, bc that's what other people call me. Hoep this helps you. Good luck.

Godispeace - 121 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) My opinion is why not? if the communication between you guys are good and you see how caring, affectionate they are towards the baby. You will know what to do and say when the baby comes and see how good or bad things will be with their relationship as "new grandparents". Maybe you should give them a chance, maybe they'll remain together forever who knows. If you're not willing to take that risk then I suggest you as parents talking to her about how you feel before having the baby calling him by that name.

mrscolegrove - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i would tell teh inlaws ho you feel about it they might get a little angry if you dont word it right but its better to be safe than sorry if your child thinks of these people as close as the other grandparents and they go away

lmo - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i think that is true you wouldnt want them to get really close to someone and then they get a divorce

niki - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Probably best to stick with calling them by the first name - so theres no confusion

Sarah M - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I have step parents, my step father has been a big part of my life and will be called Opa which is German for Grandad and that is fine by me, my step mother however I do not have a good relationship with and to be honest although my son is 7wks I still don't know what she wants to be called but I will leave that up to her. I understand what you mean about calling someone something and then them going but it is really just a name and personally if the relationship is long term (or meant to be) then I don't think I'd have a problem with it. My sister had a relationship with a man who had 2 children and they called me Auntie right from word go, to the children it was just what they called me, now she has split with the man and I don't see them, I don't think they suffered because of it - BUT if both you and your partner feel like this then you need to say something. Do it soon and give them time to get used to it, this is your child and ultimately you make the decisions for them!

kalliemae - 122 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) I would just call him Papa Mark (or whatever his name is). What if he is there for the long haul? You cant just assume that they will split up. I wouldnt go make a big deal about it, its just a name.

joyfulnoise - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I totally understand this one! My husbands biological parents are both on their 3rd marriages. His mother is a wonderful, involved, fantastic mother/grandmother. His biological father has not even called hime in nearly 10 years. He has a ex-stepfather who raised him, but is not involved in life now. So my MIL's husband now of 15 years, is an extremely involved, caring grandfather. Our kids lovingly and respectfully call him Grandpa. All the others are referred to by their first names. I think the grandma/grandpa figures that the kids will see the most and spend the most time with deserve that name. Each situation is different, time will tell how your child wants to refer to someone in their own life. Just let it happen, the right name will magically fall into place one day.

lady26 - 122 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) I totally agree with you, I think you should just explain to the biological grandparents that you don't feel comfortable with your child calling their spouse papa and have them explain it to their spouse.

monica9 - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree with you also. the only thing that matters though is that you and your husband are on the same page which seems to be true. I guess you can just tell them you would prefer not to. I grew up calling my aunts and uncles by their first name only. sounds weird but they didnt seem to mind. now my niece and nephew only call us by our first name.

jbsmommy - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I let my son when he started talking figure out what he wanted to call everyone! his Aunts and Uncles even have there own little nick names! the only one my son dosent really have a name for is my dad since he was out the picture most of my life and i call him by his name so my son repeats me!Is that wrong?

baby.bray - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I understand how you feel, everyone's situation is different when it comes to step-parents - my dad remarried 4 years ago but since day one of the pregnancy we have refered to my step-mom as the grandma since she's been so good for the family and my real mother doesn't want to know,BUT if things were different I probably would be having the same arguements with my folks that you are having with your inlaws.... I think that your MIL is way out-of-line to say what her husband will be called and maybe your hubby should be the one pulling her up on this x

KarenVG - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am a stepmom and a step grandmother but I am not expecting the children to call me granmother or anything unless they chose to even though I have been around for 10 years and am not going anywhere! However you are right it not calling your mother in laws husband anything other than what YOU want. It is not you that should be telling her. It has to be your Husband. The reason I say that is because from past experience sons have a better way with their mothers than daughter inlaws. Women have a hard time hearing things from their daughter in laws as with any other women. Your husband has to also make sure he is clear that he it the one making the descion and that you agree with it. Do not let her think it has come from you primarily. This is now how we have to deal with issues in my Husbands family and it seems to work better and with less pointing fingers. However you have to be consistent with both sides of the family too to make sure there are no other issues created! I am with you in how difficult this is hope things work out well.

Shellybela - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I wouldn't worry too much about what they will call them...kids tend to come up with their own names for their grandparents...my son started calling my mom, yaya, now all seven grandkids call her that. They call their great grandpa, pappies...it's way cuter and more special when they come up with it on their own...

katznkt - 122 days ago Rating: 3.5 (2 votes) I would just sit down and talk with her. Maybe you could compromise by calling him Papa_____. EX: Papa Chuck. That way she gets the respect and if it turns to be long term there is that papa, but if she remarries or something it could be changed to Papa-somethingelse- which is an easier transition. Just an idea...

agonzales - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree I think I would have my kids call them by their name. I just dont know how I would break it to them. I would probably just introduce baby to the step mom or step dad by their name and go from there. If they make it a big deal then explain why you prefer the baby call them by their name. They already have their grandma and grandpa(your husbands real mom and real dad). I hope you're able to work things out.

UKMama - 122 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You could try just saying in an oh-so cheery way, "Oh no. I've thought about it and it just doesn't sit right with me. Papa, Grandad, Grandpop, whatever, is just for blood relations (which at its brass roots is quite true too). We'll use X's first name. I'll be much more comfortable with that." If they don't like it you could dare to suggest, "Well, maybe Step-Papa. How about that?" You need to make sure your baby won't be confused too. So keeping the names seperate makes good sense. All the best dealing with this one (but you are not being at all unreasonable). xxx

wildberry - 122 days ago Rating: 5 (1 votes) my boys call my step dad grandpa nick because they have a grandpa it maid my mom mad that i wouldn't let them just call him grandpa and i explained that they already have a grandpa and if she wanted the boys could call him Mr nick she left it alone after that