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Is this really so wrong? HELP!
Added: 1072 days ago.
Added by: JSue628
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


OK I need everyone`s opinion on this because I am going to show it to my husband. So I told my hubby that I want BOTH our families to not even think of visiting us until this baby is 6-8 weeks old. I have never been successful at breast feeding and I think it is because I am not the type of person that can relax and especially when company is in my house. I have severe OCD and so when company comes, I start cleaning and feeling the need to entertain and make sure they are comfortable instead of worrying about myself. Plus everyone is always gushing over the new baby and they never stop to think that I JUST had the baby and want and need time to rest. It would be a different story if the families came here to help me with cleaning, cooking and grocery shopping but all they do is come and hold the baby and give the baby back to me when it is hungry or needs to be changed. Plus my husbands family always comes in a big group which is his twin 12 year old nephews, his sister, his mom and and dad and two dogs. The problem here is my husband thinks that I am being rude and trying to keep his family from seeing the baby and he says I am weird for wanting that but he is not the one having the baby. With my last baby his parents came and I was so stressed because while his dad is a very good cook, he makes a HUGE mess and doesn`t clean up after himself and I end up doing it. Is it so wrong that I want a minimum of 6-8 weeks with my brand new baby to establish a bond and a good breast feeding routine before we have visitors? Please comment on my page or here is fine too but I look forward to everyone`s opinions on this.

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fizzyphoebe - 1068 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Unlike everyone else, I don't think it's rude. You don't have an obligation to your family to share your baby with them. I do feel like 6-8 weeks is a really long time, but I think it depends on how far away they are. If it is a trip and they have to stay with you or get a hotel, then I think 6-8 weeks is fine. I mean, you can send pictures and stuff, but it't not your job to entertain and take care of the family. Stand your ground on this one, and explain yourself clearly. It's not rude at all - sound like your husband's family are the rude ones!

baby ruth - 1071 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I totally understand where your coming from. I have a feeling Im going to go threw the same thing b/c me and my fiance are already arguing about his mom being in the delivery room! Plus his family dont EVER come around and when they do its always a big group b/c they all live together and only have one car. and since they never come around when they do its a big ordeal!!! I'm going to tell my fiance his family and my friends can come to the hospital to see DJ but once we're released its going to be at least a month before I have any company at the house! I think 6-8 weeks is to long b/c they are just as excited to meet the baby but they also need to RESPECT you b/c your the reason the baby is here!! GOOD LUCK!

ready4princessLaila - 1071 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i think you are completely right i feel the same way and my fiance already told IIS family that they can come to visit when I'M ready NOT THEM and of course they got all mad but i don't care its our baby not theirs sooo you should wait until your ready not them;) i have a whole blog on this you should see how i feel ;)

ready4princessLaila - 1071 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i think you are completely right i feel the same way and my fiance already told IIS family that they can come to visit when I'M ready NOT THEM and of course they got all mad but i don't care its our baby not theirs sooo you should wait until your ready not them;)

voncoco - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think it is a case of screw me once shame on you screw me twice shame on me... you have already been through this 2 times and they showed a lack of respect for you, your space, and your wishes. This is your home and your life, you need to clarify your feelings to your husband who SHOULD be behind you and his children - his family. His mom and dad, and sisters and nephews and whoever else should come second to you guys, bottom line! You have carried these children and brought them forth into the world the least everyone can do is give you as much time as you FEEL you need. Don't be concerned about whether or not your being rude the fact that anyone would question you on this is rude. Make your feelings clear without anger or resentment with love and kindness in your heart. You can't control how other people are going to feel. So worry about making sure you and your family (kids and hubby) are happy and comfortable and let everyone else deal with thier own feelings. Good luck and keep me posted!

RobinG - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think that its best to have them come after 3 weeks, 6-8 is to long ~ They are just as excited to meet the baby and 2 months is a veyr long time ~ Def have them stay at another place and only a few at a time and no dogs, ask hubby to be firm on that and make sure they agree to it ~ if he cant be firm or they cant agree, they cant come....period ~ balls in their court to respect your wishes. I know it is hard but it is his family too and he is probably so excited to introduce your latest baby :) If they question why so long, just explain to them exactly what you wrote here ~ :) Or have hubby do it ((())) Maybe if they realize that they have to wait so long because of their previous experience they will be more willing to change their actions.

kristalsfirst - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) 6-8 weeks is to long i think. I would have them come visit at the hospital and visit at 3-4 weeks. It gives you three to four weeks to get everything together and i would tell hubby that he has to cook and clean after them and that is the deal. I think 6-8 weeks is to long tho, i would be upset and my family would too. I also went thru PPD really bad so i know what its like to have pp there but they only want whats best for u and care. i wud jus make hubby make a deal this time and wait 3-4 weeks and let them see at hospital. its your child i agree but its his child too and your child is a part of both your families. its just respectful to let ppl see the little darling. Let them come for a day or 2 and make that the deal

MelissaLMoore - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) 6-8 weeks is a little rude. I have similar issues though and understand. With my last baby, his family video taped me snoring after birth and were making fun of me in the hospital (they visited after visiting hours and stayed til midnight!). They also tried to hold my baby before I did after my C-section. I was miserable. Families started fighting and I was stuck in the middle! I dread having this one and wish there were an easier solution. I just want to get it over with cause I know after the first few weeks, they all will leave me alone. You could always tell them the doctors have ordered only 2-3 visitors at a time due to health risk and compromised immune issues! I say, just get it over with and hope for the best. Why prolong the inevitiable.

aprilraine - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I know exactly how you feel. this happened when me and my SO had our daughter. His family came to visit when she was 2 weeks old. I felt like I had to entertain them, and all they wanted to do was take us shopping, take us out to eat, and hold the baby (and pass her back when she cried). You guys will be sleep deprived and trying to get back into a routine, which I dont think is possible with people visiting that soon or often. I had a really tough time emotionally because of them visiting and me trying to BF in the other room, and falling asleep in the rocking chair! (plus his mom would just barge in to 'talk' while BF and I would stop because I wasn't comfortable). I am due again in 3 weeks and we told them that they had to wait at least 2 months to come visit, they were kind of mad at first but those were my only wishes... I hope you can get your partner to understand how hard it can be for a new mom trying to cope with all these new tasks and emotions... I know mine didn't really understand until I had locked myself in the bathroom in hysterics when our daughter was a month old because I was so stressed out. Good luck to you and your bundle of joy!

aprilraine - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I know exactly how you feel. this happened when me and my SO had our daughter. His family came to visit when she was 2 weeks old. I felt like I had to entertain them, and all they wanted to do was take us shopping, take us out to eat, and hold the baby (and pass her back when she cried). You guys will be sleep deprived and trying to get back into a routine, which I dont think is possible with people visiting that soon or often. I had a really tough time emotionally because of them visiting and me trying to BF in the other room, and falling asleep in the rocking chair! (plus his mom would just barge in to 'talk' while BF and I would stop because I wasn't comfortable) It took me about 2-3 months before I could even think of nursing in front of anyone, let alone his family who I still wouldn't BF in front of a year later. I am due again in 3 weeks and we told them that they had to wait at least 2 months to come visit, they were kind of mad at first but those were my only wishes... I hope you can get your partner to understand how hard it can be for a new mom trying to cope with all these new tasks and emotions... I know mine didn't really understand until I had locked myself in the bathroom in hysterics when our daughter was a month old because I was so stressed out. Good luck to you and your bundle of joy!

dawnispregz - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) 6-8 weeks is a long time, thats like 2 motnh old - and slightly rude, yeah you have OCD (youll have to deal with that as best as you can ) but with regards to family coming over in groups, ask them not to, ask for just two ppl at a time or something like that. If his dad wants to cook then let him, but express to your hubby that in no way are you cleaning the kitchen/dining area, he makes the mess he cleans it. only fair really. And HELL NO to dogs! WTF? Why is that even a possibility???!!!Ok fine if you ahve dogs living with you and then your pregs, but they are visiting you and bringing dogs, thats a NOOOOOO. Give them a timescale, like a week or so, so you can get used to breast feeding and feel more comfortable with it, if you want to breastfeed adn people are visitng then just whip out the boob, if they feel uncomfortable with it then ask them to leave to the room. if you feel uncomfortable then buy a shawl that just gently covers your shoulder and wraps around teh baby so you cant see anything. There are items of clothing/wraps etc that are out there for that purpose. If my sister was giving birth and told me 6-8 weeks i would flip. You should think yourself lucky that you have a caring family that wants to visit......let them visit shortly after, but give rules, no dogs, not a house full, no one sleeps over, clean after cooking. x

supermompj - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I commented on our week, but wanted to add a few things. I too am VERY close with my family (my side). so my opinion is a bit biased, on top of being close they NEVER leave my house without cleaning up even when I tell them we will get it later. His side would only be his parents and they only live a few blocks away so they stay for a few hours and then leave. His sister is from out of town so I will deal with that road when I get there. I agree with the NO dogs. Tell them when they arrive (whenever you decide to allow them) if they show up with dogs they won’t be allowed in the house. Remind them that you have set rules before and no one honored them. It is because of the lack of respect from the previous visits that you feel you need to set a time limit and be even more stern about the dogs. I like the idea of ordering out or having the father in law make meals before he gets there. if they seemed highly offended by the 4 week time period send them daily photos via email or text messaging. This might smooth things a little too.

JSue628 - 1072 days ago I agree!!! If it were that easy. I am even willing to pay for the hotel. I wouldn't mind hardly at all if that was the case because I have no where to put all of them now. No guest bedroom. I mean my two oldest are sharing a room now.

emma32uk - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) one more thing, if they are comimg for that long, they certainly shouldnt be staying with you for that long, why dont they make it a holiday and stay in a motel/hotel etc, then thay can come and see you every day but they dont have to eat with you and create all the mess they do. also you will have time to rest and bond with your baby.

emma32uk - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) one more thing, if they are comimg for that long, they certainly shouldnt be staying with you for that long, why dont they make it a holiday and stay in a motel/hotel etc, then thay can come and see you every day but they dont have to eat with you and create all the mess they do. also you will have time to rest and bond with your baby.

LizetteCheree - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) YEAH I AGREE LET THEM SEE THE BABY AT THE HOSPITAL AND LET THEM BE ON THEIR MERRY WAY.

LizetteCheree - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) HUN I AGREE WITH U.ITS YOUR HOME,YOUR BABY AND THEY NEED TO RESPECT UR NEEDS.I WOULD HAVE SAID YA OK UR RUDE BUT THEM COMING INTO YOUR HOUSE MAKING A MESS AND NOT CLEANING IT UP AND BRINGING THE DOGGIES WHEN U SPESIFICLY ASKED THEY MUST NOT ID SAY THEY ARE THE RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE ONES.8 WEEKS IS JUST FINE AS U NEED TIME TO ADJUST TO THE BF ROUTINE AND ITS PRETTY DEMANDING IN ITSELF.MY IN LAWS WERE HERE AND I HATED IT COZ THEY ALWAYS KNEW BETTER,YA OK THEY ONLY WANNA HELP BUT THEY FORCED THINGS DOWN ON ME WHICH I DIDNT BELIEVE IN.I DIDNT DO ANY COOKING COZ WHY SHOULD I ENTERTAIN AFTER SUCH AN ORDEAL.LMAO OK WAIT IM RANTING.SORRY.:-)

JSue628 - 1072 days ago Not to mention, my hubby never helps, he has never helped with my last two pregnancies and his family is the same way. I love his family, all of them, but the fact of the matter is the visitors and visiting time can't be a set limit due to our distances. I rather if they all have to come at once and stay for a while then they do it when I will be more than ready.

emma32uk - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i can see your point.....but i do think 6-8 weeks is far too long. you do however need time to settle at home with your new baby, you certainly dont need to be running round cleaning up other peoples mess. i think you need to be run around after and have your needs tended too, difficult i know with the ocd thing. when i had my last baby i had visitors turn up the day after, i was in pain, trying to breast feed, which i felt uncomfortable about anyway. they just sat there, expecting cups of tea and stuff, in the end i took myself off and had a bath then went upstairs with the baby......it was all too much fo me. also i felt like i was constantly barking orders at people and was getting frustrated when things wernt being done properly or to my liking, like cleaning and getting the other kids sorted, so i ended up doing them my self!!! i would say a big no to the dogs too, you dont want the stress of them.if they want to eat, get a take away, get paper plates if you have to, you will be a new mum and need to rest. i dont think it is rude as you want to exclude both families, not just his.......but as i said 6-8 weeks is too long, maybe a week, and get your husband and his family to look after you xxx

JSue628 - 1072 days ago My thing is, they will only come once and stay for a long period of time and if I am going through a horrible time trying to breastfeed or postpartum depression again, it is going to be another horrible experience which I don't need. I may say wait 4 weeks instead of 6 or 8 but I NEED my time, I know my body and mind and how much I can take and being as this is my third baby, I know how far I can be pushed. I still don't see it as rude. I see it as maybe too long so that is where I would compromise and say 4 weeks max before visitors. No one will be in the hospital but my hubby because of the distance between the families and they can't just up and leave work life in Colorado to come down but I am tired of not having a say in how much time I have to rest or how much time I need when I am very in tune with my body. It is not to offend anyone but I get offended when I have no time with my baby before people come and I don't want to come off as rude to anyone but I know I won't be the most pleasant person if I have a house full of people when I am not ready for it...make sense??

RobinG - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I now see they live a bit away, still just plan one day each week and be upfront with them on what is expected, hubby too ~ it is his job to look out for your needs and if he wants family there he needs to help out to make it most comfortable for you ~

RobinG - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) While I completely understand why it is a concern for you I do think it is very rude. There needs to be a compromise ~ I would have them come to the hospital to meet the new baby :) Be up front that you really need some alone time when you get home to get settled and comfortable ~ Let hubby know it is very important that he assist in preparing and tending to the family and picking up after them when they do arrive and set a time each week ~ maybe one day on the weekend, that is for them to visit. To have them wait that long is rude and I think there are other ways to go about it. Plus instead of them coming to you, consider at times you go to them and stay two-three hours :) Then you can leave soons as you feel it is time. Tell them only a couple at a time can come and no dogs period. Order food out or have hubby cook it and clean. Or they can bring food. You can establish a good bond with your baby and get into BF long before 6-8 weeks. If you were my sister I'd be terribly offended.

JSue628 - 1072 days ago It is confusing because I don't want to come off as rude to them but never with my last two pregnancies has anyone helped me out even when I asked and I set limits on how many people could be here but like I said, they all live in Colorado so they always travel in a group to save on money and driving, gas etc....I am still confused lol.

JSue628 - 1072 days ago See all our family lives in Colorado and that is a 6 hour drive...they usually stay a week or two and I have asked for help but nothing gets done and I don't EVER get any help from my husband. I had bad postpartum depression with my last pregnancy and no one seemed to care about me, just the baby, I even asked them to not bring the dogs last time but they still did and that to me is being rude and insensitive to my needs. It started it out being two weeks or so but I was still a dummy when it came to breastfeeding last time and needed more time to be able to focus solely on that. So I bumped up the time frame this time.

steffilily - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think 6-8 week seem too long. Why not set some visiting hours and ask both family to respect those hours so that you will have the time to rest and have the time with your baby. Maybe let them know the only exception to the visiting hours is if they help with the cleaning,bringing already cooked meals but that those time is not for them to be with the baby.

ksorrentino - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think its kind of rude BUT I understand also. Trust me though by the 3rd week you will be wanting some adult intercation. Why dont you just set some ground rules? Im sure they would respect them. Say only 2-3 people can be over at a time once or twice a week and if anyone cooks they have to clean it up. Just speak up sweetie:)

jamiespaulding - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think you should just say look if you come over this is what I need and tell them all the things like cleaning up after themselfs they should understand and do this if they want to see the baby so soon. I dont blame you cause its not fair for you to have to stress about that stuff.

umich0730 - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Hmm, this is a tough one. I think 6-8 weeks is a lot to ask. My parents and in-laws would go absoutley nuts, if I did this. My suggestion is let the family come see you in the hospital (or wherever you give birth) and once you leave and are home tell them you need your space to bond with your baby. I personally think that is reasonable and that way you won't have to stress at home trying to entertain and you will be able to bond with your baby. Also, if you decide to let them come see you while you are in the hospital and need to nurse do not hesitate to ask them to leave the room so you can be successful (that is not asking a lot).

mikasmommy - 1072 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think its kinda rude...but I am very close to all my family and my husband doesnt have any family so it wasnt that big of a deal for us. If I had told my family they couldnt come see her for 6-8 weeks they would have been pissed! If you need help from them tell them, I really cant imagine them not understanding, but i think its alittle rude to not let them see the baby for that long! just my opinion though

JSue628 - 1072 days ago By the way, I am 30 weeks pregnant so the baby is not here yet, this is for after I have the baby!