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ohiomomof3boys - 1058 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I have no idea what to say. My husband always lies about it, and we have been married almost 10 years. Well the other day I saw on our history on the computer that there were porn sites. We have 3 kids who use the computer and they go through the history to find the sites they like. So the other day I beat him at his game and I put a parental lock on the computer to block all that stuff:)(only I know the password). Now when he gets on there to look at porn it just says that the site is blocked...that will teach him after I asked him not to do it!!!!LOL!!!

ProudMomma - 1058 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I still havent talked to him. I just dont know how to bring it up. He has made no comment or evenacts like anything is wrong. I know he say me. Because i asked him straight out what he was doing. He said watching porn. I think he only told me because he didnt have time to close out the tab he was in. Then i sat right there and called him a pig!! So i know he knows i saw him... he then came to bed not even 1 min after i caught him so i dont know if he finished the act. Im sure he did he wouldnt get caught for nothing. It still makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it. All i can do is picture him sitting in front of the computer. It really grosses out... to the point where i feel like i am going to be sick. I know i need to talk to him... how should i bring it up???

MysticMoonMommyIsBack - 1058 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would be upset because I always want to make love to my man. I have a pretty high sex drive and his has always been fairly low. It upset me because I would feel sort of lied to. I mean if I told him I wanted to make love, and he said he was too tired or something, then I caught him out in the living room watching it after telling me he was tired or not in the mood, how hard would it be to turn over and just take me?! I've never ran into this problem with my man, but that that is how I would feel if it did happen...

MichelleMc - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think the biggest issue that needs to be discussed and resolved is the fact that you both discussed and agreed to no porn before you were even married, and now he is breaking the agreement. Something you didn't mention is if he realized you saw him, or if he didn't see you come into the room before you left. I think you need to speak with him ASAP. And he should not be "blaming" you and saying if you'd put out more he wouldn't "have" to watch it. He doesn't HAVE to watch something he agreed not to. Sorry, but what did men do in the olden days before there was the internet and a porn shop in every town?? You can't tell me that every married man in the history of the world before modern technology existed cheated on his wife!....If/when you talk with him about this, try to be calm, and try not to use accusatory statements. If you show him respect as you speak to him (even when he's in the wrong), he will be much more receptive to what you have to say. I have 2 more points to make:....1: For men, sex is actually NOT purely physical, despite what we've all been taught our whole lives. When a man approaches his wife to make love, he is vulnerable, and is asking to be completely vulnerable with the one person in the world he can be. When he is told no, it feels like you are rejecting HIM. He feels he's not desirable to you. Men think: "My wife is irresistible to me, but I am not irresistible to her." I bet you anything your hubby is feeling rejected in a way (even though you're not trying to reject him at all). Men's brains are just wired differently. This is not said to place blame for the situation on you in any way, just trying to give you some insight. :)....2: If you're feeling self-conscious about your post-baby body, let your hubby know this, and let him know you DO want to get back in shape. This is something men rarely mention: They don't generally care if their wife is a size 0, or even if she actually gets back to the weight she was when they first met, but it means the world to them to know you want to make the effort to take care of yourself, not only for your own health, but to look good for him, too. Maybe ask him to pick out a nice piece of lingerie he'd like to see you in, too. :)....The 2 of you might consider going to some marriage counseling just to sort some things out. You both need to come to a new agreement on what's appropriate in your home, and counseling could help greatly to get lines of communication open.....I also recommend reading the books "For Women Only" (for you) and "For Men Only" (for him). These are very easy-to-read books written to understand the minds of men and women. The authors are Christians, but even if you don't have Christian beliefs, they aren't preachy at all. Best of luck to you! *hugs and prayers* :)

lv2bamommy - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Wow! Controversial subject!!!! Obviously everyone has there own opinion on this, and what is concidered porn, and what's not. Whatever everyones opinion, I think one of the most important things in a relationship is commumication, and honesty. If you can't talk about it, and you are hiding things from each other how is the realtionship going to work? Eventually you are going to grow apart, and go your seperate ways! TALK TO HIM, tell him how you feel. Ask him why. Just don't come off as being too overbearing otherwise he is going to get defensive, and you won't get anywhere. Maybe go for a car ride. You are in a space where he can't run, but you aren't facing eachother either. I knoe Dh & I have some of he best, open and honest conversations in the car!!!! Good luck~ Wish you guys the best!!!

JordanAndKarasMummy - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i think you need to see a shrink and talk about your own insecurities instead of taking it out on him, guys have needs just as much as women do and if he aint getting it from you and you wont let him get it from porn then hes going to eventually get it somewhere else

brendalee - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I wouldn't care. I know he's watched porn...if he hadn't told me and I caught him I'd just brush it off as he was too embarrased to tell me, not that he was hiding it from me.

dawnispregz - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) hes done it behind you back because he knows that you have forbidden it, and thats a very strong thing. if he forbade you to do something that would probably make you rebel. hes 21 a male, and unfortunately for you he likes porn. Try and buy some lighter stuff - just caressing, love making stuff, its not all hardcore, there are films out there for adults as a couple to promote intimacy, not just banging away. i think the fact that you 'caught him' is a bigger thing than him actually liking porn. If he came to you saying ' i like erotica....etc etc etc' would this question even be posted here, or would you have sorted it our maturely and come to a compromise??? In the end, hes not gonna stop. and you cant expect him to - especially when you say boob mags are ok,but films arent? they are very similar......try reading the articles in teh mags that are wrote by women, they are rather erotic. - you may like them. Its nothing more hardcore than jackie/joan collins.

Our-third-bumble - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I had nearly the same thing happen about two weeks ago with my not so dear husband. It ticks me off. We had a mutual agreement and he broke it. It's a trust issue now. I've got two kids and a third on the way. All with this man and for three days after the incident just looking at him made my skin crawl. Men and women are different. But if an agreement was made then... well my wedding vows were an agreement too. Where does it stop? We're backing on speaking terms but oh that just makes me so angry. And if age matters he'll be 35 in May.

Heaven - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I see that he is 21 and I think that has a lot to do with the whole porn situation. When I asked my bf about it he said he likes to see different things. Think about it, he is 21 years old and already setted down with a family. We started early but his sexual drive is still triving. I think eventually it will calm down but as for now he is looking at things he will probably never experience. Just be happy he isnt too intrigued to go out the try it with someone else. If you are mad that he is doing it without you knowing, then be more open about it the subject and talk about why he is doing it and if he can do it less often. Men have their needs, which are different than women so you won't be able to completely stop it. If you are ok with materbation what if he is materbating to the thought of someone else other than you? you wouldnt be able to know for sure so just be happy he isnt cheating with another woman.

AubreyP - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Even if he is not getting completely fulfilled by you in the bedroom that doesn't make porn ok. Don't listen to that Proudmamma. This is not about you - it is a problem that he has. It is true that men are visual and get turned on by that kind of thing. It is called temptation. We are all faced with temptation. Would it be ok for instance if you thought you weren't getting enough emotional fulfillment from your husband to start an emotional relationship with another man even if it was just online? You 2 have commited your lives to one another and your husband needs to understand that you take that seriously and it hurts you when he is doing something like that. Sitting down and talking to him is a good idea - discussing how often his needs are and working on that but everybody is saying you need to be understanding of these like he has no control over his actions - and he does. (If it is an addicition he might need help to stop). Your feelings are important too. It can take awhile to get back into things after you have a baby. Someone saying that obviosly you aren't giving him all he wants is crazy!! You could be having sex everyday and this would probably still be and issue b/c porn is not like real life - it's unrealistic and it is addictive. There is nothing wrong with you. Your husband has a problem. Don't give up hope. You guys can work this out if he is willing to get help, be accountable, maybe put a block on your computer. Hang in there.

ProudMomma - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I personally dont want him to look at magazines or any other woman to begin with. I made a choice after the time this happened that I know its not all about me. He asked if he could look at magazines. I said NO!! Like a few of you asre saying porn is porn. I agree... i choose the lesser of two evils and told him yes he could as long as we could keep the video porn with girls moaning and people putting objects ( man on man, woman on woman, man on woman.. whatever) in places where the public should not be seeing!!! regardless of if he is or isnt watching porn or looking at magazines. My opinion is not going to change about the subject... it makes me sick to even think about it. And i know have image of him sitting there and the ppicture on the screen burnt into my head. He is hiding it from me and keep secrets and that is not ok. None of this is ok... I actuallu ended my last relationship because of this issue and im sorry he is the father of my child. I dont see why he knowing how i feel would do this not only behind my back but period!! We had an agreement that was broke. [God knows how many times] Its not something for me and its not something i want to have in any part of my life. I had something very similar to katie happen to me. Only i have never been able to talk about it.. maybe thats why i am so against porn... but who knows. All i know is it goes against my morals and if he cant understand how i feel about it then maybe its time i do something.

momof3lilmonkeys - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) When I first got with my husband many moons ago it feels like lol we have been together since I was 18, He used to watch it omg did he have stacks of porn... anyhow I expressed how it made me feel, and he explained why he watched it, I agree witht the women below me he's not getting what he needs in the bedroom, because after that our life in the bedroom is amazing and he has not watched porn in almost 5 years we have a box in the basement which I taped up many years go which I totally forgot about came acrossed it and its full of dust and junk you just need to talk to him and express your thoughts and feelings about it. Do not attach him about it start out with I feel as though... I agree and understand where your coming from I felt like it was cheating too! I was crushed grossed out and hurt, he understood dont shut your husband out by not talking to him about it, express how it makes you feel and maybe good results will come from it like it did for me:) good luck:)

momof3lilmonkeys - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) When I first got with my husband many moons ago it feels like lol we have been together since I was 18, He used to watch it omg did he have stacks of porn... anyhow I expressed how it made me feel, and he explained why he watched it, I agree witht the women below me he's not getting what he needs in the bedroom, because after that our life in the bedroom is amazing and he has not watched porn in almost 5 years we have a box in the basement which I taped up many years go which I totally forgot about came acrossed it and its full of dust and junk you just need to talk to him and express your thoughts and feelings about it. Do not attach him about it start out with I feel as though... I agree and understand where your coming from I felt like it was cheating too! I was crushed grossed out and hurt, he understood dont shut your husband out by not talking to him about it, express how it makes you feel and maybe good results will come from it like it did for me:) good luck:)

tommiesmommy - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Porn isn't just man and women. Just playing devils advocate... What if he was watching lesbian porn? That has no penis in it. What if he was masturbating to that 'harmless' magazine with just boobs? Isn't that the same thing?

ProudMomma - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) yes we watch rated r films. It is not at all like watching porn. I have said i have no problem with my man seeing boobs. I dont think there is a need at all for my DH is wait til I am sleep then sneak out of the bedroom to watch porn after i fall sleep. There is no need to watch some man putting his penis into a woman ( mouth, or any of opening on her body.) Its disgusting!!! There is a huge difference between seeing a woman posing topless with a thong on then watching her boobs bouncing while getting railed by another man. disgusting isnt even the word for it!

gr8scottswife - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) p. s. do you watch rated r movies? if so, you are watching porn, most of the time any way, so if your message to your husband is that only a little porn is okay but not a lot of porn, that's awfully confusing.

april mcspadden - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I really had an issue with this too with my husband. But the more I thought about it I came to this. Its better than him going else where to get sex. Its a normal thing for man or women to look at porn. I personally dont watch it, it dosent do anything for me except make me laugh. lol. But maybe he feels hes not getting what he needs in the bedroom so he's looking at other people. Have you thought about maybe watching with him? I know alot of people who watch together and actually get some tips on how to make there own sex life more exciting. I would try to spice it up and not feel angry towards him. I think its MUCH MUCH better to watch on a computer to to actually be having sex with someone else. I straight up asked my hubby about why men look at porn, and he said its because men are visual and need the visual stimulation. Women are more emotional by nature thats why we want the cuddles, and romantic type sex. You need to talk to him about it and come straight out and ask him without sounding like a bitch and say hey what exactly is your reason for looking at porn. WHAT are you missing. Maybe he wants you to be a little spicyer in the bedroom

LISAMARIE8503 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Obviously you arent giving him all that he wants...maybe you should put out a little more? If he got it more often he wouldnt have the urge to watch. You need to talk to him about this, not be immature and be mad about it and ignor him. BTW - Watching porn is not cheating...wow people are nuts! And what is the difference from looking at a boob pic online, in a movie, or in a magazine? Not much IMO. BUT, I would be a little concerned if he is deleting the internet history...he could be doing more than just lookin at porn.

JordanAndKarasMummy - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree with armymom! at least its only porn and hes not "getting it on" with another woman on the livingroom floor, make your own then you know its all about you when hes jerking off to it. Talk to him

-Expecting09- - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I know my bf watches porn almost every day, and it doesnt bother me one bit, most of the time i join him in watching or sometimes even watch it by myself. But if it bugs you that much, you need to talk to him. Bottling it up inside is not a good thing to do. I'm with sefones on this one, everyone has their own opinion of porn, but you definitely need to discuss to him how you felt.

EmmaReed84 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think you just need to look at it from his point of view. What would you rather? Him go out and cheat on you? Or sort himself out at home? I know what I would rather. This might be going a bit too personal so sorry for TMI (DH will go mad if he knew I told ANYONE this lol) When DH is really up for it firstly he tries for sex, if I say no then he asks if I will sort him out and if I cant be bothered (again sorry lol) I just tell him to do it himself and I sort of stroke his chest. Just for some closeness. At least he gets a release, and I get a few nights off lol. Perhaps you need to sit and really talk about how you feel and work on a common ground....Its cant be all your way that simply is not fair. Perhaps your hubby is feeling unloved and unwanted as well. I know my hubby at one point thought I didnt love him anymore cos I never went anywhere near him. I had no clue he felt like that, so now we have at least one night a week that is just us two having a cuddle, it may lead to more. It may not, but there is no expectation there which relaxes us both. Just cut him a little slack.

shocked-over-3 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I feel for you and you are hurt over this as you should be. I'd talk to him and try not to sound angry,just be open and tell him it bothered you... I don't think that porn should be a part of relationships,but that's just me. I also think that looking at another persons body in order to 'get off' is sick if you're in a relationship. Just talk to him and hopefully your relationship is strong enough that he'll see things your way....good luck

armymom - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) maybe the fact that its forbidden makes it that more appealing to him... maybe you should lighten up and join in.. you might be surprised at how enjoyable it can be. He'd be less likely to keep it a secret from you.

sefones - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) lot of different opinions on here, but the one thing I think we all can agree on here, is you need to talk to him

dawnispregz - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) What happened to you is horrendous Katie, and i wont go on about it, but i have to say no one is saying have a dvd rack on display in the bedroom or living room are they? there is compromise in every r'ship. Masturbation is a natural act in a female and males life. And i guess what im trying to say is - why is masturbation ok but porn not. ppl keep going about children walking in etc, but even without the porn kids can just in on either parent flying solo or together.that why it should be discreetly, as im sure it would be. if not then thats a different thing

baby ruth - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think you should talk to your DH about it if it bothers you. We have "movies" in our house and we used to watch them together. But neither one of us is really into it anymore. My fiance hardly ever watches them w/o me but I have to admit that we made our own and thats the one I catch him watching! I never felt comfortable with him watching them w/o me b/c I always thought it was b/c there was something wrong with me. I wasnt turning him on and stuff like that, but after we talked about it he said that he would watch them and vision it was me and him and when I was watching them with him we would try to do what they were doing just to spice things up. you cant let you sex life go down the drain. I feel like once that happens, alot od other problems start to arise.

minkymoo78 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I feel the same as you. I would go mad if I ever caught my hubby watching porn. If he wants to look at naked women he can look at me. I would feel like he was cheating on me if he was sat treating himself looking at other people! I think it's disgusting.

katiebickell - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Im against porn too. dh and I had to have this discussion when i was pregnant with our little girl. I was heartbroken that he was watching porn secretely while I felt so poorly about myself, even though we have sex at least every other day. but most of all I worried for my unborn daughter. When I was 16, I was raped by a friend at a party I had snook out of the house to attend. I barely remember the next day - sneaking back in, dodging phone calls from friends, hiding my bloody underwear- it was awful, but I was too scared to tell my parents. What I do remember is going to the living room and having my daddy pull me into his lap when he noticed that I looked "sad". It was then, cuddled up with my daddy that my heart stopped racing and I felt safe and secure and ok. I fell asleep. It took a long time to get over what happened, but at that worst moment, i was safe in my fathers arms. however, if I was used to seeing movie titles like "19 year old gang bang" and other filth, I would have thought of him as just another over sexed creepy man. I'm glad my dad made our home porn-free, it made his litle girls feel safe and valuable. my daughter will not be brought up around smut, she needs to be able to crawl into her daddys lap wether or not we know whats happened to her.

googie32 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) dawnispregz- I agree that it does have to be enjoyed by both to be "healthy" but him watching it isn't a moral belief. Her Not watching it may be. I don't think it's to much to ask for him to not watch it IF he knew before hand how she felt (which he did) and now she feels really upset and hurt. Why should she give in? Men don't need porn. It's like everyone seems to think that porn is so important and that asking a man not to watch it is just to much. What if the problem was something not porn? Anything that is making another person in the marriage unhappy or hurt, is a problem. Its not like if he doesn't get to watch it he's hurting..I would think that his wife's feelings would be more important.

dawnispregz - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) googie32 - porn doesnt make a healthy r'ship or unhealthy. - porn has to be liked by both partners to enjoy together.i agree with that. you say that we shouldnt have to change our morals etc to please our partners - which i agree with. so therfore he doesnt have to stop watching it,just to please his mrs ? if he does then thats very double standards. proudmomma - talk to him, dont hold back. tell him how u feel. ask him if he thinks of you. - i bet he does.

luvbeingamom - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Though i completely understand why you are upset. I have always defined cheating as anything you feel the need to hide from your SO. I would be upset about that too. However with that said, i can't imagine forbidding or being forbid to do anything by my SO. Clearly he doesn't have the same issues/concerns with porn that you do and that needs to be discussed further. I understand your morals and morality says that its wrong and he should (and to me, did) respect that. He didn't ask you to watch and isn't throwing it in your face, leaving tapes around, or not shutting down the pics/websites/etc. Maybe that should be your compromise when it comes to that. Maybe a don't tell, don't see policy? Now i don't have issues with porn, i look at it like a like any other movie, fiction. I don't ever have a problem with it unless it HAD to be on for my SO other to be turned on. But exp when i was not in the mood, i figured more power to you, don't bug me! So clearly i have a different point of view than you. Though i am sure if you talk to your DH about it you can hopefully come up with a compromise that you can both live with. Maybe find some softer, more love making type that might be more agreeable to your beliefs that he can watch? Good Luck. I wish you all the best in finding a solution, it is def a hard situation when clearly you have very different views on the subject. Also, to respond to others, i think every man can 'help it' when it comes to watching. That is what self control is, however i do personally believe that it is a very natural thing to want to watch, exp for men. Men are very visual. I talked to my ex and to him he would watch it but picture me in it (with him) rather than looking at the face of the person doing it. So it was still about us. JMO.

googie32 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Happy couple can watch it together IF their Both happy. If one feels hurt or rejected then it's not healthy for the relationship. I know marriages that have ended because of porn addiction. Not to say that watching porn makes you an addict because it doesn't...but it can be VERY damaging in a marriage if it's causing problems..everyone keeps saying that it's not like he's cheating...well then does that make it all ok? Some woman feel that when their man is getting off watching another woman that they are being cheated on. I don't think we should have to change our standard, morals, beliefs, whatever to please our partners. So what if lots of ppl do it and look at it. There are others who don't and that's ok too. But watching porn does not equal a healthy marriage.

avasmomma - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) If it makes you uncomfortable you should DEFINATELY talk with him about it. I would be terribly hurt if I were in your shoes as well because he is doing it behind your back, in a way that he obviously doesn't want you to find out. It may be awkward, but he needs to know how you feel and that you will not tolerate it. I'm not sure how old your child is, but what if it were your LO that wandered out to see what was going on??? Good luck sweetie.

dawnispregz - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i agree with happyforest - its blatently obv whom the comment is aimed at. to say its like a cancer is ridiculous, n happy loving couples can watch porn n enjoy as a healthy part of their sex life. with regards to criminals having their pcs investigated - its obv that the porn is found is of an illegal nature- n no one ( even the couples that like porn~) will agree to that. But i do understand where u are coming from, if you two have agreed no to watch it then i think you need to talk to him. hes not cheated at all, but obviously wants to play and be with you. so why dont you talk to him about his fantasies and what hed like you to do, and then ome to an agreement. maybe youll realise that you like some stuff that you thoughtyou wouldnt. imo i do think that you r a little uptight about the films. whilst hes treating himself hes prob wishing he was with you instead of in the spare room, n imagining you and him, and just used the porn as a catalyst. you say hes not deprived 1/2 x a week - but does he think thats enough ? i know its enought for you till you feel great again. maybe you should buy some undies or whatever and be with him, theres nothing sexier than youre man wanting you.......even with mummy tummy. my guy makes me feel amazing everytime we r together,i got a tummy like a road map with my stretch marks !

MomOfAlmost3AtHome - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Obviously this bothers you. I understand that you were shocked and upset by what you found, I would have felt the same way. I think that if it bothers you, you definitely need to say something. It is sad, but in this day and age if this needs to addressed with your husband. Everyone has different levels of comfort with this subject. Personally I do not like porn at all!!! I think it is awful. However men feel differently about this. We have had to discuss it in my marriage. We really do not have it around at all, but the agreement that me and my husband have is No Secrets. If he wants to indulge in something we do it together. There is no late night at the computer alone. As I said, I do not like it, personally I can't help but think about the poor girls parents, but I would rather have it be something that is not hidden, but we address together. Definitely talk to him. I hope this was helpful.

Amalthea - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) it used to bother me that my dh looks at it... but we never had any agreements about porn usage... i never thought he looked at it.. (that was me being nieve) when i found out he was looking at it... i was more pissed that he HID it from me.... but now it doesnt bother me.. he has his computer and i have mine... i dont want to see what he has saved on our home computer or what sites he has visited....i gave him the ok to look while i was pg... and now he still looks.... proudmomma- i understand waht you mean about you body being your own.. when i was first home with my son i felt like my body belonged to my child, seeing as i was breastfeeding and still am... i felt like 8 weeks was too soon to jump in the sack with my dh..(i had a c-section so my ok was 8weeks) now i feel like if we arent bding he might as well look at porn... its not excessive and at least hes not out cheating (not like he ever would!!!! hes a very loyal person)

AubreyP - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree with googie32 - morals are put down so much!

ProudMomma - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) ok ok .... by magazines i mean like ones that show a little boob. Not the nasty ones. I agree porn is porn. I dont mind my DH looking at other girls boob. Its the whole having sex thing. I understand that sometimes... if he needs to get a little fix for himself who am i to say no you cant touch yourself. Hes has pictures of me... purely for that reason. thats why we agreed to magazines[ which he has none of] honestly i dont even want magazines in my house. But I really not that big of bitch. We have a video camera and i have thought about telling him its ok to video us but then i really dont want myself on a camera/ dvd/ computer in fear someone will find it. I also am not comfortable with myself at ALL since having my baby. I went from a size 5 to a size 14-16!! I dont know.. I am against porn but am willing to comp. with magazines. Is pretty much what i am saying.

katiebickell - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Im against porn too. dh and I had to have this discussion when i was pregnant with our little girl. I was heartbroken that he was watching porn secretely while I felt so poorly about myself, even though we have sex at least every other day. but most of all I worried for my unborn daughter. When I was 16, I was raped by a friend at a party I had snook out of the house to attend. I barely remember the next day - sneaking back in, dodging phone calls from friends, hiding my bloody underwear- it was awful, but I was too scared to tell my parents. What I do remember is going to the living room and having my daddy pull me into his lap when he noticed that I looked "sad". It was then, cuddled up with my daddy that my heart stopped racing and I felt safe and secure and ok. I fell asleep. It took a long time to get over what happened, but at that worst moment, i was safe in my fathers arms. however, if I was used to seeing movie titles like "19 year old gang bang" and other filth, I would have thought of him as just another over sexed creepy man. I'm glad my dad made our home porn-free, it made his litle girls feel safe and valuable. my daughter will not be brought up around smut, she needs to be able to crawl into her daddys lap wether or not we know whats happened to her.

googie32 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I see there are alot of porn watchers on this site and that's fine but why are you guys making ProudMomma feel bad when she's obviously upset and looking for support...it's not a matter of growing up, perhaps the growing up needs to be done by insensitive ppl who just make ppl feel bad for not liking porn!

AubreyP - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Thinking Porn is wrong does not mean a person is uptight.

googie32 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I believe that ProudMomma asked ppl who were against porn to comment..I don't think your uptight and there are a lot of ppl on here who have moral and religious beliefs that feel uncomfortable or think that porn is wrong. I don't think it's an insecurity issue at all and I would feel the same way if I caught my dh watching it too. I don't like the hiding it..just be honest. My dh watched porn a lot before we were together and I told him I don't like it and it makes me uncomfortable...f.y.i..I have watched it before and I just felt dirty..to me it took all the love and intimacy out of sex. I couldn't care less if others watch it and I don't look down on them..but no one has a right to make you feel bad because you don't like it. Because you already discussed this with your Hubby before, I would feel hurt too because it's not like you never had the conversation. Most men do look at porn and alot of them hide it but the thing that bothers me the most is the lying..I'd rather my dh was just honest and then I could deal with it but no one likes to walk in on their spouse watching porn and you had no idea he was watching it. I would talk to him though because it will eventually eat you up and cause resentment...just tell him how you feel and see what you guys can agree on. Good luck.

lagstriker - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) happyforest, your response doesn't make any sense. Bebe77 didn't say porn made everyone criminals and the whole "insecurity" thing is what every frat boy says when he gets caught. Grow up. ProudMomma, I sympathize but don't understand your dilemma if you have no problem with masturbation and magazines??? I guess the issue is not having it in your house??? So....would you prefer he goes out somewhere and looks at it? Gee, that sounds like asking for even more trouble.

sefones - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) lol happyforest

sefones - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i think hes wrong only for the fact you guys agreed together, no porn in the house, so yeah you need to confront him, but letting him look at magazines is the same thing as watching porn, so i dont understand why one would be ok and the other not? hubby and i have been married 12 years, and we went through a "porn" phase, but it was done together, and really we laughed at it more then anything, and that was that, hesd never been to a strip club, ive never caught him on sites ect....in fact when the polls page on this site was redirected to a porn site he teasingly gave me a hard time......communication is key in any relationship, talk to him.

amy2088 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Your question says you dont plan on talking to him about it???! By the sounds of it this is a HUGE problem and you NEED to talk to him about this. How do you expect this to stopped if you dont address the issue. I personally dont see the big deal at all. me and my boyfriend watch porn together, if fun and a good way to learn new ways and what eachother like. But everyone is different some people feel like its cheating to watch it and others dont.

happyforest - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) *WOW* there are some uptight people on here!! and obviously if you all have such insecurity issues maybe it is YOU with the problem and not your hubby or bf.... relationships are a two - way street... quit thinking only of yourselves and think also about how your partner feels. porn does not make everyone criminals...lol. every man watches porn and a lot of women do too!! instead of thinking that porn itself is the problem, you need to look into the underlying issues that are responsible for your ill feelings.

bebe77 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) One more thing: for the people who said that "porn isn't a big deal" - clearly you understand neither the nature nor the end result it can have. Every guy I ever knew who looked at porn admitted it was a cancer - you needed more and more hardcore images to get off as time went on, and what used to do it didn't cut it after a while. Also, research police files and you'll find that sex criminals nearly always have a history of porn/voyeurism that started out innocent as anyone else and developed into something they couldn't control. Porn is often an addiction, and deadly as drugs or alcohol. It destroys relationships and deadens the soul, and frankly, I'm horrified by the cavalier attitude about it. You're settling for a lot less in your relationships if that's what you believe.

ProudMomma - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Now I dont know if i mentioned this people but I have no problem with masturbation or even him looking at magazines. I would even go out and buy him one. When he and I got together it PORN was spoken about and we both agreed it was not something we wanted in our house. Its not like i never have sex with him Either. He gets it at least once most of the time 2 times a week. He is by no means deprived!

bebe77 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Porn IS cheating, and yes, men can help it! My husband doesn't watch it, not because his sex drive or attraction isn't like any other man's - heck, as a female it can be mighty enticing - but because he knows it's not right. I've been struggling with lust myself lately (hormones jacked up, IDK) but have been resisting the temptations that I know aren't right, like watching certain things or letting my mind wander places it shouldn't go. To do so would be the detriment of my marriage, not to mention degrading myself and the person being objectified on TV. We are not animals. We are equipped with the ability to choose and differentiate right from wrong, and just because society as a whole has blurred that fact doesn't make it any less true. It's tremendously disappointing to see the number of people willing to put up with it and even justify it, and then advising you - very sad, for their relationships and our culture as a whole, esp. knowing these people have children. That being said, approach your husband about this as you would any other situation in which infidelity were involved. You have a right to be outraged, shocked, and repulsed. Think about the consequences and what you are willing to administer as a consequence - or, the broken relationship itself might be the consequence for a while. If you are a spiritual person, I would seek counseling from a trusted clergy member or religious counselor (don't bother with a secular one, you might as well flush your money). Respect is at the heart of every relationship, and without it, you might as well not have one. I am amazed at the number of people who feel some sort of "love" for their SO but there's no mutual respect. There's no relationship really at all without it. I hope this was a slip-up and that you can resolve this. Good luck.

AubreyP - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Some good websites to checkout. You are right that pornography is not a good thing. It will eat away at a marriage. websites... www.christianitytoday.com/mp/fromtheexperts/realsex www.pureintimacy.org www.xxxchurch.com

notpmsimjuscrzy - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) porn is not a big deal.... im sorry, but he could be doing something worse like going out and cheating... :( i let my bf watch porn because i really havent been in a sex mood lately. but honestly... give him a break... you know men mainly think with their "little head" more often then the head on their shoulders. take care.

happyforest - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i have had this same thing happen. my bf will be in the other room on the computer rreally late watching porn. of course i dont LIKE it, but there is no point to 'forbid' it bc if he wants to watch it, hes going to anyway. and wouldnt you rather know about it than have him have to hide it from you?? its best to just be open about it. the only time i really got mad was when i was preg, bc i was extra sensitive and jealous and self concious about my body. if a man masturbates without porn, they are still imagining people having sex in their head, and no its no always you they are thinking about! no, there is no way to control a man and his masturbation and or porn. i dont know what to tell you to do, bc if he feels that he's not 'allowed' to watch it, he will always have to hide it. maybe try to be a little more open-minded and understanding from his point of view? it is hard...

gr8scottswife - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Make your own films so he doesn't want to watch those. Camera, tripod, action.

MelissaLMoore - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Men are just men. The more you forbid something or make a deal out of it the more they want it. In the grand scheme of things, how bad is it that he is taking care of his own needs? It could be worse. He could have gotten someone else to do it for him or even forced you to do it. For most women, sex is more thatn a physical need, it is emotional. For men, is is more physical need and stress relief. Women have limited capability to understand this need for men. I personally would rather cuddle than have sex, but my husband goes balistic if he does not get sex. I don't like porn, but I would MUCH rather him meet his need in this way than something worse. Also, men are more sight driven than women. They can look at a woman's body and get turned on whereas most women get nothing out of seeing a man parade around in the nude. Just try to be understanding that his needs and desires will never match yours and he sees things completely different. I am not condoning his actions, but I think most women blow this type of thing way out of proportion.

antsmom - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) It doesn't sound like your hubby was trying to upset you. He waited 'till you went to sleep. You've admitted that you don't want to have sex with him. What is a guy to do? Life is not all about you. He has needs too and at least he is trying to work those needs out at home instead of with another woman or at a strip club with friends. It sounds a bit selfish for you to say that you don't want to have sex with him but you don't want him to take care of his own business either. For you to say porn is forbidden in your house sounds ridiculous. Your husband is a grown man capable of making decisions for himself. Don't try to parent your husband and tell him what he can or can not do. You probably wouldn't want him to treat you that way. I'm not trying to upset you further... just trying to give you another perspective.

secondandexcited - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I really can't give you too much advise because my DH watches it sometimes, and it really doesn't bother me. IMO it's better than going out and cheating or to strip clubs...not only that, we used to have sex like every day sometimes 2-3 times a day before our daughter was born. Now with DD and being pregnant again he's lucky if he gets it once every 2 weeks (and even then I don't want to!). So honestly I really don't blame my hubby. The only thing is....I don't want to know what he's watching because then I would be mad or feel insecure. But as long as I don't know which ones he is watching I don't care. BUT everyone is different, and if your bf knows how you feel than he should respect that! I would be upset too!

ProudMomma - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) P.s he goes and deletes the history!!!!

ProudMomma - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) thank you girls for commenting. It just makes me want to cry. I have talked to him about it and he sees nothing wrong with it. He blames it on me. Saying if i would put out more he wouldnt have to watch it. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. And i let him know Im sorry that i am just not into sex. I do give it to him but i dont think he understands what it is like to not have your body to yourself. At night when i get into bed after the LO is finally asleep i just want my body to myself. He wont even just cuddle with me anymore. He is always trying to get something from me. Sometime i even feel like i am forced into doing something. He just made me feel like shit about myself in one of the worst ways ever. In a way... I feel like i have been cheated on.

mandyd829 - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am also on the same mind frame. i really don't like porn. My Dh knows that. well, he went on a deployment for 5 months and came home and we had a few issues with reconnecting and so forth and i went on the computer and decided to check the history for some reason. Well there it was plain as day a couple pretty nasty sites. i was so upset. we had this discussion way early in our relationship so i thought it was said and done and then after we had just gotten married in oct 06 he left Jan 07 for the deployment and came home in may and i find out he is doing the porn thing again. it was devastating. but instead of getting really upset and letting it take over my feelings and making me insecure i talked to him about it. i told him how it made me feel. i know guys think its stupid. But after everything we had been through i think he realized it was pretty shitty and i told him i would get rid of the computer if he felt as though he couldn't control it. we haven't had a problem since. i think he realized how betrayed i really felt and realized he didn't want to do that again.

mikasmommy - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) when i was pregnant i caught my husband doing the samething, im totally against porn for religious reasons so i was shocked! We werent having sex much because i was so sick all the time but it still hurt! i felt like i wasnt good enough for him cause he was looking at other people having sex. i talked to him about it and we worked it out. you have to communicate to your dh about it, thats our big thing is communication thats what keeps us together is that we let eachother know how we feel. just know you arent alone

arkansastechmommy - 1059 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) First of all, I would like to say we don't watch it neither. I agree, there is no need. Just my opinion though... I can't imagine how you must feel, walking in, on your way to do something like turn off the computer screen, and finding that. I guess if you look at it from a positive perspective... atleast he wasn't out with another woman. (I'm not saying it's right... just trying to find something positive). As for not saying anything... If I were you, I would ask about it... if not, it's just going to make you angrier, and angrier... until eventually you can't hold it in anymore, and you explode.... and it'll probably end up being blown WAY out of proportion. Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do :)