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Need advice about my marriage!!
Added: 1041 days ago.
Added by: AugustAlly2008
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


I just want some peoples opinions whether they are bad or good. Need to know whether I am being selfish or not. I have been married for a little over a year. We have been together for about 1 1/2 years. I got pregnant about 2 weeks into our relationship. Well back to the beginning of this I moved up to kentucky with my mom and stepdad to get away from a ex bf. well my mom and stepdad moved back to my hometown. Well so i am stuck here without knowing anyone except my husband. I have no friends, I never leave the house except to pay bills and buy groceries. I feel so isolated. My husband works alot and when he is home, he is on the computer or watching tv. he doesn`t spend time with me anymore or with our daughter (except for a few mins). I am the only one that takes care of her. He does nothing. If i say can you feed her or change her daiper he says well can you go to work tomorrow. he is just being a smart ass. I can`t stand it anymore. I cook, clean the house and take care of her. Can`t he just help me out a little bit. I have no friends or anything. I am debating whether to move back to my hometown. I have tried talking to him but he gets mad and doesn`t want to talk. I love him but I am so miserable. I need some advice.

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jinx-marcell - 1040 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) what you need is a man who's willing to communicate and be a father. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you didn't make this baby alone, you shouldn't have to raise her alone. Try telling dad (if you haven't already) how far this is pushing you; that you're considering moving away just so you can have a life and not be so lonely.

steffilily - 1040 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) He needs to wise up and help out. He has to realize that you do not get a "off time" like he does when he comes home after work. If he is still stubborn and will not help out each day, at least ask for one night to yourself to go out for starbucks or to read a book, or even to just take a nap. If it were me, and my husband was acting this way I would have gone on a cleaning/cooking strike and tell him that it was the only way I could get some rest and have a break like he has everyday after work.

TANYA214 - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) girl i can understand, my hubby does help but and i do have friends...but even with help and friends i feel so lonely and trapped sometimes..so i cant imagine him not helping and you having no outlet of some sort..sometimes you gotta leave to get them to notice! i dont want to tell you the wrong thing but i totally can relate to the lonely feeling!!! sometimes i just cry lol it makes me feel better...think about whats best for the baby..she can feel your energy and if your not happy she can feel that! i was always told its better to come from a broken home then and unhappy home! best of luck

angelajay - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would give him an ultimatum- either he gets his act together and starts acting like a father and a husband...or you and your daughter can go elsewhere. It sounds like he is totally taking you for granted. I hate it when people excuse lousy parenting/partnering on the fact somebody has a job. So what? You work a 9-5 and you can't come and fulfill your role as a mother, father, wife, or husband then maybe you should find a new job. These type of situations really get under my skin. Don't take his crap. If he can't help you with her or give you any attention then maybe you can't help him with a clean house or a cooked dinner anymore. It's a two way street and it sounds like he hasn't got his ass out of park for a long, long time! So.... maybe you can just stop being there when he comes home...go the gym that has a daycare or take up a class/group that provides childcare. Do anything. Go back to your hometown for a long weekend or week. Just leave a note and go. Don't ask him, just go for a bit and DON'T call him while your gone. Let him call you and if you don't feel like talking to him- then don't. Anyhoo, this is your life and just because you procreated with someone doesn't mean you are stuck to them for life- if he can't treat you right then move along....it aint worth it. :-)

Its-Chelle - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) sorry to hear that. irregardless if he works and you dont, the fact is you both are the parents of this child. i dont expect my husband to do every little thing when he gets home from work, but to at least help me out some so i can get a break(im a stay at home mom) the thing is as a sahm mom we dont really get to separate ourselves from our 'job' like our hubbies do. i make sure and he gets his break as well as- he deserves it. its shitty of him to suggest you go work just because you asked for him to help out with your daughter. even if you had a job, i bet you would still be doing all the work youre doing now while he sits there. all youre asking is for him to step up a little,which he should. if youre that miserable though, make a change. i dont think i could tolerate it. its not always easy making new friends either and finding things to do,it may help some but still may not fix what youre looking for which is for him to be a dad/husband. but anyhow,at least give some options a try so at least you know you did everything you could before thinking of moving on..if getting a job helps, friends etc go for it. if he doesnt change, move on. would be a good thing if he would at least communicate with you about it. who knows what he is thinking..sometimes i hate talking..lol its so damn tough at times..i wish you much luck and hope something changes for the better!!!

LilyPants - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think you should do what makes you happy. I'm in the whole new-marriage-new-town-no-job thing, and I know almost nobody here, except my husband, my husband's family, and my husband's friends. Its not like they're going to drop by and see me if he's not home. If you've tried, and tried, then I think you should do whatever's necessary to make you happy.

MichelleMc - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Here is the link to the book on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw_0_8?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+five+love+languages&sprefix=the+five It's $8.99. :)

MichelleMc - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I recommend reading the book "The Five Love Languages." It's a great, easy to read book about how people express love and need love expressed in different ways. Your story sounded like one of the examples right out of the book of couples needing to learn their partner's "love language." It sounds like you would feel more loved if your husband helped around the house more, and your husband might feel more loved if there was something you could do differently, too. The book isn't too expensive, it's about $10, I think. You can read an excerpt from it on Amazon.com. Best of luck to you! *hugs*

luvbeingamom - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I had issues with my DH at first too after our first was born. He said, i am home (during my maternity leave) and he goes to work, so i should do all the house stuff. I lost it. I said, so you get to go to work for 6 to 10 hours a day and come home to do whatever you want. I however work from 6am (when the baby got up) until 11 or 12 at night, then get up in the night with the baby. How is that fair? Then to really make my point, i said fine, This sat we will switch. you take care of the baby and i will do 'your job'. So we each made a list of our 'jobs' and what we needed to get done that day. After 2 hours, he gave up, we switched back and he has helped ever since. :-) However, if you are truly unhappy and talking to him or switching places isn't an option, tell him you need a break and are taking the baby and leaving for a while. Just be prepared for the response you don't want. Good Luck, hope you can find a good solution for both of you!

klunkette - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Why don't you get a job? That would get you out of the house and you could meet people and it might help with your husbands animosity towards having to go to work and you wanting help around the house. Just a thought?

secondandexcited - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) wow...tough call. I'm sure it must be hard on you being away from all of your family and friends and not having support from your husband. My husband isn't very supportive either...but my family only lives 30 minutes away so I can always go down there. My suggestion would be to talk to him and tell him that you are really upset about this and are thinking of moving. If he's the type to flip on the tv and ignore you, make sure you take the cable cord before you start the convo!! (hehe) Do you happen to have a car or live close in town? If so, maybe you could take your little one to a local park or church so you can make friends and have like a little mom's group. This way you are getting some type of interaction and support from others. I just wouldn't pick up and move though, that's not right. I'm all about getting out of a marriage when things are really bad, but you need to work on things first and not give up so easily. But honestly I know what you are going through with hubby being unsupportive. The other day I told my DH that he needs to start offering his daughter and I some emotional support and he told me "it's not my job to offer you emotional support". WHATEVER! Not to mention, if you move back to your hometown would you want to run into your ex? I would say to try talking about it, and tell him if things don't get better soon and if he doesn't make an effort than you are gone!

rosye13 - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Honestly, I would definitely leave him. I mean, he should like doing things for his daughter. My husband wants to help with the baby because he wants to be with her all the time. I couldn't stand to be with someone who didn't feel that way about my little angel. And if he's refusing to talk about the situation then it will never get resolved. You and your daughter deserve to be treated better.

mamalvs4 - 1041 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) That is a tough situation, i dont think you are being selfish at all, and you are with her every day all day and parenting is a 2 way street. so when he comes home from work it should be like your shift at "your job" is over and now you guys should work as a team. Maybe you should look into getting a job, even if just part time. if might be good for your daughter to meet some other kids and play at daycare, and good to get you out of the house, meet some new people. if a job isnt really something you want to do. maybe join a gym or mommy and me play groups where you could meet other moms and play friends for your daughter??? i think youll feel better about you and your husband if you start doing somethig for you, and maybe your husband will start helping out more when he sees that you have other things going on other than just being a mommy, like a 6 spinning class or a job to go to. even part time you would be a full time mommy and part time employee, i think that would justify him to at least step up and be a "part time" daddy