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We can`t agree, HELP!
Added: 1030 days ago.
Added by: mandyd829
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


What do you do when you and your hubby can not agree on what method to use to feed your baby. I feel one way and he feels the other and we can not agree. He would like me to breastfeed. I would prefer not to. I feel bad enough that i don`t have the desire to do it so please don`t criticize me. You don`t know my situation. i have tried it before with my first son and i had a horrible experience and i am uncomfortable with the whole deal. well hubby is disappointed because i don`t even want to try and i am upset becasue i feel like he is brushing off my feelings and we can`t seem to agree so both of us end up mad and upset. i do not know what to do. i already feel bad enough that i don`t have a desire to breastfeed becasue as a mother i should according to society and now i feel worse becasue he is disappointed. But i am so uncomfortable with the whole breastfeeding thing. i couldn`t even sit through a 20 min video with out feeling all weirded out. i don`t want hubby to resent me for choosing to do it the way i want. But i also really don`t want to disappoint him. I don`t think he realizes exactly how much of a struggle this is for me. I just don`t know what to do.

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mandyd829 - 1029 days ago Thank you all for your supportive comments. it makes me feel good taht i can express my concern and have not gotten any judgements on it thus far. i appreciate your ladies comments. Hubby and i had a long heartfelt talk last night. he explained that he was disappointed, but in the same way he would be disappointed if Eli said he didn't want to play football anymore. He said he would have liked to see it happen but if it can't he is fine and will get over it. I know it really was a money issue for him and he really struggled to say okay becasue of the fact that he just got a new job and i will be staying home so it was hard for me to ask him to do that and i think it was even harder for him to say okay. He is really stressed out about me not working and having enough money so i can understand and respect where he is coming from and although he may never be able to understand why i feel the way i do he has accepted it and is respecting it. it really does break my heart and i do feel guilty that don't have the desire to breastfeed but it is the way i feel and the more i try to make myself comfortable with it the more uncomfortable i end up feeling. but i do appreciate all the support i have gotten from you ladies. Thank you.

Debra - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) have you ever talked to anyone (professional) about your feelings? what kind of issues did you have with your first son? sometimes having more and better support can make an experience a better one. You should make a choice on how you feel. When I gave birth, i was still unsure of how I would react to BF. They are my boobs after all! I had a c/s and didn't get that initial bond, I came back from surgery, no feeling, tired, felt like crap and was told to feed my little one. Thankfully I've taught bf basics in the past as a nursing student and remembered some tricks. I had a supportive husband and a midwife who knew what she was doing and a baby who had a great suck. I put him to my breast and it was love. I'm still nursing 17 months later (2x a day) and hope to continue till age two or when he wants to quit. It's 5 min out of the day I treasure.

BBgirl1983 - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would say to follow what you fel is comfortable for you. Your husband cant possibly begin to understand the different emotions involved with breastfeeding nor can he feel the pain of the first few weeks. I am a mom who has breastfed my first 3 and plan to do so with this one..once again though..this is MY choice, my hubby would have no say in weather it actually happens or not. Do what you feel comfortable with, and dont do what your not comfortable with.

antsmom - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Some hospitals have lactation consultants on staff that can help you if you are concerned about baby latching on correctly. You may find that in the emotion of the moment, you change your mind and decide to give it a try. If it doesn't work out, so be it. Hopefully hubby won't give you too much grief. Good luck.

nevertooyoung19 - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) is it the actuall baby on boob thing that bothers you or just giving breast milk at all because, if it is just the situations that grosses you out then pumping would probably be a really good way to meet in the middle... if you know what i mean. But anyway i think that in the end it is your breast and your body,if you are uncomfrotable with it then you need to make the decision, and tell hubby that if it were his boobs then he could mae the decisions lol. Like i hat being pregnant and i want this child to be my last, if my SO was not okay with this being our last then we would probably do alot of argueing because i am simply uncomfortable with the idea of ever getting pregnant again, because it is my body... i get to mae the decisions concerning it... just like i wont ask him to get vasectomy if he wouldnt want one because that is HIS body. Well anyway i hope i make sence.... and i hope you situation gets resolved. (;

cbrehmer - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I know how you feel, I had terrible problems breastfeeding. I ended up pumping and supplementing with formula. Have you considered pumping? This might be a compromise for both of you!

Bangel - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) hubby wanted me to keep trying when I not only had problems, but I just didn't like it one bit. I quit anyway, and he was over it within a month. Now a days if someone wants to give me crap about it, he jumps right in and defends me! :)

EmmaReed84 - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I totally know where you are coming from. My 1st I was pulled and pinched about by midwives, I had pre-eclampsia, and was on a drip and pretty much out of it. I was in tears, my son was distressed and the midwife was not listening to me. I could not do it, I was far to ill and stressed. In the end my mum shouted at the midwife for her to leave me alone. 2nd time round I decided not to even try. I thought after my 1st experience it would be the same I had no desire and like you was a bit freaked out by the whole concept. I did not BF my 2nd son (WITH DH support) But now I feel terrible, I really wish I have just given it a try. Even when my son was 3 months old I even thought about trying to get my milk in again. I was shocked at how I felt because I was totally against even trying....I would definately look at councelling.....You may even suprise yourself. If you really do not want to try, then that is your choice! Don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty. You need to tell DH you need his support, not his judgement. Hundreds of babies are formula fed, and do perfectly fine!!!

jaydsmom - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) IMO you should go to a councellor (on your own) and explain to her/him how you feel, and then go with your DH after a session or two and talk it out with the councellor there. Many times a councellor can make people see sense when you can talk until you turn blue and DH won't listen. I did this once and it worked wonders. The councellor could just say it in different words that my DH understood and accepted.

Its-Chelle - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) you know what, you gave it a try once before, and for you it was a bad experience.. we all know its the best thing for your baby but if you feel that strongly about it, then there should be no arguement. if this is how you feel right now he should support you, and should you change your mind later on, then so be it. some women have a hard time nursing but they do it, and some give up easily, but it sounds like its more than that for you and he should make you feel better and not worse. he has NO idea what it is like to breastfeed! good luck to you both :)

steffilily - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) This is something he probably will never understand. Before I became a mother, I also used to think that mothers who had the ability to breastfeed but did not want to was selfish. Now that I am a mother and I experienced the struggle that most women go through with breastfeeding, I completely understood how many women felt and did not at all blame those who prefer not to breastfeed. I continued to breastfeed my son till he was 12 months and I will breastfeed this new baby also. But I do not hold it against any women who make the decision not to. You are the mother and it is your body so you should be able to make the decision without your husband making you feel guilty. Maybe you and your husband can just agree to disagree and let it go at that. Unless he has experienced it (don't we wish we could do that to men??), he will not truly understand the struggle we go through.

xolblondieox - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I really don't see what there is to agree upon. I am not one of these people that says, "A woman's body is a woman's body, she owns it, and can do what she wants", because you are carrying HIS child, and you both created it, and love it very much. However, this would apply to things such as a decision to end the pregnancy, or if you were harming the unborn baby in some way, ect. Then, I believe, he would have a say in "your body" and "your baby". This is not life and death. This is a dairy product lol. My hubby never put up a stink about anything that I have done with our children, including the decision not to breastfeed. Let me tell you now, you will not get the responses you want to your question. In just minutes people will inundate you with negative comments about how bad you are for not trying and that your husband is right. Ignore that shit. Your emotions are your own, as well as your feelings. If you don't want to- DON'T! And don't even second guess it. Now you have to have some respect for hubby and tell him how you feel in an earnest way. If he still cannot understand, then get at third party involved, a counselor; so that he gets it and there are no hard feelings. Sometimes it takes a neutral perspective to make somebody understand. You are doing the right thing, and if you want me to tell you why, then privately message me and I can give you several ways to bolster your argument to your husband. Sorry, I will not post them because of nasty people. Good luck to you. I'm here!!!

phoenixsmommy - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) first of all, i decided not to breastfeed way before my baby was born. i don't feel guilty at all. no one has ever made me feel guilty. i just knew it wasn't for me personally and also, i'm a single mommy so it just makes it easier for others to help me out if i bottle feed. just talk to your husband. it's YOUR body and you have say over what to do to it, including choosing not to breastfeed. does he want you to do it for financial reasons? or does he want you to because he thinks it's healthier for the baby? nowadays formula is made so similar to breastmilk. just talk to him about it.my son is very healthy and he has been bottle fed since day one. maybe write a letter to him if talking gets you nowhere. don't do anything you are not comfortable with.maybe explain to him that if you don't breastfeed, he will be able to feed the baby also and bond with him or her. good luck to you!

vickiessecret - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) That's a decision that you have to make on your own, you'd be the one nursing if you decided to breastfeed not your husband, but I never had to argue with my husband over that. We both agreed I would breastfeed and I had alot of issues and switched to formula and he was very understanding of the whole situation. I hope you two talk about it and come to a decision...Good Luck :)

ivysmom - 1030 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Don't let anyone, even your husband, make you feel guilty for something you can not help feeling, he might be disappointed but would you rather end up resenting him for "forcing your hand" in doing something you really do not feel comfortable with? And the baby will feel the tension you might have in trying to do so if you really do not want to and it will cause undo stress for both you and the newborn, PLUS he will probably enjoy being able to also feed the baby, I know many women get frustrated when breastfeeding at the aspect that they are the only possible sorce of feeding for the child, a bottle can help a daddy, siblings, and even grandparents in the bonding experience, just my opinion but you sound pretty sure of your feelings on it and I don't think you should feel guilted into changing your mind..