Questions and answers

Compare this section with Yahoo Answers and Google Answers. Questions are all related to becoming pregnant, pregnancy, birth and babies.
Go to the Questions and answers index

IN LAW STRESSES -- How should we compromise?
Added: 953 days ago.
Added by: summerisis
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


I am so stressed out over my inlaws! When my daughter was born last year they came to visit and ended up buying a condominium that was supposed to be an investment property. They then started coming to visit for long durations at their liking -- 12 day visits four times within a year (rough estimate). They ended up selling the condo because it was clearly causing me stress and then got very angry at us and said `we need to sell it NOW because we need the cash back.` Well, now that the condo has sold, they want to buy a condo for us to move into. I feel like all they do is lie and change stories at their own desire. I feel like they treat us as children and not as capable adults. I feel like they just want to keep us financially tied to them so that they can exert some type of control over us and their uninvited visits. I want to know if any of you can think of a way to compromise because I feel totally beat down by them and I would never divorce my husband but my inlaws are a serious problem for me. AND YET, I know that having someone want to help me buy a larger home is or should be awesome and I just want to be happy. Please offer any help if you can.

---

xanthe - 952 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) move far away...great distances make great families!

juels101 - 952 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Well first off you and your husband need to be on the same page, and that is your marriage not their feelings. I don't think you need to compromise on anything, it's your life not theres and just try be as honest as possible with them. Your husband should step up and draw the boundaries as it's his family and stick by you. If you do take there help and get a larger home make sure they know it's your home not theres. If you think they will use it agains you then don't do it, that is not fair and not healthy for either you or your husband relationship with them. Bah, inlaws :S

LGK616 - 952 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I make it a point of not accepting money from my ILs because they use it against us later and keeps us tied to them. Ever since my daughter was born it is 1000 times worse so I don't care if it's 5 euro (I'm in Greece) or 1 million!!! I don't take it. xox

nutnut - 952 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) yes i wouldnt take any money from them either. if you do, it will be there over your head the rest of your life. it will entitle them to come stay at the house. maybe they want to buy you a bigger house, so they can eventually move themselves in it. no way, no how. if you have a decent home now, and are not about to be homeless, i would definatly not take any money. i would say to them, thankyou for your offer, but right now we are not looking to make any moves. we will make due and save up if we decide we want a bigger house. condo's arent exactly the best idea anyway if you plan to have or have a large family. you could tell them you would rather save for a single family home, with property for the kids to play on etc. it might keep them off your back for awhile.

mellowyellow - 953 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Put your story up in the MIL forum. Heaps of ladies with InLaw issues vent there and may have some similar experience! I have gotten some gr8 advice and sympathy from some girls in very similar situations:) Personally I wouldn't take a cent from them because it is a form of control....NO THANK YOU!!!!

EllaG - 953 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) If the relationship is any bit tense, as it sounds, politely decline the offer - you don't want to feel indebted to them or feel like you owe them something. My own mum sold us our house, but it was on the understanding that I would not have a claim to any property that she may have when she passes, so effectively, I was buying my sister's share and forfeiting my own. It worked for us, but it isn't for everyone, particularly if you feel like they will lord it over you till they pop their clogs.

mom.to.all.boys - 953 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I divorced my last husband to divorce his mom she was like this she kept us under her thumb she had every holliday with us do to the fact that she provided our housing one day I went and found a for sell by owner house away from her and gave my husband a choice mom or me at first it was great our own place we bought with our own money no help. THEN she started staying over she was a drama queen who always had problems my husband wouldn't tell her anything becasue she was helping him with out my knowledge giving him money...she is one of those who can not and will not take a hint YOU KNOW! I am not saying your dh is the same but I would suggest cutting all money ties I understand how hard it is but even if it is just you doing it then it's a start do not take a penny from them when they offer say no thank you. If you need to ask anything feel free to contact me my name is Talitha.

Amalthea - 953 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) there is no way that I would EVER let my inlaw or even my own mom help me buy a house... there would be too much stress and whatnot... just politely say thank you and you appriciate the offer but you would prefer to save for a place of your own..