Questions and answers

Compare this section with Yahoo Answers and Google Answers. Questions are all related to becoming pregnant, pregnancy, birth and babies.
Go to the Questions and answers index

Can you be too safe?
Added: 948 days ago.
Added by: hunnybunnysmama
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


Okay, my SIL by marriage (our men are brothers) was sexually abused by her step-father. He is now in prison. Her half-brother (biological son of this man) lives with her. Do you think I`m being overly sensitive by worrying about leaving my daughter at their house? I don`t think he would ever do anything but that`s how these things occur, isn`t it!? No one suspects. If I were to leave my daughter there my sil, bil, and their 2 daughters would be there too. She wouldn`t be alone with him. What would you do? i feel awful for even thinking like this and if she knew of my concerns she`d probably hate my guts.

---

bebe77 - 947 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) If I had any doubts about any situation I'd never compromise my daughter's safety for any reason. That includes possibly offending someone.

nutnut - 947 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) my question is , would you still worry if the 17yr old wasnt there? i guess what im asking is, do you trust your SIL enough to protect your daughter like she was her own. i have a neigbhor, i am more comfortable leaving my daughter with the female neighbor than her husband. its not that i think he is a child molestor or anything like that. its just i trust the wife more with my little girl. i would say if its not an over night trip, and its only a few hours, and if you trust the SIL enough, and you have known the family a long time, maybe you could do a trial first. its a hard decision. my SO doesnt know this but i would never ever leave my daughter with that side of the family. its not that i dont trust them, its bc i know them too well, and i dont approve of how they disciplin their children. its plain and simple. i will have no one (even family) spank my daugther if she does something wrong, so therefore they will never have the opportunity to watch her or spend any time alone with her. even if they said they wouldnt do it, theres a part of me that wouldnt believe them bc they do it with their kids. so thats just me. its really sad, but in this day and age you really have to be careful of who you entrust your daughter to. if your SO is offended by this, well, then maybe he or she should discuss things with the family so that you can be reassured that your child will be safe. i dont know. its a touchy situation.

wwatters18 - 948 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i would have concerns leaving my daughter there. you are totally right, no one ever thinks someone would do this but it does happen. and since its in his close immediate family i would be VERY careful leaving her around this man. dont worry about someone hating you for your concerns, this is your daughter to protect, its your job!

Its-Chelle - 948 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) its normal to worry or be concerned..but you never know, depends on how well you know them. i was abused by my stepfather and i have 5 half siblings(3 brothers, 2 sisters) and i trust them 100%. they hate their dad.

mariettap - 948 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think the fact that it occurred to you to wonder is enough of a reason to secure a childcare set-up that does *not* cause you to wonder. You can have a good relationship with them and let your child have a good relationship with them, all without the strain of that pang of doubt hanging over you. It doesn't sound so bad when you put it like that!

jessberr31 - 948 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I just wanted to add that a lot of the time its people who have been abused themselves as a child or were close to someone abusing another that continues the cycle. Just like most of the time a child is abused by someone they know like a friend of the family or a family member. And it is way more common for a male to abuse sexually than a female. I'm noy saying there isn't exceptions, but I was just reading online about stuff of that nature and thats what I read. I've heard it before too.

hunnybunnysmama - 948 days ago it wouldn't be an overnight stay. i'm supposed to play golf with my man at his work tournament and they are our only "family" around... they would just babysit for they day. I've never left her overnight with anybody and I've only left her with a friend or gramma like 4 times in her life. I do feel like her brother is getting a bad wrap from me but it is of great concern to me.

ashley251471 - 948 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Just because his father was a disgusting pervert doesn't mean his son is? I dunno i guess Im alone on this one..I have no problem leaving my kids with my SIL. My mother is a drug abuser and basically a thieving con artist but that doesn't mean I am...and I wouldn't want family to judge me for it either. I guess only you know your family best so it's your call...:)

nutnut - 948 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i wouldnt leave her there. not yet anyway, there really shouldnt be a reason you need to leave her there, she's only 2. if they want to visit they can come over to you. i wouldnt leave my child with anyone at 2yrs old unless i absolutly had to. i think my mother watched my daughter overnight maybe once or twice in the past 7 years! its not that i dont trust my mother, its just there really isnt a need to leave them over night like that. i would just tell my sil that she is too young and its not that you dont trust her, its that you dont believe in having your child spend the night away from home just yet, but when she is older the kids should be fine to have a sleep over or whatever. at least it will buy you some time.

jessberr31 - 948 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I'm sorry but I probably wouldn't leave her either. I feel like you can never be overly-protective when it comes to molestation and abuse. And especially when she can't talk yet. I know that is such an awkward situation. My bf son is 12 and he's here now and I make sure I know what all the kids are doing all the time. Just b/c you never know, ya know? I would never forgive myself if something happened to one of them! I just won't put it past anyone to be honest. I look at it like I NEVER know really what a person is thinking. I'm not a very trusting person when it comes to that subject.

LoveChild - 948 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I was be uncomfortable with it b/c of the situation, who they are and more importantly b/c she's only 2. I think a child should be able to talk before they spend the night somewhere. I would my child to be able to tell me what's going on. Good luck! Go by your mother instints.

hunnybunnysmama - 948 days ago Oh, the half brother is 17 or 18.. my daughter is almost 2...