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my boyfriend
Added: 944 days ago.
Added by: jenna4567
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


So I have a question. 2 weeks ago I found a pack of cigarettes in my boyfriends coat pocket. He told me that was the first pack he has bought since he quit (2 years ago). And today I found receipts for more cigarettes throughtout the year. I am so mad at him for lying and dont know what to do. He treats me with so much respect and he is so happy about the baby arriving soon. But I dont thinkk our relationship will be the same now. I want the perfect family for my little bundle of joy but I dont know if that will happen if I dont trust my bf anymore. We dont even have the money for him to be wasting on cigarettes. Any advice?

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hollienjax - 943 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) My advice would be don't sweat the small stuff. I got married young and have been for 8 yrs now and some of that stuff just don't matter. If he don't cheat on you, or hit on you, and he has a job then just let him smoke. He will do it anyway and just hide it from you because that's just men for you. They would rather avoid the dispute then deal with the drama so just let it be. He sounds like a good man. Go give em a kiss and don't worry about it girl : )

rickettsrules - 944 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) If smoking is the worst of your troubles I could count your blessings now! I would not condone my partner for lying about ANYTHING, but smoking is the one thing I could forgive. He's hiding it from you because he's ashamed that he hasn't been able to quit. I'm sure he feels horrible for hiding it from you but he's also addicted and unable to let it go right now. Be understanding and try to have the mindset that he's not 'lying' he's 'hiding it' because he loves you and he doesn't want you to be dissapointed in him.

Its-Chelle - 944 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) its not fun to be lied to..but i would definately say pick your battles..besides him hiding the smoking when he had tried to quit, it sounds like you both have a good life and are happy. talk to him about it , find out why he is smoking again and try to work with him on it so that maybe he can quit again. ask him to just be honest from now on and instead of hiding things, work as a team and support each other! my ex did the same and i fought with him like crazy about it, and it wasnt worth it, i made myself more miserable and upset. smokes are expensive that is for sure. better for you both to work it out then fight it, it may make him want to smoke even more..good luck to you both!

jamiespaulding - 944 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am in almost the same spot. Both me and my husband stopped smoking in Nov, but the last few months I have noticed he carries a lighter when he comes home from work and a few other things. I recently caught him this weekend in the act but have yet to approch the issue cause I'm still very mad. But I have to agree with happyforest and try to be clam, he may get really upset if you yelling about it. Good luck! I hope all works out well for you.

coolnessa8 - 944 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree with mamalvs4. I understand how you feel, and I've felt the same way towards my fiance for lying about smoking. Yes, it is lying... and lying isn't ok.. but at the same time you have to understand that quiting smoking is difficult. He doesn't want to let you down & he wants you to be proud of him, but sometimes he is weak & smokes.. I think that you should offer him a little understanding & explain to him that you don't like that he smokes, but that you know he's trying very hard. Ask him not to lie about it to you, and in return maybe you can assure him that you won't yell/nag/complain about his smoking if he is honest with you about cheating now and then.

mamalvs4 - 944 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) my husbnand is trying to quit right now and i know he has cheated on smoked more than he tells me he does, i dont really think that this is :lying he is obviously ashamed for not being able to quit. i would sit down and talk to him and come up with a game plan to help him quit before baby is born, and untill then put some ground rules down, such as NO smoking in the cars, house, or around you etc etc. (ex my husband only smokes at work) and must wash hands and face and change clothes when he gets home. or if you allow him to smoke outside he has to wear a certain coat or pullover and leave it outside so he doesnt smell like smoke and carry it in the house. all the rules will help him quit too becasue it limits when he is allowed to smoke! good luck

happyforest - 944 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) he DOES NOT treat you with respect. lying and deceiving is not respect, and doing it for that long too! you need to talk with him, but CALMLY, don't let it turn into a yelling match, bc then he won't listen. and he will be more open with you about things if he isn't afraid of getting his head bit off if he talks about it. maybe try positive encouragement getting him to quit instead of bullying him into quitting. see if maybe he would go to addiction counseling or something like that. but in the end, he will only quit if HE wants to...so steering him in the right direction to make the decision, not trying to force him to. good luck, i know it is very hard