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I need advice...
Added: 913 days ago.
Added by: auroracoladybug
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


My husband moved out on July 18th, he has stopped our Marriage counseling as of this last wednesday, he swears I am trying to make drama...he says the courts will force me to give him more overnight visits...our son is 2 years old...he has not contributed to bills, given me any money, I don`t qualify for TANF and I need to get roommates on top of needing a lawyer...any suggestions? I don`t want the divorce but he walked away and gives every excuse as to why we can`t work it out...I am worried that he will just dissapear from our son`s life, I have been with him for 12 years and now he is paranoid that I will be vindictive...I don`t want to lose my home and I want my son taken care of!

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auroracoladybug - 912 days ago Thank you ladies for all of your advice...I have sought help from the county social services and...drumroll please...I qualify for nothing :( so for now I asked Jason today to contact a mediator...he said he can't until I sign the papers...I know better...so looks like I have to file...breaks my heart but today when I asked if he had any feelings for me his answer "i care in as much as you are Cians mother"...well thanks for that...time to jump ship...breaks my heart all over again...

Cindie - 913 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Your husband sounds shady. Look into public assistance regarding divorce attourneys, they have programs for ppl to help out. Good luck!

nutnut - 913 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) he has to pay support. if he isnt living with you or givingyou money, try going to the welfare office and see what they have to say. if you arent working and have no money and no where to go they will help you. i dont know what your financial situation is, but if he isnt living with you or supporting you, and you have no income, there shouldnt be any reason you wouldnt qualify for some sort of help.

juels101 - 913 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Look up your legal rights and stick to them. He certainly has to monitarily support your kid, and you can probably even make a deal, cut back on payments but he has to visit more, or something like that if your worried. Don't let him walk all over you, he is dreaming if he thinks he can just walk away and not have responsibility. Get legal advice and stick to it, you can get through this!!!! <3

wwatters18 - 913 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i was gonna answer but i dont think i could offer any better advice than what coolnessa8 wrote...

coolnessa8 - 913 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I do not have a child yet, nor have I been through a divorce, so I may not be the best person to give advice. That said - I think that it's vey easy to drive yourself crazy with worry if you spend too much time dwelling on what ifs & constantly analzying his behavior. Obsessing over what has happened & what will happen in the future keeps you focused on your fears, your hurt & your anger. I understand this is all very new to you.. I also understand that you're scared & that it feels like your world is falling apart around you. Although it will take time, the goal is to move past this place in your life & to get to a point where you're able to accept what's happened and adjust to the new lifestyle. In the meantime, my advice would be to reach out to the friend of the court to seek the help of a mediator. From what I understand, the mediator will hear out both of your concerns & then determine what sort of visitation & child support agreement is in the best interest of the child. I feel that the sooner a court-ordered agreement is in place, the better. Your hurt & his anger are preventing the two of you from effectively communicating & agreeing on anything at this point. This is why the mediator gets involved. They are unbiased & want only what they see as best for the child. Once it's court-ordered, then visitation & custody will no longer be the source of arguments between the two of you & elminating any sort of arguing is what is best for the two of you. After some time has passed, your husband may reconsider his decision to leave - or he may not - unfortunately there's really very little you can do about that. If he no longer wants to participate in the marriage you can't force him. The only thing you can control is yourself & your own actions. Good luck to you.

auroracoladybug - 913 days ago I am scared because his father and mother divorced when he was 9...and his dad just dissappeared...lots of stuff in his childhood...it seems like he wants to drop everything and though he loves his son...the first weekend he had him overnight I called to say I was on my way home and he told me "he is yours! he has been whining and crying all day and I don't know why, (I reassured him I would be there soon and to meet me at my house)I will head up there when I can, I am having a ciggarette to try to stay calm" then after my MIL left a message about my homewrecker of a roommate and he called me irate and said "where do you want Cian" and when I got so upset and began to head home he said "you better not fn leave work...I am bringing him to you"...Cian was running a fever and while I went to my dads to keep my calm...he helped move out my roommate (long story but they had an emotional affair and she was my best friend)

auroracoladybug - 913 days ago I am scared because his father and mother divorced when he was 9...and his dad just dissappeared...lots of stuff in his childhood...it seems like he wants to drop everything and though he loves his son...the first weekend he had him overnight I called to say I was on my way home and he told me "he is yours! he has been whining and crying all day and I don't know why, (I reassured him I would be there soon and to meet me at my house)I will head up there when I can, I am having a ciggarette to try to stay calm" then after my MIL left a message about my homewrecker of a roommate and he called me irate and said "where do you want Cian" and when I got so upset and began to head home he said "you better not fn leave work...I am bringing him to you"...Cian was running a fever and while I went to my dads to keep my calm...he helped move out my roommate (long story but they had an emotional affair and she was my best friend)

auroracoladybug - 913 days ago I am scared because his father and mother divorced when he was 9...and his dad just dissappeared...lots of stuff in his childhood...it seems like he wants to drop everything and though he loves his son...the first weekend he had him overnight I called to say I was on my way home and he told me "he is yours! he has been whining and crying all day and I don't know why, (I reassured him I would be there soon and to meet me at my house)I will head up there when I can, I am having a ciggarette to try to stay calm" then after my MIL left a message about my homewrecker of a roommate and he called me irate and said "where do you want Cian" and when I got so upset and began to head home he said "you better not fn leave work...I am bringing him to you"...Cian was running a fever and while I went to my dads to keep my calm...he helped move out my roommate (long story but they had an emotional affair and she was my best friend)

RobinG - 913 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) My sister seperated from her DH and even though they hated each other and it was very messy he loved his kids so was always there for them. Do you have any reason to believe he doesnt want to be a dad or step away from his son? not wanting to be married doesnt always mean you walk away from being a dad. You need to get a lawyer for sure they will help you iron out the money, visitation etc etc. ((hugs))

auroracoladybug - 913 days ago No...in fact I have told him that he can call his son and say good night, he can take him out to dinner, to the park, for a walk and he hasn't done anything with him...when we had our last fight he text me later "so I am to assume you will not ever talk to me agin...if thats the case I want Cian every other weekend (fri, sat, sun) and two weeks in the summer or I will sign over parental rights"...he isn't putting the baby first...i take him to gymnastics, swimming, the park, for pictures...I don't want him to use our son as a pawn to hurt me...

coolnessa8 - 913 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Is there a reason you don't want him to spend more time with your son other than the fact that you're angry that he's not providing you with more support - financially & otherwise?