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Advice PLEASE!
Added: 900 days ago.
Added by: christina-ann
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


So my pregnancy has been nothing short of terrible, because throughout the entire thing, i had my bf telling me how disgusting i look... anyways.. basically our entire relationship, he`s been really hurtful and mean, coldhearted..ect.. but i stayed, you know? it didnt really matter when it was just me dealing with this... because after 4 days of crap he`d be great for 2 weeks.. and then blow up again... ive moved out about 6 times in our 3 years togetehr.. and everytime i do a go back.. like i cant stay away.. everytime we have a disagreement the norm for him is calling me a cunt and telling me to get the fuck out... he says that im ruining his life with the baby, andhe wishes that he was having her with someone other than me... he`s just REALLY hurtful.. anyways.. last saturday we had another spat, which lasted something like 3 days.. i got the usual name calling, verbal abuse.. and i just though.. you know.. i dont need this shit. my baby , most of all, doesnt need this shit... so i packed my shit in the early morning while he was sleeping and im staying with my mother. im due in 7 weeks.. and im scared out of my mind... He called me on wednesday from 1045 pm to 5 in the morning. SCREAMING.. like ive never heard before... over and over i got phone calls.. it was INSANE. anyways by the last phone call he threatened to kill himself.. so i called the cops and had them take him to the hospital. His mother has been harassing me with these freaking text messages.. calling me a liar , that her son would never threaten to kill himself, and i called the cops just to make him look bad.. which is ABSOLUTELY FALSE. anyways.. now theyre threatening to take me to court for full custody of my child.. though i have no idea on what grounds. My bf.. or.. ex i guess, called me the day after all this, and cried for hours, saying things like.. he would change, go to anger managment... get a job ( yeah right) all kinds of things.. told me he loved me so much.. this jekyl and hyde shit is killing me. i dont know how to react, what to do. i would go back if it was just me.. but my child doesnt deserve to grow up thinking that this is normal. im scared... can i lose my baby?? should i try to make it work?? does me staying with my mother make me a less suitable parent than him, if he`s working and got his own place??? i dont know what to do.. im so upset.. i just want to be happy, and theyre not leaving me alone.. theyre harassing me, and im 8 months pregnant.. who does that?!!? should i give him a chance.. should i wait and see when the baby comes? should i stay with my mom and move on?? is my being here affecting my chances in court??? im not a bad person..though theyre making me feel like one.. i just want whats best for my baby and for me... :( help :(

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mummyyumyum - 898 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Ok hun, first of all in case they do try to take you court make sure you save and keep a record of any conversations or text messages you recieve especially any that are threatening. Now when it comes to your relationship, it doesnt sound like he is stable enough to provide a stable father daughter relationship. I would insist on him going to anger management and counselling and that you will not even consider getting back together with him until he has completed the course and continues the counselling...its something it sounds he needs to do anyway regardless of your relationship. Even if you dont get back together him going through anger management and counselling will benefit your daughter. I would not recommend getting back together but if you do, dont make it easy for him hun, MAKE him do these things. I am sure that there are emotional and things from his past that make him behave they way he does, and it will never heal by itself, he can say he will change but unless he gets professional help hun no matter how well intentioned he is he wont be able to change by himself. If I were you hun, I would do my best to get him to go to counselling and anger management, settle yourself at your mothers and concentrate on you and your baby. If he complete the anger management and the counselling helps him out then its a bonus, but I would spend your time and energy on yourself and on your soon to be daughter hun. I wish you all the best of luck and I hope that whatever choices you make, that things are better for you hun xxxx ((((hugs))))

jennymomof3 - 898 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You and the baby don't need a man like that! So what if they are harrassing you! Change your number, get a protection order, do whatever it takes to keep this man and his mother away from you and the baby. No way does it make you less of a mother staying with your mom....it makes you MORE of a mother because you are leaving a very bad situation and he will not change! You will be so much happier on your own and being able to give the baby a comforting environment. Imagine taking the baby home with him and then he acts out and stresses you and the baby out! No way.

destin2000 - 899 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) stay away . This type of relationship doesnt get better and you and your daughter deserve more. Dont worry about him looking better . You have the best say over your daughter...your her mother and courts recoginze that. Be strong for you both.

bernadette825 - 899 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Stay with your mom and move on!! I can't imagine one single reason why you would take him back! I would also think about changing your phone number

herecomesbaby2 - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I don't want to sound like a broken record, but yup, stay away from him! If you have a baby girl you don't want her to think it's okay someday for a man to treat her that way, and if you have you boy you don't want him to think it's okay to treat a woman like that. You have been with him 3 years and he hasn't changed, more than likely he never will. Make sure you document everything! And once your baby is born be sure to go after child support. Getting a restraining order on him now will definitely help your odds in court. Your baby is your new number one concern. Honestly, as harsh as it sounds, if he is threatening to kill himself, that is not your problem. He is not stable, definitely stay away! Best of luck to you!

ashysmm1 - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You need to make record of everytime he calls the text messages, i just went to court with my friend but in her situation they had no children involved but becase my friend had writen down everytime he called saved all the text message she got her restraining order, which her ex at the time denied eveything she had told the judge, but because she kept those threatning text message she got her restraining order......Keep the long story short change your number make record of everything in a notebook and use that against his ass if he ever tries and take you to court GOOD LUCK SWEETY stay strong

tavibaby27 - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) neither you or that baby deserve that mess and you should stay with your mom. keep any documentation you have about the text messages and if they continue, call the police and get a restraining order..and i'd use all of this info in court..the mother always has the upper hand anyways, but it always helps when you can prove he's a total nut job. just be strong and do what it takes to be safe because it seems to me that if he's abusing you this bad verbally, it's only a matter of time before it turns physical...just stay away, change your number, and be the best mommy you can be. good luck!! i'm praying for you

allynne7 - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Gotta agree with everyone else.

stelabela0507 - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Please stay with ur mom. He may not change and especially over night. Do what's best for u and baby and being with him doesn't really sound like a good choice. They can try and fight u in court for the baby but I doubt they'll win. Courts are usually in favor or the mother unless for some reason they find u unfit due to drugs or neglect. I hope this helps. Good luck! Hang in there and be strong!!!

Epopea - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You have taken the first step towards a better life for yourself and your child. You will learn that respect follows from anyone and everyone who is of any importance in your life. It will come from your family, friends, your baby, and it will begin to form for yourself (which is the most important and might take the longest to develop.) I grew up with a bi-polar/alcoholic father and I have to say it affected how I viewed him as well as for years caused problems for my and my mother's relationship. Congrats on starting life anew and if you ever need a friend or personal "cheerleader" please let me/us know as that is what we are here for. Life is better without the crazy cycles you have been experiencing for years, trust me... Even bad days don't compare to the abusive bad days. Hugs and prayers to you and your little one on the start of your journey.

secondangel - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) In my opinion just stay put at your moms and dont even think of going back to that shit. At this point you could be putting yourself in danger and obviously you know you dont deserve it right? nobody does! And dont worry about what they wanna think if you have to file reports with the police to keep him away from you then thats what you'll do....just keep your head up. xoxo

mama2be12.31.09 - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) i doubt staying at your mom has an affect your doing it for the safety of you and your baby, its really hard at least in ca to be seen as an unfit mother unless you have a terrible drug/alcohol problem. im my opinion im super proud of you to be able to have a level head at this point and do the right thing, my mom stayed with my dad who was like this and it ruined my life i grew up wishing i didnt have a dad until i was old enough to leave myself she didnt get it in her to leave. do what everyone says no contact etc with him. let the courts decide if he has partial custody and if in a year he has proved himself to be a fully changed man maybe start seeing him but dont move in. it has a huge effect on your baby even right now going through the stress of being around him. and if you did stick around it would only be harder more heartache and possible physical danger later. and if you are having a girl, it took me forever to break the cycle and learn to be with a guy who wasnt controlling or a jerk, and if you have a boy he will most likely mimic his father. you have a great mom and lots of support on here, so keep going down the road you are, we are all behind you and are so proud.

blondie9504 - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) **HUGS** It'll be alright, they wont take her from you. No judge would do that! You can come stay with me if you'd like. Then Alesha will have someone to play with.

nutnut - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) be sure in your messages to him and the family you remain in control. just repeat please do not contact me anymore and dont reply to their messages. you dont want to say anythign they can twist and use against you later. but definatly be sure you ask them to leave you alone and not to call politly.

nutnut - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) you shouldnt be with him imo. save every little of correspondance he or his family send to you, emails, text messages, and if you can tape your phone calls. have someone wtih you all the time, so you will have a witness to what they are putting you through. if they have threatened you, get a restraining order, that way its documented for the custody hearing. get a family lawyer now. honestly i wouldnt even name him on the birth certificate for this baby coming. i would leave it blank or say unknown, and make him have to proove paternity. he sounds extremly violent. im sorry youre going through this. if you live with you mother now, and it is a stable healthy enviornment, it wont hurt your chances of winning full custody. he needs to proove you unfit. document everything from this point on. go to a lawyer asap. if you arent working, you can go to welfare and tell them you are staying at your moms but are tryin to escape an abusive bf. they will help you alot. plus it will prove in court you went for help. they will probably get you legal help as well. so first thing monday am. walk into the welfare office, tell them whats going on, and apply for emergency help for battered or abused women and children. this is not only going to give you support you need, and answers you need, it will give you the help you will need, and also provide a paper trail for the legal battle ahead. good luck. im sorry you are goig through this. try to stay strong for yourself and your babies. having family like your mom, is wonderful. good luck.

butterblocksmom - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Get the fuck out and as far away as possible as soon as possible. MOVE ON> and get a restraining order. Document everything, get phone records, save voicemails, get character witnesses. You live in Canada....the preference is always to leave the child with the biological mother. No one deserves to be emotionally, verbally or physically threatened or harmed...not you nor your child.

christina-ann - 900 days ago Wow guys.. thank you so much. i feel so much better knowing that im not insane..

emma32uk - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) also.....you are beautiful, my other half was the same and didnt come near me for ages. he sounds like a nasty piece of work. you will manage be strong and dont fall for his sweet talk, my man did this and i took him back so many times because i missed him, i still do, but im putting my children first xx

*Jessica* - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) He has to prove that YOU are an unfit parent, and you staying with your mom doesnt make you that!! I left my husband, and he tried saying the same, and they laughed at him! also, since he was at the hospital for threatening to kill himself, they docutmented that, and you can say hes not mentally stable! I have been through so much with my husband it is crazy! he has mentally, physically, emotionally abused me time and time again, and it seems like its just a cycle! every time, he says he will change, then I come back and its good for a while, then it goes back to the same stuff! I say just stay with your mom for now, and if he really wants to change have him PROVE it to you for a while before you return. I had finally had enough with my husband with all the abuse, and cheating. I still Love him, but he can only put myself and my kids through so much! Now hes living with the last female I caught him with! not doing anything for me or the kids! I am as well staying with my parents, which I dont get along with too well, and I have been on my own since 17 (8yrs), so its a change, and I dont like it, but I have to do what I have to do for me and my kids at this point!

emma32uk - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) to start with you need to keep a diary, log every text, call threat etc etc.there is nothing to say that they can take your baby off you. get some legal advice and report everything, then if it ever goes to court you have evedence. i am in a simular situation, and i have been in an abusive relationship with an jekyl and hyde character for 2 years and have just had a baby with him. a few days ago it all came to a head and i was assaulted in my house. he went and i reported him he was arrested. i dont know what the outcome is yet. i have also got an injunction out on mim so he cant come within 100 meters of me. if you do the same he will have no chance of seeing the baby, let alone taking it. i had 15 abusive messages on my voicemail, which i took to the police station, including things like he was going to put me in intensive care and smash my house up........honestly the more you log and report the better for you in the long run. feel free to privately message me if you want to chat and remember be strong, men like this never change and it has taken me 2 years to work that one out. take care Emma xxx

Diane-taketwo - 900 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Ugh, like mother like son it sounds like. Keep records of what he is sending you. Record the calls if you can. All this will ensure his crazy behind does not get what he is threatening to try to do. I'm glad you got out and are staying with your mom. Don't fall for his 'sweet routine' when he comes around to trying that move again (and he will). Stay strong!! You are doing what is best for you and your child. The courts will see this, Likely they will mandate anger management counseling before they offer him any visitation let alone custody. Good luck to you!