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HELP I NEED ADVICE
Added: 851 days ago.
Added by: kuzzle
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


My husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for 2 years. Of course we both have ex-boyfriends and girlfriends but we made a promise to each other if we happened to run into one of them and were going to have any interaction with them we would let the other one know. Just a quick FYI to the other spouse so we are not caught off guard. So today we went for our 2nd doctors appointment and my husband tells me...`just so you know that girl that was at the front when we came in is so-and-so, that crazy girl I dated before I met you.` Well it turns out that this girl is a nurse or nurses aid in that office. Which means she will have access to my medical information and the care I receive while I`m pregnant. SO...Do I change doctors even though my husband and I really like my doctor just to avoid what could be a `weird` situation for the next 30 weeks...OR Do I not even acknowledge I know anything at all and hope that this girl acts professional and if by some chance she has to participate in my care, then I request that she not be my nurse. PS: I`m a high risk pregnancy so I`ll see my doctor weekly starting at 16 weeks. I`ll be in there alot!

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stargazer530 - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Just because it is illegal doesn't mean she won't do it and that it doesn't happen every day. Depending on what type of records they keep (electronic or paper) she could be looking without leaving an electronic trail to be busted on. If you're already worried about it, I would switch docs. Your emotions are going to be crazy enough and you don't need the added stress of worrying about a crazy ex doing crazy ex things. If this is a doctor you have been with for a long time, maybe weigh the pros and cons of just discussing it with her like some ppl have suggested. Also think about whether you guys have friends in common with her, who she could share your info with if she did act unprofessionally, etc.

jade1541 - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) id stick with the dr you like and just tell him its nothing against his nurse because you dont personally know her but because she had a previous relationship with your husband then you think its in your best interest that shes not involved in your care and can he assign a different nurse to you personally it wouldnt bother me if he hadnt called her crazy did he say why shes crazy ? lol maybe shes not anymmore who knows but if you dont want her involved in your care then you dont have too good luck xx

jade1541 - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) id stick with the dr you like and just tell him its nothing against his nurse because you dont personally know her but because she had a previous relationship with your husband then you think its in your best interest that shes not involved in your care and can he assign a different nurse to you personally it wouldnt bother me if he hadnt called her crazy did he say why shes crazy ? lol maybe shes not anymmore who knows but if you dont want her involved in your care then you dont have too good luck xx

louise88uk - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I know it must feel awful but it is totally illegal for her to access your notes unless necessary or say anything about them to anyone.I wouldnt worry about changing the Dr you like.

mommyofxyxyxx - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) If it weren't for him characterizing her as "crazy", I think I wouldn't worry so much. BUT..since he describes her as that and she IS his ex....I'd have to think long and hard about my medical records being there where she has access to them. I might discuss this in private with your physician to ensure privacy. And if you even suspect...suspect your privacy has been invaded, I'd raise holy heck. oh...and I'd act as if she didn't exist, if I were you. I'd also ask my husband to completely ignore her as if she didn't exist too.

excitedmisty (misty) - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) ask your husband to define "crazy" as in is she a stalker or would she steal something? and it depends how long ago they dated...otherwise, you're about the have a baby, i think EVERYONE (esp the nurse) can behave properly and like adults! plus if she doesn't, you can turn her in for unethical behavior and she could lose her license...we've ran into my husband ex girlfriend before, i'm an adult, we just say hi, no big deal...there is no drama, and i certainly don't care that he dated her and they broke up years ago...he's been married to me for 5 years, an ex is an ex

nouna - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) if she behave like a professional fine, but as your husband said she is crazy and you said she can get ur records, i woould be careful since like you said you have a hig risk pregnancy. Docs are the same everywhere but when a girl get crazy she can forget what she is doing. talk with ur hubby and take a decision for the benefit of ur pregnancy.. at the end of the day the decision is yours though i would change my doctor.. let us know what you think .. good luck for ur pregn and lots of prayers for u ... Aruna

Vikki - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would bring the matter up with your Doctor. I know what it is like to have a high risk pregnancy and have to change doctors ( Mine had a triple bypass),it's very distressing when you know and trust your doctor. Let him know the situation and ask for HIS advice. He may bay able to asign a different aid for you. You have the rite to request someone else if there is a problem. OR just let you Doctor know and "see how it goes" with this girl, thenIF there were to be a problem,your Doctor is already aware of it.Actually I think that is the best thing to do from the start. I'm glad your Hubby was good to tell you. what a good foundation you guys have:-D

kirsande - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree with Boomerette :)

lissie - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I'd change doctors if possible. You don't need to be uncomfortable. You don't have to suck it up. I don't think staying and being umcomfortable makes you mature. Pregnancy and gyno things are really personal. Having a child is very personal. If you are uncomfortable in anyway or if it causes you any stress it just isn't worth it. There are plenty of good doctors and only one of her so why not change if it will ease your mind. I just dont think this is a time to be feeling vulnerable. (if she were a totally cool girl and they ended on a good note I'd say otherwise but from what you've said it sounds like you are uncomfortable.) YOu don't have to 'stick it out' just to show you are confident or mature. Some situations are just better to avoid. That's waht I think anyway. Good luck with whatever you choose.

sarahlj - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would continue to see the same doctor and not change just because of some girl. She should act professionally anyway if she values her career. Its best to be friendly and carry on as you were, don't stres over something like this. Your husband is with you, he married you and he split with her for a reason. I should think you could always say that you didn't want her involved in your care, the patients are always right.

Jocelyn1012 - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) AndThenThereWas3-- Ugh. I hate people like that. I just don't understand why people can't mind their own business and leave well enough alone. What a horrible person to say things like that. I really hope there aren't too many women out there like that...but I have my doubts. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that.

AndThenThereWas3 - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I never had an "ex" problem like that b4 but I did have a boyfriend's friend issue..she is the receptionist at the station my doctor works at and was pissed that I was moving in with my boyfriend (her friend) before she was able to move in with her boyfriend (The guys were roommates) so she decided to spread rumors about me not ever coming to my doctor appts with my first pregnancy and child and that all the doctors were worried my child wasnt being taken care of..totally untrue. This was horrible...we then found out we were pregnant and had to go to the same doc, same station. We told the doctor about her not following confidentiality rules because we were afraid she would tell people about the baby b4 we had a chance too...if you honestly think she will cause issues then I would do somethign about it because you do not want to go through what I did! Good luck!

Suprise-we-r-having-a-baby - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Ok just to let you know being a surgical technologist in the past before I went back to school there is this little thing called HIPA, you sign for it when you go to the doc and update your chart every year. So if she in anyway acts unprofessional or you catch her looking at your chart or records for any reason other than what the dr. requests or she has no reason you can put a complaint with the compliance officer and they can handle it. If no action is taken then you HAVE LEGAL RIGHTS. Lets hope this woman is a little bit more professional than to act in any way that would jepordaize her career. Hope this helps

veronicanewmommy - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) You shouldn't give it any importance at all..Why would he want to be with her, there's a reason she is an ex-girlfriend and is now with you, he chose you...My husband is friends with he's ex, and i'm friends with mine. We trust each other and have a very good communication. There is no reason to be jelous. We are adults, not in high school and should trust our partners. Smile at her and be friendly, so what if she's he's ex and is "crazy", plus if you do consider her an enemy, it's better to keep enemies close that way you know what's going on. That's just my way of thinking, I don't have time for drama or jelousy. :-)

bnlmusicfan2 - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) It is ILLEGAL FOR HER TO SHARE!! I ran in to the same problem but it was with a lady I don't care for alot. She can get fired if she doesn't treat you like every other patient. Hope that helps. Brittany

mariettap - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) "that crazy girl I dated before I met you...." Hmm, I generally agree with most of the previous answers posted, but you and your spouse know better than we do just what kind of "crazy" you're talking about. You know, you can go from one visit to the next and see what kind of vibes you get. You can certainly stay put and change things later if you need to. Plus, if you're going weekly later on, then you'd have plenty of chance to get familiar with a new provider, even if you need to make a late-term change. Ultimately, you need to be sure that you are comfortable with your care in all respects.

michelle110306 - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Since you have been with your DH for 3 years now, hopefully the crazy ex has matured and won't cause an issue. Has she tried anything since you two have been together? If not then I would not see it as much of an issue. If there is a chance she could be your nurse the I agree that you should tell your dr that you do not feel comfortable with that. Hopefully it will all work out for you!

boomerette - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would just stay with your dr and not worry about it! Just tell the dr that your husband knows her and that you would prefer if she wasnt your nurse.

jen - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I also would stick with your doctor. It's so difficult to find a doc you love and trust, I wouldn't give him up for a past fling! I would also mention to your doctor, that you recognised the nurse as someone your husband has had a previous relationship before you two met and that you'd just be more comfortable if you didn't have to interact with her. I'm sure your doc, if he's a good doc, would be understanding!

Jocelyn1012 - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) That's a pretty crappy situation. I would definitely be uncomfortable knowing that she had access to all my personal information. I guess it all depends on how well you can handle the situation...I personally do not think I would handle it well. Women can be very catty and vindictive and I have a hard time trusting them. But again...that's just me and I might be slightly crazy. =) Good luck though with whatever you choose to do!

bananamoonpi - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree with tiger363; additionally you may want to consider speaking with the doctor or 'her' supervisor simply stating your concerns about the X having access to your health and personal information.

DesireeBoils - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would stick with your doctor, and if things with that nurse get a little too weird (maybe you won't even have to deal with her) then maybe you could explain the whole thing to your doctor and he could make sure she isn't your nurse. If she does act unprofessional you can always complain, no nurse should act unprofessional weather she dated your DH or not. Good luck.

tiger363 - 851 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I would continue to go as you like your doctor - she should act professional and if she doesn't put a complaint in.