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disagreement about number of babies
Added: 359 days ago.
Added by: naomifaith
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


I am having a hard time deciding what to do about this situation. I do not want anymore kids, I have a 7 year old from a previous relationship and we have a 9 month old together and i am currently 6 months pregnant. My husband wants a boy and our 9 month old is a girl, so is the baby that`s on the way. I didn`t want any more kids after our daughter but agreed to have one more so he could try for his boy. Anyway, now that we know this is a girl he decided he wants to try one more time. Is it wrong of me to say no way and get my tubes tied anyway?? I know 100% for sure i do not want another kid after this but he is getting mad about it because he 100% wants to try again.

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naomifaith - 357 days ago He has 2 little brothers but since he is the first born he is the one that got the whole name (making him the third) and he wants to have a son so there can be a 4th. The whole name can only carry over with him, it wouldn't be able to carry over with his brothers. I'm sure this is why he's so set on a boy but I'm not willing to have 8 kids trying to get a boy, I am done :)

brittany l - 358 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Naomi- Is there anyone to carry on on your husbands name? Does he have brothers with boys? If he is the last of his name, I would try again for a boy. My brother is the only boy, and my dad was the only boy, so my brother is the last of my maiden name, and he wants a boy to carry on the last name. Maybe that is why he feels so strongly about wanting a boy?

brittany l - 358 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Naomi- Is there anyone to carry on on your husbands name? Does he have brothers with boys? If he is the last of his name, I would try again for a boy. My brother is the only boy, and my dad was the only boy, so my brother is the last of my maiden name, and he wants a boy to carry on the last name. Maybe that is why he feels so strongly about wanting a boy?

naomifaith - 358 days ago thank you buttons!!! my husband may be the head of the household but that doesn't mean I need to do as he says. Like I said, this baby was a compromise so to me, there is no reason for me to keep going. He is a very loving father and LOVES having a baby girl, he just wants to experience both I think. But, since I am the mom, and it is my body that has to go through pregnancy and I am the one home with the kids 24/7, I do think the final say is mine. This pregnancy has not been easy, i was on bedrest until 5 months and having a 8 month old to chase around all the time has made it that much harder. I do not want another pregnancy like this one, or worse losing another baby like we have had happen before. I am happy with any baby as long as it's healthy but that doesn't mean I want to have 8 of them just becuase he might eventually get a boy. My sanity can only go so far :)

lil.pigz - 358 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) We have 5 daughter's. Keep in mind "trying" for a boy could ultimately get you another daughter..and another and another,lol. So I guess you'd have to ask yourself, will he push for another after that too or be satisfied with the beautiful children you have? Someone suggested in here, getting an IUD. Paragard has no hormones and is good for 10 yrs. I was even thinking abut it after this baby, which finally happens to be a boy,lol. It provides long term protection and leaving the option open to change my mind later on.

buttons - 358 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) lilmissesmum - he is the one getting mad about not getting a son, not sure how much mature discussion she can get on this subject. She did consider it once already and is now pregnant again as a result.

lilmissesmum- - 358 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) babygirl I didnt say she didnt get a say I just dont think she should be able to say no straight up without at least disgussing it like mature adults in a relationship. I think most ladies here no what child birthing is all about its a pregnancy website afterall, and also I can only relate my opinions to my experience so I wasnt have a go. I only have my life to go off and all I was saying is that if it were me and my hubby wanted another I would consider it like (if you had of read my post) I stated.

buttons - 358 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) babygirl well said,I think the thing here is,is this man thinking of anyone else here? He is only thinking about what he wants. Is he thinking about his daughters at all here.Men are not head of households,especially when they are childish.

babygirl (pink) - 358 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) lilmissesmum,.the fact that this lady has given him 3kids, she gets to have a say if she can tolerate another pregnancy. If men were to give birth, they probably would never be pregnant. Carrying a baby for 9months, dealing with hormone changes, facing risks associated with child birth like hemorrhaging to death and so forth definitely gives the woman the right to take the chance time and time again. And about the man being the head of the household does not mean he dictates how many children they will have if he lacks wisdom to know that children are a gift not a given right.

buttons - 358 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) She has compromised by trying for one more for him already, that should be more than enouugh!Just because they are married she shouldnt feel she has to appease him on this especially when she has already gone for one more baby to make him happy. It isnt the middle ages anymore. We are not discussing agreeing on how many chairs to buy for the house, its children. They will affect her life for at least 18 years! She has every right to say nope,had enough. And his reasons for wanting another are totally wrong and ignorant.And Im sorry but not every guy wants a boy for heavens sake, no more than every woman wants a girl. I wanted healthy babies not a gender. He should be grateful for what he has not keep pushing his luck with you and your babies. You are not just a baby factory meant to produce what we wants.

lilmissesmum- - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am in sort of the same situation as yourself, pregnant with our 3rd child and I have 2 girls, however hubby and I have already discussed our feelings on extending our family after the birth of our second daughter. We had already decided to have baby 3 after our daughter, unlike your partner though I think mine has come to terms with the fact that he could have all girls and has fully embraced that fact. I don't think its right to just say I am the women and I don't want anymore children and thats that. I also don't agree with just because your the mum means you get the say. I seriously don't know if we want to have a fourth yet because well I don't know what its like to have three, my husband helps out heaps with our children so if he decided he wanted another baby then I would consider it and discuss it with him. As we had already planned to have 3 -4 children, after this baby is born I will be going on birth control until we can decide if we are definately finished having children or not. I wont rule out having another because as a partnership I don't know if we are finished having children, as hubby helps out I think (though it is my body) he has a right to want another child. I hope you work something out, I do think your hubby needs to consider that maybe he might end up with all girls and decide whats best for everyone.

babygirl (pink) - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) wanting a 4th child mainly because the ones you have are the wrong sex is immature. However if your finances allow and you the woman is ready to carry another child, then have one knowing there are no guarantees.

harrycat - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Also when I wanted a tubal ligation at the same time as c section i was told there is a higher failure rate at this time, and it is better to wait a little while

SarahLJ-TTC2 - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think that waiting until you have had your baby for that discussion would be the best idea. It is your body and you should be able to decide what to do with it. Perhaps getting another form of bc for a while just in case you do change your mind.

harrycat - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think its ultimately your body and you shouldn't have another baby if you don't want one. I also how much a man has to say on the matter depends on the dynamic of the household....in our situation my partner looks after children more (after the first year) whereas I work longer hours so I do leave decisions like that up to him somewhat as he's the one doing the hard work (again after the pregnancy and breastfeeding year are over). However if you are adament you don't want one, regardless of how involved he will be, you shouldn't force yourself. i agree regarding the comment about IUD or some other semi permanent form of contraception (implant etc)- if nothing else it will delay an unpleasent issue with your husband to a time when you're not pregnant and it will also give you the opportunity to change your mind if something awful happens in the first year (SIDS etc). Good luc x

libra87 - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) If I were in in your situation I would have an iud inserted instead of a tubal ligation, that way you at least have the option of changing your mind later.

nat51905@hotmail.com - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Wow what a really really hard place to be in. I feel for you. We are on # 3 and had decided two was enough. I didn't get my tube tied during my last c section as I also have a now 7 year old from a previous relationship and my hubby was an only child. There's a big age gap so I asked him at the last minute if we could hold off on the procedure. He said he was sure he didn't want 3 but we waited. He came to me almost a year after and said he changed his mind. We both decided FOR SURE that 3 is plenty. I will have the procedure this c section. I love babies and love being pregnant but I just don't feel there's enough of us to go around with more I want my kids to have lots of my attention. While we could have one of stay at home permanently that comes with a whole other batch of issues mainly financial. If you really feel its too many try to broach the subject reminding him that having a 3rd was already a compromise and that perhaps asking for a 4th with NO guarantees that #4 will be a boy isn't a fair ask. What happens if #4 is a girl will there be a #5? Will he be disappointed in baby #4 if it's a girl again? Has he thought all of that through? Will you find yourself short with your kids if you agree to a 4th when you already agreed to a 3rd? Is it fair to the kids if mom just can't handle it? I have heard many people say God only gives us what we can handle but God also gave us free will to make decisions for our lives under his guidance. I don't envy these hard decisions you have go make and I wish the very best of luck to you.

ilovechaitea - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) He is your hubby, he is the head of the house. Maybe there is a good reason why you guys should have another one. But I say what does the Bible say on this matter. God will give you good guidance and He loves you more then I could ever say... I hope this works out, God bless you and your family

naomifaith - 359 days ago thanks ladies!! i think he wants a boy because 1) every guy wants a boy 2)our baby girl is the first one born into his family in the last 13 years so he was expecting a boy and 3)he is a 3rd and wants someone to carry his name. For me, this baby coming was a compromise and no matter when I talk about it I am not going to want another. I love my kids to death but I also don't want to be in my 40's picking kids up from kindergarten, I would prefer they are grown and moved out by then lol

2babiesforme - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) What if the next baby is a girl? Can he afford that many college educations geeez! 3 kids is plenty. He should be happy all are healthy. Drives me CRAZY when people get upset about genders ugh. Tell him no and that 3 is plenty.

lisamomof6tobe - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree now is not the time to even think about it being pregnant, but i will tell you that I have friends and know people that regret that decision later on to do something permanent.

Sweetbabylove - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) My partner and I were in the same boat not to long ago, I wanted one more but he did not. I came to the realization it wasn't worth fighting over so I agreed not to have more. For your relationship just keep talking about it, you don't want something like this tearing your family apart. After having this baby he might change his mind. But I know if I wasn't having my girl this time and it was another boy I definetly would have kept the force on the gender I wanted. Like him. He wants a boy so bad like I wanted a girl.

Jamie86 - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I agree with Bcalove, plus there is no guarentee that the next one would be a boy if you did decide to try once more.

adalynnsmommy(PINK) - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Wait till your daughter is born and everyone is settled in to the new baby then discuss it again. My husband and I disagree as well but it's me who wants one more. While I was pregnant I would have sworn never again but now it's all I can think about. You may change your mind and he may change his. If there is one person who could make him forget about having a son it will be his newest princess.

bcalove82 - 359 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I think now is not the time to decide for either one. I NEVER want more kids while experiencing pregnancy or dealing with a baby. Can you just reopen the topic when you are no longer dealing with pregnancy and he has some time to experience paying for those little girls ( who tend to get more and more expensive as time goes on! We spend 200 a month on gymnastics and dance for ONE girl!) I think it's nuts for him to even ask right now while you are still pregnant AND caring for a bwby simultaneously.