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Am I being insensitive?
Added: 299 days ago.
Added by: leopard print
Section: General.
Status: This question is Closed. (Questions will be closed after 10 days.)


*I know abortion is sensitive topic to talk about and everyone has different views and opinions but please no harsh comments or rude private messages. Thanks* Almost two week ago (on a friday) my friend told me that she`s pregnant. I recently had a miscarriage. When I had my miscarriage I was five weeks (according to my calculations and the doctor calculations). She told me that she thought was month along because she hasn`t had a period in two months. Yesterday she had her first OB and she`s six weeks pregnant- I would have been six weeks. We basically got pregnant at the same time, which was not planned! My pregnancy wasn`t planned (although I wanted a baby my bf and I had decided we would stop trying because of the medicine my Neurologist put me on). Well since she found out that she`s pregnant she`s been talking about getting an abortion. Today I told her that I`m the last person she should be talking to this about because I just loss my baby and that this is not a decision I can make for her! I wasn`t trying to come off as rude but I don`t want her to make a decision base off of something I tell her. Not to mention I just had a miscarriage I don`t want to talk about that stuff!! She`s stressed out so she`s been smoking which completely pisses me off!!! I hate the fact that she`s hurting her baby on purpose and there are so many people dying to get pregnant and would give anything to get pregnant and they would not put their child in harms way! I know she`s confused and stressed but she shouldn`t be doing that. I`m not sure what to say or what to do! I want to be her friend but I can`t support stuff like that! I also thin she`s stringing her boyfriend along because he went with her to her OB appt and she had an u/s. He saw the baby etc. He`s under the impression that she`s keeping the baby but I don`t she is. She`s hasn`t told her parents yet, which is HUGE because she tell her parents everything! I don`t want to seem judgmental or harsh but I`m so emotionally distraught and sad I don`t know what to say to her. I feel bad because I am her best friend and according to her she hasn`t told anyone about the pregnancy but me and her boyfriend. I haven`t heard from her today since I told her text her that. She had to go because she was arriving to work. She said she loves me and I told her love to her and that I`m not judging her and that I don`t think less of her (because I don`t) I`m just trying to look out for her and her baby! She has a 7month old baby. I`m not sure why she wasn`t on birth control. It is not my place to judge her or worry about her sex life. She`s pregnant so my concerns are the baby`s health and coming to me for advice about an abortion. I would hate for her to regert her decision (no matter what she decides)later on and blame me for it. I don`t think she will do it but you never know. Any advice ladies? Sorry for the long thing? Also if she keeps the baby I don`t know how I`ll handle going through the pregnancy with her knowing that my baby would have been born around the same time as her baby. I just loss a baby last year even though it was under completely different circumstances I feel like once again everyone is pregnant!

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MichelleMc(pink!) - 296 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) If you'd love a baby but have to be on medication, and she isn't feeling like she can raise one... could you offer to adopt her baby? That probably sounds like a huge deal (and it is), but maybe something to seriously consider, and it might save that baby's life.

Mommylh - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am 30 weeks pregnant, my best friend just about a month ago ended up having a miscarriage for the second time. She has wanted kids for a long time and has struggled with it. She was over the moon excited for the being pregnant together, kids being friends and what not. When so came to me telling me she had miscarried, I simply told her I was very sorry for her loss, that maybe I am not the best person at this time to help her through this (being pregnant myself), but will always be here if she did need me. Best Friends or not sometimes people aren't in the position to be helpful or supportive based on situations or events the have or are occurring. This was the best way for us, and we continue to be best friends now.

leopard print - 299 days ago Thanks ladies. Sometimes I feel like I'm too nice. I talked to my bf about it and he said no she was completely wrong for bringing it up and it upset him that she would talk to me about this. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being rude. My emotions are everywhere and my hormones are all over the place. I'm mad at her for what she's doing (putting her baby in harms way) but no matter what I say she will not listen. I was just trying to look out for her because a couple days before she found out she was pregnant she was talking to me about how she doesn't want to be with her bf how she feels like she's settling etc and now she's pregnant. She feels stuck. I'm sure she can figure everything out on her own. We had talked about adoption but she told me that she wants to "get rid of it and pretend like it never happened". I'm sure she can figure it out on her own!! I might just have to step away from our friendship for awhile. I have a lot of other things going on as well. My life is really busy and I need to focus on healing.

leopard print - 299 days ago Kristy Rose- I'm not trying to talk her into an abortion or out of one! I told her that no matter what she decides to do (abortion, adoption, or parent) that is a decision she has to make on HER OWN because she's the one who has to live with the decision. I'm sorry but if she's adult enough to have sex and not use any form of birth control and let her bf c*m in her on purpose NOT keep track of her periods and then later wonder how she got pregnant she better be adult and responsible enough to deal with what comes along with unprotected sex. She's coming to me for locations for abortion clinics, information, etc. I don't know that stuff. She lives 40 mins away from me, on the other side of town. So when she's calling me for abortion info I'm telling her I can't help you because I DO NOT know! Look it up on Google! Call Plan parenthood! Do NOT put it off too long because that's just CRUEL to get an abortion anyways but even worst if you're going to do it when you're like over 10weeks (that's my personal opinion!) She has two children; her youngest is 7 months old. Don't say "pregnancy isn't for everyone" well that might be the case. If someone feels like "pregnancy isnt for them" then they need to do everything in their power to PREVENT pregnancy!! Have a good day Kristy! :)

allynne7 (Jaime) - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) No, you are not being insensitive! She should not have even mentioned that to you if she knew at the time that she may not keep the child. That was just plain rude on her part and completely insensitive towards your feelings. She's not being a very good friend, IMO.

Arborlon - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I also am pro-choice but am pretty against abortion. everyone has the right to choose whether i like that choice or not. As someone who has lost 2 babies I had a really hard time when my best friend told me she was pregnant and having an abortion. I cried so bad for that child. I had to tell her that even though she needed me through the rough times I could not talk about it or support her decision. It completely changed my opinon of her and our relationship has never been the same. How can I talk about my recent loss with her when she made a deliberate choice to kill hers? You're in a hard position and you might have to avoid your friend for awhile until you are emotionally able to cope. Worst case you might end up ending your friendship because of the feelings you have towards her pregnancy. Good luck and hopefully the future will be kinder to you.

bcalove82 - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am totally prochoice, but anyone with a thread of common sense would not discuss their choice to abort with someone who was still struggling over a miscarriage. That is thoughtless and insensitive. You have every right to say " You know I love you and always will, but I cannot handle this right now." You have every right to share that. I have had to make that choice, chain smoking and all (and that good decision in the end just came out to show me her bubble beard while I am typing this!) And that chain smoking helped me keep sane enough to make my best decision ever, so she might still keep the baby, just trying to gather the strength she needs before sacraficing, etc. I may have been not thinking clearly, blamed my kid for what was really withdrawals and aborted otherwise so even though it was a temporarily evil thing to do I grew up just as soon as I decided I was a strong enough woman to handle it. I guess what I am saying is don't fret too much just yet.

Bri - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I'm so sorry honey for your loss. I have been blessed with three wonderful healthy boys and never experienced it but several close friends have. Even a year later it's hard for some to see pregnant women. A friend of mine was a month ahead of me this last time. She lost her baby, I didn't. She loves my son but it still hurts knowing she would have had a child a month older. Your friend is being inconsiderate of your loss. I agree with the others. Just tell her that you understand her choice but you don't want to talk about it right now. That your loss is too new. But as a friend I would also let her know that she should talk to her boyfriend about it. It's his baby too. They should make the decision together. No one else should have a say, just them. Again I'm sorry for your loss.

marie01234 - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) I am against abortion. I believe you should state how you feel and leave her to make her choices and dont judge her. You have to be true to yourself.

mrsfreeman - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Kristy Rose, get off the feed.Your comments are not helpful We all get "abortion is her choice" blah blah blah. It's a shame so many people think about the woman's choice, and not the poor baby that didn't ask for any of it. UGH don't get me started. Anyway, bless your heart Leopard print, that must be tough. People who are selfish enough who will have sex (which, newsflash, makes babies) and then think of killing the baby, or who will smoke and harm their unborn child are probably not going to listen to reason, or even understand sensitivities to it. I'm sorry you're going through that, I know you love your friend. I agree with Eloise, just try to not get too involved with the pregnancy, because it will only hurt you more when she's being careless. :(

Harrycat - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Hey, your friend is being insensitive not you. Tell her straight out that whilst you respect she's an adult and if she wants an abortion you won't like her any less, you feel too upset about your own very recent loss to talk about it right now. You don't have to be her "person" throughout all this whilst you're still actively grieving.....if she's as close a friend as you say, she'll understand x

kamy107 - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) Do you think she would consider adoption? Lots of families who cannot have babies would give anything for a baby to love and raise. It might be something you could suggest. I know it's difficult for both of you, but, at the end of the day, it's her decision and all you can do is be supportive. Best of luck to both of you.

Kristy Rose - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) like I said Abortion is HER choice - no one can tell her not to have one because someone else is sensative about it !!! I am sorry for your loss, but pregnancy isn't for everyone & if your friend wants an aborton, then please support her choices.

Eloiseandharrys-mummy! - 299 days ago Rating: 0 (0 votes) kristy rose i think you'll find she's full aware of that. Its just trying to ask how she should deal with it all as leopard print has just gone through a loss and her friend is telling her she might abort. Regardless of weather or not its her friends choice its also incredibley insensitive to leopard that your friend even brought it up with you. Especially as you were trying. I would just try to keep any conversations about pregnancy to a minimum and i think youve done right to just explain to her that you cant talk about the abortion because you've just lost a baby. As for the smoking, i think you have to leave that up to her thousands still do whilst pregnant and have health babies and millions still eat the things they say not to and have healthy babies.

leopard print - 299 days ago I've known her for YEARS! I love her to death! If anyone has ever seen the movie Bride Wars- that is totally us and when she told me she was pregnant and when we find out how far along she was it totally reminded me of the end of the movie Bride Wars when they found out that they were due at the same time!! I love her I just hate that she's making poor choices. I also think that if she's going to get the abortion she needs to get it before too long and I don't think she understands that. I don't think she understands the severity of an abortion. This is something that can't be taken lightly. She's smoking cigs not doing drugs.