Behaviors

How can I handle my child's innapropriate behavior?

Behaviors
All children will misbehave at some point or another. Children misbehave for a variety of reasons. Some kids misbehave when they are sick, tired, hungry or mad. Others misbehave because they need attention and feel that they will get acknowledged if they misbehave. As a parent, it is our responsibility to teach our children right from wrong and show them what is acceptable and not acceptable. Unfortunately, children do not wait to misbehave until the time is right. Most temper tantrums and other forms of misbehaving are done in public. How you react to your child is critical. It is important to set realistic rules and follow through with them to minimize the amount of time your child misbehaves. Be firm and consistent. You can not allow your child to hit today, but not tomorrow. Sometimes, it is best to ignore a behavior when a child is misbehaving as long as nobody is getting hurt.

Whining
As long as your child's needs have been met and there truly is no reason for them to be whining, it is usually best to ignore the whining. Often times, children whine because they think it will get them what they want. You might also choose to ask your child to stop whining because it does not sound nice. For example, `I understand you want another cookie, but you need to eat lunch soon. Please stop whining because it does not sound nice.`

Biting
Biting is a behavior that can begin early in life. Babies often bite down on other people because their teeth hurt when they are coming in. Of course, babies do not mean to hurt you when they bite, but they should still learn that when they bite it hurts. Toddlers often bite others because they can not find the words to express their feelings and use biting to communicate their anger. If your child is biting, pull them aside and explain to them that when they bite it hurts. Show them the bite mark and immediately make them apologize to the victim. Parents and caregivers should never bite their children back.

Hitting, Kicking, Pinching

Hitting, pinching and kicking are usually done during the preschool years. Most preschool aged children will hit, kick or pinch their friends or parents when something is not going their way. Once again, your child needs to know that these behaviors hurt and are not acceptable. Often times, parents spank their children when they hit, kick and pinch others. There are conflicting views on this because hitting your child does not teach them not to hit. Time out and privilege loss can be a better method of discipline for a child that is hurting others. You can tell your child, `When you hit Suzie, it hurt her. Do you see her crying? Please go tell her that you are sorry and give her a hug so that she feels better.`

Not Listening

Many parents have a hard time getting their children to listen and follow directions. Teaching your children to listen can begin in the early months of life. By establishing a routine, you are teaching your child that there are rules to follow. Make it easy for your child to listen to you by providing clear rules and consequences when the rules are not followed. Get down on your child's level and speak with them rather than at them. Ask your child if he understands what you have said.

Spitting

Some children will begin spitting when they realize that other methods of `defense` are no longer working. Nobody likes to be spit on and usually the vicitim will give into the child that is spitting to get them to stop. The best method is to talk with your child and explain that spitting is innapropriate and gross.

Screaming

Screaming and yelling are powerful. Often times, children will raise their voices at other children or even adults because they think it makes them more powerful. Usually when a child does not get their way they will scream or yell. Often times, you will hear your child scream, `NO!`. Do not yell back at your child-this just makes your child get louder. If your child is bothering others with their screaming, pull them aside or take them away from the `audience`. Explain to your child that screaming is not acceptable and nobody can understand them when they yell. Try to talk calmly to your child, even when you are frustrated, so that they do not learn to raise their voices out of anger.

Tantrums

Children will throw temper tantrums when they are not getting their way. Usually a child will throw themselves on the ground, scream, cry or flail their arms and legs. As long as your child is not hurting themself or anyone else, it is best to ignore the behavior and walk away from your child (if you safely can do so). Let your child know that a tantrum is not the way they receive wanted items and do not entertain the tantrum. The worst thing you can do is to give into the tantrum so that your child stops. They will soon realize that they can act innapropriately to get what they want if you give in.

Comments: Behaviors

Comments 1 to 16 of about 16.
1

*Precious.Moments* - 657 days ago.
Hey girls... Havent been on in forever but have a ? for everyone.. My 3 1/2 year old daughter has started hitting lately.. Started about a month ago.. Shes just gotten nasty and i cant explain why.. Out of the blue she will just walk up and hit.. Shes in preschool and i cant have her hitting the other children.. Anyone going thru somethin similar?.. Any suggestions?.. We are doing the time out thing but it doesnt seem to faze her anymore.. Id love some feedback! =)

EmmaJD - 1004 days ago.
Kimh - Dont worry, i went through same. It was tough and all i wanted was 5 minutes. I think its some sort of seperatioon anixiety. My son was fine with others when i left but when i got home, even if i went to the bathroom he would cry. It may be a case of using some reassurance tactics or something. He will cry for you because by sounds of it he is scared your going to leave him again. Kids do eventually learn. Mine is 20 month and still crys when i leave house and always checks where i am. I tried to help the situation by taking him to ballpools and mother and toddler groups. aEventually he started moving away from me but could still see me in sight so he knew i was there. hope this helps xxx

kimh - 1169 days ago.
I have a 13 month old who just crys and crys all day long with me. It does not matter what I do or try to do fro him he still crys. I was working a couple days a week in the evenings for only about 5 hours at a time after my hubby got home from work and when I am not home with him he did not cry at all. The moment he sees me he starts to whine and crawl towards me! Almost like he never sees me or I dont pay enough attention to him. I dont know what to do, I am at my wits end. Does anyone have any advice or ever experienced this before? I also have a 3 year old but he was never like this.

two2love - 1391 days ago.
in my opinion smacking or spanking, popping whatever u call it is just gonna make her think violence is ok. im sure that there are other ways to deal with it, rewards charts time out ignoring her and making a fuss of ds perhaps?

ADCoursey - 1427 days ago.
bek 30 - i recommend you ALSO speak with a therapist. it really sounds like you could use some practical advise with dealing with your little 'angel.' in my experience, i have NEVER met a child that was out of control that didn't have parents that were in a poor position to enforce discipline. every parent is different, certainly, but the same methods will not work with every child, even when they are your own. i urge you to consider a parenting class.

cosmomama - 1466 days ago.
I have a question for you other mommies. My son is 9 months old and he has this wierd habit of taking his balls and blocks and sort of 'hiding' , or stashing, them in corners and under a pile of stuffed animals in another corner. About once a day, I go into his play room and clean it up, but by the end of the day, there is always this 1 white bunny in the corner that has a pile of blocks under it. And usually there is a stash of balls (Fisher-Price Roll-a-Rounds) neatly piled into the other corner. He likes these toys and will eventually retreive them, but it seems like a wierd habit and his Dr. said to just keep an eye on it and it should be ok as long as he doesnt go overboard. He also takes his Roll-a-Rounds and purposely stashes them up on a table that he likes to pull up on. It's cute, but also wierd! LOL My DH's mom has some form of OCD and I'm wondering if this is a normal baby habit, or if my son has some wierd form of OCD. He is very active, happy, healthy and just plays and plays for hours, so their is nothing wrong with him physically. And he is very smart and has been ahead of the game with talking, sitting, crawling...he just took his 1st step 2 days ago, so he's a bright kiddo and hasn't had any alarming issues. Please let me know if your babies did this or if you know why he does this! Not really too concerned, more curious than anything! THANKS!

Bri - 1552 days ago.
I have to aree. I know you Bek and I know you are doing what you can do. Spanking, biting and hitting aren't the route you need to take. Redirection isn't the route either. I was a terror when I was little too. My sisters wished my parents had taken me someone. Talk to the councelor and see what s/he has to say. They might have some good ideas on how to solve the problem. The only thing I can think of is a type of time out when she acts up. I don't know how much this will work....

RobinG - 1552 days ago.
Big hugs Bek (((()))) Please dont take this the wrong way as that is not my intentions but I too agree it is a good idea for her to see someone. I wouldnt spank or hit her becuase she will learn that physical contact in hurting is acceptable so I totally disagree with spanking her ~ I believe in spanking but not til you rule out all other things and only as a last resort in dangerous situations. She will continue to hit which is not what you want but she will learn it is ok because you did it to her. Many kids lash out or are hard for various reasons and even if you can handle it you shouldnt have to live that way. A doc can really examine the situation to see what is really going on and perhaps find ways to help her and you ~ to make these tantrums less often and easier to manage and help all (()) I know how hard it is when more docs are suggested to help out ~ Although it is very different for Hunter it was still me having to take him for more testing and possibly learning something is wrong but I am so glad I did. The docs will help to see if there is an underlying concern and if so how to help her and if not how to help her to know what behavior is acceptaqble and not. What parts of the tantrum are to be ignored while other parts need attention to so she knows it isnt acceptable. Ignoring is effective in some ways but others it teachers her it is ok since she was ignored and allowed to do it. And also coping mechanisms for all of you in guiding her along. I have a niece who is like that and as a child she was very difficult and sadly it got worse as she got older and now sis wishes she had taken her long before for behavior assistance. Hunter had tantrums at times and we know it is from his issues with communication and motor planning. He wants to do something but his brain isnt communicating it right so he has a melt down. One would easily just say it was a tantrum when it in fact is motor planing concerns and we need to help him find ways to communicate or get through the confusion. Do you have developmental peds there? Or Early intervention? Those would be my suggestion versus a councelor. Hunter is also seeing a neurologist too ~ I'm not saying your LO has the same concerns as Hunter just saying that kids babies can have tantrums and it isnt always for the obvious reasons and oftne intervention is needed or it will never get better and I've learned it first hand sadly ((())) big hugs ~

babynguyen2 - 1552 days ago.
Bek 30 - I have see what your going through before in different ages at a daycare when I worked there. Some children just need a good spanking, not saying that your child does, but some do! I know you said that you have only popped her on her hand, but maybe a pop on the butt ( not a spanking, but a firm pop) and in extreme cases a flick on her mouth when she bites or allow your son to gently bite her back, nothing to really hurt her but enough to get her to understand the pain she inflicting on her brother. My mother had to that to my cousin when she was under the age of 2 cause she was a real biter the way your daughter is being. I know it sounds like Im a mean person, but I was raised with spanking, and was spanked up til in high school, and I will raise my child the same way, not saying you have too. I hope you find something that works for you and good luck!

Bek 30 - 1552 days ago.
Help! I have the daughter of satan. She headbutts, pulls hair, pinches, bites, hits and any other hurtful thing u can think of...damn today my 9 yr old son was doing his homework, so my angel walks in, bites him on the shoulder so hard, she takes skin with her, 2 days ago, she got 2 metal balls threw them at his head and as he went down she kicked him the face, then laughed. Today she had a checkup, and she chucked a tantrum, the nurse was like 'whoa' do something, calm her down, I replied that what she was doing is mild and if u ignore her long enough, she will stop... they r like well i'd hate to see what excessive is. Now they want us all to go see a councillor. WTF, what for. Mum and dad said she is me all over and that I was 10x worse. Also besides the hair pulling to be nasty..everytime she goes down for a nap, she will only do it if she can hold my hair for a comfort thing, but she ends up pulling it and hurting, if I move away, she screams and has a hissy fit... I have tried swapping it for blankets, toys, even dolls with hair...but nope. I really need suggestions, she thinks it is funny to inflict pain, time out don't work, telling her no dosen't work, she hides her eyes with her hands and thinks we can't see her, or she puts her fingers in her ears and yells at us. Their is no violence in my house, gee my son has never been smacked ( he is a real angel), although a few times I have smacked her on the hand to stop her hurting her brother... but she just laughs...arghhh, did I mention she is 16 mths, and this has been going on for 5 mths....not to mention the tantrums, over everything and anything, but some of ure children r probably like that also, so I won't get into it now.

MAG04 - 1585 days ago.
MY 3 YEAR OLD HAS DECDED THAT THROWING FITS AND ACTING LIKE A KNUCKLEHEAD IS A GOOD THING TO DO... THE WORST PART IS THAT HE CAN THROW UP ON COMMAND... AND ITS JUST GROSS...HE FINALY SAW HIS BIOLOGICAL MOM AND HAS BEEN TRIPPIN EVER SINCE... BITING HIS SISTER AND THE BIO-MOM THROWING HIMSELF ON THE FLOOR ETC...I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO HE IS LITTLE AND JUST DOESNT UNDERSTAND THAT HE CANT LIVE WITH HER AND THAT SHE WILL NEVER BE A BIG PART OF HIS LIFE POOR LITTLE GUY IT BREAKS MY HEART... ANYONE ELSE RAISING STEP CHILDREN??

Bri - 1587 days ago.
We moved to the floor around 6 months because of the fits during diaper changes. Kekoa just doesn't sit still for them. Now that we are on the floor I have more room to spread out. We give him things he normally isn't supposed to play with, like my cell phone. He is so excited to play with it that I can finish up before he realizes what's happened. Of course there are times when nothing will do. Then we just have to pin his little hips down with one hand and rush with the other. Not so easy any more but you do what you gotta do.

*Precious.Moments* - 1587 days ago.
my daughter also throws fits when we change her.. and we try everything we can think of to calm her down so its easier to change her.. we also let her play with the desitin or her slippers or a butt-wipe.. ive also noticed that blowing raspberries on her belly when were changing her helps.. also giving her kisses all over her face and neck takes her mind off us wiping her tush =)

boady - 1587 days ago.
Robin, thanks. I have tried some of what you said but one that I haven't is the paper on the wall, I think I will give that a try.

RobinG - 1587 days ago.
Try giving him a special unique toy that is only on the changing table or changing location. I always give Hunter the butt paste or powder or a comb or a crayon to color on paper taped on wall near his hands with or cell phone etc etc something to keep him busy :) Hunter only tries to roll or move if I dont change him in the table so I always use my changing table and it works perfect ~ but I know it doesnt for all babies.

boady - 1587 days ago.
my little boy is 13months old and for some reason he's started giving us a hard time when changing his diaper. Does anyone have a trick they use when changing a diaper. It's not so bad when we have to change just a wet diaper it's those dirty ones that are a little more difficult. He flips himself around and we have a hold of one leg and he's somewhat upside down as we are trying to clean his little bum... I know that sound's funny but he just won't stay still for us to clean him and it becomes a struggle. So if anyone can tell us something to change this behavior would be greatly appreciated. BTW we've tried to give him things to keep him preoccupied but that isn't working anymore.

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