Military Families

How can I involve my partner while he is away?

Comments: Military Families

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lisa-82 - 1107 days ago.
4thonitsway-THAT IS SO GOOD!!! i dont have a husband thats in the military but my baby bro (20yrs old) has been in the army and overseas since he was 19 and has been in iraq/afganistan since thanksgiving 2008. we haven't seen him in 15mths and he's finally coming home end of feb and gets to meet his nephew for the first time AND be here for his nephews first bday!!!! we're all so excited!!! and i appreciate every single military man/woman!!!! they do so much for us! and its hard just being a sister of a military person!!! hugs to all you strong wives!!!!

babynguyen2 - 1107 days ago.
Has anyone's husband joined the military after the two of you have started a family? My husband said if the company he works for closes, he said he would join the military! He said with everyone laying ppl off he wouldn't be able to get another job. How do you ladies deal with the loneliness when your husband is gone?

babyofdeployment08 - 1107 days ago.
No, not all military guys cheat. Generally if a guy is pathetic enough to cheat on his wife then he would cheat whether he was military or civilian. It has more to do with a guys character than his job. I totally agree with things not to say to a military wife. I also hate when my stateside friends want to complain about their husbands not doing this or that, at least they get to sleep next to their hubby every nite and not be terrified of missing a call from him.

4thonitsway - 1109 days ago.
things NOT to say to a military spouse!!!! 1. 'Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?' (This one ranks in at number one on the 'duh' list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.) 2. 'I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it.' (This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.) 3. 'At least he's not in Iraq.' (This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? 4. 'Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?' (Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.) 5. 'What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?' (Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.) 6. 'How much longer does he have until he can get out?' (This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they 'can' get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.) 7. 'This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it.' (We do learn coping skills. We figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets 'easy' and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.) 8. 'My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through.' (This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 6-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, and he flew comfortably on a commercial plane. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Hyundai Excel with a Mercedes convertible.) 9. 'Wow you must miss him?' (This one also gets antoher big 'duh'. Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.) 10. 'Where is he exactly? Where is that?' (I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.) 11. 'Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there. (Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that 'You're welcome.' He's still fighting for your freedom.) 12. 'Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!' (hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.) 13. 'Well in my opinion…..' (Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.) Last, but not least…. 14. 'OH, that's horrible…I'm so sorry!' (He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our MARINES/soldiers/airmen/coasties/sailors fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.) If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom

Lia20 - 1110 days ago.
GOODMORNING LADIES THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS I JUST WROTE A BLOG AND NEED SOME ADVICE AND I AM SORRY FOR THE MILITARY MEN COMMENT CUZ NO NOT ALL MILITARY MEN ARE LIARS. I WAS JUST HURT WHEN I WROTE IT.

Joshs wife - 1111 days ago.
Ok how do we know they dont cheat???HMMM its called trust ya know.you have to have a super strong marriage and love to survive a deployment.If your marriage is REAL its not based on SEX.We have more important things to love like having him home,watchign the kids grow,seeing their faces.DO we miss sex of course but if thats all your marriage is based on then YES you should worry.Not all Military men are bad.Are there some that are yes but its because they dont have a strong marriage.Your marriage has to be solid before the deployment or likely ya wont make it.I live in a military town &alot of the skanky army wives are out at the club gertting drunk everynight messing around on their husbands because they are 'lonely' & i know it happens ALOT.it goes both ways.Its all about your own marriage.

ermsmom - 1111 days ago.
It's not just the men who cheat. I've heard a lot about their wives/girlfriends cheating on them. In fact my husband's ex cheated on him a lot while he was away in the Navy. I think a lot of it has to do with them being young when they got married and not knowing each other that well. That combined with long stretches apart made it a very bad situation. I don't believe my husband has ever or will ever cheat on me nor would I ever dream of cheating on him. You just need to have an honest enough relationship and respect for each other. And please, don't just freak out and start suspecting that your husband is cheating on you or is even thinking about cheating on you just because he's deployed. That always leads to bad things. Good luck to you Lia, it sounds like you're better off without him.

happyforest - 1111 days ago.
when men are away for so long they dont get the sex or companionship of a woman that they are so used to, so of course i can see why a lot of men in the military cheat. it is TERRIBLE, and im sure not ALL of them do...but i see why people worry so much when their men go away. i would worry to!! and people who say theirs never has, well how do you KNOW? and i also think it is so unfair for the women to be home taking care of and raising the family, worrying about and missing their husbands, while they are overseas cheating and then calling home to say how much they miss and love you.

sailorsbabybump - 1111 days ago.
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. But not all military men cheat. My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years and he has never once cheated on me. He is an amazing husband and an amazing husband to our twins. Men are men no matter what their job is. A man who works in an office is just as likely to cheat as a guy who is in the military.

july03baby - 1111 days ago.
OMG... about what Lia posted... My husband takes the ASVAB Wednesday, physical Thursday, and finds out when he leaves that day. Do army men really cheat? I don't want to lose my husband! That is honestly my biggest fear. We have a 7 month old daughter and would like to have another in the middle of his enlistment. Can anyone prove otherwise on the cheating thing? My heart really can't take that.

4thonitsway - 1116 days ago.
The Lord was creating a model for Military wives and was into His sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. The angel said, 'Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one, what's wrong with the standard model? The Lord replied, 'Have you seen the specs on this order? This isn't a regular woman I have been tasked to make. This order is for a Military wife. She is going to have to be some kind of phenomenal creation.' 'She has to be completely independent... possess the qualities of both father and mother... be a perfect hostess to four or forty four at a moments notice. Run on black coffee... handle every emergency imaginable without a manual. Be able to carry on cheerfully whether pregnant or down with the flu... and be willing to move to a new location ten times in a twenty year career... and, she must have six pair of hands.' The angel shook her head and exclaimed 'Six pair of hands? Impossible.' The Lord continued, by saying, 'Don't worry! I will give her an unusually large heart... that can swell with pride brought through her husband's achievements, capable of saying 'I understand' when it really doesn't, and 'I love you' in the bleakest of circumstances. It has to be an unusually strong heart also, to sustain the pain of separations and to beat soundly when it is overworked and tired.' 'Lord,' said the angel, touching His arm gently, 'Go to bed and get some rest, you can finish this project another day.' 'I can't stop now,' said the Lord. 'I am so close to the finished product. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can play gracious hostess to as many as six unexpected weekend guests, and wave good-bye to her husband from the pier, airport or depot, without totally understanding why it is that he must go.' The angel circled the model of the Military Wife, looked at her closely and sighed, 'It looks fine, but it's too soft.' 'She might look soft,' replied the Lord, 'but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure.' Finally the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord's creation and announced 'There's a leak. Something is wrong with this model. It is not surprising that it has cracked. You are trying to put too much into this.' The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence. 'What you see is not a leak... it's called a tear.' 'A tear? What is it there for?' asked the angel. The Lord replied, 'It's for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear.' 'You are a genius!' exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied, 'I didn't put that tear there.'

shesAWKWARD - 1118 days ago.
So i am obviously an Army wife :) but i have decided to see a civilian doctor that my mom works for!! Yayy!! i needed special treatment cause i am link a high risk pregnancy.. not anymore cause i got the correct care needed :) And my husband maybe sent away BACK to AIT for training since he changed his MOS. I am nervous to be alone cause i can still have issues with my pregnancy. I LOVE to network so anyone who would like to takl to me i would love it!!

Joshs wife - 1119 days ago.
hey Im from week 7.We got ourselves an r&r baby and wondering if anyone else is preggo during a deployment.We are from Ft hood tx and this is my hubbys 3rd tour.Its really hard now because they put me on bedrest and we have a 12 month old.We got preggo on r7r in december so im only at the beginning too and already on bedrest.For my 12 month old i was on bedrest 16 weeks til 39 weeks along.But int he end its so worth it

armymom - 1119 days ago.
active reserve is the same as being active duty except they only do 12 month tours rather than a whole 3-5 year enlistment.

delarla - 1120 days ago.
ashleylarry- I use to be Army Reserve and to my understanding, atleast for my unit, Active reserve people would report to work like a 9-5 job. They were either admin or supply or something of that sort. Our admin Sgt didnt deploy with the unit that last few times and I doubt he would really be away a lot except for the one weekend a month two weeks a year. But then again this will all depend on his job, unit, branch ect.

ashleylarry - 1122 days ago.
Help! My husband was in the Navy for 5 years. Now that we are out and expecting our first child, we are pondering where all the money is going to come from, so he's been suggesting he go Active Reserve. I know nothing about Active Reserve, do any of you? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I just don't want him to be gone all the time. Any info would be greatly appreciated! 4thonitsway- the last place we were stationed was in Jacksonville at Mayport. My husband was on the USS Gettysburg. It took a while for me to get to know people because we lived off base. But the plus side to that is the fact that you've got the beach right there and there is SO much to do in Jacksonville. Before that, we were stationed in Maryland at C.D. and before that, he was in A school in San Antonio.

delarla - 1123 days ago.
Dazieoo- I moved from Quantico, VA to Camp Pendleton, CA when i was 7 months pregnant. It really wasn't so bad. Ya i yelled at my husband a lot, but then again who wouldnt when you follow someone for 3000 miles. Also, there were many bathroom breaks, but as long as you dont stress and give yourself enough time to get from point A to B you should be fine. It couldnt hurt to map out a few hospitals on the way just in case! And if you're DH is driving you could always just take some Tylenol PM or Unisom and sleep through most of it( if your doc says thats ok)

lisa-82 - 1123 days ago.
I just wanna say that my youngest brother (20yrs old)-who is in the army-is FINALLY coming home after being over seas for over a year and gets to be here for his nephews FIRST BIRTHDAY AND MEET HIS NEPHEW FOR THE FIRST TIME-in march!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

smurfwxmama - 1124 days ago.
dazieoo~ I would try to be prepared that they might not change your dates, would completely suck and totally unfair but I know in the Air Force fair is not in their vocabulary more often than not! So I can just imagine how the Army would be but good luck and hope they do change your dates for you! Oh and as for when to move....I would say that if your comfortable with your doctor and what not where your at then you should stay there for the birth so you don't end up with something really horrible ya know....

krista09 - 1124 days ago.
dazieoo~ My hubby has orders to move when I am 31 weeks pregnant, and has to report in when I am 35 weeks pregnant. I'm nervous to see how all of this works out. Im also curious to how quickily I will be able to get in to see a doctor. I personally would rather move before my baby is born, so I don't have to worry about traveling etc. with a newborn.

ermsmom - 1124 days ago.
dazieoo - We moved when my daughter was only 2 1/2 months old. Since the military moves all of your stuff it wasn't too bad and I didn't have to worry about changing practitioners or going into labor during the middle of the move.

dazieoo - 1124 days ago.
I got a question... anyone have to move while pregnant? I am in the army and pregnant with my first. My husband is also in the army. I came up on orders to FT Riley with a report date of 20 August. My due date is 27 July. I will still be on maternity leave... so I HAVE to get the date changed.... but would it be better to get it pushed up and move when I'm 6-7 months preggo... or pushed back and move with a 2-4 month old newborn? Man, What bad timing!!!!

dazieoo - 1124 days ago.
darling shell- this new leave policy took effect October 15, 2008

4thonitsway - 1129 days ago.
is anyone is jacksonville,fl??????????????? Ive been here since Oct and know absolutely no one, Im going crazy!!!!!!

j3ss3mmo - 1130 days ago.
Anyone stationed at Eielson or given birth at Bassett?