Mothers in lawWhat is your relationship like with your mother-in-law?
Everyone knows the jokes about Mother-in-laws. There are hundreds of them. But what is it about mother-in-laws that makes people want to tell jokes about them, laugh at them and in extreme cases, strangle them.
What you have to remember is that almost everyone in the world has a mother-in-law. That includes your own mother-in-law!
The most important thing in any mothers life is their children. From giving birth to nursing them throught childhood illnesses, taking them to and from school, paying for their college education, buying their first car..............the list is endless and all of these things are done to ensure their child is happy, safe and ready to face the world.
Then you come along. Whether you are a brain surgeon, the first female astronaut on the moon, a billionaire, a waitress.....to your mother-in-law you are a stranger. She doesnt know anything about you so asking her to hand over the care and responsibility of her child to you is not something she will want to do immediately and without a second thought.
What about you? Well we all have mothers and whether or not our relationships with them are always perfect we all know deep in our hearts that the ones who make the most fuss, complain the most, try to change our minds are generally doing what they think is in our best interests.
It is important that you see your partners mother in the same light as you see your own. She is not just an interfering old busy body who wants to put her nose in your business. In most cases she is trying to offer you the knowledge and experience she has had at raising children in the hope it will help you.
So what can be done to make both sides feel more comfortable? Why not make a list of little things your mother-in-law can do to help and make her feel useful. This way you get to control exactly how much say she has and what she can be responsible for. This will also make her feel useful and not like she is being pushed away, which is not a nice feeling for anyone.
Try not to criticise everything she does but appreciate why she has done it and explain the way you would prefer it to be done in future. Let her know you understand she is trying to help but make sure she knows where the line between help and interference is drawn.
Above all try to ensure that they feel they are welcome, after all without them you wouldn't have your partner. All the little things that attracted you to your partner, their likes and dislikes, the nice, strange, wonderful things about them, have been nourished over the years before you met them, by their mother. Comments: Mothers in law
Comments 1 to 24 of about 648.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Nextlisey-n-brees-mommy
115 days ago.
I haven't been around my mil since we found out I'm preggers. I lost a baby last febuary and almost died..first words out of her mouth when she came to visit. 'Did you tie your tubes.' Not cuz of my health either she really doesn't care. We didn't plan on telling her about the baby I lost at 14wks....but I almost died and so we told them.this pregnancy I told hubby to tell her while I'm not around.... 2babiesforme
388 days ago.
My MIL sucks - very simply put! She is a nasty human being. She is with a married man but wants to judge me lol! She never comes and visits and she only sends expensive gifts in the mail. She was a terrible mother to my husband and she is an even worse Grandmother. She and I have hated each other from day 1. Thankfully she is 300 miles away so we rarely have to deal with her. Part that makes me sad is for my husband because I know he wishes it was different. All in all if I could get the worst MIL ever, I DID! Blah! kirbyann
415 days ago.
brownbear - NO you are not wrong. I strongly believe that if a child is uncomfortable with someone, then they absolutely should not have to remain with them. All it does is make them feel insecure and then afraid. Your daughter has every right to not be held by someone who frightens her. Would YOU like it if you met someone and and they kept holding you? You would feel totally uncomfortable - the same goes for your daughter. You are right that she has to respect your decision and bottom line YOU are in control and be sure to let her know it. You could suggest that you all meet in a general location ie. the park where 'grandma' can push and interact with baby on the swing, enjoy watching her crawl around etc. But let her know before hand that you WANT your daughter to like her and her trying to coerce a liking won't work and you won't stand for her to treat your daughter or you that way. I've had to do this with many people in my family and hubby's. In the long run they have come to grips with it and even have shown respect to me for standing up to them about it. A strong parent will raise strong children! You can do it!! brownbear33
422 days ago.
hello ladies. i don't have a mother in law per say, but my boyfriend's mother doesn't respect how i want to raise our daughter. my bf and i live in separate states and i just visited him for the 1st time in 14 months and our daughter is now 7 months. we have had some issues which was why we were lived apart. our situation is a bit complex. but none the less we are both committed to each other and our daughter. this is his first but my 3rd child. i told him that he needed to let everyoen know not to be offended if our daughter is afraid of everyone. she is 7 months and is meeting everyone for the 1st time. when we went to see his family, she of course cried for me and didnt want anyone to hold her but me and her father. but his mom refused to hand her back even as she was screaming at the top of her lungs. i of course was extremely frustrated because as i went to console her she would fight me off and say 'no no she needs to get use to it shes fine!!' but i told her i dont like her this upset and for her to hand her back and that she was just scared. but she refused to give her back but when she decided to she handed her only to my bf never to me. she then did it again another day in front of other people and no one stepped in. i was really frustrated but then she called my bf a day later and told him ugly things about me which werent true. my bf has no issue with how i parent. he really supports my parenting decisions and he has no issue with me with her. he knows i love her and all i want is to make sure she was comfortable being in a different state for the week and away from her regular settings. she had no problem with her father and let him hold her, but it was his mom who she fussed with the most. is it wrong of me to console her everytime she fussed with her. she only saw her for 4 hrs total for 2 days. my bf didn't even want to see his mom. after all the things she did and said about me i kicked her off my facebook page also. now she's upset she can't see pictures but my personal life is posted up and i am not obligated to her but to my bf. shouldn't she be the one on him for pics since he has every picture i post up. he gets them before they hit facebook. he just doesn't post them. i am just so frustrated with her because she doesn't have to like but i feel she should just respect how my bf and i want to raise our daughter. am i wrong?
423 days ago.
my1st- I'm not too fond of my MIL either. I don't think I can say I hate her, but I am def not fond of her. And it sucks, because I don't have any family near by, and my mother passed 10yrs ago, so she is all we really have, ugh! happymedium
556 days ago.
I cannot even post my vent here because it is lengthy and I don't need to get my bp up high. Let's just say, she isn't allowed in my room after the baby is born and she is not allowed at my home either. Haven't spoken to her in 3 months and I feel pretty good about it. She is an ass and simply needs to suffer a bit until she apologizes to me for gutting me so badly. Makes me sick. Dulcianasmom
601 days ago.
people dont post that often on here but i gotta put this one in...i am 38weeks pregnant and she wanted to stop by to see the kids. ok, sounds good..she doesn't bother us too much and never really stays that long. She favors boys and since we have girls, she's just not that interested. Now, i do love the woman, she has a big heart but literally no brains and at times can be dumber than dirt. So she comes inthe house, hugs & kisses to the kids and to her son. She sits with our youngest whos finishing up her dinner and she starts talking about how she was violently ill the night before...WTF!?!? I was doing dishes and literally stopped, turned off the water and faced her and said, 'Why did you come over here then!?' She seemed hurt and said she thinks it was something she ate. Ummm...HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW!?! So, my husband gets wind of this conversation and he tells her she has to leave. I tried to be nice about it (he's not so nice) and just said that in this stage of my pregnancy, if i came down with any sort of gastro virus, that could be dangerous for me and the baby. She seemed put off, puttered around for a bit (trying to see if we'd let her stay) but eventually left. I swear, sometimes she can be so dense!!! UGH! escribo86
643 days ago.
I feel bad about my MIL. We are both trying to get along we just do it at different times. Like she showed up at my house unannounced and the house was wrecked and I was in jammies without a bra flopping around lol. So naturally I was pissy with her and annoyed that she would just show up like that. And she got a new nook and was trying to show it to me and after she left I looked at DH and was like, 'ugh I'm so annoyed' and he was like, she was trying to bond with you. She got something new and wanted to show you and maybe it would have sparked a convo between you too.' and then maybe a month later I felt bad so I offered for her to watch our daughter and have some grammy time and I thought I would get home before DH and then her and I could have some alone time to force some sort of bonding convo but of course she was annoyed by the nook thing and she chose to go out with a boyfriend instead of babysit. And then I got mad because she's frustrated at me so she loses out on her grandchild. ugh. She's not a bad person and she generally has good intentions. She's just socially awkward (me too a little) and we just don't have the right timing. escribo86
643 days ago.
Wow...Amen v.moore! I don't blame you one bit! email@example.com
711 days ago.
I am so glad I found this forum to rant on. Let me tell you about my loser in-laws. DH and I currently reside at my deceased MIL's home bequethed to my SIL in the will. At the present time we also share the residence with two deadbeat, freeloading BIL's, one in the guesthouse in the backyard and the other in a spare bedroom. BIL no. 1 is a 53 yr old unemployed alcoholic who is also a thief that will steal anything not nailed down. Although he lives in the back, he still comes in and out of the main house as if he lives here, using the kitchen and bathroom and always leaving a wreck behind him for me to clean up. He claims he is disabled which he most certainly is not and can't get a job. He thinks this property is party central and the backyard has become the hangout for the neighborhood thugs. He drinks day and night supporting his habit by selling foodstamps and mooching money off any idiot who will give it to him. I am ashamed to say one of those idiots is DH who is overcompassionate and gullible. He has never contributed one penny to this house but consumes electricity, gas, cable, food and toiletries like it's going out of style. Who pays for this life of luxury? DH and I as we have no choice. As long as we need electricity and have it so will this bum. Deadbeat BIL no. 2 is not much better. He proports to be a good Christian person yet he runs up the cable bill to the tune of 400 dollars on pornography. Of course he does not have the money to pay all of it and we end up footing most of the bill. He is supposed to pay one half of all household bills but he always runs short because he only works 4 hrs per day 4 days per week at a local fast food joint. He claims to feel remorseful about us paying his way however instead of looking for a better job, he sleeps until 4 pm everyday. Last month we had the sheriff knock on the door and serve us foreclosure papers for back taxes owing since 2006. It appears SIL has neglected to pay or even tell anyone about this for years. The attorneys required 1200 up front and 400 per month after that to stop proceedings. Does anyone have the money to pitch in for this? Nope. SIL cries and lays guilt trip on DH about their mom crying in heaven cuz they were about to lose the house and begs him to come up with the money. So we work 30 hour days combined 6 days per week and pay it even though it was in our best interest to just move out. As a result of this financial blow we had our gas and cable disconnected and are now a month behind on vehicle payments and phone service. This little favor for this mooching group landed us in dire straits with our first baby due next month. Nobody has paid us back a dime so far and instead of a thank you or even a bit of empathy, SIL allows her fresh out of jail, unemployed nephew to take one of the rental rooms in the backyard rent free, utility free on our dime. She apparently doesn't feel the need to consult us since this is HER house even though she has never given one red cent to maintain or help with upkeep which has also been costly to us. But it gets better. Today I find out thru the grapevine that she wants to offer the 3rd and final rental room to a down and out co-worker also rent and utility free on our dime. Over my dead body lady. Here we are flat broke trying to pay all the bills, back taxes, put food on the table for a new family member and float these freeloaders and she expects us to take on another stray? Is she for real? I really can't believe we went thru all this to save her ass and she turns around and screws us. I have decided it's best for DH and I to move out sooner rather than later and close the bank. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they find out we will not be paying the rest of the tax money after all and the house gets taken. Not our problem people. W have to do what's best for our son and this situation is unhealthy for him. So bye bye users, enjoy the homeless shelter. This sorry group needs a nomination and trophy for worst family ever! hunnybunnysmama
770 days ago.
I just need to vent about my BIL - he's related to my MIL so it's almost the same, right? My MIL is another story but she stays away, thank god. I had posted a poll earlier. Of course it wasn't really a poll but I realized how much better I felt once I got this off my chest.
He is a terrible parent and I cringe when he speaks to my DD. He is bossy, purposely tries to humiliate my DD and his own kids, micro-manages their every move and makes endless, ridiculous, empty threats... he does have a good bone in his body it just doesn't come out very ofter. Now that he's broken up with his GF he is at our house more & more. His DD's are pretty naughty and sassy. My DD is learning there horrible traits. I work on Saturday's and I come home after an 11 hour day (mind you, I am 14 weeks pregnant) to 3 screaming little girls, a trashed house (his girls are SO messy! - my DD picks up after she's played with something before moving on to the next). Also my older niece is destructive. She purposely breaks toys and then lies about it. EVERYTIME they come over, she breaks something. My DD came to me crying because Sienna was telling her to 'go break your mommy's phone'.
Anyways, I'm done venting for now. My DD is begging for attention of course. sanner5955
775 days ago.
Two years and two months since we have had any contact with MIL, sooooo great! nicole8
793 days ago.
My MIL lives about 2.5 hours away from us. She is like Santa Claus. She comes to visit on some bithdays and Christmas and brings the kids mountains of gifts and leaves after an hour or two. We try to visit her on occasion but everytime we go to makes plans with her she already has plans of her own. She is one of these people who doesn't like to admit that she is getting old so she tries to be twenty something again. It is kind of ammusing yet I wonder how she is going to feel in ten years or so when she realizes she has truly missed out on her grandchildren. My FIL is totally opposite though (they have been divorced for years and he raised my husband and his older brother. MIL is remarried with and 18 year old daughter from that marriage). My FIL is there for EVERYTHING, sometimes to the point of being annoying but we are blessed that he is there for us. cinderella*~**
798 days ago.
just another complaint about my mil, so i was induced 3 weeks early and my gorgeous boy was born, now i have not spoke to her since xmas day when she was horrid to me and upset me, so i wasnt keen on her coming to visit me in hospital but for my partner i let her. she came in dropped some flowers on the table ignored me, went straight to the baby asked to hold, my partner and i said no as he was sleeping, she got upset left! who visits someone and doesnt ask how they are:s And my partner and i are not married, not till next feb and the baby has my last name, she told me partner that he would have to adopt him and carried on :s OMG its his son why would he have to adopt him! she is nuts and its stressing me out. my partner doesnt realise i almost want to call of the wedding cuz i dont want to deal with her, harsh cuz i love my partner and i love our new family we have begun. but the stress is outta control and she always wants her own way and has opions on everything. this is our baby not hers! im at my end with her. i dont want her around my son and she upsets me which upsets my partner :( *sigh* sorry for raving on i just needed to get it off my chest, but as everyone knows pregnancy and labour is a big thing and nobody wants to be upsetted by other people when there trying to enjoy the greatest moments in there lives. caraj
819 days ago.
just need to vent..
so my soon to be MIL calls me the other day (as normal) she starts by saying you know when daniel told us you were pregnant i was really jealous of you, she talked about having another child with her husband. she was seriousley considering another child. she says to me you know i am still able to have kids of my own why do YOU have to have one now!! her eldest son my soon to be husband is 21. she says i just want my son to be living at home with me (he hasnt lived there since he was 17) i said you know thats not going to happen. she procedes to say how are you going to have this child i said vaginal why just like i had austin. she goes thats disgusting i dont know how or why you would want to push something out down there or even let a doctor look down there , she goes i had my 2 via c-section and if ior when i have another i would do it the same way... i was pissed lol my fiance said just ignore her calls and he would have a chat to her and he did so yeah hopefully she will leave me alone now... we will see. over-the-moon for BLUE x3
825 days ago.
i think a heads up as far as the dog being jealous is ok so the little girl knows to be wary, but i wouldnt go through the whole story about your daughter unless asked (btw I DONT think you are being neurotic, i looove dogs and have 2 but would do the same) if they cant respect your wishes to keep the dog separate i wouldnt let her go there either Allynne7 (Jaime)
825 days ago.
No, if you get involved you become the neurotic mom they say you are. lila2cute:-)
826 days ago.
Puddle, I would stay out if it. I know it's probably not what you want to hear but it's the truth. Don't give ur mil another reason to complain about you. Good luck n hugs! Puddle
829 days ago.
I really need some advice on something. My mother in law is quite obsessed with my daughter which that in itself has caused a lot of disruption over the wider family. Basically Im the one with the problem. 18 months ago when my daughter was 1 she stayed at her grandma's. They have a rescue dog who gets very jealous and I said I didnt have a problem with her staying overnight provided that the dog was not in the same room at ANY point. Because Im treated like a neurotic mother they ignored this and it resulted in my daughter being bitten on the forehead. Luckily the dog didnt draw blood it just marked her forehead and these took days to fade. My daughter did not antagonise the dog she just climbed off the sofa for which the my MIL was sitting next to her and the dog aside her. We were advised that because the dog didnt draw blood that a vet would not put a healthy dog down. My husband and I agreed that our daughter will never go to their house whilst that dog is alive - they couldnt be trusted to keep them seperate so we cannot risk it again. The problem is that Im being treated like a neurotic mum that is making every attempt to hurt my MIL that Im being too cautious. The situation has highlighted again because my MIL's other 'estranged' grandaughter may end up staying (she is 9). Do I keep my opinion to myself OR do I risk the families anger by telling my Neice's mother the situation? . Do you have any thoughts, would you do the same? charlihadleypreggo3
832 days ago.
ugh...wished there was a place to complain about my sister...she is not talking to me because 3 days before my son's birthday she calls to tell me her bf surprised her with a ski trip that included a couple's massage...so she wasn't coming to my son's 3rd birthday party...she didn't have the heart to disappoint him after all the work he put into planning this & surprising her...really you don't talk to your bf about things that are going on in your life like you being so excited for your nephew birthday party that she's know about 4 day before he surprised her?? okay it would be one thing if this happened & was the first time she did this...just saying....she missed: my wedding, the birth of my 1st son, my son at 4 weeks had surgery & was in the PICU for a week, the birth of my 2nd son...she text me & I quote 'chuck...have my own personal problems I have to take care of' my son shortly after birth was shipped to a larger town due to aspirating (cord was tightly around his neck at birth) spent a week in the NICU she only came to see him once, I could go on & on about the things she has chosen to miss out on due to having better offers.....just so ya know...I was in her wedding...was at the birth of both her girls, spent many nights helping her out w/her girls, so that she could get a nap in or spend some time w/her husband...was there for her when she went through her divorce...she is 5 years older than me & has never been supportive...oh & she didn't come to our brother's wedding either...but she did drive 4 hours to attend his wedding shower but had to leave after about 30 min. she needed to join her bf at a big foot ball game that was being played less than an hour from where we were....ugh then she isn't talking to me because I'm a little upset that yet again she's not there for me....oh not to mention...11 day prior to my son's birthday party...I had my cervical cerclage placed & when they did my sono...they told me I had an amniotic band...so I was scared, crying worried I had that week & half of the next week to wait till I got into the perinatologist...did she even comfort me in any way....nope to worried about her bf.... sweetie2320
835 days ago.
my MIL is one of the most horribl people i have ever met in my life. It was sad for me to have to open up my husbands eyes to that but now he can clearly see her MANY faults. She is a liar and manipulater to the highest degree. She is always turning things around to make it better for her. Trys to turn my husband and the rest of the family agaisnt me....suprise suprise doesnt work cause they know how she is. Not to say that my FIL is any better he is in his own categoerie alltogether... they are two people that i could live without. bean6667
841 days ago.
My MIL lives up the road from me, literally 2 mins walk away! I love her very much. We phone each other daily and she is always popping in. She knows about everypart of our lives, what we're doing, what we've done, our sons friends names - everything. She is a great mum, a great MIL and a fantastic Gran. I have more contact with her than my own mother! guess im just lucky. Amalthea
842 days ago.
when i got pg with my daughter, who is 4 weeks old now..we didnt tell my MIL til i was nearly 23 weeks pregnant bc shes always been soooo negative about us having kids..we have a 3 year old and when when suffered a miscarriage she had the nerve to say how we couldnt afford another baby and blah blah blah... sooooo needless to say thats why we waited till I couldnt hide my bump any longer to tell her about the baby and she was all upset about it too... oh well.. she shouldnt be such a B**** about having more grandbabies..arent they a blessing! now that the baby is here shes all lovey dovey... and wants to hold the baby all the time... i try to not spend too much time with her.. jessiezc
842 days ago.
*OMG* My mIL called last night. My FIL had come down for a visit not to long ago and got the impression that we would consider moving closer to them. She called to find out when we were moving. 'Should she start some paperwork? Start looking for jobs for us? Look at a few places for Housing? She could fix up the basement? Or sell us her house, and she'd just move to a smaller place. My husband has a history degree, he could be a senator (um, delusional!)! ' Um, we aren't moving. We WOULD consider it, but we'd have to have jobs there, and we'd have to have money to move, and we'd have to wait until after the baby came. She's already looking for jobs for us. I know I'm going to have e-mails from her about 100 different open jobs there... none of which I will be qualified for or even remotely interested in. Worse yet, she'll want me to come and work with her. (haha, I actually just gagged thinking about that... 1st trimester!). Even hubby said he's going to have to call her up and put his foot down. amk1984
868 days ago.
My mother in-law and I get along really well too, I've even gone on walks with her just for the heck of it....but we don't have children yet. I hope things don't change once we do