Father to be- Birth forum

Father-To-Be
Fathers today share the joys of pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing. However, they also share the worries and challenges that come with starting a family.

`A Man`s Guide to Pregnancy`
How to live with a pregnant person and get out of it alive.

How You May Feel

Left Out- All of the attention is focused on your partner and you may feel like you have no part in it. You can overcome this by getting involved in as much as possible. Go to the doctor with your partner, attend classes, shop for baby and really try to tune in to the pregnancy that is a shared joy.
Fear of Sex-Making love during pregnancy is generally just as safe as before pregnancy. Intimacy can maintain a healthy relationship with you and your partner and can give her a sense of security and emotional/physical closeness.
Sympathy symptoms- Some expectant fathers do experience symptoms right along with their partner. Your symptoms could also indicate sickness-so don't overlook them if you feel sick.
Impatience- Your partner has mood swings, periods of pains and full of complaints from time to time. Try to keep in mind that pregnancy is not a permanent condition and that the changes will pass.
Anxiety- You may feel anxious over the baby's health, your partner's health and impending life changes. It is normal to be anxious over the unexpected. Try to prepare the best you can for all of the upcoming situations. Attend the prenatal visits often and ask questions. Being informed should take alot of worry off of your mind.
Unsure of your partner's new looks- You may be worried or concerned about the weight that your partner is putting on. Just remember that a healthy baby needs nutrition. In order to receive that nutrition, your partner must gain a healthy amount of weight. Be supportive and encouraging in what she eats. Exercise with your partner and accentuate the positive.
Fear of the upcoming labor- You are not alone! Very few fathers go into the labor room without some type of fear. Attend childbirth classes, so that you know what to expect and can be better prepared.

Ways to Feel Included

Attend prenatal appointments
Attend childbirth classes
Shop together for baby essentials
Feel your partner's abdomen when the baby is moving
Help decorate the nursery

Ways to Help Your Partner

Offer to help more around the house
Offer to run errands
Suggest some alone time
Frequent massages for sore muscles
Alter your work schedule if possible in the end
Be available for support

Comments: Father to be

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~S~ - 2 days ago.
i have bad sickness and i am really tired i'm falling asleep on the couch and he still expects me to make his stupid food! grr! men are useless

earthmomma - 2 days ago.
oceans- i went through the same thing at the beginning of my pregnancy. this is our first baby, so of course my bf didnt know what to do or what to expect. you have to COMMUNICATE your needs with him. simply saying your back hurts is usually not enough. you need to explain to him exactly what you want and need from him. tell him if you are sick or tired, that it would be nice if he would help you out and do things for you like rub your back or make or bring you food. after talking to my bf about what i needed SPECIFICALLY, and buying him the book 'The Expectant Father', which has a chapter for each month and each chapter starts with the womans new emotional and physical symptoms for the month, he has done MUCH better. The book was written by a man also, so it is easy for them to understand and isnt intimidating bc it is from a male perspective. good luck!!

jbtplusone - 2 days ago.
Oceans- I feel for you! I really do.. :( Men can really be thick headed at times.. Here's my advice: Honestly.. I don't think it's fair to get mad at him for not doing what you wanted, because honestly, the thought probably never crossed his mind. I think we (I am totally guilty of this too) assume men should have the same thought patterns as us and kind of just know when we need more attention or extra TLC, and to be quite frank.. they have no idea! I feel your pain because when my fiance is sick or injured.. it's like the sky is falling! He had major surgery a couple years ago, and it was 'Baaabe can you get me a popsicle??? Baaaabe I know it's midnight but can you run to 7-11 and get me slurpee??' And now when the tables have turned and I want to act that way.. ha! Yeah right.. I think your best bet is to compromise and tell him what you want. Yeah, it totally takes out the wow factor and the thoughtfullness of him doing something without being asked, but really.. I'd rather ask for a back massage and get one then wait until he offers :) If all else fails I'm sure if you clubbed him over the head you could just get probation by pleading temp. insanity by way of pregnancy :P

Oceans - 2 days ago.
I can't find a better place to put this, but it’s just a vent about MY HUSBAND! OK I should first say that he loves me and I love him very much too BUT now that I am 6.5 months prego I'm, not sleeping well, sore back you all know the symptoms. Well, last night was really bad, I couldn't sleep, I kept getting leg cramps and my sides ached like my muscles were being ripped apart. So you know I could do with some TLC. So when I get up hubby is on the couch on the laptop... asks me how I am doing I tell him my back is killing me. So anyway he showed concern etc but kept working on the laptop (not work but fun stuff). I got up and got myself some breakfast etc. I'm just saying it would have been nice for him to be like, babe sit down, let me get your breakfast. I always have to ask him to make me a cuppa or stuff. I just feel like, I do so much for him when he is well, let alone when he is ill or injured! I just would never sit on the couch if he came downstairs after a killer of a night and let him make his own breakfast. It might sound petty, but I really need him sometimes and he just doesn’t get it. Perhaps that’s my problem, he’s not me and should I expect more from him now that I am prego? Ugh, and he is so thick in the head he doesn’t even notice my subtle attempts at making a joke about it so perhaps he would get the hint! Anyhoo, how can you get your hubby to help you more when he is used to his independent easy going wife?

mrsdenney - 3 days ago.
ok so i had to share this. my husband called earlier and i told him that i needed pumpkin pie. and the baby wasnt going to be happy if he didnt get it. so a few minutes ago DH called and was at the grocery store trying to find me some pumpkin pie. i thought i was going to pee my pants. he is actually doing something for me.....he must want something lol.

stargazer530 - 3 days ago.
Actually, it might be we have more desperate pawn shops around here but the other day while driving I saw the sign for a large one around here that was advertising a dyson. lol. I thought it was weird. I never thought about vacuums being at the pawn shop. The sudoku on the DS lets you add small numbers onto the cube so you can keep up with what the number could possibly be. And I can't talk about being nerdy - I love the brain age and trivia games. That's mostly what i play. :)

Bri - 3 days ago.
More on vacuums...when I graduated college (at Washington State) I moved to Denver where Joe was living at the time. He had left before I finished to start his career. Anyways, he lived there for 2 1/2 years while I was still in school. In that time frame he never owned a vacuum!! Icky!!!! He also owned two chins too. The first thing I did when I moved to Denver was buy a new vacuum with the money my dad gave me. I spent the first three days there just cleaning. I had also UPSed my stuff down there over a course of several months and nothing had been put away. It was awful! Oh well. It gave me something to do since I didn't have a job yet.

Bri - 3 days ago.
Oh and I have three persian cats and four chinchillas so my vacuum is VERY important. If it was stolen I think I might cry!

Bri - 3 days ago.
That's too bad. I love my dyson. It was a wedding present from a friend. I couldn't believe he bought it for us/me. HAHA! The two best gifts we got were my dyson and kitchenaid. HAHA! My husband couldn't believe it. It was his friends that got them for us/me. HAHA!

mommyxs3 - 3 days ago.
stargazer- my DH goes on sprees where he does our cars too. Maybe thats a guy thing? I tried the shops in the area of that home and nothing so, I just gave up. Someday I'll get another one. LOL. I was told they wouldn't be able to pawn it because they won't take them without a receipt and besides..how much resale does a vacuum have? Well, besides something like a Kirby or a Rainbow. :)

Bri - 3 days ago.
I like the super hard ones and the bigger ones. I like the pen and paper ones better because then you can make notes along the side. I also like karuko and other different versions. I know I'm a dork. I'm also an accountant! HAHA! My FIL is a MIT grad and he and I both play and challenge each other. Dorks that we are.

stargazer530 - 3 days ago.
My husband and I used to play RPGs together but now it seems like most games, at least for consoles, are one player only. When we first dated he used to love for me to watch him play SoCom. Lol. How pathetic that I did it. And to boost his ego I would be like 'Wow - that was an amazing shot honey'. He is also obsessed with tv. He watches so many shows. We have a Tivo that can record two shows at once, so it's never ending. And he has the worst taste in tv. Bri - One of my DS games has Sudoku. I love it. For some reason the electronic version is more fun than pen and paper. Kinda like it is with Solitaire I guess.

stargazer530 - 3 days ago.
You are really lucky! Now that we actually have some gas here in Nashville, the cheapest i have seen is right under $4.00 - like $3.97.

Bri - 3 days ago.
I never could get into WOW. We have friends that play with my husband...husband and wife. I think she got into it because of her hubby too. I'd rather do something then sit there at the computer. I can say I'm addicted to sudoku. But, I only play when I'm relaxing in bed after everything is done. Oh and when I'm nursing Kekoa before bed. HAHA! I sit in his room alone while nursing. At night he nurses with his eyes closed so you can only stare at your little one for so long. HAHA! Other then that I'm on the go. I hardly watch tv anymore. But again, when I'm getting ready for bed I'll have the tv on. That's only for about a half hour anyways.

mrsdenney - 3 days ago.
wow bri that sucks!

Bri - 3 days ago.
Lucky!!! Gas is still 3.75 here in Seattle!!!

mrsdenney - 3 days ago.
we had that problem too. one of my husband's friends works in the IT department with his company and when they threw out a bunch of old stuff we gained 3 computers that my husband 'planned' to build one big computer. it ended up just junking the house up until we did spring cleaning, and i threw them all out. he is a field network engineer, he configures the servers and network stuff for banks and ATMs. i cant believe how many of us have husbands in the computer field. i guess its the only safe job anymore with the ecomony sucking. at least gas is going down. its to 3.04 a gallon here.

Amy74 - 3 days ago.
I'm telling you..you guys are making me feel better!! My MIL who is my husband's step mom keeps telling me it was the way he was brought up. Well, hello...he's an adult now and he should know that things need to get done. And for me the house isn't gross..the kitchen and bathroom are always. The rest is clutter that is more then half his. Well, I've barely been married a year, we have one child and one on the way. Our lives are busy and I guess it could be worse.

~amy~ - 3 days ago.
stargazer- I play wow and yes it is really time consuming.. I've been playing for 3years now. And my husband does wear the dorky looking headset and microphone so he can talk to his guildies while raiding and stuff lol! I started playing because it was something we could do together that we both liked.. I do NOT wear the headset though.. it's just too silly!

stargazer530 - 3 days ago.
My husband works on computers too! Lol. Maybe that's the underlying issue. He isn't an engineer or anything, just works in the IT dept at his office. He also has misc computers sitting around. At his last job they bought new computers and gave away the old ones (minus the hard drive) and the old, funky huge monitors. Yes ladies, you guessed it - they are still at my house in our workout room some 3 years later. Never touched or used. Now we have to clean out the space for the baby so we have to throw them all out.

Bri - 3 days ago.
My husband is a software engineer. He works with computers all day to come home and sit in front of one. You would think he would need a break. He also talks to everyone online while playing. He has his big headset and such. My family makes fun of him too but of course he makes more then my two brother in laws put together so whatever...

mommyxs3 - 3 days ago.
mrsdenney- thats funny. I'm the one that does the furniture rearranging in our house! haha. You're right, the computer knowledge is a great thing, just sucks that it's costing you. ;)

mrsdenney - 3 days ago.
my DH isnt into video games he is into the computer. which turns out to be a good thing because it got him the career of his dreams. the problem with it being that every person we know brings their computer over to our house to get fixed. he always gets it fixed in a night and then it sits in the floor. i finally told one if they didnt come get it it would be on the porch. he is also into his stupid tv. no not watching it. where it would look best. he was up til almost midnight last night rearranging our living room.

stargazer530 - 3 days ago.
I would be upset if ours was stolen. It was a joint christmas present and cost like $700. The Dyson getting stolen sucks. You might try a pawn shop. I only suggest that because we had a chainsaw stolen and ended up finding it at the pawn shop down the road. Couldn't prove it was ours, of course, but at least you can get it back fairly cheap. My husband doesn't do much outdoors besides obsess over the cars. He for some reason loves to wash and wax and detail vehicles. He will spend all day just our 2. I wish he could focus some of that detailed cleaning into our house!

mommyxs3 - 3 days ago.
Our house was broken into and our 'game console' was stolen. LOL. That will end that! HAHA! The crappy part...my Dyson Vacuum was stolen too. I could of hurt someone over that! LOL! I only waited 9 months for it to go on clearance so I could finally afford in and 6 months later it's stolen. Ugh. My DH doesn't do video games now...he obsesses over the yard. He's always outside doing something. :)