Mothers in law- Babies forum

Mothers-in-law
Everyone knows the jokes about Mothers-in-law. There are hundreds of them. But what is it about mother-in-laws that makes people want to tell jokes about them, laugh at them and in extreme cases, strangle them.

What you have to remember is that almost everyone in the world has a mother-in-law. That includes your own mother-in-law!

The most important thing in any mothers life is their children. From giving birth to nursing them throught childhood illnesses, taking them to and from school, paying for their college education, buying their first car..............the list is endless and all of these things are done to ensure their child is happy, safe and ready to face the world.

Then you come along. Whether you are a brain surgeon, the first female astronaut on the moon, a billionaire, a waitress.....to your mother-in-law you are a stranger. She doesnt know anything about you so asking her to hand over the care and responsibility of her child to you is not something she will want to do immediately and without a second thought.

What about you? Well we all have mothers and whether or not our relationships with them are always perfect we all know deep in our hearts that the ones who make the most fuss, complain the most, try to change our minds are generally doing what they think is in our best interests.

It is important that you see your partners mother in the same light as you see your own. She is not just an interfering old busy body who wants to put her nose in your business. In most cases she is trying to offer you the knowledge and experience she has had at raising children in the hope it will help you.

So what can be done to make both sides feel more comfortable? Why not make a list of little things your mother-in-law can do to help and make her feel useful. This way you get to control exactly how much say she has and what she can be responsible for. This will also make her feel useful and not like she is being pushed away, which is not a nice feeling for anyone.

Try not to criticise everything she does but appreciate why she has done it and explain the way you would prefer it to be done in future. Let her know you understand she is trying to help but make sure she knows where the line between help and interference is drawn.

Above all try to ensure that they feel they are welcome, after all without them you wouldn't have your partner. All the little things that attracted you to your partner, their likes and dislikes, the nice, strange, wonderful things about them, have been nourished over the years before you met them, by their mother.

Comments: Mothers in law

Comments 1 to 24 of about 1555.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Next

MilMom2Be - 22 hours ago.
OK, so going to brag on hubby real quick. At first he was kinda letting me know he thought I was over-reacting because 'she was just trying to help, she shouldn't have made those comments, but she's my mom,' ect, ect,... Well, today we were talking about when we go home in sept, I will finally meet his whole fam, he has already met mine of course, they love him! And he was saying how he wished we could just visit my fam because they were so much cooler and laid back. Lol, we have a relaxed home life, we both work hard, our house is clean, but we are not nazis (except when major company is coming by, like MIL). So apparently he likes my fam better cause they are not so neurotic! Makes me feel better about the situation, last night I wanted to kill him, now all is well with the world!

MTNWOMAN - 22 hours ago.
Hey, lol, at least your MIL's try to 'help'. We didn't even want to invite mine over after we had the baby because we were exhausted, sore and we knew that the In-Laws would just make a mess, love on Riley, and leave. We did have them over one night when my mom was there. My mom did all the cooking, they ate. I helped my mom get things ready (Riley was less than a week old) and then after dinner, they just sat there and my mom cleaned up ALL their dinner dishes. She was not down here visit to cater to them! I was pissed, so was DH, he got up and helped my mom clean and then his parents noticed that they were cleaning but by the time they offered to help, everything was done. So, when they wanted to come back down less than a week later I told them that we had some food that was easy to cook up, but they got to do all the dinner clean up. Well, they brought paper plates so they didn't have to do dishes, which was fine, but after dinner they all just sat there still, so I got up and started cleaning up. FIL saw me cleaning and said, oh, do you need help? I was a little irritated but didn't want them to know and just said, 'I got it'. Well, FIL decided to help anyways which was nice, but MIL asked him why he was helping and just said 'she said she got it'. Uh, so annoying!

wonderland - 24 hours ago.
Its-Chelle - you hit the point exactly, they really don't want to help, they want to nose around and 'fix' things and show us their way is better...if they did actualy and truly want to help, they'd help on things like vaccuuming or mopping, etc. / and to izziebo - yeah, my doctor told me as long as you eat what you can tolerate and take the vitamins, you'll be just fine. // All this disguised as 'helpful' which is really controlling behavior is so childish and rude of MIL's

Its-Chelle - 1 days ago.
if mil's want to help..go vacuum, sweep the floor,take out the trash,do dishes,do some dusting, but why the hell must they organize like its their house??

izziebo - 1 days ago.
andys mum wants to take me shopping for food. not coz shes been nice no coz im apparently not eating well and poisening her baby! oooh dear

wonderland - 1 days ago.
My MIL was being helpful and re-arranged my whole kitchen. I got pissed and put blankets on the floor and pulled absolutely everything out of cabinets and cubbards, dishes, food, spices, even microwave oven, etc. etc. / washed down shelf liner paper and re-washed all dishes, etc. / needless to say my husband was thrilled....but I was like, well, next time she tries to help, maybe you can tell her what an honored guest she is and we can't have her working in here. - I just couldn't take it. Slightly OCD when it comes to the kitchen, so I feel you on the re-arranging thing...it's just plain bein' a *itch if you ask me for them to do it....it's being cruel and coniving and controlling disguised as being 'helpful'....who cares what MIL can find, it's us who have to be able to find our own stuff the rest of the year

mazariff - 2 days ago.
I'm sorry hun! I feel for ya. At least they are gone now and you won't see them for - anotehr few years??? Never mess with another woman's kitchen - man thats the golden rule. I wouldnt even do that to my own mother's kitchen. And my mum wont enter mine. Every woman has her own distinct way. My MIL on the other hand - is not organized, not clean etc. Can't do the dishes without getting water on the floor - then steps around in it in the kitchen till I get black blotchy patches and have to redo the mopping! LOL. So I just tell her not to do anything. Its the only way for me... although when hubby and i were first setting up our home, she did make loads of comments of you need this and you need that etc. and I was just like - uh hmmm... i'll decide. And ofcourse, I did what I wanted in teh end.

MilMom2Be - 2 days ago.
Its-Chelle~ Thank you, Lol, I feel validated now. My hubby thinks I am over reacting because she was trying to be nice by organizing... She makes rude comments about his little brothers fiance being white trash, and I think she feels the same way about me not being good enough for her son, so that is why the rude comments... At least I can enjoy sitting down with a good book and playing with my daughter, I don't need cable to fill up the hours!

Its-Chelle - 2 days ago.
oh boy that pisses me off reading!!!!!! im glad i havent had my mil come to my kitchen our house making those comments or trying to organize..one thing i learned is that her kitchen is hers, and im not to even lift a finger if im there since im a guest.i tried cleaning up dinner dishes at hubbies grandmas, and wow i almost got an earful..lol..and i certainly never want anyone cleaning up in my kitchen when they are guests..but if anyone did what you described, i would go off!! how dare she do that???? you have made your home as you want it, to your comfort and decorative desire, not hers!its hard enough if someone does cleanup then you cant find half your shit cause it got misplaced...oh the nerve..let her know how you feel, cause she has no right to take that kind of presence in your home...

MilMom2Be - 2 days ago.
This is gonna be a long one... I have been married over 2 yrs, and din't meet my in-laws till this week. They have made many trip plans, but never followed thru, we had offered to go visit them and they ay don't bother. Well, our daughter is 10 weeks old and they finally came thru. His mom has been 'nice', she is a bit of a snob. The house was extra clean when they arrived, and she helped with the vacuuming and the dishes, it was nice. What wasn't cool was her whining about being bored because we don't have cable, or propping up my 10 wk old in the corner of the couch with pillows so she didn't have to hold her (after she had offered to do so) while watching dvds, then my spare bedrm is done in sage green and cream, the attaching bathroom is in pink and cream. We went shopping and she kept trying to get me to change the bathroom decor to match the bed room. Sorry, we aren't poor, but we don't have extra money to throw away on new towels, rugs, shower curtains, and all the other matching stuff in that bathroom. Then while I was at work today she decided to go thru all my kitchen cabinents and drawers to 'organize' them. If my husband understood women he wouldn't have told me what she said. I have a silverware drwer, a ziplock, reynolds wrap, ect drawer, and then I have my junk drawers. Well, she says to my DH, 'Do Shawn's parents live like this? Is their house dirty? This is unexceptable.' WTF?! She came into my house, which IS clean, then goes thru my drawers and bitches about the lack of organization and assumes that this makes me a dirty person and that my parents must be dirty people too?!!! DH is lucky his parents left this evening, because I was so pissed when he told me this I might have asked them to leave! I'm sorry I work, my husband works, we are on opposite shifts and take turns caring for our baby. We are in the military and she saw first hand that I got called in twice when I was sleeping, I got 4 hours of sleep in 2 days, and she dares to complain about my decorating skils, my kitchen, ect? Not to mention now I can't find a damn thing in my cabinents... Ulgh, sorry for the rant but the lady did not make a good first impression and I am so glad we live in England and they are back in the states...

beccababy - 2 days ago.
Hello well at least all of u guys are on speaking terms with ur MIL. I haven't spoke or seen my MIL since before we got pregnant. I had a falling out with my FIL and then my MIL did some things that were not very nice. And i told my BF that untill his parents were ready to appologize that i wouldnt see them or talk to them. well they tell him that they were wrong but refuse to appologize to me. So i guess our baby wontbeknowingits grandparents and that sucks.

wonderland - 2 days ago.
I don't know why all these grandparents are needing alone time for anyway...? Until the kids are old enough to talk and also have teeth to defend themselves with... / seriously, if you leave her alone, you can't know or stop her from driving around town with her. / safety first...be like, you don't have a car seat, sorry. // about the shower, stick with your friends and if your MIL wants to do another, let her have at it, it might be a pain, but hey, maybe you'll get some diapers or something you can use, if it's worth putting up with her antics

bngonzales - 2 days ago.
muffin-Like was said already, your daughters life comes first and I think your DH will understand that. Just calmly explain to him the situations you guys know that has happened and tell him until our child is old enough to be left alone I do not want her alone with your mom and it isn't to be mean its to protect your child.

bngonzales - 2 days ago.
TAND-If she is so bend out of shape about it tell her that she can throw one for the family and invite whoever she wants but for this one you have to keep it small.

muffin-in-the-oven - 3 days ago.
yes I def will not be leaving my MIL with my child in the car at all I know that and my husband agrees. The thing I'm having trouble with is telling my husband that I don't want her to be alone with our daughter at all, EVER only supervised visits

muffin-in-the-oven - 3 days ago.
My MIL is very irresponsible and I don't believe can be trusted alone with a child. She tries to put out that she is the perfect grandmother but is the opposite. She has 3 grandchildren the first she has locked in the car over 3 times and the second she doesn't see often I believe is bc of that reason and the thrid she sees and left at the park by herself as she was doing some running around town. My husband and I have agreed that she will not be allowed to have our daughter-to-be with her in her car alone with just her but I haven't broke it to my husband that I don't want her alone with our child at all whatsoever. How do you think I should go about this, do you think this is a good idea?

luvbeingamom - 3 days ago.
tand - can you just have 2 showers? One that allows her to have her way and not feel the need to barge into this other one. Maybe suggest she plan it?

tandiann - 3 days ago.
So my mil is wigging out cuz my friend had planned my baby shower and she said that she wanted to and she is mad cuz she isn't allowed to add to the guest list. Isn't it usually a friend who plans these things? Plus, we made the guest list together (my friend and I) and set it for a small group of 10 guests as it is in her apartment. Mil totally freaked out on her and I and is playing guilt trips to try and get me to change plans and let her take over. She was just fine with our 1st baby but this time is being really overbearing. She is stressing me out! Dh can't seem to understand what the big deal is either. Go figure.

MTNWOMAN - 3 days ago.
lol wonderland. My in-laws actually had my DH without telling anyone until after he was born. They didn't want a bunch of people in the hospital, WELL, when DH tried to tell them prior to us having Riley that we wanted to be alone for the first few minutes they got all pissy and started calling us names and telling us we ruined everything for them! Funny how they forget so fast what things were like when they were in our shoes.

wonderland - 3 days ago.
I've always heard if it's your family acting up, it's your job to lay down the law, and if it's his family, it's his job...if the lady tells the MIL she'll be pissed and if the man tells his mother, I'm sure she'll still be pissed, but... / I've never told my MIL anything, I let him deal with it, kind of. To my knowledge, he's still never told her, no, she's not going to be in dleivery room with us...guess he's going to let the nurses take the heat...although, my idea is...if we don't call her or any other fmaily, then they won't know to come down and be a pain in the butt // Also, sitting down and talking rationally with an irrational person, won't work, I tell you. I once told my own grandma off after trying civilly, she's just nuts and I haven't seen her since...holidays are now greatly improved, I can tell you that. She's just a crazy, evil, abusive, mind game, cruel witch. Hey, sometimes the truth hurts.

mazariff - 4 days ago.
I hear what you mean about mind games being worse than in your face nastiness. Especially when those games come via tel calls to your hubby who is for the most part oblivious to the ulterior motives. Hahhahah... i remembered an incident from early on in our marriage, probably right after our first anniversary, that I thought I would share with you. I was so gullible. UGH! Anywhoo, my hubby was going for an all nighter in the desert with his colleagues from his new workplace. He jsut got a new job, etc etc. Hubby was a little nervous about leaving me alone, as he had never done that since we got married. And he kept asking me over and over again, if it was okay - and I was like for gods sake just Go.. (I knew I would stay up for him - just a habit of mine, not his fault). So MIL calls, adn hubby expresses uncertainty over going coz I would be alone, (my mum wasn't in town) and then I speak to her and she says. ' its not good/healthy for you to spend so much time together - he should go away sometimes'! I realize today, she dint like how close hubby and i were back then - pretty much doing alot of stuff together. Sigh... four more weeks of bliss and then they return!

prayin41 - 4 days ago.
Hi all, I just found out this past Tuesday that I am preggo. I have not been to the doc yet, I am scheduled to go for confirmation Tuesday. I took 3 tests and the last one was darker. Anyhoo, I love my MIL and my mom, they both drive me a little crazy in their own ways. My MIL lives next door, (no I am not crazy) she does not really bother me except for asking me take her somewhere(she does not drive). My mom on the other hand lives 5 minutes down the road and she is the opinionated one. I am an only child so this is my parents' first grandchild. My MIL has already 5 grandchildren so she has done this before.......I hope she does not go wacky on me like my mom. LOL

jessicasmummy - 4 days ago.
i know how u feel collsbaby, except my MIL lives 5 mins walk away, as does my SIL and they are both the same! They are both registered chilidminders, which gives them extra authority to think they know everything. It wouldnt be so bad if the advice they were giving was actually factual but they are both so self-assured and arrogant about their opinions that it makes me doubt myself until i come home and check it out and i find i was right all along. It makes me feel so silly that i wasn't just confident enough to argue my point more. Thing is when you're a first time mum with two people who are meant to be qualified in this area and have had children of their own it makes you think you must be wrong!! :( The MIL also phones and texts me all the time and i always feel obliged to go and see her. if she hasnt seen baby in two days she makes a point of it. The worst thing is she isnt horrible or anything which makes me feel like half the time i'm overreacting when i know i'm not, she just takes over andis too in my face and opinionated and makes me feel useless! Mind games and sugar-coated control is a lot worse than in your face nastyness i think...

collsbaby - 5 days ago.
My MIL is driving me crazy! Where was this forum when I was pregnant?? Was it always here? Oh man, I would've been on here all the time, haha. I'm just frustrated with her. She wasn't a good mom to my husband and his brother and now she is giving me advise and when I don't take it because she's a wack job she calls MY mom and tells her that 'I'm VERY sensitive and that she can never give me any advise!' (She's jealous too that my mom and i are very close.) Now she calls me all the time because she wants to talk about the baby and I don't feel like talking to her. She'll call the house and I don't get it so then she'll call my cell. It's a little obsessive. She always wants to call when my hubby is at work too because then she can get away with her little comments. She does the same thing to my SIL too. They used to just stop by all the time when we lived in Ca and they were in Reno, that's a long way to go for just a 'surprise visit!'. Now we moved and they can't just 'stop by' cuz we're an ocean away! Thank goodness! Arrrrrrrrrrrgh, haha. I could go on, but I need to be able to get to sleep, haha.

Bri - 6 days ago.
Oh Luv! I wish you had things better. I feel blessed for what I have. My MIL is a beautiful lady. We didn't alway get along because I was living with her baby but after we got married things got better and now she's like a mom to me. My own mother is the crazy one but always means well. Big hugs to you!