Adoption

Adoption is a selfless gift of life, family and hope for everyone involved.

OUT OF RESPECT FOR ALL MOTHERS, PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS FORUM TO SOLICIT ANY ASPECT OF ADOPTION. THIS IS FOR INFORMATION PURPOSES ONLY.

If you are pregnant and not sure that you want to keep the baby, you might be thinking about adoption.

Pregnancy causes many changes, both physical and emotional. It can be a very confusing time for a woman, even in the best of circumstances. Talking to a counselor about your options might help. But how do you start?

This factsheet gives you, the birth mother, information about counseling and adoption. It addresses many questions you might have:

• Who can I talk to about my options?
• Should I place my child for adoption?
• What are the different types of adoption?
• How do I arrange an adoption through an agency?
• How do I arrange a private adoption?
• What if my baby is a child of color?
• How do I arrange for future contact with my child if I want it?

If you want more information on these adoption issues, or any others, please visit the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC) website at http://naic.acf.hhs.gov or call (703) 352-3488 or (888) 251-0075.

If you want to talk to a professional about your options, there are different places you can go. Counseling at the places listed below will be free or cost very little. Who Can I Talk to About My Options?

• Crisis pregnancy center - This is a place where they talk only to pregnant women. It might even have a maternity center attached where you could live until the baby is born.
• Family planning clinic - This is a place where women get birth control information or pregnancy tests.
• Adoption agency - This choice is good if you are already leaning strongly in the direction of adoption.
• Health Department or Social Services - A food stamps or welfare worker can tell you which clinic or department is the right one.
• Mental health center or family service agency - Counselors at these places help all kinds of people in all kinds of situations.

No matter where you go for counseling, a counselor should always treat you with respect and make you feel good about yourself. A counselor may have strong feelings about adoption, abortion, and parenting a child. Nevertheless, those feelings should not influence their professional advice nor the treatment provided to you. In order to make up your own mind, it is important for you to get clear answers from your counselor to the three questions found in the box below. The answers to these questions will help you choose the best option.

Types of Adoption

There are two types of adoptions, confidential and open.

Confidential: The birth parents and the adoptive parents never know each other. Adoptive parents are given background information about you and the birth father that they would need to help them take care of the child, such as medical information.

Open: The birth parents and the adoptive parents know something about each other. There are different levels of openness:

• Least open - You will read about several possible adoptive families and pick the one that sounds best for your baby. You will not know each other's names.
• More open - You and the possible adoptive family will speak on the telephone and exchange first names.
• Even more open - You can meet the possible adoptive family. Your social worker or attorney will arrange the meeting at the adoption agency or attorney's office.
• Most open - You and the adoptive parents share your full names, addresses, and telephone numbers. You stay in contact with the family and your child over the years, by visiting, calling, or writing each other. Fifteen States have enacted laws that recognize post-adoption contact between adoptive and birth families if the parties have voluntarily agreed to this plan.

Talk to your counselor about the type of adoption that is best for you. Do you want to help decide who adopts your child? Would you mind if a single person adopted your child, or a couple of a different race than you? Would you like to be able to share medical information with your child's family that may only become known in the future?

If you have strong feelings about these things, work with an agency or attorney who you feel will listen to what you want.

If you do not have strong feelings about these things, the adoption agency or attorney will decide who adopts your child based on who they think can best care for the child.

In all States, you can work with a licensed child placing (adoption) agency. In all but four States, you can also work directly with an adopting couple or their attorney without using an agency.

Private adoption agencies arrange most infant adoptions. To find private adoption agencies in your area, either contact The Clearinghouse or look in the yellow pages of your local phone book under `Adoption Agencies.`

There are several types of private adoption agencies. Some are for profit and some are nonprofit. Some work with prospective adoptive parents of a particular religious group, though they work with birth parents of all religions.

When you contact adoption agencies, ask the social workers as many questions as you need to ask so that you understand the agencies' rules. Some questions you will want to ask are in the box below.

The agency social worker will ask you questions to find out some information about you and the baby's father, such as your medical histories, age, race, physical characteristics, whether you have been to see a doctor since you became pregnant, whether you have been pregnant or given birth before, and whether you smoked cigarettes, took any drugs, or drank any alcohol since you became pregnant. The social worker asks these questions so that the baby can be placed with parents who will be fully able to care for and love the baby, not so that she can turn you down.

An adoption arranged without an adoption agency is called an independent or private adoption. It is legal in all States except Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, and Minnesota. With a private adoption, you need to find an attorney to represent you. Look for an attorney who will not charge you a fee if you decide not to place your baby for adoption. You also need to find adoptive parents. Here's how you find both of these.

To Find an Attorney

Legal Aid - This is a service available in most communities for people who cannot afford a private attorney. Sometimes it is located at a university law school. NOTE: Some States allow the adopting parents to pay your legal fees, so going to Legal Aid may not be necessary.

State Attorney Association or the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys - These groups can refer you to an attorney who handles adoptions in your area. The National Will I get counseling all through my pregnancy, after I sign the papers allowing my child to be adopted, and after my baby is gone? Can my baby's father and other people who are important to me join me in counseling if they want to? What kind of financial help can I get? What kind of medical and legal help will I have? Can I get help with medical and legal expenses? What will I get to know about the people who adopt my baby? May I tell you what I think are important traits for parents to have? How do you know the adoptive parents are good people? May I meet them if I want, or know their names? Will I ever be able to have contact with them or my child? Will I ever know how my child turns out? What information will you provide to the adoptive parents about me and my family?

Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC) National Adoption Directory (http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/general/nad/index.cfm) lists attorney referral services for each State. You also can contact the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys at P.O. Box 33053, Washington, DC 20033-0053.

To Find Adoptive Parents

Personal Ads - Some newspapers carry personal ads from people seeking to adopt. You call the number in the ad and get to know each other over the telephone. If you think you want to work with the couple, have your attorney call their attorney. The attorneys will work out all the arrangements according to what you and the adoptive parents want and the laws of your State.

Your Doctor - He or she may know about couples who are seeking a child, and be able to help arrange the adoption.

Adoptive Parent Support Groups - Parents who have already adopted may know other people seeking to adopt. You can find these groups through the National Adoption Directory (http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/general/nad/index.cfm).

National Matching Services - These services help birth parents and adoptive parents find one another. Contact NAIC for more information.

Of course, personal referrals are always good. Ask friends and family if they know any attorneys or possible adoptive parents.

There are some special considerations if your baby is a child of color, such as African American, Hispanic, Native American, Asian/Pacific Islander or biracial.

If it is important to you that the parents adopting your child be of the same ethnic or racial background as your child, you will need to locate an agency or attorney with such families approved and waiting for placement. You can choose which kind of agency you work with and which family your child goes to. Ask agencies or attorneys if they work with families of color and if they have families of color in their pool of approved families. Many agencies provide expectant parents with photos and summaries of prospective adoptive families to help them choose the adoptive family for their child.

You should be aware that two Federal laws (P.L. 103-382 and P.L. 104-188) prohibit adoption agencies receiving Federal funding from delaying or denying placement of a child with a prospective adoptive family in order to achieve racial or ethnic matching. These laws affect public adoption agencies as well as any private adoption agencies receiving any Federal funding.

Some agencies may not be as welcoming to you as they could be. If it is important to you that your child be placed with adoptive parents where at least one parent is of the same race as your child and agencies do not have them in their pool of applicants, they may be concerned that they will not be able to find a family for your child right away. Not all agencies recruit families of color and some agencies charge fees that can be prohibitive for many families.

Some agencies specialize in finding families for children of color. They work very hard to let people know that children of color are available for adoption. They also try to make the adoption process less complicated and intrusive for families.

Contact the Clearinghouse for the names, addresses and telephone numbers of adoption agencies that specialize in working with families of color, or for all the adoption agencies in your State. The information is free.

Contact in the future

If you decide on a confidential adoption, you may still wish to make sure that your child can contact you in the future. There are things you can do now to make that happen.

Many people who are adopted as children later want to meet their birth parents. With the exception of Alabama, Alaska, Delaware, Kansas, Oregon, and Tennessee, State laws do not permit them to see their original birth certificate. Because of these problems, many States, and some private national organizations, have set up adoption registries to help people find one another.

A registry works like this: You leave the information about the birth of the child and your address and telephone number. You must keep your address and telephone number current. You can register at any time, even years after the child is born.

When your child is an adult, he or she can call or write this registry. If what the child knows about his or her birth matches what the registry has, the registry will release your current address and telephone number to the child, and you could be contacted.

There is another way to ensure that your child can contact you if he or she wishes. Some adoption agencies and attorneys who arrange private adoptions will hold a letter in their file in which you say why you chose adoption and how to get in touch with you if the child ever wants to. If the agency or attorney that you are working with will not agree to do this, you may wish to work with somebody else.

Comments: Adoption

Comments 26 to 33 of about 33.
Previous 1

erin b - 346 days ago.
Butterflymom - It is such an amazing and unselfish thing to do. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. If you realize that this baby can have a better life with another family and you are willing to give him/her that chance at a better life, then you are amazing!

Butterflymom - 346 days ago.
I am giving my baby up for adoption. This is my third baby and I am the single mom to a three and 10 month old. I know that I can not hanndle a third child at this time. And I want the baby to have a good life one that I can not provide the baby with this life. And I have two other children to think about. It is hard to find support in what I am doing. I dont have alot of family really none my only family is my grandmother who if she found out I was pregnat again would cut me and my kids off. I have one freind who lives far away from me and she has saids some awful things about adoption and makes me feel like horrible for doing this. Any support helps!

cutiedoll676 - 372 days ago.
that is awesome news... im going to see Baby Bo in dec! i cant wait!

cutiedoll676 - 373 days ago.
i knew from being 5 months prego and not having the dad involved and in fact just finding out yesterday that he got married for the 2nd time while i will still prego hurts. but it wasnt like i tried to raise the baby then give up, he was adopted at birth, Bo's new mommy and i actually shared a room in the hospital while i was recovering and we both took care of Bo, mainly she did because i wanted him to bond with her more. but it was a wonderful experience. and to make matters even more interesting i was also adopted at birth. hope this helped answer your question

tracylouella - 373 days ago.
For al lyou birthmothers out there... may I ask how old your little ones were when you gave them up? My mom gave birth to twins when she was 17 and gave them up for adoption when they were 2 months old.. I just dont understand this decision after so long. After being with them for so long, I just dont get it. In the long run it was the BEST decision and I know know them and they are amazing wonderful brother who just turned 27. BUT haveing 4 kids of my own and going through the motions and the stress and I knwo how it is but still... how after so long?>

cutiedoll676 - 376 days ago.
hey all you couples trying to adopt i totally forgot there was an adoption part on this site.. anyways... i'm a birth mom that just had a baby and gave him up, well i feel i gave him more... through adoption. his name is Bo, and he is perfect in everyway. and the adopting parents are amazing too! i wrote my story under my blogs called 'what happend to baby Bo' i have been told that some couples are actually afraid of birthmom's. but there is no reason to be. i could have never given baby Bo the things he needed in life... and actually in a way... i gave Bo 3 things he needed most in his life... i gave him life... and i gave him a mommy and daddy that are ready to be parents and will give him so much love and the fact that i am a part of his life just makes everything more wonderful. if you have any questions for me, like was my choice hard to make, or how did i find Bo's new parents, or what agency i went through go ahead an ask. and if you would like to read my little blog on 'what happened to Bo' go ahead im sure you will find it inspiring as you start your journey to complete your own family :) http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/vip-blog/cutiedoll676/1226096251

luvmylifemomnwife - 379 days ago.
I just read the most beautiful unselfish story on adoption. A girl on my friends network gave birth and I read her birth story, then today she posted another blog about what happened to Baby Bo? I was brought to tears w/this amazing act of unselfishness and love for her son more than her self. She is only 20 yrs. old. Wow, that speaks volumes on her character and the love she has brought to a family that otherwise would never be able to be parents.

dolphinloves4 - 384 days ago.
My husband and I are looking to adopt. We both have so many questions and are just lost at where to even begin. It's something that we both want more than anything. I recently had my tubes tied in March after giving birth to our fourth son. It was a rash decision, one that I regretted immediately afterwards and now my heart is just breaking, I want another child so badly. We have discussed a reversal and even IVF but I really would love to adopt, give a child a happy home and all my love. I just don't know where to begin :( Any advice?

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