Blended Families

How can I make the transition easier?

Families come in all shapes, sizes and forms. A growing trend is the blended family. A blended family is also commonly known as a "stepfamily". In today's society, approximately one third of all families are blended. This is because many partners find a new-found love and remarry after their first marriage was found to be unsuccesful.

Although the majority of blended families do not experience any major set-backs, some do. Blending a family can be a difficult task and sometimes one member of the family feels left out, hurt and abandoned.

Most importantly, take time to realize and understand that divorce, death and a new marriage can be stressful for parents and children. Children may not understand why their parents are separating and marrying someone else. Give your child extra attention, love and support during this time.

Finding out that your spouse has children from a previous relationship may be difficult. Get to know your partner's children and try not to set expectations that may be unrealistic. Do not expect the child to immediately love and trust you. This will take some time. Realize that the child may not think of you as a parent right away. It is common to hear "You are not my mommy." or "I don't have to listen to you." As a step-parent, it is importnat to discuss how discipline will be handled. Will the step-parent have just as much say as the biological parent? Researchers believe that the biological parent should continue to be the primary disciplinarian, especially in the beginning of the relationship. If there are children from both parents, there should be one set of household rules for everyone to follow. Otherwise, the children may begin to resent each other.

The ages of the children involved can play a major factor in how easy it will be to adapt to a new life. Children under the age of 8 and over the age of 15 usually accept the changes the easiest. Teenagers can understand what is going on and are usually interested in their own life at this point. Young children are interested in forming strong family bonds and enjoy the new friendship that a stepparent can bring. Children between the ages of 9 and 14 usually have a harder time accepting the changes that come with a blended family. At this age, children are more sensitive and may feel very betrayed by their biological parents.

Comments: Blended Families

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strongmama03 - 140 days ago.
Hello. I am entering into a blended family. My boyfriend already has two teens and I have an infant. His kids are great with my daughter and we can't wait to add to our family :)

Mrshulk - 351 days ago.
I married a man with 4 children. It hasn't been a walk in the park. I have never been serious with a man with kids let alone that many. I have 1 child who is about to turn 4 and it has been somewhat rough but we are becoming use to everyone. We also want to add one to the mix. His ex irks me still and my ex irks him bad! My husbands kids I think use to be jealous my daughter was always around their dad but thats not our fault their mother only allows my husband to see them when its convienent for her. They even told my daughter thats not her dad and we told my daughter its ok to call my husband dad. My daughter doesn't want to make her real dad mad by calling my husband dad. I told her you can call him whatever name works for you. My ex doesn't like the fact I married him and have him living with us but he had a broad around my daughter since she was born and she wasn't even his wife and they shared a place and my daughter once said that was her second mommy before I even met my husband.

barbiesydor - 634 days ago.
My cousin recently told me about the program at http://savingmorethanbefore.com At her recommendation I signed up for their sampler program and I have to share the amazing results with everyone. Using this program last night for the first time, my husband and I had an overflowing cart of groceries and non food general items. In all it rang up to $538.16 but thanks to this program we only paid $ 32.88! We weren't the only ones shocked, the cashier's mouth dropped. It is literally about paying pennies on the dollar for everything!

prettyNpinkNo4 - 881 days ago.
I have a blended family. I hate it! My husband and I have three children n one on the way. He also has a daughter from a previous relationship. I have been in her life since she was one however its been hell! Yup this day she will try to pick fights with me I usually ignore her advance but sometimes its so hard. I have done nothing but be nice n it don't work. I know her mom implants things in her brain. But I've had enough! She is now almost of age and I'm ready to tell her u want to see your father to meetngum somewhere I have had enough abuse! :(

sarahjay - 920 days ago.
my bf and i are expecting our first child in december. He has a 1/12 year old form a previous relationship that we never get the chance to see, and I have a 3 year old from an unsuccessful marriage. After the separation my now ex husband just decided since i didnt want to be a wife, he didnt want to be a dad. my daughter was 2 when she met my current bf, and she began calling him daddy months later, with no prompting from me. she has chosen her father, children do that.

AmoInfans - 1048 days ago.
I need some advice...I have a child from my soon -to-be ex husband (the divorce petition is currently going through the courts) and I am waiting to find out what the custody arrangement will be. I am hoping for sole legal and physical custody (she is only 6 months) due to emotional, mental, and physical abuse as well as the fact that his lifestyle directly and indirectly endangered her. My proposed parenting plan: There would be supervised visitation on Saturdays for 2 hours if he completes the court ordered parenting classes and is deemed safe from a psychological evaluation. My partner/fiance has a 9 year old step daughter that he was the primary caretaker of from the age of 4-8...but he has no legal right to her because he never legally married her mother. His ex lets him be in her life but only on her schedule if he does something for her first. His step daughter constantly asks for him and I to spend time with her, and everytime we take her over to her biological father's and step mother's house she cries and doesn't want us to leave. Her father and step mother neglect her. We are lost on what to do... Perhaps I should mention how his step daughter knows me. My soon-to-be ex hasband and I lived with my current partner, his ex, and the little girl. When my partner's ex didn't want to be a mother I would step up and fill that role in the daughter's life. I have known my partner/fiance for over a year and a half as well as his ex, step daughter, and the daughter's biological father and step mother. Here is the extra piece of the puzzle, my partner/fiance and I are expecting a child. We got a FAINT positive a few days ago...but nobody knows right now because that would cause more stress and drama than we need. Since you have the background story, I would like some opinions/answers: -> How should I approach becoming a figure in my partner/fiance's step daughter's life, especially since she is getting ready to be 10 and I am 21? -> How do I legally deal with becoming a figure in her life seeing as how she has neglectful biological father and step mother? -> How do I deal with my soon to be ex husband when he finds out that I am pregnant with his ex best friend's child and that we are getting married? -> My daughter has started to call my partner da da, while we have only called him by his name...why? and how do we deal with it legally and socially?

mccoymama - 1179 days ago.
1mommyto2- she did start on her own. He and I were friends for years before dating and getting married... when she started talking she called him 'uncle doc' she couldn't say his name and everyone called him Doc. About 2 weeks after the wedding she just called him daddy one day. It's been what she calls him ever since. Plus he plans to adopt her this summer/fall, which her bio dad agreed to.

1mommyto2 - 1179 days ago.
mccoymama ~ if yall are not telling her to call him daddy and she does it on her own and your hubby dont mind, then I wouldnt worry about! If she loves him that much to call him daddy than I would be grateful she has a daddy figure in her life that she can depend on to be daddy! I see nothing wrong with it!

lilith - 1179 days ago.
My boyfriend and I each have two children, I have my two daughters, 6 and 7 years, he has a son, 10, and a daughter, 8. The kids seem to get along quite well, but because of how far we live from each other have maybe seen each other 5 or 6 times in the past year. I am pregnant with our son, and although all the children are excited I am nervous. I think he expects his kids to spend a lot of time over at my house, sleeping over and such after the baby comes, but my home is way too small. I live in an old 2 bedroom trailer. His daughter is afraid of dogs, (for a reason no one understands, she's never been bitten, never seen an attack, ect) and I own an overly friendly, rambunctious, 70 ibs of stupid dog named Nikki (who LOVES ALL KIDS). My other issue is that our kids have been raised differently. My kids, though wild, have manners, and are taught to accept people no matter their disability. His kids?? Are so different from mine. How am I supposed to make this work? He and I have talked about living together, and though I love him fiercely, I can't see this happening. I see him once a week and every other weekend right now. I can honestly say, I think I like it this way. Less stress, lol.

mccoymama - 1179 days ago.
My DH and I have been married almost a year. My daughter (2 next weekend) calls him daddy because her biological dad hasn't seen her in over a year. He's been around about 4-5 weeks for her entire life. Although he is military and stationed overseas, he still comes back to the states and chooses not to see her. My DH is the only daddy she has ever really known. Is it wrong that she calls him daddy?

jennawilde - 1179 days ago.
I have an 8 year old son from a previous marriage, he sees his biological daddy about 3x a year (because he lives across the country from us).... I recently got married to a man I dated for the last 4 years, who has been actively involved in my son's life on a regular basis. We are now expecting own on son/daughter as well. After we got married, I asked my son what he wanted to call my husband, and he said 'can I call him DAD and my real one DADDY?' and I told him that he can call him whatever he is comfortable with. There are times when he will call him by his given name, and then there are times he will call him Dad. But I don't force the issue. I think it is completely up to the child what they would like to call the blended parent.

julybabynumber3 - 1183 days ago.
my kids are old enough to know they have a 'real' dad but they just dont see him. my partner is good with them and im pregnant with his baby. they dont call him dad but my eldest asked if he was going to be their dad now, which made me feel so sorry for them (and angry at their 'real' dad for not bothering with them). if they want to call my partner dad then thats fine by me as long as they know they do have a 'real' dad out there somewhere. i dont think its fair on the child to make them call anyone else dad - even if they dont see them, i think if the child wants to do it and knows the truth then its totally up to them.

Time4Siblings4Alexia - 1265 days ago.
I too have a daughter from my previous marriage, and I'm pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. He is good to us and I feel I can say he loves both of us. Alexia is 20 months old, but he has been around since she was 14 months. He is a very good person, and if I had a choice in the matter, he would be her only father. However, her daddy is her daddy and she calls him daddy. From time to time, she calls my b/f Daddy, and sometimes Ryan. I call him DaddyRyan but she hasn't picked that up yet. I think she will form her own name for him, and always will understand that Daddy is her real Daddy and Daddy-that-we-sometimes-call-Ryan isn't. I want Ryan to have just as much disciplinary rule as I do, as he will be her father-figure when she is with me. I want her to KNOW the difference, but not to act upon it. At such a young age, she won't remember anything but having 'two daddys,' and that's okay with me.

JosieJ09 - 1266 days ago.
I am currently with my fiancee and i have a daughter from a previous relationship.... is it weird to have my daughter call my soon to be husband dad if her dad is still in her life.

faith-star-x - 1338 days ago.
wow i just noticed this forum, i came from and am now in a blended family, things can be difficult, but i wouldnt change it, i haave four children, 3 dads, makes things hard at times, but my fiance has taken on the oldest 3 and they call him dad, yes they still see theirown fathers but they love and respect my fiance, we have a lil girl together and are ttc our 5th.i have had issues such as his parents playing grandma and grandad, now they dont, they still see my older children, but they do not ask them to call them grandparents, i dont care for them too much, as my kids are happy at home with the blended family x

sirensdad - 1377 days ago.
Bump Hi everyone - Sorry for the intrusion, but I am reaching out to this community in search of the REAL stories of blended families today, for a new television series to air on a major cable network. If your blended family is the real life Brady Bunch (or maybe the story is why you are not!) and you'd be willing to share your story on TV, please contact me at sirenscasting@gmail.com. Thanks, Brent Sirens Media

mumette - 1424 days ago.
I'm kinda havinga h ard time with this. My boyfriend has a 6 yr old little boy and we are very hard pressed for cash...I just found out that child support will be immediatly deducted form his pay checks and I am feeling sort of resentful since I feel we wont have enough to provide for this one because of his other son. I know that sounds horrible but its how I FEEL.

Melanie07 - 1430 days ago.
I come from a blended family and I know have a blended family. Blended families are hard at time but, I would not change anything. All of my kids consider each other full sibling. We do not use the words 'step' nor 'half'. When I go remarried, My older two children were in the wedding. Instead of the regular unity candle, we made a blended candle. Each of us chose a different color wax crystal. We all poured out colored wax into a decorative glass container with a wick. It made like a sand art. It turned out to be a beautiful candle. It blended all the different colors without mixing. It symbolized each of us are our own self yet, together we make something beautiful. We burn the candle every year on our anniversary. Our kids really loved being a part of that. They love their new little sister too. She really seamed to bring the family completely together. It was like she was a missing piece. They only problem I am having right now is, my MIL definitely shows major favoritism to our youngest. She accepted my older two as her own grandkids until the youngest came. Now she treats then very different.

jaychay - 1459 days ago.
i came from a blended family and now have a blended family. im here to talk if anyone needs.

sirensdad - 1460 days ago.
Hi everyone - Sorry for the intrusion, but I am reaching out to this community in search of the REAL stories of blended families today, for a new television series to air on a major cable network. If your blended family is the real life Brady Bunch (or maybe the story is why you are not!) and you'd be willing to share your story on TV, please contact me at sirenscasting@gmail.com. Thanks, Brent Sirens Media

Mommyof2Kidos - 1494 days ago.
I have a blended family and I'm always here to talk. Sometimes you might not see conversations in the forum because people might respond directly to another persons profile page.

mrsdenney - 1495 days ago.
i too have a blended family....and im here to talk

heathert - 1495 days ago.
I had never noticed this forum maybe that is why there is not much activity.

heathert - 1495 days ago.
I have a blended family and have talked to many women on here that do also.

4thonitsway - 1495 days ago.
there are plenty of blended families on this site just notso much in this forum