allynne7 (Jaime) -
389 days ago.
Wow, so many stories and all are the same! I guess I'll add mine to the list. Now, granted, I am not in nor have I ever been in an abusive relationship (physical that is) but I am the product of an abusive man. My biological father was and is an extremely abusive man. Oh, he can be sweet as pie but when he gets angry (and you never know when it will happen or why) you'd best start running. When my sister was a year old my father decided to punish my mother so he grabbed her and dangled her over the stairwell (7 stories up) and LET GO! Oh yeah, she's the daughter that he loves and adores too! Nice huh? Luckily my mother was able to throw herself over just enough to grab my sisters hand and haul her back up and over the railing. Enter my mom's pregnancy for me. Well, lets just say having a pregnant wife did not make him less abusive. He beat her so badly when she was 7 mnths pregnant with me that my mom had to be air lifted to the hospital (I needed special care due to the damage). Because of what he did the doctors were scrambling for a month (that's how long she had to stay in the hospital! Thank goodness for health care, huh!?!) to try to get me to grow. I'm not sure why his abuse caused me to stop growing or how he ended up damaging my ribs (they're sort of sideways now) but he did... But that's not important. I'm all good and healthy now! Next comes the day I was born - he got kicked out of the hospital for smoking a joint in the bathroom! Thanks Dad! By this point my mother had left him. He didn't like that all the threats in the world would't bring her back so he decided to try ti kill us. Obviously his plan failed. We spend over 20 years in hiding. I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. As a parent you have to make a decision: Who do you love more? Your man or your child? Luckily my mother chose her children. In the end I grew up knowing no man would EVER lay his hands on me, that I am worth the sun, moon, and stars and so much more. I have a great (step) dad who's always been there for me and supported me through everything even though we don't share blood lines. I also got a kick-ass step-sister. If my mother didn't have the courage to leave my father I'd be dead right now or worse. Everyday I wake up thanking the good lord for my mother and giving her the strength to leave. She's my hero and I could never thank her enough for putting us kids first! I tell eberyone I can this story. And no I don't care if it makes people uncomfortable to hear it. This is life- MY life! And it's real. People need to open their eyes and see that sometimes we as women need a lot of help and support from a society that would rather bury their head in the sand. Good luck ladies and I wish you all the very best. God knows you DESERVE nothing less than that XOX
909 days ago.
im praying for all of u!!! ur not alone and i hope that u and ur children all find happiness
1304 days ago.
Hi Ladies- I was just reading all the posts and wanted to comment. First I wanted to tell you all to hang in there your great women and deserve so much more than the abuse you have suffered. I am a social worker and want to tell you from a professional opinion it is unfortunate but rarely will men change their abusive behavior and unfortunately in can result in much more than just a few scrapes and bruises. I understand that leaving sporadically may not be an option but there are things you can do. I would start storing money in case one day you do need to go. I would also seek a counselor out to talk with and research an escape plan if that is your reality. It is obvious these men will not let any of you go willingly so if you choose to leave you will need a plan of action. Going to a family members house may or may not be an option but just know that however sorry they are they will most likely do it again. Also know you have done nothing wrone even if he tells you otherwise. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Only an insecure individual takes out their unhappiness in such a cowardly way as preying on the person who loves them most. Please know you and your kids are worth it and do not deserve any abusive. May God Bless you all
1334 days ago.
Iv been wit my bf since I was 15years-19 are first 2 yrs were great then he got physical and emotional abuses to me I'm sadly still with him after 3years of abuse and I'm 33wks pregnant and he is still abuses to me u get blamed for ever thing that goes wrong he calls me names talks about how good other girls look its so hard to take in when I still love him I don't knlw why is wish I didn't I mean I don't know how anyone can love somebody when they hit you and shit I I thought it would stop when I found out I was pregnant but it hasn't I mean just like a montn ago he was hitting with his belt I'm always hiding marks from ppl I don't have any friends really that I could talk to so if any of u want to talk I would love to I plan ob leaveing my bf when my baby is born if this is still happenin I have a safe place to go with my baby so I guess I see what happens
1398 days ago.
I just thought this may be interesting and useful to somebody who may really need this.
1423 days ago.
courtgulledge- I can't say that I know how it feels to be the spouse in an abusive relationship, but I know full well what it was like to be a child in one. I know it will be hard raising you're children alone (at least for a while) but always remember that it is whats best for ALL of you. My mother had to be stuck in an abusive relationship for 10 years and she had to watch us all be abused as well. Whenever you start to miss him, try to keep in mind that you never want to see bruises on your children or see them try to hide whenever daddy comes home, or beg you to please leave him. Be strong.
1424 days ago.
I am having a hard time. I am 3 1/2 months pregnant and have a 15 month old. About a month ago my husband was physically abusive to me and my son (tried to pull him out of my arms so hard he cried), pulled my hair, twisted my arm. I tried to call 911 but he broke my phone. I was able to run out of the house with my child and jump in my car and lock the doors. I could hear him outside calling 911 that his wife was leaving with his child. Anyhow after the cops saw my arms and my broken phone they asked me if I wanted to press charges so I did. This was nowhere near the first time he has been abusive with me but when he put his hands on my child I was so upset. I pressed charges and he went to jail on two charges one of family violence and the other on interfering with my 911 call. I got an emergency protective order on him so that he cannot come around, contact me, or see our child for now and filed for divorce. Today is day 32 on absolutely no contact with him and I find myself missing him so much. I read about battered women's syndrome and how we have this weird connection with them and think we need them. It is so hard being pregnant and raising a child without him around. I know what I am doing is right as raising children in an abusive home is just wrong but what is my problem. His parents think I am nuts because I was very quiet about his abuse with them; verbal, emotional, financial, and physical. I just feel so sad and lonely that this is my life...single mom of two. I once thought I'd be with him forever...what happened?
1504 days ago.
at the age of 17 i became pregnant with my first child. The man i was with was beyond loving.. or so at the time I thought... but as weeks went by in my pregnancy he started becoming 'overwhelmed' with everything around him , not once had he physically laid a hand on me nor had he verbally or mentally assualted me at that particular time. Well lets just say that shortly changed soon after.. @ 2 1/2 months pregnant he got into an arguement wih his sister liz and ended up throwing his Hiking bag into the air while screaming at me , i was laying down on the bed not to sure what was happening I had never seen the man I was so in love with act so immaturely and out of control. When he threw that bag it wieghed about 200 pounds and landed directly on my stomache.. I was mortified and started spotting a day and a half later, so I went to the hospital and told them exactly what had happened. I figured at the time it was the stress of his sister that was causing him to act irrationally towards me , so we left... things changed for awhile and he was happy again , loving and very supportive, and then my best friend started butting into our relationship and he became hostile. Constantly screaming at me and accusing me of sleeping around on him while he was at work. @ 6 months I kicked him out... he was angry and I was at a friend place when he proceeded to punch the back of my chair because i was refusing to talk with him anymore about my suppossed cheating habbits. That was the last draw.. in my mind he had to go.. and he did I kicked him out and he took that same hiking bag in which he had thrown ontop of me and he left.. I thought things would be ok from there, but i spiraled into a depression , i left and moved in with the babys fathers brother and his wife and kids , i needed the help this was about a month later , little did i know that he was there waiting for me stating he loved me and wanted to change. I gave him the benefit of the doubt we had our tiffs but things went great.. until again that ex friend of mine got involved in our relationship , after my son was born... he got worse, we were happy at first and then she came into play with her lies and the abuse started again , it is no excuse for his actions but he messe me up real bad emotionally mentally and physically , at the age of 18 i gave him the final boot. I had a child to protect... and i couldnt handle his attacks anymore verbal or physical and i was scared for the well being of my child. He came back for a visit once... and the abuse started as soon as my son was out of the home... I called a friend and they came over I got my sons dad out of my life for the final time.. reporting him too the RCMP for domestic abuse... It has been a year and a little bit... and since then he has hooked up with the girl that was causing drama in our relationship and they have a new baby . I am glad he has moved on with his life , but i praiy everyday he doesnt do the same things to her in which he did to me... He has not even contacted his son in the time that he has been away , so yesterday i filed for custody papers, relieaving him of all his parental dutys and obligations. If he can raise his fist to a woman while pregnant... then there is no telling what he can do to a child...
since him I have met one of the most amazing men I could ever imagine to be with and am on my second child.. I may not be with this babys daddy or the last... but I wouldnt change my decision to leave him for anything in the world . my son is a happy child and better off without someone who will only teach him to be violent and manipulative...
mother of one -
1504 days ago.
BTW: If he keeps starting drama when it comes to my house to see Brody I will NOT allow him over here anymore. I dont want my son to be around that mess. I've been through so much with this guy. When I was about 5months prego he choked me, spit at me, pushed me out of bed (my stomach hit a chair), pushed me up against the wall. When Brody was a month old he pushed me against the wall so hard I hit my head extremely hard I needed to go to the doc, he's punched me in my side & thigh. He's verbally abusive too. He's been 'changing' for a year. No matter how many times they fake cry or say they're sorry & that they've change ITS NOT TRUE!! THEY'LL NEVER CHANGE. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he's treated me. Ladies you can & WILL do better. Leave before the unthinkable happens. You dont want your child(ren) around this bc you DONT want the cycle to repeat. I never thought I'd ever be in a relationship like the one I was in. Any teens going thru this & you need someone to talk to FEEL FREE TO TALK TO ME!!
mother of one -
1504 days ago.
I posted my story on here a couple of months ago & I'm glad to say that I'm still single & I havent taken my son's father back. He called me the other night telling how much he's changed & how he misses me, & how he wants to be a happy family. He wants us to move back in with him. Since I've left him (in Feb) he's seen my son three times. The last time he came to my house he got mad because I didnt want to be with him & he said I was bossing him around but I was telling him NOT to leave Brody alone on the bed bc he rolls. Well I ended up sleeping w/him bc I wanted him to stay & spend time w/Brody. Afterwards he pushed me. I asked him why he pushed me & he said bc I made him mad. *Brody wasnt around when he pushed me, he was in another room w/my sister. Apart of me wants to believe that he's change but I know he hasnt. I actually LOVE not being w/him. I love being single and I'm NOT going to take him back no matter what he says!!!
1525 days ago.
About 3 years ago I left my abusive b/f...I was with him since I was 14 yrs old-24 yrs old...The relationship didnt get violent until about 2 yrs after we started going out...Me and him used to get into fist fights...He would embarrass me in front of my friends, my family, and his. he would fight with me and hit me infront of them...I was so scared to leave because he would threaten me...He said that I'll never get rid of him...I ended up getting pregnant and it seemed like everything was going to be ok...But it didnt. He beat me when I was 5 months pregnant. Always took off with his friends, stay out all night, i was stressing practically the whole time I was pregnant...At my babyshower he embarrassed me again since he didnt get along with my sister he didnt want her there, but i invited her anyway..he made me leave my own shower until my aunties came and got me...After that he told me he was sorry and that he'll change. Which he always told me, but I figured he would since I was about to give birth he would...I ve threaten him so many times that I would leave and he would start crying and me believing him I'd take him back...He was always in and out of jail...I started not not have any feelings for him...Everytime we would have sex I would feel disgusted...So finially the last time he got locked up I broke away from him..I started going out with my friends having fun. Which I was never allowed to do while being with him....I told him how I felt and I didnt want to be with him..Of course he gave me that jail talk but I wasnt falling for it anymore...Now its over..Thank god!!! Now I m with someone that treats me the way i should be treated and he doesnt hit me...And treats my daughter like his own...She calls him daddy since her real dad isnt around..But were all happy now...
1556 days ago.
When my ex choked me he left his hand prints around my neck. He left visible marks on my body, and I did the same to him. We were the cutest couple... 'in the beginning'. Slowly things started changing, and his temper was very evident. The 1st warning sign should have been the way he treated his mother when he was upset. Sometimes when you think you're so in love you tend to look past those things or make up excuses for them. I allowed him to bring out the worst in me. I also allowed him to abuse me mentally long before the physical came into place. When I found out I was pregnant it was like a light bulb had gone off in my head and I knew our relationship was too toxic for me to stay in. I had lost a baby before and I wasn't going to allow anyone or anything to cause me to lose this one. It was very hard at first, but I had a sense of peace within me that I can't really explain. I left my sons dad and never looked back. My son has never seen his mommy mistreated and he never will. It was one of the best decisions I have made in my life. I am now married to a wonderful man that is very gentle, loving and caring to both me and my son. So I say to any woman in this situation.... You deserve to be loved the right way. Love does not hurt you.
1558 days ago.
ok well this is my 1st time posting in this forum but wow i never knew it would feel this good being single and being a single parent.! yeah of course i was sad kinda depressed about leaving but i am so much happier like this. my family has even come closer to me and my daughter and i am laughing morethan ever. so now that i am single, my daughters dad has decided not to be there.. i havent talked to him in like 2 months . i know his number but i dont even want to hear his voice. the 1st time he hit me was when i was pregnant it got sooo bad after wards. i learned the hard way and girls YES! ITS TRUE IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER!ITS A WAY OF LIFE 4 THE ABUSER AND HE CANT CHANGE HIMSELF , ESPECIALLY U!!.. NAD ITS BETTER 4 THE CHILDREN TO GROW UP W/ SINGLE PARENT THEN TO GROW IN THAT KIND OF ENVIRNMENT...IT REALLY mESSES WITH THEIR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH... AND I KNOW THIS FROM 1ST HAND EXPERIENCE MY DAD DOIN IT TO MY MOM.
PLEASE B SAFE AND TAKE CARE LADIES
1563 days ago.
courtneyloppie: I'm so happy that you have followed through with your word and not gone back to your lowlife ex. And I'm so glad to hear that you are happy. You did the right thing and I hope that other women will follow your example and get themselves out of the dangerous situation they are in.
Mommy at 19: I hope you do leave and that all works out for you. I look forward to reading a message from you similar to courtneyloppie.
1566 days ago.
so let me ask you a question.. how many times have you said never again?? you know it take about 8 times before you actually leave.
Mommy at 19 -
1566 days ago.
I just wish that every girl/woman that's in an abusive relationship will leave their spouse and NEVER look back!!! Once someone is set in their ways there's NO changing them!! I'm completely done with my bf...he's hurt me in everyway. Cheated on me since day one & left me at the hospitla while I was in labor & cheated on me!!
IT MIGHT BE HARD AT FIRST TO LEAVE THE GUY BUT NOONE SHOULD BE IN THAT TYPE OF SITUATION ESPECIALLY A INNOCENT YOUNG BABY!!! YOU MIIGHT LOVE THAT GUY BUT YOU SHOULD LOVE YOURSELF & YOUR BABY MORE!!! I hope Rihanna leaves Chris Brown & testify at court!
**I didnt call the cops on my bf the otherday when he hit me bc I was afraid that they would take my son away. He has court on the 23rd from the last time he pushed me. Should I go and tell the judge what happened?
Ladies who are in a abusive relationship...PLEASE LEAVE...do it for your baby & yourself!!! Trust me you dont want your child to not have a parent or both parents. Ya never know what can happen. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR BF OR HUBY
Mommy at 19 -
1566 days ago.
Ladies let me just tell you that when you're in a abusive relationship things DONT get better they get worst. In May '08 my bf pushed me, spit on me, and tried to choke me when I was 3.5months pregnant. He went to jail OVERNIGHT & got charged with disorderly conduct & had to take angermangement classes & alcohol classes. Well the other day he punched me in my side & thigh & pushed me; I fell off the bed & hit my head pretty hard. I've had an intense headache ever since. (I might go to the ER later). He is also very verabally abusive, he calls me fat & ugly & says my stomach is ugly (I just had a baby 3months ago & I gained 70lbs wtf does he expect). NO MATTER HOW MANY CLAASES THEY TAKE OR HOW MANY TIMES THEY SAY IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN OR THAT THEYRE SORRY & THEY LOVE YOU...it will happen again & they dont love you bc if he did he wouldnt want to hurt you in ANYWAY!! I cant believe Rihanna took Chris Brown back. She's settting a bad example for all teen girls who look up to her. I cant be a hypocrite though!
1568 days ago.
omg, happyforest! what a horrible way to live and have a child grow up. I hope your friend gets the help she needs. :(
1573 days ago.
ok i have an update on my friend- she got her baby back but now her and her family are in HIDING from the psycho ex. im not sure what all happened bc she coulnt talk much but please leave before this happens to you!! NOT A GOOD WAY FOR A BABY TO GROW UP1!!
1585 days ago.
Amen! So many loose their kids because they keep them in a dangerous situation..the charge is always endangering the welfare of a child. ((()))
1585 days ago.
for all of those in an abusive relationship i would like to share what happened to my best friend last week---her bf is terrible and abusive to her. they have a 3 month old baby. they were having some drinks at their house and he got drunk and started beating and choking her so bad and for so long that the neighbors eventually called the police. when the cops got there they both got arrested and taken to jail. he got charged with battery and she got charged with NEGLECT. keeping your child in a home with an abusive father is NEGLECT and you CAN AND WILL GET YOUR CHILD TAKEN AWAY!!! please ladies leave your abusive me before you lose your baby or maybe your life!!! she is a good mother and now her baby is with her MIL :( all bc she wouldnt leave her bf and now look what happened....
1589 days ago.
Shaunadear: I hope you are okay (and the rest of you strong women as well). Please call this number: National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 (it's listed in this forum) and do everything you can to get yourself and your precious little ones away from this man! I do not speak from experience (I have a temper and would definitely do everything in my power to hurt my husband if he ever laid a finger on me - thank goodness though he is not abusive) but I do know many women close to me who have been and let me tell you that these men will TRY to use your children against you. Might even harm them to get back at you. I know it must be scary but you MUST follow through - for you and your children! It will make you a stronger person and your children will learn from you (not him). And always remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and THERE IS ALWAYS HELP. Lots of luck and I do hope you let go of this good-for-nothing! You and your children are in my prayers.
1599 days ago.
Big hugs ~ we are here for you anytime ~ keep us posted. remember you can only loose your babies if you dont provide for their needs (that includes a safe home environment) ~ only moms who are deemed unfit have their kids taken away ~ judges dont give babies to dads because they make the money, own the home, pay for the bills. He it telling you things he 'thinks' are true when in fact it isnt ~ all he will get if visitation rights ~ if the courts dont know he is abusive he will get rights to see them and care for them without you there ~ the only way to prevent that is to file charges and show he is a danger to them as well as you. first step is get to a shelter, file charges and get a restraining order on him ((())) hugs
1599 days ago.
Not of him, but of losing my babies. Thank you for all the great advice. I'll see what I can do.. I need to be strong for my kids and myself. It's time I do something about it. Thank you so much ladies. I'll try and keep you posted on what is happening.
1599 days ago.
I don't even know where to start. A bit terrified.