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Home » Pregnancy & Baby Forums » Father to be



Father to be

Father to be



A hero in the making!

Father-To-Be
Fathers today share the joys of pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing. However, they also share the worries and challenges that come with starting a family.


`A Man`s Guide to Pregnancy`

How to live with a pregnant person and get out of it alive.
How You May Feel
  • Left Out- All of the attention is focused on your partner and you may feel like you have no part in it. You can overcome this by getting involved in as much as possible. Go to the doctor with your partner, attend classes, shop for baby and really try to tune in to the pregnancy that is a shared joy.
  • Fear of Sex-Making love during pregnancy is generally just as safe as before pregnancy. Intimacy can maintain a healthy relationship with you and your partner and can give her a sense of security and emotional/physical closeness.
  • Sympathy symptoms- Some expectant fathers do experience symptoms right along with their partner. Your symptoms could also indicate sickness-so don't overlook them if you feel sick.
  • Impatience- Your partner has mood swings, periods of pains and full of complaints from time to time. Try to keep in mind that pregnancy is not a permanent condition and that the changes will pass.
  • Anxiety- You may feel anxious over the baby's health, your partner's health and impending life changes. It is normal to be anxious over the unexpected. Try to prepare the best you can for all of the upcoming situations. Attend the prenatal visits often and ask questions. Being informed should take alot of worry off of your mind.
  • Unsure of your partner's new looks- You may be worried or concerned about the weight that your partner is putting on. Just remember that a healthy baby needs nutrition. In order to receive that nutrition, your partner must gain a healthy amount of weight. Be supportive and encouraging in what she eats. Exercise with your partner and accentuate the positive.
  • Fear of the upcoming labor- You are not alone! Very few fathers go into the labor room without some type of fear. Attend childbirth classes, so that you know what to expect and can be better prepared.


Ways to Feel Included
  • Attend prenatal appointments
  • Attend childbirth classes
  • Shop together for baby essentials
  • Feel your partner's abdomen when the baby is moving
  • Help decorate the nursery


Ways to Help Your Partner
  • Offer to help more around the house
  • Offer to run errands
  • Suggest some alone time
  • Frequent massages for sore muscles
  • Alter your work schedule if possible in the end
  • Be available for support




Comments: Father to be

Comments 1 to 24 of about 76.
1 2 3 Next


silviaadaes@hotmail.com - 785 days ago.
Dear Cari: thanks for your words of encouragement and advice... I am hoping he will in fact come around even if only after the baby is born but if his actions over the past weeks are any indication of how he is going to be over the next 6 months I fear it will be too late for 'us'... at this point i am really struggling with losing him as a boyfriend ... I just can't believe his indifference and lack of concern - just last week I had to get a CVS b/c my first trim test came back at high risk and all he could muster was a text reading 'let me know'... I couldnt believe it!! ... anyway, I am just enjoying the pregnancy and keeping my eye on the silver lining :) in 6 months I will have a lil baby boy :)) what could be better than that right?!?

Silvia - 786 days ago.
I see there isn't really a lot of posts on this forum but i figured i'd leave my message and hope for some feedback: I am 13 weeks pregnant with my first and got pregnant the very first time we slept together. The father took it well at first but suddenly after my 8 week ultrasound his attitude changed drastically - suddenly out of nowhere he accused me of trapping him (eventhough i turned down his gunshot wedding proposal and hesitated moving in together) simply because I made the decision not to terminate the pregnancy.... he had always told me he wanted kids (he's 34) and was ready to settle down and did not believe in abortion and he knew the OB issues i had in the past and my fear that i would never conceive... still he accused me of trapping him and then asked me for 'time' to process... its been a month and despite the fact i have kept him updated he appears indifferent... i know i can do this on my own and i am happy beyond measure that i am pregnant but his out-of-left-field indifference is disconcerning :-/ anyone have any advice??

Tina Freyer - 1078 days ago.
Well here I am 37 and pregnant very unexpected. The father and I have known each other for about 3 years but never had anything romantic. He happens to be my new brother in laws best friend. In fact thats how we got together. Him the Best Man me the Maid of Honor. He is not taking it very well in fact the last thing he said was he needed to process it because I refused a abortion. He knew I did not believe in them so I am surprised he is acting this way with me refusing. I guess I just wait and let him process.

hug0056 - 1340 days ago.
Hi everyone, i am now 16 wks and overjoyed tho it has taken a while to come round to the idea of bein pregnant and doing this alone.... im 39 and mother of 2. My partner and i planned to marry and have 1 child as he dosent have any children. This year I miscarried in june at 9 wks, we were both deverstated. we said try again later in the year but i fell pg within 6 weeks. i told my partner our news and was not ready for what i heard...... im not ready 2 be a dad, i dont want it. a couple days later a text saying get rid of it i dont want it. he has not spoken to me since that was 3 months ago, he had ignored all my texts and calls so i gave up and concentrated on me and bubs.. i dont know if he will ever contact me but my heart says i shud let him know bout all thats going on, show him scan pic etc but im sure he can work it out when bubs is due and spose have to wait ans see if he will but im dreading having to see him again as i feel so angry with him for leaving me for being pregnant with his baby. Im ok to bring bubs up by myself as i have my family round me and they are all overjoyed bout a new baby x I feel sorry for him he is going to miss out on all the joy a new life brings.

Elsie1989 - 1386 days ago.
wow, sarah i had something similar with my second child, the possible father told me that if i didnt get an abortion he wouldnt be with me , he called me down he left me, abandoned with no one he threw a microwave and a t.v at me, and he was just plain out mean , so it got to the point where i gave up i told him i would never consider choosing him over my baby and we seperated, i didnt talk to him for a full 7-8 months, theres a possible 2 men to be the father of my child and they both knew this apon my finding out i was pregnant, only 1 of them stepped up and took responsibility, now the second guy who told me to get hte abortion stepped in at 9 months cuz i told him hey im due in a month if u want to be here for the birth u can be, and he was he came down stayed with me and my bf (possible baby daddy) and watched his possible firstborn son be born, now my baby has the guys last name that was there for the pregnancy and didnt care if at all he just loved the baby from day one , and that man though we arent together is still involved in my sons life and is still determined that he is dad, the one that was abusive, loves this baby but is refusing to help in any way shape or form hasnt come to a single court case hasnt shown very myuch interest other then to flaunt him off to his new girlfriend or potential girlfriends and barely rarely sees him, he never had time for him and he doesnt have patients to father him, but when hes around him u can see the love, but hes messed up , so i distance him as much as possble, why not because im angry at the guy even though i am but my own feelings have no part in this, its because i dont want my son growing up thinking thats what love is, thinking thats what a father is, i dont want my son hurt because of my actions or the actions of others, (also the guy refuses to do any form of dna or even remotely give me his blood type so i can find out who the bio dad really is) so as far as im concerned my sons dad is my ex Milo, native boy whos last name my son has, a dad is someone whos going to be there, now he might change (ur husband) but i highly doubt it, if ur alredy showing and babys already moving nad he is not interested then ur marriage is going down hill, ur goingto have to choose ur husband or ur baby, because he will not only resent u but will resent ur child as well, he does not want kids which means right now ur trappig him in a lfie he doesnt want, i hope it changes for all of ur sakes when that baby is born but from experience, ur gonna have to let him go , otherwise ur child is going toget the blunt force of all that hurt and agany and ur childs not gonna end up knowing what a father is or what love truely is, all it will know is disfuntion, and to ur child ur who it learns from so if u stick around and go through it, ur child will do the same when its older or become the same way...

SaraMaree - 1387 days ago.
I have talked to a few people about the situation that I am in, but they all say just wait til he holds bub, then it will all change. I married my husband just this past weekend. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant. I am also diabetic, which makes me high risk and I miscarried at 8 weeks earlier this year. My husband DOES NOT want kids, at all, under any circumstances. He has made this more than clear. We almost didn't get married because I refused to 'do anything' about the fact I was pregnant. Now I love kids and after miscarrying our first child, would never do anything to stop or harm this pregnancy. I see it as a gift and with my diabetes, I am not going to mess with the blessing that this little bub is to me. My husband was a 'surrogate dad' (i guess this is the best way to describe the situation) to one of his close single female friends a few years ago, he was there throughout the pregnancy and when the baby was born he was the sole care giver as the mum was VERY sick and couldn't look after the baby. This is how I know that he won't change his mind when he holds our bub, he has been there, experienced it all before and still hates the thought of being a dad. I guess it is made worse because he has been a father already and knows what is going to happen. And even though what he experienced with his friend was very extreme and chances are my birthing won't be anywhere near as bad, that is all that he knows. But I need him now, I need him in the day to day to help me get through, and I desperately want him to be involved. But if I even mention that I am pregnant (even though it is physically obvious now), he shuts me out and our relationship is back on rocky ground again. I don't know what I can do to help him deal with all this!

1hawtmomma - 1471 days ago.
2 baby under 2...wow momma, sounds like ur going through a ruff time...im so sorry *hugzzz* it must be awfull being treated like that..theres a saying though, if the situation doesnt get bigger, it wont get smaller...so i say u need to sit down and have a talk with hubby..a serious one...lay down some rules..u need me time...if he doesnt want to help out...he needs to get out...and thats that.. hope things work out..

1hawtmomma - 1471 days ago.
bun dont worry..my husband was clueless too, he wouldnt even touch other people's children...but when Jana was born, its like he naturally knew what to do...he would bathe her, feed her, heck he took care of her better than i did...thats how u know hes a good dad :) and hopefully urs is great

*Bun*in*the*Oven* - 1597 days ago.
Does anyone know of any good daddy websites? He's completely clueless and I obviously can't explain everything. Any ideas?

manda-may - 1597 days ago.
Hey Afrikka, well done you for finding a nice guy after what sounds like a very difficult time with your first husband. Good luck with your pregnancy, and thanks for sharing your story. :-)

affrikka - 1598 days ago.
Hey everyone, well, my first pregnancy was unplanned and the father and I had a shotgun wedding within 6 weeks of finding out I was pregnant. (his parents were church goers and he was under pressure to bandaid over the issue and marry me). Anyway..he found it really hard to bond with our son and cope with being married to me..We had another 2 children soon after our first, but he was unhappy with each one. It turns out he was actually physically abusing our first born when he was in his first year (apparently squeezing him to get him to stop crying)..and I witnessed him over disciplining all our children during our 12 year marriage. This was the main cause of our arguments which often escalated to yelling and sometimes physical force towards me on his part. I also noticed over the years that he was always looking for excuses to never be around basically, and I raised our children almost entirely on my own. I often felt like I was 'chasing' my husband and constantly urging him to be more involved on a positive emotional level rather than just disciplining them. I was really worried particularly about our oldest son as there was no bond between him and his dad. I eventually divorced my husband and was amazed to date men who actually were interested in me and my children. I am now with a new man and we are 9 weeks pregnant. I certainly am not rushing into a marriage and am paranoid he will be the same as my ex...but so far so good..He asked to come to the Doc's appointments, he hugs my tummy, he wants to go out and buy baby things already. This morning he kissed my foot when it was sticking out of the covers before he went to work. He makes dinner every night and is always asking if I'm ok. I think he might be in love with me and it actually scares me. I think he's going to be a great dad.

officegirl - 1666 days ago.
Ahhh hello ladies and gents, haven't been around for awhile last baby 18tmths now, just found out we are excepting another and then there was three. Was a bit of a shock really and I just told Dad and he was like nooooooooooo and then ' I am not sure if I am happy or not' and 'looks like I am going on holidays by myself this year' I am a bit hurt by his reaction making me a little scared. Only about 4.5 weeks I guess he has a little time to adjust :/ . Anyone got any suggestions for a bit soother path and making this house a happy one again.

dayzahnise - 1717 days ago.
Amanda 2010-most men feel that way at the beginning. Is this his first? My husband was a little scared at first.First he was happy then he got scared and wouldn't say anything, but when we went to the doctor to get the first scan and he heard the heart beat he couldn't stop smiling. Just give him time.

Bri - 1794 days ago.
No problem. I've gone through the same thing. It's hard not being around people all the time. Plus, most of my old friends aren't married and definately don't have kids. Even at 30+ they are still hanging around bars til the wee hours of the morning. It's just not my thing anymore. Things change but getting out is definately what did it for me. I needed to leave the house even just for a little while. And, once a month or so I leave my son with his Dad and go get a mani/pedi. It helps.

Bri - 1795 days ago.
2babys-under2 - I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm a SAHM too. I have a nearly two year old, lots of pets, and I'm pregnant with number two. I understand the same routine daily. I wonder if you can't change it up. My husband doesn't clean either but he does watch Kekoa when he's home. He adores his son. But during the day. In the morning we'll play and eat breakfast. Kekoa goes down for a nap at 12 every day. He knows this routine so there is no fight about it. He sleeps for two hours. That is my time, I shower or take a nap if I need to. I also will clean the things I can't when he's awake, such as toilets or anything using harsh chemicals. When he wakes up we try to do something fun together. We go to different parks. We'll go to play groups. We go swimming. Just something. Something that will stimulate both of us. Is is possible to do that? You can go to meetup.com to find groups in your area. Just going to the grocery and talking to people. I guess my thought is. Yes, you need a shower, daily. It's important to get dressed and leave the house whether it's to run to the store or go for a walk. You need to leave the house. Get a routine down with your 1 year old if you don't already. Once a set routine is in place then you can plan your day around it. Also, if the house isn't spotless then who cares. Try to clean the important things daily, like the kitchen and family room. So what if there are clothes on the ground in your room. Lastly, talk to your husband about how you are feeling. I don't mean yell or accuse. Let him know that you are frustrated on how YOUR life is going right now. That YOU need a change. Don't accuse him of not helping out or being a bad dad cause it'll just put him on a deffensive. See if he sympathetic to how you are feeling and suggests something. Oh, I know you have the little one on the way, but it does get easier as they grow. Kekoa is 22months and can happily play in his room while I fold clothes. I don't have to have hawk eyes on him at all times like I did at 1.

notready - 1795 days ago.
So, I talked to my boyfriend and it's gotten better. Sometimes I still feel like he's removed from this pregnancy, I see that he's trying. I think I just needed to calmly explain how I feel. It helped alot.

Bri - 1798 days ago.
aubbalways - This is my second baby and my husband never 'tries' to feel the baby. Not that it's too weird, it's just that he has no need to feel baby move....But, I can tell you he has. If you are cuddling at night he may get kicked, or giving him a big hug might make baby kick him. HAHA! It happens. I know it's bothersome but don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll be a great Dad, he's just not as 'into' pregnancy as you are.

lozzas2nd - 1799 days ago.
Hi New Momma, CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy, your first will be the most exciting feeling you will ever experience, next to giving birth... Don't be too hard on your man, most blokes just don't get it until the baby is born and even then, they feel they do not have the connection that a mother does with her baby... And as far as him comparing you constantly to his ex, he is only trying to connect with you in sharing experiences, which is what you want, you are just far to sensitive to realize, cause hey, your pregnant... Talk to him about his short fuse and how it upsets you... Remember you will get yours the more pregnant you become, bring on the hormones, turns us into Mega Bitches from hell... Chin Up, your Preggers, enjoy it... Xx

newmomma2010 - 1799 days ago.
Ok so i'm 12 weeks pregnant with my first i'm 20 and my soon to be hubby is 35. I already has an 8 yr old dauhgter whom i love. We haven't told her yet, fear of miscarriage, but i'm so excited and happy but he is just so laid back about everything. I mean i think about the baby at least once every 3 mins and it seems like he is mad that i have no energy and he is doing everything. I love him so much, but it seems like just because he has been through this before it not a big deal for him. I've never been pregnant before so it's a big deal for me and he has a really short fuse he'll snap and yell over the littlist things. I'm showing alittle but i'm wondering id once i start showing more maybe he will show more interest alos once we tell his daughter maybe he'll care more. I'm too the point of tears i'm trying to not let it get to me but i'm scared and nervous and i need his support now more than ever. Oh that and what really ticks me off when he does talk about it with me he keeps comparing me to his ex (who he had the baby with) i'm not he ex i never will be and it hurts me so much that he does. I could really use some words of comfort cause all of my family wants me to get an abortion and the only person i can count on doesn't seem to care. please respond ladies.... :(

hanakalei - 1801 days ago.
Bri - I have a regular bed and I grunt and moan when i roll over lol so dont feel bad!! I think that women have children because men couldnt handle it and that helps me get through my day :)

Bri - 1801 days ago.
hanakalei - That's not really fair. Have him trying do ANYTHING will a basketball around his tummy and boobs the size of watermelons. HAHA! His back would hurt too. My husband is now laughing at me. We just bought a TemperPedic bed which is awesome, don't get me wrong, but...because it doesn't move it's hard to roll over. I grunt and moan when trying to roll over. Last night I got stuck in the center of it (king size) and couldn't find a way to the side. HAHA! Ok, it is kind of funny but back you... It's his fault!! HAHA! I love this site for that one reason. I can come here and compain, whine and bitch and no one gets mad. I don't want to complain to the girlfriends because really most of them don't have kids. My husband has too many stresses and having another was my idea anyways. HAHA! Good Luck with your boyfriend

hanakalei - 1801 days ago.
notready - our son was not planned either! If i complain about the slightest thing his response is 'well try doing what i do all day' well im sorry that you work harder than i do but who cares that doesnt matter!!!! hes so not sympathetic so i just gave up on saying anything to him and just whine to my girlsfriends who make me feel better lol! I cant reach my toes anymore to paint them so i have my friends do it for me because he wont!! Sometimes i think your friends will be a bigger support maybe you should try to lean on them a little more!! i found they have been the best of help through out this whole pregnancy for me!!!!!

notready - 1801 days ago.
christie078, I understand. By boyfriend and I are both 21 and this was DEFINITELY not planned. My boyfriend also thinks that I'm making up symptoms and it frustrates me so much. I'm trying to stay calm, but its hard when he acts like a big baby. I don't know what to do! Generally, I'm not an emotional person, but recently it has really been getting to me.

one step at a time - 1806 days ago.
christie078 get him a pregnant suit and make him wear it for the weekend thats what I would do tell him to wear it and see how he feels. good luck girl

babyluv843 - 1813 days ago.
My husband is SO UNSUPPORTIVE. He thinks all of my symptoms are made up, it is horrible. He has only gone to two prenatal appts the first one and the ultrasound, im now 27 weeks along!


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RSV
Runny-nose
Rupture-of-the-Membranes
Safety-During-Pregnancy
Scarlet-fever
Sciatica
Separation-Anxiety
Sex-after-childbirth
Sexually-Transmitted-Diseases
Shopping-for-Baby-Products
Signs-of-Labor
Single-Parenting
Skin-Changes
Sleep
     Newborns
     Sudden-Infant-Death-Syndrome
Sleep-Apnea
Sleep-Disturbances-During-Pregnancy
Solid-Foods
     Finger-Foods
     Making-Homemade-Baby-Food
Sore-throat
Spotting
     First-trimester
     Second-trimester
     Third-trimester
Spreading-the-News
Stretch-Marks
Surrogacy
Swelling-(Edema)-in-Pregnancy
Symphysis-Pubis-Dysfunction-(SPD)
Teen-Pregnancy
Teenage-Parenting
Teeth-Care-(Children)
Teeth-care-(Pregnancy)
Teething
Telling-Loved-Ones-You-Are-Pregnant
Tests-before-pregnancy
     Bacterial-Vaginosis-Screen
     Blood-Type-and-Antibody-Screen
     Chicken-pox
     Cystic-Fibrosis-Carrier-Screening
     German-Measles
     Gonorrhea,-Chlamydia,-Syphilis
     Hemoglobin
     Hepatitis-B-Screening
     HIV
     Ovulation-Predictor-Test
     Pap-Test
     Urine-Screening
Tests-during-pregnancy
     AFP-screening-test
     Amniocentesis
     Biophysical-Profile-(BPP)
     Blood-Glucose
     Chorionic-Villi-Sampling-(CVS)
     Contraction-stress-test
     Fetal-Fibronectin-Test-(fFN)
     Group-B-Streptococcus
     Non-stress-test
     Nuchal-Translucency-Screening
     Prenatal-Paternity-Testing
     PUBS
Tetanus
Thrombophilia
Tips-On-How-To-Get-Pregnant
Tips-To-Avoid-Pregnancy
Tobacco
     Smoking-Cessation
Toxoplasmosis
Travel-during-pregnancy
     Seatbelts
Traveling-With-Children
Treating-your-child`s-symptoms
Trisomy
TTC-After-Loss
TTC-After-Tubal-Ligation-Reversal
TTC-Dealing-with-Infertility
Tubal-Ligation
Tummy-time
Twins
     Complications
     During-twin-pregnancy
     Establishing-routines
     Fraternal
     Identical
     Nursing-twins
     Twin-delivery
     Video
Ultrasound
Unassisted-Childbirth
Urinary-Tract-Infection
Urination
Uterine-Fibroids
Vaccinations
     a)-Birth-2-Months
     b)-4-Months
     c)-6-Months
     d)-12-Months
     e)-18-Months-2-Years
     f)-4-6-Years
Vaginal-Delivery
     Vaginal-birth-after-cesarean
Vaginal-Discharge
Varicose-veins
Vasectomy
Vegetarian-Diet
Ventriculomegaly
Vomiting-(Babies)
Warts
Water-Birth
Weight-Gain
Weight-of-your-child
Whats-Safe-and-Unsafe
     Beauty-and-Spa-Safety
     Career
     Fitness
     Foods
     Home
     Medical
     Medications
     Sex
     Sleep
Working-Mothers
Ovulation-Calendar

All sections
Trying to conceive
Pregnancy & Birth
Birth defects
Babies