Father to be

A hero in the making!

Father-To-Be
Fathers today share the joys of pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing. However, they also share the worries and challenges that come with starting a family.

`A Man`s Guide to Pregnancy`
How to live with a pregnant person and get out of it alive.

How You May Feel

Left Out- All of the attention is focused on your partner and you may feel like you have no part in it. You can overcome this by getting involved in as much as possible. Go to the doctor with your partner, attend classes, shop for baby and really try to tune in to the pregnancy that is a shared joy.
Fear of Sex-Making love during pregnancy is generally just as safe as before pregnancy. Intimacy can maintain a healthy relationship with you and your partner and can give her a sense of security and emotional/physical closeness.
Sympathy symptoms- Some expectant fathers do experience symptoms right along with their partner. Your symptoms could also indicate sickness-so don't overlook them if you feel sick.
Impatience- Your partner has mood swings, periods of pains and full of complaints from time to time. Try to keep in mind that pregnancy is not a permanent condition and that the changes will pass.
Anxiety- You may feel anxious over the baby's health, your partner's health and impending life changes. It is normal to be anxious over the unexpected. Try to prepare the best you can for all of the upcoming situations. Attend the prenatal visits often and ask questions. Being informed should take alot of worry off of your mind.
Unsure of your partner's new looks- You may be worried or concerned about the weight that your partner is putting on. Just remember that a healthy baby needs nutrition. In order to receive that nutrition, your partner must gain a healthy amount of weight. Be supportive and encouraging in what she eats. Exercise with your partner and accentuate the positive.
Fear of the upcoming labor- You are not alone! Very few fathers go into the labor room without some type of fear. Attend childbirth classes, so that you know what to expect and can be better prepared.

Ways to Feel Included

Attend prenatal appointments
Attend childbirth classes
Shop together for baby essentials
Feel your partner's abdomen when the baby is moving
Help decorate the nursery

Ways to Help Your Partner

Offer to help more around the house
Offer to run errands
Suggest some alone time
Frequent massages for sore muscles
Alter your work schedule if possible in the end
Be available for support

Comments: Father to be

Comments 1 to 24 of about 68.
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Bri - 61 days ago.
No problem. I've gone through the same thing. It's hard not being around people all the time. Plus, most of my old friends aren't married and definately don't have kids. Even at 30+ they are still hanging around bars til the wee hours of the morning. It's just not my thing anymore. Things change but getting out is definately what did it for me. I needed to leave the house even just for a little while. And, once a month or so I leave my son with his Dad and go get a mani/pedi. It helps.

2babys-under2 - 61 days ago.
Thanks for the advice, Bri. I do need to get out more..lol..none of my friends are married or have children yet, so we've seen each other less and less since becoming pregnant with my son. I do need to find a group of other mommies and talk to my hubby about making some changes. Plus all of my preganacy hormones probably don't help. Thanks again : )

Bri - 61 days ago.
2babys-under2 - I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm a SAHM too. I have a nearly two year old, lots of pets, and I'm pregnant with number two. I understand the same routine daily. I wonder if you can't change it up. My husband doesn't clean either but he does watch Kekoa when he's home. He adores his son. But during the day. In the morning we'll play and eat breakfast. Kekoa goes down for a nap at 12 every day. He knows this routine so there is no fight about it. He sleeps for two hours. That is my time, I shower or take a nap if I need to. I also will clean the things I can't when he's awake, such as toilets or anything using harsh chemicals. When he wakes up we try to do something fun together. We go to different parks. We'll go to play groups. We go swimming. Just something. Something that will stimulate both of us. Is is possible to do that? You can go to meetup.com to find groups in your area. Just going to the grocery and talking to people. I guess my thought is. Yes, you need a shower, daily. It's important to get dressed and leave the house whether it's to run to the store or go for a walk. You need to leave the house. Get a routine down with your 1 year old if you don't already. Once a set routine is in place then you can plan your day around it. Also, if the house isn't spotless then who cares. Try to clean the important things daily, like the kitchen and family room. So what if there are clothes on the ground in your room. Lastly, talk to your husband about how you are feeling. I don't mean yell or accuse. Let him know that you are frustrated on how YOUR life is going right now. That YOU need a change. Don't accuse him of not helping out or being a bad dad cause it'll just put him on a deffensive. See if he sympathetic to how you are feeling and suggests something. Oh, I know you have the little one on the way, but it does get easier as they grow. Kekoa is 22months and can happily play in his room while I fold clothes. I don't have to have hawk eyes on him at all times like I did at 1.

2babys-under2 - 61 days ago.
I just need to vent! My hubby can be the most selfish and insensitive person sometimes. I feel like I put everyone before myself. I do so much for everyone else everyday that I'm lucky to get a shower. I can't even remember the last time I shaved my legs or tweezed my eyebrows lately. I'm always tired. I have a 1 year old and I'm nearly 8 months pregnant. He works and when he gets home, he takes a long shower, has the dinner I cook, and then he is either glued to the TV or on the computer. He doesn't spend much time with our son or help at all around the house. I asked for a back rub the other day because my back is killing me. Do you know what he does? He uses his elbow to 'rub' my back. When he gets a day off, he goes out with his friends. He complains that I want to do things together so much. I'm SOOO over it. This is not what I signed up for when I married him. I've seriously thought about divorce lately. It's so depressing. And who gives a sh*t that he works, staying at home is 10 times harder. I miss working. I'd love to switch places with him. I LOVE my son and my dog more than anything in the whole world. But I miss getting a shower, getting ready for the day, and having adult conversation with people. I'm so sick of dishes, laundry, diapers, cooking, and being alone. It's like groundhog's day, I wake up and do the exact same thing everyday. And when my hubby treats me like that, it feels like it's all for nothing. I can't wait until my son can look at me and say 'I love you, mommy' I guess I just want to feel appreciated. After all, I've sacrificed everything that used to be me, for my hubby, my son, and my dog. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't even recoginize the person looking back at me... : (

notready - 61 days ago.
So, I talked to my boyfriend and it's gotten better. Sometimes I still feel like he's removed from this pregnancy, I see that he's trying. I think I just needed to calmly explain how I feel. It helped alot.

Bri - 65 days ago.
aubbalways - This is my second baby and my husband never 'tries' to feel the baby. Not that it's too weird, it's just that he has no need to feel baby move....But, I can tell you he has. If you are cuddling at night he may get kicked, or giving him a big hug might make baby kick him. HAHA! It happens. I know it's bothersome but don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll be a great Dad, he's just not as 'into' pregnancy as you are.

aubbalways - 65 days ago.
so my husband && i have just began trying to have a baby. We've talked about how things could go && thought about our future to hold. As we talk about the pregnancy, he tells me he'll never feel the baby kick. He says it'll be 'too weird' for him. :( what should i do? it bothers me, but should it?

lozzas2nd - 66 days ago.
Hi New Momma, CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy, your first will be the most exciting feeling you will ever experience, next to giving birth... Don't be too hard on your man, most blokes just don't get it until the baby is born and even then, they feel they do not have the connection that a mother does with her baby... And as far as him comparing you constantly to his ex, he is only trying to connect with you in sharing experiences, which is what you want, you are just far to sensitive to realize, cause hey, your pregnant... Talk to him about his short fuse and how it upsets you... Remember you will get yours the more pregnant you become, bring on the hormones, turns us into Mega Bitches from hell... Chin Up, your Preggers, enjoy it... Xx

newmomma2010 - 66 days ago.
Ok so i'm 12 weeks pregnant with my first i'm 20 and my soon to be hubby is 35. I already has an 8 yr old dauhgter whom i love. We haven't told her yet, fear of miscarriage, but i'm so excited and happy but he is just so laid back about everything. I mean i think about the baby at least once every 3 mins and it seems like he is mad that i have no energy and he is doing everything. I love him so much, but it seems like just because he has been through this before it not a big deal for him. I've never been pregnant before so it's a big deal for me and he has a really short fuse he'll snap and yell over the littlist things. I'm showing alittle but i'm wondering id once i start showing more maybe he will show more interest alos once we tell his daughter maybe he'll care more. I'm too the point of tears i'm trying to not let it get to me but i'm scared and nervous and i need his support now more than ever. Oh that and what really ticks me off when he does talk about it with me he keeps comparing me to his ex (who he had the baby with) i'm not he ex i never will be and it hurts me so much that he does. I could really use some words of comfort cause all of my family wants me to get an abortion and the only person i can count on doesn't seem to care. please respond ladies.... :(

hanakalei - 67 days ago.
Bri - I have a regular bed and I grunt and moan when i roll over lol so dont feel bad!! I think that women have children because men couldnt handle it and that helps me get through my day :)

Bri - 68 days ago.
hanakalei - That's not really fair. Have him trying do ANYTHING will a basketball around his tummy and boobs the size of watermelons. HAHA! His back would hurt too. My husband is now laughing at me. We just bought a TemperPedic bed which is awesome, don't get me wrong, but...because it doesn't move it's hard to roll over. I grunt and moan when trying to roll over. Last night I got stuck in the center of it (king size) and couldn't find a way to the side. HAHA! Ok, it is kind of funny but back you... It's his fault!! HAHA! I love this site for that one reason. I can come here and compain, whine and bitch and no one gets mad. I don't want to complain to the girlfriends because really most of them don't have kids. My husband has too many stresses and having another was my idea anyways. HAHA! Good Luck with your boyfriend

hanakalei - 68 days ago.
notready - our son was not planned either! If i complain about the slightest thing his response is 'well try doing what i do all day' well im sorry that you work harder than i do but who cares that doesnt matter!!!! hes so not sympathetic so i just gave up on saying anything to him and just whine to my girlsfriends who make me feel better lol! I cant reach my toes anymore to paint them so i have my friends do it for me because he wont!! Sometimes i think your friends will be a bigger support maybe you should try to lean on them a little more!! i found they have been the best of help through out this whole pregnancy for me!!!!!

notready - 68 days ago.
christie078, I understand. By boyfriend and I are both 21 and this was DEFINITELY not planned. My boyfriend also thinks that I'm making up symptoms and it frustrates me so much. I'm trying to stay calm, but its hard when he acts like a big baby. I don't know what to do! Generally, I'm not an emotional person, but recently it has really been getting to me.

one step at a time - 73 days ago.
christie078 get him a pregnant suit and make him wear it for the weekend thats what I would do tell him to wear it and see how he feels. good luck girl

babyluv843 - 80 days ago.
My husband is SO UNSUPPORTIVE. He thinks all of my symptoms are made up, it is horrible. He has only gone to two prenatal appts the first one and the ultrasound, im now 27 weeks along!

KCity - 90 days ago.
Hey again. Thanks Bri, hopefully my guy turns out like your guy. I found out that now I am 9 weeks 2 days, and for the last couple weeks, Jesse (my bf) has changed his attitude a lot. It's not so much the bad attitude anymore, but the uninterested part that I am experiencing now. It sounds just like you, Bri- I obsess over it too, and he just doesn't show an interest. He would rather play his video games or do something else rather than listen to me read to him about what is happening at 9 weeks along with the baby or something. It gets me so angry, but maybe you're right. I just have my doubts that he will be a good father because of this behaviour, but that's probably only because this will be our first baby together if all goes well. I just wish he would show some sort of interest, because it starts to feel like I'm doing this all on my own and that's how it will end up when the baby is born (at least, what I think may happen). Gah! Males!

Bri - 99 days ago.
KCity - I wouldn't worry too much. Ok, so my first wasn't planned. I was expecting my husband to be very supportive which he was in his way. He's not the type to go rubbing my belly or talking about the baby to be. He just doesn't care about pregnancy. It was really bothersome but...once Kekoa was born he turned out to be the best Dad ever! He loves and adores his son. He thinks the world of him and will do whatever it takes to make him a happy and healthy little boy. Now that I'm pregnant again (planned because we stopped using protection but weren't counting days) he's the same way again. He really couldn't care less. I obsess over what is happening inside me and he doesn't care. Well, I know he does but there are other things for him to worry about. As long as I'm doing what is right he isn't worried. There isn't anything he can do about it, right? So, I'm sure that once this child is born he will be the loving father he is to our son. You see, some guys just don't relate to pregnancy. It isn't really real to them until they hold the baby in their arms. I know women on here that tell stories of how Dad is talking to their bellies or get kicked because they were laying on the tummy but that doesn't happen in our family. My husband just doesn't find the miracle of what's going on now, only what will be. I hope your guy becomes more involved but if he doesn't then don't worry. It doesn't mean he's destine to be a terrible father. He may just not relate, yet.

KCity - 99 days ago.
Ouch, kelly.m, that sucks... Yeah, my partner hasn't been too too supportive either, but I am only about 6 - 7 weeks along (I can't remember what the ultra-sound tech said because I was crying that that baby was healthy and ok), and this pregnancy wasn't exactly planned (although, nor was it really NOT planned, if that makes any sense...), so maybe he is just still a little shocked. We have known about it for almost a month now, but I'm not really sure how long it takes a new expectant father to realize and accept what is going on... Sometimes he has a really bad attitude towards the whole thing, and my horomonal emotions just want to tell him to take a hike and that I'll do everything myself (not that I really want that, of course I want the dad to be there too). I just hope he changes his attitude so that things will be a little easier on me than they have been!

kelly.m - 123 days ago.
oh i am sooooo angry!! my fella has been gone for 3 1/2 weeks and not once has he asked our a little boy is and then last ight i get a message asking if this baby is his............. what a ?$*'£$^&*!!!!!!!!!! Al this stuff on here about getting theminvolved... sod him, oh god i dont even know what to say im actually physically shaking!!!!!! Sorry ladies just needed to get the off my chest!!

-Arielle- - 131 days ago.
So, my boyfriend is not a US citizen. We are trying to find ways to get his citizenship and ensure that nothing happens to him and he doesn't get deported because he really wants to be here for his soon arriving son and for me. And many people around my area have been getting deported, even for just being at a bus or trolley stop! Please help me out with any information or tips...anything is greatly appreciated!! Thank you!!

devinsmommy - 135 days ago.
my daughter's father was so supportive during the pregnancy now that she has arrived he comes around and spend time only so i wont be mad and have an attitude his excuse is always work i dont complain i dont argue and its starting to show that it affect him he texts me more and call all day makin sure i know he is really workin.

sarah grogan - 172 days ago.
Just wondering if anyone else out there in the same boat as me.. i was with the father of my child(which am 14 weeks pregnant) but ended up breaking up before it was knowledge of being pregnant due to me being concerned that i was pregnant - and because we werent getting on and little things like trust etc was an issue with us i began to worry before i had told him about me thinking i was pregnant - i began to be a bitch to him really.. i was upset and worried we werent working out and being pregnant.. resulted anyway in us having a major fight and i told him i thought i could be pregnant that i was extremely late..that night he actually walked away from me and left me upset in town on my own - maybe he was frightened and shocked at what i said but still was no excuse - end of the week (mid - end of march)i done a test which turned out to be negative - (this stage we broke up..) told Martin which resulted in him calling me every name under the sun a liar.. that it was wrong of me to make such things up etc.. few weeks went past and still was feelings so sick and so tired.. was getting tests done by doctors etc - then decided id do another test which was 4 weeks later from previous test and turned out positive.. done few more to be sure and all positive... went to doctors and they done scan to be sure and resulted i was 9 weeks pregnant so my first test was faulty.. Told martin the news..i actually thought i was sick - possibly cancer or something else.. i was delighted its a baby not anything else.. but since we broke up martin has moved on..has new girlfriend and hasnt had any interest really - have no money from him for help with this baby and its needs - has been to 1 scan and now said cant go to next scan which is tomorrow afternoon.. which im quiet angry by because he is off for today and tomorrow(he is a guard in my town) What is so hard about this is i know i still love him - it botheres me so much he has moved on and hasnt once thought of me of the person the girl he once loved and adored?.. it hurts so much he is putting this new girl before his own baby.. im finding this so hard to cope with and my emotions are all over the place. just wondered if anyone else has had something like this problem! Im tired of being let down and upset.. i feel i cant rely on him for anything now - and feel i dont want to inform him of anything because he will just let me down again..

domevapurple - 181 days ago.
I just Remember to the pass that I got pregnant me and my husband cant explain how happy we are…….till the day I give birth I cant say that I have a wonderful husband in the world no problem at all… the way he take care of me ……..the way he help me in house work coz we don’t have worker. And how excited he is to our baby…. I m thankful to have him to support me for everything….but everything changes now that our baby is 6 weeks old I don’t know why it happened….every time the baby cry god cant explain how he don’t want to hear the baby cry…..he freak out…………..he sayings some bad words to the baby and that melt my heart……….he try a couple of times to nursing the baby …but every time he watch baby cry and cry and cry so I feel that he don’t want his daddy on him……..so sad…;-(… I really don’t know what to do my husband now changes even on me…his not the loveable as he is to me no more… he don’t appreciate even what I did to him and to the baby… (Maybe I don’t see no more) he always say that he love me and our son but I cant see it……….im still with him and save our marriages and I love him so much! I am in c section so it supposes to be not working but I did the all work….. Even cook his meals ………I try to be a good wife and mother to my two man.. But I think it’s not enough …..even sometimes I’m not felling well I still do the work in the house while nursing our son…….lot of time I want to give up and but I consider that he needs me and try to be patient more to my husband coz he have PTSD from War …from being a retired marines…….. God I’m human too I need to be care and to be love……I just think sometimes that I m suppose to be happy wife coz we don’t have problem financially … I can buy what ever I want…….. We have the money we need……but I realize that money is not enough to have a healthy family…….. Comments me ladies what can you say to my situation………

domevapurple - 181 days ago.
I just Remember to the pass that I got pregnant me and my husband cant explain how happy we are…….till the day I give birth I cant say that I have a wonderful husband in the world no problem at all… the way he take care of me ……..the way he help me in house work coz we don’t have worker. And how excited he is to our baby…. I m thankful to have him to support me for everything….but everything changes now that our baby is 6 weeks old I don’t know why it happened….every time the baby cry god cant explain how he don’t want to hear the baby cry…..he freak out…………..he sayings some bad words to the baby and that melt my heart……….he try a couple of times to nursing the baby …but every time he watch baby cry and cry and cry so I feel that he don’t want his daddy on him……..so sad…;-(… I really don’t know what to do my husband now changes even on me…his not the loveable as he is to me no more… he don’t appreciate even what I did to him and to the baby… (Maybe I don’t see no more) he always say that he love me and our son but I cant see it……….im still with him and save our marriages and I love him so much! I am in c section so it supposes to be not working but I did the all work….. Even cook his meals ………I try to be a good wife and mother to my two man.. But I think it’s not enough …..even sometimes I’m not felling well I still do the work in the house while nursing our son…….lot of time I want to give up and but I consider that he needs me and try to be patient more to my husband coz he have PTSD from War …from being a retired marines…….. God I’m human too I need to be care and to be love……I just think sometimes that I m suppose to be happy wife coz we don’t have problem financially … I can buy what ever I want…….. We have the money we need……but I realize that money is not enough to have a healthy family…….. Comments me ladies what can you say to my situation………

lucy01 - 209 days ago.
I would turn around to your partner and tell him that a father can be anyone but a dad is someone who is there for there child... let him know he is just a father .. not a dad and if he keeps this up then he shouldnt have the title of being a daddy... im so sorry u have to go through this.. my partner is now becoming more aware that pregnancy is painful and he isnt as helpful as i wish but he is still out doing the things in the house after about 30x nagging but it gets done eventually.