28-7-2009 - spotting

My mood while writing this blog: nervous

So today it happened. I have had this fear in my heart that God made some huge tragic mistake and gave me a child I wasnt supposed to have. I know it sounds stupid, but in my head, I keep thinking that any moment, He'll realize it and snatch it back. So today, as I was peeing... again, there it was. A soft pink smear on a bright white tissue. I didnt know whether to scream or cry or puke. It was a one time thing, it hasnt happened again, and I know that everyone keeps telling me its okay and that its relatively normal. I know I should go to the doctor and get an US but the truth is, I'm terrified that they are going to tell me that there is a problem and yes, I am having a miscarriage. I know in my head Im overreacting, I know in my head that everything is probably fine, but I also know that if this pregnancy was to end, there wouldnt be another one later- no "lets try again later." It would be done. I know that Brad and I never planned on a third child, but now that its happening, I cant imagine it not happening.