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03-8-2009 - Miscarriage!

My mood while writing this blog: depressed, angry, denial.....

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Well, and here we are. When I said God must have made a huge mistake and was going to take away my special gift I guess I knew more than I thought I did. Saturday morning I went to the ED because I was once again spotting. THis time was a little different, though, the blood was mixed with mucous. Apparently, that in and of itself is normal, an I was trying to really not get excited about it. But being the nurse I am and having that feeling in my gut, I went to the ED. By the time I got there, the bleeding had stopped, I still had no pain and was really feeling like an idiot. The doc finally camein andsaid my pregnancy urinetest was pos. no kidding! My quant count showed me at 30,000. Outstanding for 71/2 weeks, but they couldnt detect a HB on the US. She told me that I should have a follow up US on Monday (today) and a repeat quant. Maybe, just maybe, it wasjust bad pictures from the US tech, or maybe it was just too early to detect the HB. However, at 30,000, they would expect to detect a HB so not to get my hopes up. The RN then came in and told me that the US report actually showed a blighted ovum. This is when the egg is fertilized and implanted, but never develops. She said that when I do miscarry, there wont be a fetus, just lots of tissue. Now I'm outraged because I'm getting two conflicting stories. Do I trust the doc who doesnt know I'm an RN and maybe shes just sugarcoating the truth to make the mother feel like theres some semblance of hope, or do I trust the RN who knows me and wouldnt lie to me because I'll kill her later if she does. I chalk it up to the report saying probable- not definite- blighted ovum and figure they are both covering their asses. I'll wait out the weekend, pray really hard and hope for the best. I cried, I screamed, I realized that since that episode of bleeding, I havent had any. No pain, no spottng, no nothing. Maybe it was just too early. Then Sunday afternoon, I started with some bright red spotting that only happened once but sinched the deal for me. In my heart of hearts, I know that this pregnancy is over. I have an appt at 2 today with a doctor that I dont even know but maybe he can clarify and set things straight. As a mom, I still have a little hope left for some small miracle, as a woman, and moreso an RN, I know this doesnt feel right and its time to let it go. Maybe the appt today will help. I hope.

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4 Comments on Miscarriage!


CarminaK - Sunday, 20 Sep
Thank you for your kind words this morning. Anyone that my little MacieBug can touch helps heal my heart just a teeny little bit. I'm so sorry that we have met this way, but hopefully we can all help one another through these times. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Its a hard for us all and I hope we can all make it through together, because other people just have no idea at all. Hugs and lots of love to you and your hubby! :) Thank you again for making me smile today.

Twomarchbebes - Tuesday, 4 Aug
Hugs. It'll happen again dont worry. I hope it does really soon. xo

feefees a mom 2 be - Monday, 3 Aug
((HUGS)) to you and momof2hopfully3. I know nothing at this point makes the pain feel any less but I hope this site brings you both some support to go through this difficult time.

momof2hopfully3 - Monday, 3 Aug
I am so sorry. I know right now that really dosnt help but i am. I went to the ER on tursday last week for horrible morning sickness and beingn dehydrated. My hCG came back at 71,000 somthing perfect for how far along i was but when i had the ultrasound the teck said all she saw was a gestational sac and nothing else. She sort of said it werid though not out right because she wasnt aloud to say anythin legally and when i asked her what she ment she did answer. The doctor came into my room and said i had a positive in uterin pregnancy and was 6 weeks 6 days. I asked the doctor if there was a baby and all she said was there was a positiive inuterin pregnancy?? So i am still lost and confused. I have an apointment this wednesday and hopepfully they will shed some light on this. If this is a blighted ovum i want to end it nowo becasue i am so sick i cant function and its not worth it if i am not even pregnant!!! I hope that dosnt sound bad : ( i hope u get a miracle today good luck !!!!