Well here goes just a random blog of my thoughts.

Life in general is ok at the moment. I don't have time to worry about my relationship with Jason most days, but it seems that we are falling back into the "routine" that we had prior to the counseling. I could be wrong, but it just seems we aren't as close now as we were prior to Hannah’s birth. Which I know is to be expected, we are "new parents" again and with moving and her and work and trips and in laws visiting...I just am feeling a bit lost. Or maybe just a bit neglected, which I am pretty sure he's feeling too. Jason is the touchy feely one of our relationship, and I am more the cuddle when feeling down person. I just hope that we can hang on until she gets a bit bigger and we can start to focus on each other again. Some days I don't even get a goodnight peck on the lips, it's gotten to the point where we just crawl in bed and pass out! Sad isn't it!!

Hannah is good, just a huge handful at times. She's in the hold me phase, and god forbid you put the child down! She is a fit thrower all ready....lord help me!! Nikki was never like that, or maybe she was and I just blocked it out due to the mental trauma. I don't know, but she is developing great and is due for her 4 month check up on July 25th. I can't wait to see how much she weighs and length, I know she's gotta be at least 15 pounds! She so chunky monkey fat...I love it! Other than her fits and stuff, the colic is gone and she is starting to belch on her own. But we still burp her to make sure! LOL!!

Well, on to the next subject....Nikki who just turned 13 in May is really maturing and fast, it's scary to think that she'll be gone and off to college in a few years! It makes me sad mostly, and the next few years are gonna be hard I'm sure for her and for us! She and I pretty much had to grow up together, and I will miss her tremendously when she does go. I remember her first day of kindergarten, it really hit me then and there that she was destined to leave me and someday it would be to be a mother herself! God how depressing is I right now?!!

So....now we're moving in two weeks and I have all that crap to deal with. Jason is Mr. Procrastinator; I have a sickening feeling that I am screwed when it comes to packing up. We live in a four bedroom house for crying out loud, and we are down sizing to a 2 bedroom apartment! I know it sucks, and I know we HAVE to do it to save money...but why do I have to do it all myself? It is too much to ask to have some help...yes it is....according to my family anyways.

Everyone is always sooooo busy and tooo tired and just don't want to. Well TOUGH! I gotta have help or we're in trouble! Well enough of the bitching and complaining from my sad excuse for a life. I am just blowing off steam and feeling sorry for myself again. Sorry!

Candy