13yearsapart's I-am-pregnantblog

13yearsapart
	Age: 32 Country: USA Province/region: Minnesota City: Blaine Partner: Married to Jason Children: Yes, 3 Pregnant: No Occupation: Sales Consultant
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 490 days ago. Member since: 1253 days
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27-1-2010 - In Limbo & Very Sick

My mood while writing this blog:
Very Sad

Update to my last blog....

I have a feeling that things are never going to change for us. And maybe some of you are right, that I am in love with the "idea" of him...but I can't help but wonder if thats true or not? I know that the thought of living alone and raising kids with out him by my side is scarey, but it's also heart wrenchin to think of my life without him...I know that I love him, but does he love me? How do I leave if thats the choice I make? I have no where to go, no one to stay with....this is all a bad nightmare and I want to wake up!!!

We've talked a little bit, but I have been extremely sick with a severe sinus infection that the doc thought was H1N1!!! I am just now starting to feel better and I've been on med's for a week! Anyways, so not a lot has been said or talked about between the two of us in the last two weeks. Which messes with my brain cause it feels like things are back to normal, but they aren't really, but I'm sick and can't deal with anything else....Uhggg!!

So now I am living in limbo and really sorry that I've let this go with him. Because now I get to be the harpy and open it all back up again. We are going out of town this weekend so my grandmother can finally meet Hannah, so we'll see how that goes. Maybe we can talk on the way, it's a 3 hour drive...I just can't help but feel like this year is going to be harder than the last one, but perhaps that all the hardship will make me happier for the smaller easier things that happen.

Just wish I knew exactly what to do.....

~Candy~

3 Comments on In Limbo & Very Sick

NinaBo-Bina - Thursday, 28 Jan
Oh, I hope you guys can sort some things on the drive. Try not to get upset or holler in front of the kids, I know easier said then done but I spent my last 2 kids whole life in a terrible relationship with their father and there was a lot of that, I don't want the same life for this lil one. Your relationship has hope as you can't imagine life without him, and love him, I just felt trapped for 12 years but did not love my husband anymore. I am so greatful I took that leap of faith and left him. So many new doors have opened up in my life. Good luck mama!

LilMrsK - Thursday, 28 Jan
I'm so sorry you've been so sick! I hope you are feeling better. I just hate that you are feeling so in limbo. If you're like me, you probably hate the idea of change...even if it means that things will be better off in the end. But I have learned that sometimes we must suck it up and endure the changes to be happier in life. I do hope you can figure out what is best for you and please know I am here to talk anytime. You know my email addy. xoxo

riknlee - Wednesday, 27 Jan
Sorry to hear you feeling that way both physically and mentally/emotionally. If it all seems too hard to stay or go, one will win out in the end. When I left my husband I had been unhappy for years (at least 2) and then we had counselling for a year and then things would improve and then go bad again. Finally things just built up enough and one day I just said 'enough' and we spoke about just admitting to ourselves that it wasn't working and that both of us were miserable. he didn't agree but by that time I was well and truly over it, so even though the future was unknown, I asked him to leave. And I have never looked back. My point is that when things clarify enough, you will know the time - in my opinion, at this stage for you, you haven't quite reached that stage of clarity to KNOW. that whatever comes you cannot stay together. At least you still love him ; my love had died a long time before so that part was not as hard. Of course I felt bad that he was in a vulnerable state but then I remembered all the chances he had had to make our life together one that we could both be happy in and I suffered the feeling bad and a bit guilty for only a short time compared to the happiness and relief I felt with him gone.It isn't easy I know. But I feel that you will just KNOW it just hasn't come yet.I wish you all the best - keep setting your goals and doing only things which advance you to your dreams.Love, Lisa

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