13yearsapart's I-am-pregnantblog

13yearsapart
	Age: 32 Country: USA Province/region: Minnesota City: Blaine Partner: Married to Jason Children: Yes, 3 Pregnant: No Occupation: Sales Consultant
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 490 days ago. Member since: 1253 days
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04-2-2010 - VENTING!!!!!

My mood while writing this blog:
F*CK IT ALL!!!!

Nothing is ever good enough for him, what the FUCK am I supposed to be a god damn mind reader?!!! Apparently so!!!! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! I am so hurt and mad and now I'm not good enough! What did I ever do in my life that was soooooo fucking bad that God has decided to continually punish me with this relationship.

I am fed up, and sick of fighting and sick of apologizing for shit that I can't do right. But what do i do, where do I go if I do leave? No where thats where. We have no savings, we don't own a house....there is $20 in my checking account! I'm stuck. No one can help me, cause they are all broke to thanks to our damned economy.

I just wished for our relationship to get better, I knew as soon as I told him that I was pregnant that we were in for a bad time. And now it's happened, and I saw it from the first look on his face. Jesus Christ, whats next? he tells me 18 months ago (while I was preggo) that he started haveing feelings for his friend Tina....then he gets text messages from a girl I met once at 2 and 3 in the morning...then I find porn all over the computer...then he starts to be really secret about his phone and FB...then I find the account he set up on the cheaters website...all this can't be a cooincidense anymore.

I trusted him and after all the times he's hurt me, I always stay. I'm a dumb mother fucker aren't I?!!! damn it!

9 Comments on VENTING!!!!!

tysl - Friday, 5 Feb
just leave him and take away your 3 children ya!

My2nd - Thursday, 4 Feb
You're not the dumb one, he is. But I know what it feels like to love someone and have them hurt you. It's a terrible feeling. All I can say is that I hope he works with you to work on this relationship and if he doesn't want to, he should say that. Goodluck hun.

Carolinagirls - Thursday, 4 Feb
You're not dumb! You're just scared and wanted things to work out. You were hopeful not dumb. I know there's really nothing I can say or do to make anything better, but I want you to know I'm praying for you and I do hope things work out, no matter what you decide to do. Don't be scared for your kids. Your kids will be happy if you are happy and if you think you will be happier not married then by all means, call yourself a lawyer. It will be tough, but it's not something you can't accomplish. Take Julianna's adivce. And start saving NOW! As a matter of fact, I've been thinking about having my own little stash away account too. Not that I'm thinking about divorce but I don't want to be blindsided if it happens. A few of my older married friends have said they have separate savings just in case.

jterrill08 - Thursday, 4 Feb
Hey hon, Julianna knows more about what she is saying then I do as far as what the courts will and wont allow. I'm in Georgia and the law is completely different down here. I think more for your records, it might just be helpful to record everything that goes on so that you can see for yourself that what you are doing has reason behind it and to assure you that your going in the right direction. But just as Julianna said, you need to do what is right for you. I just pray that you get strength through all of this. You deserve so much more then all of this.

Julianna - Thursday, 4 Feb
AMEN!!! Well stated

no2intheoven - Thursday, 4 Feb
Candy,Don't make this all your fault. You are the victim in all of this; you did nothing wrong, you've just been trying to be a supportive wife. I know I'm not married so I cannot fully relate but being that I've been in relationships and am now a single parent I do know that you can make it without him. Neither one of my kids fathers are around physically and that's because I decided I wanted better for my kids. I did not want them to always see me upset, crying, depressed all the time, so I cashed out my 401K and moved all the way to California to my parents. Both dads live on the east coast. It was a adjustment for me mentally, emotionally and physically because I was moving up in the corporate world, about to buy a house then I got pregnant with Mia. Now I'm living with my parents working at a lower paying job, but I'm happier. My kids are happier. I'm not dealing with the stress of my ex and trying to work things out because I wanted to be in a relationship or because I wanted Mia to be around her father. I just got tired of hoping that things got better between us but I knew it was doomed! I had to do what was best for me and my children. Don't let the thought of being without him scare you into staying if it's affecting you like this because he's obviously not thinking about your feelings when he does the things he does. You need to find your happiness. If you feel as though working it out will make you happy then do it but ask yourself if it's worth it...

Julianna - Thursday, 4 Feb
PS...I am SO SORRY you are going through such a heartbreaking time. I know from experience the anguish you are feeling. BIG HUGS go out to you! Try to stay strong

Julianna - Thursday, 4 Feb
I agree and disagree with the first posted message. I have been through a divorce in our state and I will tell you right now that keeping record of all the "stuff" that is going on will have absolutely NO bearing on anything. The Judge won't allow anything other than actualy physical abuse. MN is a "no fault" state and they don't care who's fault it is that your marrige isn't working out. They simply call it "an irreversible breakdown in the marriage"Now, I am not encouraging your to leave him, by any means, but if you are going to then jterrill08 is right. Start saving now. Open your own account without his name on it and save every penny you can. If you are working then have your paychecks directly deposited into YOUR account. Most counties, except Washington County, will finalize a divorce very quickly. If you are able to afford a small apartment for yourself then maybe start the process in looking for that.....also.It took me YEARS of anguishto finally leave my abusive ex-husband and even after leaving him, our divorce was not final for 2.5 years because I kept thinking "what if he changes". Unfortunately, we learned through our divorce that we just weren't meant to be together no matter how much we loved each other. We get along better now than we ever did when we were together. Anyhow..the gist of my message is that you can only do what you know is right for YOU. It is a very difficult and emotional decision and even IF you decide to leave, that still doesn't mean it will be easy. If you decide to stay, I hope he can see what a wonderful and loving wife and mother you are and apprecite you for your true value!

jterrill08 - Thursday, 4 Feb
Start saving now in your own personal checking account, don't drink a drop of alcohol, just sit back and do your own thing. If he is going to be a bastard, then just start getting prepared for divorce and seperation. But start now. If things get better then they get better, but you need to be smart about this and start looking after you and your babies. Make sure you keep a record of all the shit he is doing too. Proof in court that he was the one causing the problems in your marriage. Do you talk to your family at all? Mom dad and siblings???

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