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|12-3-2010 - I might leave him...
||My mood while writing this blog:|
Hi all, I know it's been a while since any of you have heard from me and for that I apologize. I've been doing some serious soul searching lately and life has thrown me more curve balls!! So we found an apartment, and could move as soon as June if we get the call that one is open. And now I find myself wondering if I really want to keep going and trying to keep this family together, and if I don't then why move?
Jason had another episode of a night out with his "friends" and didn't bother to call or text me and came home as I was getting up with Hannah at 5:15 AM! I get the story that "whoops, I fell asleep and when I woke up I realized it was five am"...seriously?! Am I really to believe that after everything else we've been through? Of course, I take his word....cause I'm an idiot, and dont'want to feel like a failure. But I don't think that this is really going to be my forever anymore....
It's more than the lies now, it's everything...he doesn't kiss me goodnight anymore, he doesn't call me beautiful or sweety or any other names he used to. I tried calling him the things I used to to remind him, but he doesn't. He's grumpy all the time, won't let me near his cell phone, and then for the first time EVER in 15 years, he couldn't sustain when we BD'd. He went limp in like 5 minutes....I seriously think something or someone has him distracted.
Maybe I'm just finally seeing what everyone else already has, or maybe I'm seeing something that's just not there...I don't know.... All I do know is I am miserable and don't want to raise the girls this way. I can't afford to raise them on my salary so I have no clue where I'd go or what I'd do if I did finally cut the ties. I started putting money away, but so far I have $100....not much, but it's something I guess. My parents would help me, but they aren't in a place to let me and the kids stay with them or help me a lot financially.
I'm just sick of feeling like I'm not good enough, I'm not cherished or loved the way I need to be. Do I sound crazy or like I'm asking too much? I've talked to my BFF a little about it, but not a lot...it's not something I can openly talk about so it's hard. I just have all these doubts and worries and frankly I'm freaked out thinking I might be a single parent in less than a year....
Please say a little prayer for me to find my way, I'm definately lost in all of this and can't find the right path.
Thanks ladies, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
8 Comments on I might leave him...My2nd
- Thursday, 18 Mar I feel so sorry for you as I truly believe your husband isn't doing honorable things... There is no definite answer to any of this, all I can say is, I will pray for you to find your path. I think you'll grow tired of being treated this way and you know what, something to think about would be that if you don't out soon, he is likely to somewhere down the line and that will hurt even more. I will pray for you, but I really hope there is a turn around point in your life where things look up - you deserve it! Good luck honey... jterrill08
- Monday, 15 Mar Sweetie, it really sounds like he is cheating on you. And you definitely don't deserve that. The girls don't deserve that. What he is doing is extremely disrespectful. Sadly, it just sounds like he doesn't love you anymore. If you can't hire a PI, then you need to have someone watch the kids (a friend) so you can go do some investigating on your own. Don't let him treat you like a doormat! 13yearsapart
- Monday, 15 Mar Thanks for all the advice ladies, I'll keep you all posted on whats happening with us. This was not a good weekend, so I am still trying to sort all the feelings out and make some decisions at the moment. Carolinagirls
- Saturday, 13 Mar Ugh!! I just want to punch him in the face right now!! I'm sorry, but what a douche! I'm so sorry you are going through all this. You don't deserve it at all. It sucks that you feel you are financially obligated to a stressful situation. I hope you figure something out before you go through much more heartache. Carolinagirls
- Saturday, 13 Mar Ugh!! I just want to punch him in the face right now!! I'm sorry, but what a douche! I'm so sorry you are going through all this. You don't deserve it at all. It sucks that you feel you are financially obligated to a stressful situation. I hope you figure something out before you go through much more heartache. riknlee
- Saturday, 13 Mar I couldn't put up with that crap. Just leave him. You know you want to. I happen to believe that without all that negativity in your life, there is no limit to what you can achieve. I am just like that - I left my hubby when I had a 1 yr, 3yr and and 5 yr old and never looked back. here it is 10 years later and I am in a much better place in all regards and I have my new little boy who is the joy of our lives. My advice - kick him out but I am a bit cut and dried like that. Why should you be the only one in this family, relationship and parenting? He needs to grow up and mature - if he is having an affair, why does he still want to be with you. Why don't you get someone to follow him one day and find out for yourself what he is up to on his jaunts our. NEvertheless a married man with children should not be out on the town til 5am. In my experience when this has happened to me, we have ended up breaking up. You should be treasured. he might be one of these guys who doesn't know what he has lost until it is gone, either way, you deserve better nyslickychicky
- Friday, 12 Mar Sorry you're having a difficult time sweetie.... Been there too. Don'trush to any judgements or make hasty decisions. Also, don't let your financial situation keep you in an unhappy relationship. Try to enjoy your pregnancy a little bit.... nyslickychicky
- Friday, 12 Mar Sorry you're having a difficult time sweetie.... Been there too. Don'trush to any judgements or make hasty decisions. Also, don't let your financial situation keep you in an unhappy relationship. Try to enjoy your pregnancy a little bit....