13yearsapart's I-am-pregnantblog

13yearsapart
	Age: 32 Country: USA Province/region: Minnesota City: Blaine Partner: Married to Jason Children: Yes, 3 Pregnant: No Occupation: Sales Consultant
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 490 days ago. Member since: 1253 days
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19-3-2010 - I've made my desicion!

My mood while writing this blog:
Enlightened

Well, I have made my desicion...I am leaving him. I emailed my parents to see if the girls and I can stay with them while I get some money together!

As soon as I decided what I needed to do, I felt the weight start to lift off my shoulders. I sat and really looked at my life and searched my soul for the answer to this ongoing bullshit. I don't deserve to be treated this way, and then on Wednesday he did it again...didn't come home until 2am Thursday morning. So when I got up yesterday, I said to myself " Thats it!!! I am done fighting, I am done crying, I am done feeling like I am not good enough, I am done with wondering, I am done being suspisious, I am done getting my heart broken....I am DONE with this marriage!" And it is scarey as hell to think that I am about to be a single parent and that they are going to rely on me 100% from now on....but I have to do this for myself as well as the girls!

I have a LOT of friends who support me, and I have my family to lean on if things get ugly. And I know who really loves me and who doesn't! It's almost like I haven't seen my own life for the last 15 years until now, and now that I do see it clearly I can't believe that I let all this crap happen over and over and over....and didn't DO anything to stop it. All I know now, is that I will file for divorce and start to live happy again. I'll have the freedoms I need to be me and no one to treat me like I don't matter!

I am actually pretty excited the more I talk about it, although there is a part of me that feels guilty and ashamed that I couldn't make it work. And I have a feeling that once it's all finalized, that he'll go back to AZ to live and won't see the kids. It's not a sure thing, but I have a pretty good feelling that he won't stick around to be a dad...which is so sad for my girls!! But they have wonderful uncles in my brothers, and I have no worries that we'll be ok in the end.

I haven't talked to Jason as of yet, I want to wait until after Hannah's B-day party next week. No sense in ruining her 1st B-day with this!!! Then I will have the conversation with him and starting packing and move...

Well wish me luck, and thank you to all of you who cared enough to post a comment on my last blog about all this. *Big Hugs*

~Candy~

8 Comments on I've made my desicion!

tysl - Wednesday, 24 Mar
I believe you can do it even though not easy ya! may God bless you and gives you more grace and strength!

My2nd - Tuesday, 23 Mar
I am so proud of you, I knew that you would see the light at the end of the tunnel at some stage...It's a really hard thing to do and I wish you all the best...I am sure you are going to look back on this in a year and wonder why it took you so long to make the move. You really don't deserve that life of sitting up, wondering, worrying etc. Good luck honey! I am behind you all the way!

jterrill08 - Monday, 22 Mar
SOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU! You can do this! You can be strong for those girls. They need that! You wouldn't want them to be treated like you are and think its okay, would you? NO! Of course not! So do this for them and for yourself. Be happy again. You won't have to feel like you are being walked on ever again! If he doesn't want to be apart of their lives, then he shouldn't be!!!! I know you will do great hon! It will get harder before it gets better but you will find strength that you never knew you had. You will show him that you're not a fool. You're not going to be taken for granted! Hugs to you and your girls. You will be in my prayers! Love, Janna

nyslickychicky - Friday, 19 Mar
i've been there too and while it's extremely scary, it's empowering 2. make a decision and stick with it. and don't feel bad that you couldn't make it work cuz it takes 2 to make things work, not just 1. just rest comfortably knowing that u did all u could.... be happy!!!

Carolinagirls - Friday, 19 Mar
Good luck to you!!!! I'm so proud of you for looking into your heart and seeing that you deserve better. Jason has been extremely disrepestful to you lately, and you shouldn't stand for it any longer. Here's to the next stage in life!! I hope Hannah's bday party is a blast!!! I'm sure she'll have a good time. Take care :)

kaysfamily - Friday, 19 Mar
Bravo Candy! (( Hugs)) I am soo happy and proud of you for taking this next step ahead! You and your girls will be better off and happier as you will too, yes it will take time but time heals all right. I'm soo thankful that you have family and friends to help you. if i were near ya i'd love to help out anytime! make sure you file for child support too. You are doing the right thing, hang in there, we are all by your side :) Good luck with hannah's 1st birthday. can't wait to see pictures!! a year flew by already eh wow. Eric's 19 months already. I'll be around as much as i can. msg me anytime :) Kay

PhoxiestFox - Friday, 19 Mar
hey I just read ur blog, and i wanted to wish you good luck with everything and it sounds like ur honestly doing the right thing for u and ur girls!!! xxx

reila - Friday, 19 Mar
I'm extremely happy for you! You deserve the best! And he isn't giving you that. Your girls will be so proud of you and they will learn that if mom will take no crap from a man then they won't either. Do prepare yourself if he tries to sweet talk himself into you staying with him. Because words don't matter, his actions for the past 13-15 years of your marriage said he was a shitty man who didn't/will not give you what you need. He will never be a real man. So I'm so happy for you and wish you all the best for your future and perhaps one day when you are able to, you will find a real man who treats you with respect.

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