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30-12-2008 - just days away...

My mood while writing this blog: impatient

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So here I am....waiting .....waiting.....waiting.........3 more days until my cesarean. Thousands of women do it all the time....still for me it's one of those things that I dread. I am thankful to those of you on here that have given me a little info and solace.....I am more appreciative than you know. I still am sitting here waiting for the baby to come......this day has probably been the longest I've had in years.....I can't try and do things to naturally induc emy own labor since my doctor wont be at the hospital until Friday...I do not trust anyone else to do my surgery at this point......the only reason why I even agreed to do it is because she's been my OB/GYN for 14 years and I trust her. I want for this baby so very much but I get these pictures in my head of me on the table not being able to see what they are doing......I think that scares me the most. I know I will be happy in the end with my little girl to complete our family but for now I am just worried how things will be for the operation.....afterwards.............when I get home and real life sets in..........How am I going to take care of my twins 3 1/2 year olds and the baby at the same time. My 12 year old is a blessing of course.....he helps me more than anything when my husband is not home. When he goes back to school I will be home alone for the next few months with twins and a baby.....whoa!!! I know I will be able to do it......but how hard some of the days coming up will be....that's what wakes me up at night......until I go back to work in May/June I am a stay at home mom!! how crazy will this be??? The wonderful thing I keep thinking about to blur the comotion is the thought of all my little girls at home smiling and as sweet as can be......for the last time at home with their mommy.......then they willbe going to school........me back to work........and until I retire there will be no more months with my babies....only days....maybe weeks............wow....really got ahead of myself there

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