11-6-2009 - We are finally 5 months along and mad!!!!

My mood while writing this blog: tired

well we have finally made it half way!!!! We are counting down the last three days we have untill we find out babys gender! I have a small feelling we are going to end up with another boy! Which is not bad and i dont mind what we have as long as he/she is healthy. We have picked out names and i cant wait to use one of them. Duane is going to go with mommy and daddy to the scan but, he does not know that yet! We have to get up at 6:30 in the morning on monday to make it on time to the scan. Man do i hate getting up early but, i think i wont have a problem that morning. The boys have been getting up very early for some reason and then i dont get enough sleep so i have been even more moody then i have been. My poor hubby has to deal with it lol. My mom and younger sisters are staying with us because keith is a truck driver and is gone 5 days of the week and she is supposed to be helping. Guess what? She is not helping she is pissing me off and i am ready to bite her head off! I know that is something that you shouldnt say about your own mother but, my mom does not work and has no income and is sucking off everyone and anyone! She is not helping me at all when i want to take a nap which hardly ever happens she complains that i ask her to watch the boys. She has been taking naps everyday sometimes two times a day and i cant see how she is tired because she is doing nothing around her to help. My younger sisters try to help but, they are 13 and 14 and thier last day of school is tomorrow and i dont want them to help out all of the time. They are kids and need to do kid stuff. My mother needs to get off her ass and do something, If i bitch her out she will pack up and take the girls god knows where because she has no money. I have kept my mouth shut so i know that the girls have a safe place to be and someone that really cares about them. She does not she was going to move in with some man she didnt even know because he said that he would take care of them and house them and buy thier ness. I dont belive that one frickin min! My sisters and brother and I have had a very nasty past and i want it to stay in the past and i am trying to keep the kids here to know that she wont fuck up again. She has had those girls in a homeless shelter 3 times in the past 2 yrs! That is no place for any kids. She doesnt work because she says she has some mental problems and said she is going to see someone that can help her get on ssi. Well i say good luck to her because the only problem that she has and why she doesnt have a job is because she wont get off her fat ass and do something and plus she dont want to give up her daily naps. The only way she helps is she gets foodstamps (because she does not work and have any income) and she tries to buy us food. That would work if she would stop eating so much. My husband would like to tell her to her face that if she does anything to hurt them girls or lets anyone els hurt them that he will put her in her grave. I dont blame him for feeling this way as I and him are the only ones that truly care for the girls. Our father is a drunk and a pot head used to be in our lives but, then decided that we took too much of his drinking time and money he stoped see all of us! Now that i am an adult i have tried to see if he would like to be involved with his grandbabies and i am so fricken mad his answer! I offerd to go and pick him up and bring him to our place for the night and take him back the next day and you wanna know what he said? He would love to but, he was going drinking and driving and smokin pot with his friend maybe a diff day!!!! I have not talked to him sence and that was about 4 months ago. I feel bad because our oldest son askes about him and when can he come over to see him. I have to lie to him because he does not understand what a drunk is! I tell him that grandpa is busy. I hate lieing to my own kids like he has done to me. When duane is older i am going to explain to him what really was going on. We are not telling our father or his family about the baby. Then to top it off my hubbys family is being assh****! They have a family email where everyone emails back and fourth and we are supposed to go on a camping trip with them this month and i had a question about it and i never recived one reply! Now i emailed them and signed hubbys name at the bottom and guess what? They all replyed! My hubby is getting very angry at them for treating me like shit. I think it is because of the big age difference there is. I love older men and age is just a number to us and we dont care what others think. He is 16 yrs older then i am. I dont care tho he is a great provider and husband and daddy! He does not want to tell his family about the new baby either. He has a sister that i dislike very much. She apperantly thinks that i am not a good enough mom. She was up here at one time for a party and our youngest was crabby and asked keith if she could take him for a walk in his stroller to see if she could help. Sounds nice huh? Well she didnt know how to buckle him in and so i nicly offered to help and she pushed me outta the way and asked keith to help her. I was so frickin mad at her. Keith didnt know that she had done that untill after the party. If she was not keiths sister i would have hit her so hard she would have not known what hit her. I personally think the reason why patty and i dont get a long is because she likes keith in a way that no sister should. She tries to act like keith is her hubby and i cant take it anymore. I hate going to thier family functions and keith wants me to go because i am his wife and he wants to be with me and show his family that we are happly in love with eachother and there is not a damn thing they can do about it. I do go most of the time but, i dont think i should be around them too much because i have been moody as hell and i dont want to say something that will piss keith off. Altho, i dont think he would but, who knows lol. Well i better go sorry for the ranting and raving but, i had to get it out.