09-10-2009 - the Cr*p never stops flowing, just the depth of it changes - TMI ALERT FROM OUTSET

My mood while writing this blog: honestly, I dont think I need anymore character building

DD1 has really put the pedal to the metal this term, and has had some stunning essay results which hopefully means she will have the choice of med school she wants to go to. She passed her two day First Aid Course for general First aid and Paedatric First aid at first level with flying colours. She can deal with cuts, burns, fractures and resus, once her certification arrives she will be the official first aider on Saturdays for the Department Store she works at. I am so proud. But I just hope that circumstances don't rob her of her chance to go fulfill her dream of being a doctor.

So why do I say the cr*p never stops flowing? Yesterday my diabetic DH went to the Dr's office at my insistence cos he had been "hiding" the severity of symptoms so as not to worry me. The colour visibley drained from the Dr's face after consulting and examining my husband. I always get very worried when medical personnel stop using the relaxed conversational bed-side manner and start talking in that very slow and considered manner, coupled with pulling reference folders I knew it wasnt good.

Sometimes, I wish I couldn't read upside down. Oncology Department, colonoscopy, biopsy ? 2/3 urgent.

If you listened to the words being said, you would have thought DH was having nothing more serious than the dirt scrapped from under his fingernails under a magnifying glass.

Put the spoken with the written and the altered manner, means Dr thinks there is a real risk of bowel cancer going on. DH had to have blood work done as a formality and asked DH to ring in for results in the middle of next week. He said DH could be seen as quickly as 10 days if we were prepared to go travel 50 or 100 miles out instead of using either of our two local hospitals, and to contact him back a week before the day of the appointment to have his diet and medicine adjusted. He then encouraged my DH to make practical arrangements to ensure he could travel that far, as he would not be able to drive after the procedure.

It took a lot longer for the realisation to sink in for DH, whereas I could barely keep the tears from stinging my eyes on the way out of the consulting room.

Once the realisation hit DH, he couldnt bring himself to drive straight down to have his bloods done there and then, so after a lot of tears and hugs we agreed that we would get his bloodwork done while I was at the hospital today seeing the consultant. Last night a lot of paperwork stuff that was put on the back burner was sorted out, but with a plan of action of priorities to be sorted over coming weeks and months. We agreed that it might be a good idea to give Zach DH's name as a middle name (even though DH has resisted the idea of naming any of the girls after him if they were boys!), so in the event of the worst his name will go on.

DH calmly explained to the kids that it would be important over the next few weeks to put bickering aside and really all pull together as a family, even DD1 would need to sacrifrice some of her chill time despite the pressures she was under with her studying and stuff. DD1 was quite indignant and wanted to know why he was reneging on her previous bargain. He told the kids the doctor wanted to poke a camera in his butt and have a look around. DD3 started laughing saying the doctor would get poo on his camera, this started DD2 off light-heartedly asking if the doctor had be poking his prostrate today. Calmly DH replied that yes the doctor had checked his prostrate, and thank you his prostrate was fine, and no there wouldnt be any poo on the doctors camera cos they will wash it all out before hand. DD1 had tears streaming down her face. DD3 then got confused, " why are they looking up your butt if they dont want to look at your poo?" with DD2 still half sniggering.

Unfortunately DH didnt come up with a good answer quickly enough, before DD1 said "its because they are looking for colon cancer and they think they're going to find it" DD3 started crying and DD2 just sat there motionless. For me, that was harder to deal with than getting out of the doctors office. I can't remember what DH said next, I was just as shell shocked. We left our bedroom door open last night, one by one they all came in for a cuddle including DD1. I dont think there were any words either of us could say last night to make it any easier.

DD2 couldnt face going into school today, even though she hadnt shed a tear. Both DD1 and 3 went to school and faced it head on.

So today, DH, DD2 and I went to the hospital. I had had my two breakfasts at 2 am and 5am, with a snack at 10am. I felt very confident that although I have been feeling like Zach has been eating me alive and that I was always hungry today was the day that I would NOT have ketones in my urine, and I would be spared a telling off about "baby shouldnt be burning your fat..........lalalalalala)"

I dutifully left my sample in the little grey paper jug with my name on it and hobbled back to my seat. I had the blood pressure done, but I could tell the nurse was uneasy doing it. She did it again, and although it wasnt on a digital scale but the old fashioned dial types, I felt the changes in the "thud thud" as she did it both times. I didnt seem to be bad, but she said dr would see me in a moment. Normally, they scribble it down in the notes, flip the folder over and leave it on the desk, and go out of the room. That is normally when I get DH to have a quick look and see what they have written. Not today! Nope, quick scribble then she took my notes and the hospital master file to the room next door.

My consultant wasnt in today, so I saw her SHO instead. He asked me how I was. I said how long have you got? With the SPD, brace, crutches, hardburn, breathlessness, carpel tunnel......he cut across me what about baby's movements are they still regular? Well, I had to be honest the moments havent been so violent in recent weeks since he changed position and I said I thought it was because he was running out of room. I told him that I had been checking his heartbeat with my fetal monitor just to be sure he was ok.

The doctor said baby should be moving plenty at 32/33 weeks and have plenty of room. He got out his trusty tape measure and measured my height of fundus, checked my notes, then measured my height of fundus again.

I said I was glad he checked measurements twice because the last midwife said I was running about 5 weeks ahead. He then asked the nurse to take me outside to weigh me to get my BMI, I jokingly asked if I was going to be told off when I came back in cos I knew it was high. Nope, I couldn't even crack a wry smile...one tough nut to crack. The nurse asked for my notes, and the SHO just asked her to jot it down on a separate piece of paper. Oooookay, why dont you want me to see what is going on. I dont like secrets!

He then sent the nurse of the ultrasound department to be scanned asap, while he wrote out a blood slip for GTT. He said he regretted that it couldnt be done today because it has to be done as a fasting test. And I should come back to see my usual consultant in three weeks. He also requested that I have an appointment for the anethetist.

Thank you, got lots accomplished. Made my appointment at the desk, then nursey came back to whip my notes off me and escort me down to ultrasound where I queue jumped everyone. I was sooooo embarrassed.

The ultrasound was in use, but the receptionist assured nursey that I was next one in so.....FINALLY I was left alone with my notes...for about 30 seconds before I got wheeled in. Just enough time to see Ketones ++, Glucose ++++.

KETONES!!!!!!! Mentally I was screaming, how can I be burning body fat and pouring ketones into Zach when I have been eating for 2 or 3 come to think of it. I had half a snickers bar yesterday after the shell shock of the colonoscopy drama, but the rest had been milkshakes, cereals, wholemeal bread, pasta and vegetables.

Last time I was told off for glucose was the day after I had my 4D when I last had any appreciable amount of chocolate. (I tell myself the two squares of dark chocolate with chilli I had on Tuesday didnt really count!)

DH asked if we could get any pictures today, she said it was doubtful to get any appreciable 2D pictures so close to the end, but she would see what she could do.

I paid very close attention to the measurements she was taking. As she was joining the pointers dot to dot the measurement in weeks and days increased. Thigh bone 33 weeks 3 days - ok fair enough 1 week in front.

Now she is measuring circles 40 weeks + 1 day. So I asked her what she was checking now. She said abdominal circumference. I asked if he had a problem because his tummy was so far in front. She said that the consultant's team would any questions at my next appointment, but she would measure it twice more and take an average of the three measurements for the print off.

Next circle she measured was clearly the head, because I could see the outside of the shape of the brain. Once again measurements varied between 37 - 39 weeks.

This had me worried, how can his head and body be so far in advance of the rest of him? I asked if there was a lot of fluid around him, she said she was in the process of measuring exactly how much extra fluid there was, but yes there was extra fluid that wouldnt be expected at this time. She printed off a blurry head shot which she didnt charge us for.

We were then ushered out while the notes were typed up with the door closed. Aaargh, separated from my notes again for a good 15 minutes or so. When the sonographer came out she told us to report back to the Antenal appointment desk where someone would be waiting for us.

I got my hands back on my notes and asked DH to trundle me back very very slowly, so I could see what was going on.

Fetal Head - normal Stomach -normal. Liquor volume Polyhydramnios HC 324.00mm AC320.00mm

HC & AC measurements are above 95th centile

Deepest liquor pool =9cm

Polyhydramnios must be the extra amniotic fluid, but I couldn't remember what all the risks were. I was very numb. I was wheeled back into Antenatal clinic minus my notes again!

A nurse came over and said I would be coming in for the whole day on Tuesday to do fetal heart and movement tracing and would be seeing my lady consultant on Friday. When we asked about the GTT, I was told not to have it done on the Monday or Tuesday cos it could distort the results of the monitoring.

So we went off the Vampire department for DH to have his blood test done, and to get me booked in.

The only slots left for GTT where on Monday or Friday next week, so I will have to be bled, swallow my syrup, see the consultant, and go back to the vampires to take the second lot. Then probably I will end up waiting around to see if consultants rushes the results back or calls me in again!

I have a lot of shorthand on my notes from today.....aargh I hate that. When I see my own midwife I will get her to explain it all for me, she only has the one room, so she can't run off and hide with my notes!

It scares me to think that despite everything I have done to keep this pregnancy going its gonna fall over at the last hurdle. Polyhydramnios can have a lot of causes and lots of potential outcomes, some positive and some negative. I am a fighter and Zach has had to fight so hard already, and it looks like DH has the fight of his life to come. DD1, 2 and 3 have all got their own demons to fight over what has happened the last 48 hours. For their sakes we hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Despite all my misgivings with Mother -in- Law regarding over-feeding the kids, rule breaking, cupboard re-arranging, clothes binning etc, I have to eat humble pie shortly and ask her nicely to come and stay for the forseeable future, and pray that DH, Zach and I all have favourable outcomes, sooner rather than later.

I apologise if this has been TMI, I know a magic wand or prayer can't waive it all away overnight, but I pray for the strength to keep on fighting whatever cr*p gets flung my way next.