19-10-2009 - Virtual Diamonds and Physical Diamonds - you never know where you are going to find them!

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Firstly ladies, thank you for letting me unburden myself on here, the last few weeks have been super tough going. All of you ladies out there on the interwebs are diamonds, and your support has helped me pull on through.

I had a diamond come and stay at the weekend to help restore my sanity and blood pressure, much to MIL's disgust. So disgusted in fact that she has refused to leave until after my diamond life saver had safely gone home. My friend drove 270 miles to be with me this weekend and took her nearly 7 hours to drive home last night, I felt very bad as MIL behaved like a spoilt child all weekend and tried to make her feel unwelcome at every opportunity.

My friend was a really superstar, packed up DD3, me and my crutches and some sunloungers and took me off to the beach so I could have "bed rest" in peace and quiet by the sea. MIL was protesting that she had been down for a whole week and hadn't seen the sea ONCE before launching into a full hissy fit worthy of a self respecting two year old. My friend put her in place firmly by telling her that she wouldnt DREAM of taking out my DH's people carrier without the proper insurance and without his permission, and that simply put her car didnt have extra room. If and when DH got back from doing shopping if HE wanted to bring her down to see the sea, that was his choice, but after driving 270 miles she wanted to relax too! She shooed me out of the house before I could start feeling sorry for my MIL, while I could hear MIL ranting that I didnt care about her and I was going to make her take the bus to the beach instead..........

I was really pleased to get on the beach even though it was cold and windy, I felt that a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I rang DH to try to warn him what he was about to walk into when he got home, but the line was engaged. When I tried again a little later, MIL had only just finished chewing his ear so he had decided to keep DD2 out with him shopping as long as he could before the food started melting. DH HATES food shopping with a passion, so I could tell he was unhappy too.

My friend got concerned as afternoon started to slip into early evening that I needed to go back home into the warm, but I kept on putting it off cos I didnt want to go back. In the end she texted DH to see if he was home and he was, so reluctantly I went back...to find she wasnt there!

My relief was short lived, MIL had decided to get on the bus and go to the shop where DD1 works on Saturday and wait for her. DD1 was mortified when MIL announced that they were going back on the bus together. DH always picks her up once DD1 texts or rings to say she is done. After realising they had missed the bus and it would be an hour til the next one, DD1 couldnt bear MIL going on and on for a whole hour til the bus arrived, and texted DH to come and get her immediately, so dutifully he went and got them both.

DH then announced that he would take my friend and I out for dinner, DD2 sensing that she was next in line for an ear bashing from MIL, begged and pleaded to come out for dinner aswell. I felt bad, but relieved at the same time.

DH's reasoning was to enjoy his time with me while we can, just in case he gets the worse news possible, rather than have his time spoilt by his mother point scoring. MIL started shrieking about wasting money when there was perfectly edible food in the house, he just snapped that if he has bowel cancer all the money in the world isnt going to make it go away, and he wasn't a little boy anymore, but he not going to get another 40 or 50 years to see out the end of his days as an old man with his other health problems anyway.

Although I had had my feet up at the beach, it wasnt the same as bed rest and I didnt really want to go out of the house again, but DH's outburst at his mother was clear that the uncertainty is ripping him apart piece by piece, so we went out for dinner. I couldnt help falling asleep in the car there and on the way back, and was glad that it was almost bed time when we got back. DD1 had put DD3 to be, and made up her bed ready for my friend to turn in.

I got up at 3am for my early breakfast and prepared all the vegetables for roast lunch for all of us, and sent DD1 off the computer to bed. I took my 2nd breakfast back to bed with me to avoid any confrontation with MIL shuffling around later on. Roast was executed with military precision and served up by 12 followed by a trip to the beach to blow the cobwebs away before my friend had to contemplate the long drive home. All the leftovers were covered and refrigerated before leaving so we had enough to come back to later on if we wanted.

When we came back, DH went straight back into the kitchen for leftovers. I knew he was thinking of "borrowing" some of my leftovers as he only had two roasties left of his own. He called out from the kitchen asking if he could have some of mine (of which I had plenty!) and "share" the leftovers equally between us, I groaned and said yes he could, telling my friend that I had a feeling I was about to be short changed, when DH came flying out with my plate which has practically been scraped of all its contents. MIL had obviously thrown my dinner in the bin again, which was backed up by the evidence in the bin. DH canvassed the remaining leftovers from DD1, 2 and 3 whilst seething that my food had been deliberately wasted again.

My friend is coming back to support me once the baby is born, whether I end up with a caesarean or not. I am so glad not to be facing it alone.

MIL is supposed to be going home tomorrow, as we have decided that the physical pain and rules of do and donts are worth breaking rather than continue with "help" that is being supplied with its vicious undercurrents which are making us both feel like strangers our own relationship with each other and invaders in the relationship with our own children.

We are just going to muddle through TOGETHER as best as we can, and accept offers of appropriate help from friends where we can't.

Friends are the family that we would choose for ourselves, or sometimes stumble upon by accident. The closeness forged is relationship that isnt weighed down with a lifetime of emotional baggage that comes with living in close quarters and offers a unique outside perspective, just like a highly polished diamond refracts light and sparkles with the colours of the rainbow.

I am pregnant has many virtual diamonds scattered across the world, who share their tears of joys, tears of sadness, stories of laughter and tales of woe. To all of you diamonds, I am grateful for each and everyone of you.

xxxxx