WARNING!!! VERY LONG AND SOME SWEARING… BUT PLEASE HELP ME IM SOOO DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF… AND ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT! THANK YOU

First off ill tell you a little history with me and my mom… she had me when she was 18... And she always said that she wasn’t ready to be a mom… so I guess my grandma watched me A LOT! Well we never had the best of a relationship… we would argue SOOO much! She drank a lot and would become drunk often when she drank… she could never just have 1 or 2 beers… it was always 8, 9, 10 beers and she would be over the edge… I have a problem were if you begin to yell at me I start to raise my voice as well… so that was always a problem also… and a lot of these arguments would happen when she was drinking…

Not to mention she is on a lot of pain drugs… I think its like 4 different ones… (she was in a bad car accident about 14 years ago and shattered her hip and had to get the whole thing replaced) but the issue that comes with this is that she drinks while she is taking these pills… sometimes she only drinks 2 beers and she’s smashed because of the pills she’s on…

Well when I lived with her there were plenty of times that she would call me a B*itch… I don’t care who you are or what your daughter did… but in my eyes you NEVER EVER call a 16 year old girl a b*itch… or at any age! I would/will never call my daughter a B*itch… anyways… Ive held that against her… there have been about a hand full of times that she has hit me before also… I would never hit her back because I didn’t want to go through the consequences because I lived with her… so I took it and didn’t do a thing about it…

Well last night we had a family get together at my grandmas… and the minute I walked in her attitude started with me… her sarcastic damn comments… and raging on me about everything and anything… and I was getting pissed! So I went inside and she began to scream at me about how I give her dirty looks and what not… like were in High school or something! And I told her “ YOU SHOULD GO GET YOU DAMN HORMONES CHECKED WOMAN! YOUR ACTING CRAZY “ and she said “ your nothing but a damn b*itch you know that” and she got like 2 inches from my face and was just yelling at me! So I told her if you going to get this close to me just hit me… hit me you b*itch… well she rose her hand and my aunt walked in the middle of us…

Well later in the night she came in and started screaming at me again… because me and my aunt were talking inside and I told her how when I lived with my mom she hit me a few times, she’s called me a b*itch, slut whore skank (mind you that the only person I EVER had sex with is my now husband! I don’t think you can consider that a slut, whore and skank) so I guess she went outside and tried to stand up for me or something and It PISSED my mom off… so she came in screaming and got in my face again… and she’s like ah I just want to slap you so bad right now… so I said fine hit me!!! I don’t f*ing care hit me!!! And well she hit me in the head and I actually swung back!!! I stopped after the first hit I did… and I started to walk out and she came running at me grabbed my hair and pulled me back (she took out a little chunk of hair) my husband came in and separated her from me and I tried to walk out again and she was STILL trying to get at me! Finally I got out and we left… I didn’t get home until 12am! We have a family picnic next sat… its a HUGE thing for our family… ive been going and setting everything up for the past 13 years or so with my Grandma and the past 2 years ive done it with my DH… well my mom told me not to go because im not welcome and nobody wants me there… she hates me and im a b*itch and to just leave! So now I don’t know what to do with that…

What got me fired up that night is 1)she told everyone that I hold addy over her head and that I say if she does this or doesn’t do that, that I wont let her see addy!!! I don’t know what HELL is going through her mind!!! Ive NEVER said a thing like that before!!! She was having a pity party for herself about 5 months ago saying how shes not going to get close to addy because she thinks im going to take her away from her!!! I pleaded and pleaded and cried my eyes out to her telling her that I want her in addys life and I would do anything!!! So if I help addy over her head… why would I have spent that me trying and trying to get her to be apart of addys life! Not to mention that she always wanted to baby-sit addy and she always did!!! And shes telling people that I hold her over her head!!! I was PISSED!

And then she said basically that I was a bad mother because I was passing addy around for the family to hold her!!! 1) my great aunt had never seen her before and of course she wanted to hold her! My grandma wanted to hold her as well as my aunts and uncles! They don’t get to see her often at all! We live 1 ½ hours away from them… so of course im going to let them hold her!!! And when my aunt monica and my moms Best Friend angie would try and talk to her she would say “shut the hell up before I slap the hell out of you!”

I don’t know what the hell her problem was yesterday…I honestly think it’s the pills shes on and drinking with them is no help at all… ive been crying all night and day because I cant believe that I stooped to her level and hit her back… but I think because she had done it before when I lived with her and I couldn’t defend myself because of the consequences that now I wouldn’t have to go home with her, I finally stood up for myself and defended myself… but I still cant believe that I did that… im scared now though that I will lose my family over this! She has a way of twisting words and telling everyone everything… and that she was in the right and I was in the wrong…

WE BOTH WERE IN THE WRONG!!!

What do I do ladies.. That is if you read this whole thing and made it this far! Lol… I hope this all made sense