28-3-2011 - A little girl for me

My mood while writing this blog: happy

So I found out today we're having a little girl. I'm so excited. Her name will be Lydia Marie I went into my ultrasound expecting to hear girl but it just makes it so much more real to know for sure! I did every gender prediction test in the book and they all gave me girl results and I just felt from the start it would be a girl. Everything looked healthy on the screen and the tech didn't seem to express any concern. They can't disclose much information because they're not the expert but as far as I could tell everything measured good and cord arteries looked normal so I'm a happy mommy. She had her legs up over her head and she was holding her head with one hand as if to say "Come on, get this over with already"... I also learned that she is breech which makes me a little nervous. I know there is still plenty of time to flip around but I want to avoid a C section if possible. I enjoyed my vaginal birth and the freedom to hold/nurse my baby right away and would like to have another vaginal birth. I plan to do my prenatal yoga often to help keep baby in a good birthing position. I'm told this helps.. plus I tried my dvd out this morning for the first time and I'm soooo sore tonight from it. A good sore. I did 45 minutes and I can definitely feel it.

Now for some not so great news... as many of you know my husband deployed to afghanistan for the 4th time last August but came home early in October due to serious injuries due to a small arms attack. Well he's been recovering well and we've been blessed with alot since he's been home with the new baby and his new promotion in the works and his unit has a regulation in place that if a soldier is brought back to the states due to injuries then he/she will not return to afghanistan for the duration of the deployment. So this is what I was told. Today he calls me to tell me there is a "rumor" that his 1SG and CO are in need of some senior NCO's to help with the redeployment back home (basically packing and shutting down shop so the unit can wrap things up and start the process of returning home) and his name was thrown around about sending him back to help manage the whole process. I just completely lost it after he told me this. I was bawling. I know there will come a day where we will do the whole deployment thing again. In fact, they have a date set of July 2013 already. But that's 2 years home.. 2 years to let the idea sink in again.. 2 years to live together and finally live as a whole family. I know if they send him back to finish out this deployment it would only be for 3-4 months because everyone is due to be back by late July / early August.. but that's besides the point. I can live apart.. that's not the problem. I've lived alone now for a good amount of our marriage but I'm not emotionally ready to say goodbye to him and know he's right back where he just nearly died. Yeah, maybe he wouldn't be running missions like he was and maybe he would be in a safe zone just preparing for the redeployment back home but is freakin' war.. no one is safe. He could be eating lunch and get blown up for all I know! I just don't know how to even process this possibility right now. Maybe I'm not thinking straight cause I'm pregnant and emotional anyway but I just know I'll be a big sloppy mess if this possibility becomes a reality in the near future. We should know something soon since time is running out and the deployment is coming to an end.. I just don't want to say goodbye again. Not right now.

Thanks for listening.. just needed to get that off my chest.