07-4-2009 - Pre-Term Labor Continued

My mood while writing this blog: Relaxed

I apologize for the delay. I got an unexpected visitor in the hospital last night when I started writing. By the time they left my back was hurting so bad and they wouldnt give me anything but Tylenol so I had to get in the shower for about 45 mins with hot water on my back. By the time I got out I was relaxed enough to sleep so I took advantage of the time and got a nap.

Good News! Doctor let me come home today on bed rest and Terbutaline. I would MUCH rather take my bedrest at home than in the hospital.

On with my journey......

So,...I thought I had gas that was lasting for 3-4 days so I called the Doctor to tell them and they said to come in and they would check me because gas pains for that long was unusual. When I got there they checked my cervix and the next thing I know I have 4 doctors in the room with my legs in the stirrups all giving 2nd 3rd 4th opinions. Next thing I know is I am being told that I am dialated to 4 cm and my bag of waters is prolapsing down into my vagina. I was instructed to go straight to the hospital and no where else in between. At this time I was 21 weeks.

Once I got to the hospital it was a whirlwind. I can only imagine that my OB doctor had called ahead and alerted them in labor and delivery to my arrival. Within seconds I had doctors and nurses cutting my clothes off, starting an IV drip and putting my on my head strapped to a bed. They tell me they are starting a magnesium sulfate drip to get the contractions stopped and that it would be the largest bolus dose they could give so expect to feel sick, hot and pretty much out of it but they had to do this to save the baby. A few moments later my OB doctor came in and told me that an ambulance would be transporting me to a hospital that was in Syracuse because they had a level 3 NICU that had the equipment and staff to handle babies born very early. I don't think I knew was fear was until this moment in my life. The circumstances defined fear. It was like those stories you hear about just when you are about to die you see your life pass before your eyes. It was kind of like that.

I have vague memories of being in the ambulance. Most of what I remember is dry heaving because I can only imagine by that point the medicine they had given me had caused me to vomit so badly that I had purged everything I had in me. I also remember the smell of vomit. I woke a couple of days later in the antepartum unit of Crouse Hospital in Syracuse New York. My doctor had come in to explain to me what had happened and how things were going to take their course. To shorten the details of the next 6 weeks that were ahead of me, they consisted of being in bed in the Trendlingburg position (Tilted on your head) and not able to get up to use the bathroom, shower, brush your teeth, nothing. I was sponge bathed by nurses, had a catheter and my bowels became so inpacted I had to have a nurse come in with a glove and remove the feces manually. It was the most miserable time imaginable. At this point I questioned whether or not any of it was worth it. I had thoughts of just getting up and leaving and if the baby was born I would deal with what came.

Daily I was given an ultrasound, many vials of blood were taken and the doctor did pelvic exams daily. I stayed attached to a fetal monitor and blood pressure cuff at all times. I was given the Betamethsone series to help mature the babys lungs and lied there and waited. I tried my best to sleep as often as I could because I did not want to be aware of myself. This was the only time in my life I wished I was dead.

Fast forwarding to 26 weeks 4 days roughly. I got a familiar sensation of gas again. I ignored it for a while but the cramping kept getting closer so I buzzed a nurse and told her. It was at this time she came in and checked the paper on the fetal monitor and noticed contractions. I was immediately wheeled to Labor & Delivery. My doctor came in and told me that they were not going to try and stop the labor this time because they have done all they could. He gave me a 60-70% survival rate and told me pretty much to pray to whatever God I worshipped.

I labored for 6 days. The last 3 of those 6 days was the most undescribable pain. It was unfathomable. I was not given anything to make me comfortable dispite my screaming and begging. Keep in mind at this point I didnt care if me or the baby lived or not, I just wanted to be non existant. I had given up. In hindsite I don't think it was the pain of labor that made things so hard to deal with. Do not get me wrong, it will redefine pain for you forever. The worst pain ever known. But I think it was my spirits being so low, wanting to die but being in a place staff are trained NOT to let people die, 6 weeks of constantly interrupted sleep and the complete lack of stamina from being forced to lay still and have no physical activity whatsoever. All of this lead up to my state of mind and perception of pain.

I was told that they could not give me anything because anything they gave me would make it to the baby and jeopardize his ability to breathe when born.

Fast Forwarding......................At 27 weeks and 3 days I gave birth to a 2 lb 1 oz baby boy. I could no longer suppress the urge to push. My body was an auto pilot at this point. There was no nurse and no doctor in the room and out he came. Within seconds the nurse came in after my husband screamed down the hall and seconds after that the room filled with the pedicatric team. They held him up for a couple of seconds for me to look at him but all I could see was his head and off he went to the warming table. A few seconds later I heard a cry and I felt relief. They quickly took him away to the NICU.

I stayed in the room because I ended up delivering at 6 cm and my cervix ripped so I had to get that tended to after I delivered the placenta. They then sent me to a postpartum room and had me shower. All I kept asking about was my baby but I felt almost brushed off by my asking and was redirected to do something else. About 2 hours after giving birth and showering and getting settled into a room I was wheeled up to see him. He was covered in wires and tape and tubes coming from everywhere. I could not see what he looked like from all of the medical equipment attached to him. I guess during that two hours they were getting him set up and attached to all the monitors but the nursing staff didn't want to tell me anything to cause worry because they wanted me to recover as well.

What was so amazing is that after he was born my state of mind changed. My mind was clear and I had a resolve for life like I had never known. I wanted to live for him and protect him with everything I had in me. It was like my sanity had been restored.

When I saw him I remember him being so much smaller than I ever would have imagined. I knew he was going to be small but the reality was fractions of the size I had imagined him to be. I was told that he was on a ventilator but only needed room air and that he had a feeding tube and would for some time because they do not have the suck, swallow, breathe syncronization that premature and also that they would expend more energy trying to eat than what they could injest. I was informed he would probably lose some weight in the first few days and was told about all of the possibilities. Blindness, mental retardation, death etc.

Two days later the fiesty devil extubated himself. They put the tube back in and sedated him so that he didnt pull it back out. I guess he didnt like all that stuff attached to him either. The doctor said if he does it again they are gonna let him go and see if he breathes without it.

Well he did. He pulled the breathing tube back out again so they put him on CPAP on room air and he did fine. He just needed time to grow and be able to hold his body tempature on his own. He was in the NICU for 88 days and got to come home at 4 lbs 5 oz.

I almost forgot....I didn't get to hold him until he was almost 2 weeks old. He had to stay in the incubator because he could not hold his body tempature on his own. That was sooo hard to look at his sweet little face and not be able to hold your own baby. I hope NO ONE ever has to feel that way.

Today he is a perfectly healthy 7 (almost 8) year old. He has had some developmental delays. He as Aspergers Sydrome (High fuctioning autism) and requires special education services at this time because he does not do well in a class with too many students. He is more focused on being the center of attention than anything else and then he cannot handle the attention/stimulation he seeks and he gets out of control and self destructive. He has a hard time with social ques and has difficulty recognizing authority figures. He is very active and is easily distracted and requires constant redirection. Each year that passes he continues to do better and his father and I are full convinced that he will eventually out grow any evidence of prematurity the older he gets. He is a honor roll student and always has been dispite his challenges.