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|21-12-2009 - to TTC or not to TTC
||My mood while writing this blog:|
I am struggling to decide whether I want to start TTCing again in the next couple months. I had a mc in October from my first pregnancy (we got pregnant the first month of trying). I had to have a D&E and then a D&C to remove all of the pregnancy tissue. I was told by my doctor that I needed to have 2 normal periods before we could start trying again. I got a weak period 2 weeks after my last procedure. I am now having my first normal period since all of this began. my husband and I have discussed when we want to start trying again. he does not want to wait. unfortunately I no longer feel the same way. I want to be a mom more than anything but at the same time I also am afraid to go through all of this again. being pregnant and feeling the sensations and experiencing all of the symptoms was just so amazing and then to have it all ripped away was very difficult. I cannot imagine what it is like for those ladies who made it past 9 weeks only to mc later on.
I feel that I have healed as much as I can emotionally and physically I have felt fine for weeks. however lately, every time I hold my nephew or another baby I no longer feel that ache to have my own child. I guess I feel guilty about that since everyone is ready for us to start trying again. I just feel that since it was not meant to be last time how will I know if it is the next time we try? when I tell my husband that I am worried to try again he says that we should just wait an extra month from what the doctor said and that should help. it took 10 years for me to get my husband to this point…ready to have kids (we started dating very young) and now I am worried that maybe I was not ready since I am feeling this way.
I guess I am just confused as to why my feelings have changed. right after the mc and the first procedure I could not wait to be able to try again. after I found out that there was still tissue in my uterus causing my pain and that I would have to have a second procedure it just seemed like a bad dream that would not end. the second procedure just seemed so overwhelming to go through on top of the sadness and lost feeling I was experiencing from losing the baby. I know that so many people have gone through what I am going through but I wonder if something is wrong with me emotionally since I am just not able to get excited about the thought of TTCing again? I just keep hoping that time will help me make the decision on what to do.
so anyway I just needed to vent since there is not really anyone for me to talk to about this without crushing their hopes that we might not be TTCing again soon :)
5 Comments on to TTC or not to TTCwilmie
- Monday, 21 Dec I was 2 months pg when my sister had a baby boy. He was about a month old when my sister came to visit for a week. He was a difficult baby and I started wondering: What am I getting into?!!! After my mc 4 years ago, we decided to wait, since I was still very young. But it's a personal decicion only you can make, whatever your motivation. Just remember, nothing on earth can prepare you for what you'll feel when you hold your own baby. And it's very likely that your next pg will go full term. 1 mc doesn't really put you in a higher risk category. From personal experience, I know statistics doesn't do anything to calm your nerves and the 1st 12 weeks will be tough. I had terrible nightmares and imaginary pains but it is soooo worth it!! Your mc will make you apreciate every new week of your pg soo much more. I anxiously counted the days and followed my baby's development weekly. Whatever you decide to do, I'm here if you need someone to listen. When you start asking around, you'll notice that what you're is completely normal. Hugs ~W~ dragonflydreams
- Monday, 21 Dec life is tricky and if we were to plan everything it would be pretty boring.... I have been through the exact same thing and in my opinion i dont think you are ever ready there is always that small amount of doubt and insecurity. I say get back on the horse and keep going. The sadness goes away. If it has taken your hubby ten years then i think he is truly ready and he might be upset too and wants to try again. Anyway thats food for thought, a different prospective to what the other women are saying .. I hope you are well and will chat soon .. Merry christmas Beth kbpc3949
- Monday, 21 Dec Wow. I am sorry to read of your recent struggles. I think it seems totally normal to be feeling the way you are right on. I agree with mfbrown. Just wait a couple months and see how you feel. A couple months really isn't too much in the big scheme of things. Best of luck to you. mfbrown
- Monday, 21 Dec Aw. I say take your time! Don't rush into it. You want to be able to sit back and enjoy every moment of it all. So when you feel ready give it a go :0) momof2hopfully3
- Monday, 21 Dec i say let nature take its course right now and if it happens the it happens and then when you feel like you are ready ttc your heart out :)