29-5-2009 - It's just too much right now...

My mood while writing this blog: overwhelmed

Hey guys. So, I've got a little good news and a lot of stressful news. Good news first; at my appointment Thursday to measure my cervix, I found out for sure that we're having a little girl! Her name will be Brooke Ashley Gordon and I absolutely love that name! The other news is that when they measured my cervix, they found that it was 1cm shorter, which wasn't a big deal, but then we found out I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions, which for normal pregnancies is fine, but for me, not so much. I thought it was just the baby balling up in there causing that tightness and discomfort but I was wrong. So of course everyone frieked out and sent me over to my regular doctor just so she could give me all the bad news, yay! I definitely start getting my progesterone shot next week along with continual weekly measurings of my cervix, fun stuff. They offered me the cerclage, but after hearing the risks associated with it, I opted to wait and see if the shot works its magic. If not, then in a few weeks when its safer, I will get the cerclage put in. Now I am on bedrest, not complete bedrest, but I was told I could only do some light work around the house like laundry and stuff but no heavy lifting, no more walks, no more heavy cleaning. Phooey! I know it is not my fault but after seeing how healthy and active my little girl is, I can't help but cry knowing that she is completely fine and it is my body that is causing all this risk to her. If I lost her, I would be so upset with myself and I know it is not good, but I would definitely blame myself.

So, hard as it may be, I am going to do everything I can to keep my little one inside of me, even if they end up telling me I need to be on complete bed rest! I just want her to make it and to be healthy. ideally, I want to deliver her at the hospital and be able to take her home with me. I know I need to relax but there's just so much stress right now.

On top of all that and trying to find a plane ticket for myhusband to get home, my 4 year old Alyssa had to go to the ER last night. We've got no family here so I was in the ER with her from 11pm until 4am. What happened was she woke up in the morning and said her legs wouldn't work. Every time she tried to stand up, she would fall back down. After about 30-40 minutes she was okay and walking around, though rather stifly. Then around 3:30pm she started getting worse. Whenever she would walk, she would fall down or bump into the wall or the sofa which freaked me out. The doctor took blood, did a urine test and even did a CT scan but everything came back normal. She's doing better today, still stiff but at least not falling all over the place. Doctor says she thinks it might just be a virus or just something that kids go through, you know, like suddenly vomiting and then being fine afterwards. So I have to call her regular doc on monday and schedule a follow-up appt. My husband thinks it might be some growing pains too but hopefully she just continues to get better.

Anyway, that's everything for now. It's all just a bit too much right now but I am trying to take it in stride as much as I can. My husband gets home tomorrow night so that will be a big help for me. Now, I must go check on my daughters' dinner. I just hope and pray that things work out!