14-7-2009 - 22 Weeks & 2 Days

My mood while writing this blog: Bored at work

Hi all

Well i'm here at 22 weeks now and even though i've bought nearly everything for Baby Jacob it still doesnt seem real, I honestly cant believe that in just over 17 weeks i'm going to have a baby, I just want this soooo much that I think I dont deserve it and dont think i'm going to get it. I know that sounds stupid but thats just how I feel.

This Baby is my life at the moment and I love him to bits, I am attached to him but I think I pull back incase something goes wrong, I constantly panic about everything, like for the past few days i've been thinking what if i leak amnotic fluid and baby suffocates without me knowing, or what if his heart stops and I dont know about it, I think horrible things all the time and it makes me panic. Things like that have happend before to other people and it scares the crap out of me. This all stems from January when I was pregnant and lost my first baby at 7 weeks.

I constantly use my doppler even though I can feel baby just to make sure that it is baby making them movements and not just gas (stupid I know). Also just recently i've been hearing different noises like really long woooshing sounds like i'm pumping water into my stomach and jumping around, anybody know what this is??????????

Well thanks for letting me get my feelings out xxxx

PS is it normal to feel baby constantly one day and hardly nothing the next, just curious??