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30-11-2009 - Thanksgiving..

My mood while writing this blog: Optimistic yet still sad

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So Baby's first thanksgiving wasn't really much of that but I'm glad he's so little and won't remember. D moved out last tuesday and this time it seems indefinately. We've been shaky for sometime but I thought we were going to get over this rough patch and we haven't. SO for now the engagement is off and me and Nate are doing it on our own. So many feelings about that cause I stuck by him through things I said I'd never allow and he just gets up and leaves after he's sucked the life out of me and says "He has to do this on his own cause thats in his best interest " and that he feels weak as a man and that i don't respect him as such cause we live in my dads house oh and that he'll love me for the rest of his living days but needs to do this FOR Him???!!!like really guy than why ask to marry u n while I'm doing whats in OUR best interest you decide to live your double life until your ready to leave altogether. Needless to say I stayed home on thanksgiving didn't want to have to explain anything to anyone just wanted to stay home with the baby and it was really exactly what i wanted in the end. To add to all the chaos, i guess it was my nerves about the whole thing, but while cutting the baby's nails in the morning i clipped a piece of his skin off!!!!! I KNOW POOR BABY he would cry everytime he touched it. I felt so horriblee I cried myself I'VE DONE IT SINCE HE WAS BORN AND THIS NEVER HAPPENED I know this happens to allot of people but I felt awful about it. It bled and everything. Thankfully after cleaning it with hydrogen perozide n applying neosporin he's much better and doesn't hurt him anymore. So yea I'm sure you can just imagine how lovely it was for me. Being that I had the rest of the week off and just got to devote all that time to my baby I'm feeling much better about the whole situation now. A little resentful to how selfish he's being but optimistic either way( TO ADD TO THE STRESS STILL NO PERIOD been on the pill for 2 months n just finished the cycle n stopped n NADA no period but the preg test was negative so STILL waiting praying that it comes soon). I want to go back to school n get my AS in paralegal studies and go from there. I'll be alright just emotionally right now I'm a little drained. Hope your thanksgiving was better than mine although me and Nate prayed that day and thanked God we were in good health to be spending it together!!! God Bless you and yours :)

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2 Comments on Thanksgiving..


diegirl - Wednesday, 2 Dec
I am so sorry to hear that things weren't the best on Thanksgiving. You deserve the best girl. You deserve a man that will love and spoil you and be true to you. If D cannot be that guy then there is someone else out there that is a perfect fit for you. *hugs* As for the cutting baby's skin instead of just his nail... I am pretty sure we have all done it or came close. I know I have... with Caprice(my oldest) I think and I have cut the nail too short with a couple of the others which hurts too. You are doing a great job with Nate.

AllyCat62683 - Tuesday, 1 Dec
oh girl I am sorry to hear you didn't have a delightful thanksgiving and had to deal with all that sadness. I was just talking about mine not being all that great. The company was good, I just felt like crap. I am sorry to hear D is being so selfish. I hope you get through this and it sounds as though you are going to get through it. My thoughts are with you.