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| 12-11-2008 - VENTING!! |
My mood while writing this blog: Sad! |
I am blessed, I know that I am blessed. As, I sit here, and I am 29 weeks pregnant I realize that I am blessed. I admit that I am conflicted on many things questioning myself as a woman, and a Mom to be. I believe that might be natural. However as, I sit here with my Frosted Flakes this morning, I am just PLAIN TIRED! I am tired of so many things!!! I can't help but allow the tears to flow into the milk and wonder many things about the people that surround me right now. I am SO FUCKING TIRED OF TEMPERMENTAL PEOPLE!! I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE THAT GIVE ME THE SLIENT TREATMENT AND NEVER TELL ME WHY. I thought that I was surrounded by people that care about me, but the truth of the matter is that, I was fooling myself people are ONLY OUT FOR THEMSELEVES!! It's so draining to PRETEND as if, I don't care about WHAT people SAY TO ME, and HOW PEOPLE TREAT ME! I am just sick of it!! I am beyond stressed with a new baby on the way, wondering if I can provide for her, if I can be the Mother that I NEED to be for her. The kind of mother, she deserves. I AM SCARED, but yet have NO ONE TO TALK TO because the people that, I feel like should be there are worrying too much about why, she's not doing it THEIR WAY and not doing it THEIR WAY leads me to feel this way! I've been around people like this ALL MY LIFE< so you would think that I would be use to it now. It's so draining! I wish with everything that my Grandmother was alive Today she was the ONLY ONE that showed me unconditional love! I need that right now and if she was here, I wouldn't have to worry about many things, and I would def have someone to talk to that would ask me the simplest thing, Beauti HOW ARE YOU? Instead I get walked past even I want to share news about my baby people will act as if they aren't listening, or say certain things. I wonder how people can be so cruel about such things, but hey that's life and on them, I supposed. I will spend this day by myself, and reflect on a long, I have 10 more weeks until her arrival, and I have to figure things out because chaos in my daughter's life is NOT what I want for her, so I have to be a Mother and put myself aside!
13 Comments on VENTING!!longawaited2 -
Wednesday, 3 Dec GIRL! You are a good friend! And to comment about "venting" know that you are one of the good ones! There are a lot of bad people out there! (and good too) but every now and then you run into that person that is so good the erase all the bad folks that do not realize how bad they are to there fellow man! You will raise another good girl because you are worried about it. So many don't care and have kids for themselves!! I am proud you are worried about her and not yourself and I bet your greandmother thinks so also. I miss my grandma too. She passed last year....HMMMMM I wonder if they are looking down on us right now. You talk to me about thet baby anytime you want carenshaw@comcast.net! XOXOXO newmommyaj -
Monday, 1 Dec That is everything I want to say i get so frustrated because i cant even put my thoughts into words, but you said it exactly like i feel. I sat in my car last night crying thinking these same exact things. Your beautiful and your baby girl will be 2 and you will be a great mother because once she gets here nothing or no one else will matter mommy2be18 -
Thursday, 13 Nov just do you. you have to stop and think about muffin girl.. all this stress is not good for her.. being 18 and pregnant i hear a LOT of things but in the end my responsibilities are to God and my unborn child. No one else... This is what i tell my baby daddy, family and friends.. You Can Hate it Or Love It... thats it.. Right now you have to take care of your blessing. You have been waiting a long time to be a mommy and you are going to do wonderful Don't worry about other people because in the end they have no power over you (unless you give them power). I know its hard but you can get through this!!! I have faith in you!!! aarons-mom -
Thursday, 13 Nov lmartin78- is right beauti, dont mind those people trying to make u feel down. pray for ur strength. take care. god bless. shug1stbebe -
Wednesday, 12 Nov 1st of all....(((((((BIG HUG))))))). 2ndly, This experience has taught me that the expectation of a child in the world either brings out the best or worst in people. You don't have the time to worry about negative energy. If people are throwing you shade...shake it off. Only thing that matters are you and that lil muffin girl inside you and the concern you have means that you will be the best mommy you can be and wait til she gets here....u wanna talk about unconditional love? You are about to get the lesson of you life. Cry those tears and get the negativity out of your system and allow yourself to heal. Then pick your head up and keep on high steppin'. You got this mama.... child4 -
Wednesday, 12 Nov BEAUTI, WITH ALL THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS THAT YOU HAVE SENT I CANNOT IMAGINE WHERE YOU WILL NOT BE ONE OF THE BEST MOTHERS IN THE WORLD!!!! YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON AND THIS WILL BE REFLECTED IN YOUR LITTLE ONE FOR SURE. WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH IS NORMAL. I FEEL IT TOO AND THIS IS MY FOURTH. YOU ARE A STRONG WOMEN AND CAN DO THIS AND I AM CONFIDENT YOU WILL DO IT WELL. I UNDERSTAND THE NEEDING OF YOUR GRANDMOTHER RIGHT NOW. I WISH MY MOM WAS HERE ALSO AS SHE PASSED ON IN 1999 AT 48. SHE KNEW ALL THE RIGHT THINGS TO SAY WHEN I WAS HAVING MOMENTS LIKE YOU ARE HAVING NOW. I AM SURE THIS IS HOW IT WAS WITH YOUR GRANDMA TOO. JUST TRY TO TAP INTO GRANDMA'S POSITIVE ENERGY SHE WOULD OF SHARED WITH YOU AND GO WITH IT. THE REALITY OF MOTHERHOOD IS DEFINETLEY WIEGHING ON YOUR MIND BUT YOU WILL BE AN AWESOME MOM!!! SENDING YOU A GREAT BIG HUG AND PRAYERS AS YOU STRUGGLE WITH THIS. WRITE IF YOU NEED TO TALK PLEASE AND IF YOU GET TO YUCKY TALK TO YOUR OB BECAUSE DEPRESSION CAN HAPPEN AT THIS TIME. BEEN THERE DONE THAT. YOU ARE A STRONG WOMEN AND YOU CAN DO THIS AND ARE DOING IT. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU AND ALL THAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THIS FAR.
ourbabynumber6 -
Wednesday, 12 Nov Girl the same here but just don't pay them crazy folks any mind and don't let them see it cause they will know how upset you get. Don't pay them no mind and just worry about your lil princess that is coming soon and yourself. Shoot they will want to be around when you have the baby watch cause that is how they do. You got us mommy we are here for you and don't you worry(smile).
*LaShana* momma Nesa -
Wednesday, 12 Nov Try not to let other people bother you. They will someday be treated the way they treat you. Don't forget about Karma! And listen, just the fact that you care enough to worry about how you will take care of your baby, and wonder whether you will be good enough or not proves to me that you will be a great mother. It shows how much you already care and I know you will do everything you can to provide for her. These feelings are normal at this stage, you are getting nervous cause it's getting so close. Try to relax and remember you have instincts, good luck you will be great! ReRe78 -
Wednesday, 12 Nov i know its easier said than done, but alotta times you have to let go of that drama. Its not good for you or the baby-trust been there/done that. Just keep your head up and concentrate on you and ur muffin girl =) Anesha -
Wednesday, 12 Nov I understand you completely and know exactly how you feel. You have got to be strong and 100% confident. This starts on the inside. It is not a stance you take but it is an attitude and a mentality that you will need. No one validates you or your baby. You are special, beautiful and you have a purpose whether or not anyone acknowledges it. Do not expect anything from anyone anymore because people will let you down. God will bless you with someone in your life who will love you unconditionally trust me but in the meantime you have to live for you and your baby and flip off everyone else. The only reason I know all this is because I have been through some hurtful experiences with people and that includes family just like you. When I got pregnant I was not married. And although I am grown and was not even living at home my mom thought that if she stopped speaking to me that I would do what she wanted me to do. In the end I made my own decision and my boyfriend and I married when we felt it was right. People behave a certain way because they want you to feel less about yourself and your pregnancy. You have to square your shoulders, stand up straight and be your happy you. Don't let them steal your joy. God validates you not people. Heres a ((BIG HUG)) 13yearsapart -
Wednesday, 12 Nov Oh sweety I am so sorry you are feeling this awfulness!! I wish there was something I could say other than that, but my life is a fricken mess and I am the last person to give advice!! All I can say is I hope it gets better and feel free to vent to me anytime!!! Chin up babe, things will get better and your daughter needs you to be strong for her sake!! Take care!! andriette and christians mummy liz -
Wednesday, 12 Nov SWEETY UR SUCH A NICE PERSON.I KNOW EXACTLY HOW U FEEL WITH PEOPLE WALKING OVER U.I HOPE U FEEL BETTER SOON AND DAMN THOSE PEOPLE.U WILL BE A AWESOME MOMMY I JUST KNOW IT:-) mama25 -
Wednesday, 12 Nov TAKE IT EASY GURLIE!!!! GURL JUST FOCUSE ON YOU AND YOUR BABY.WHEN BEAUTI #2 GETS HERE YOU WILL THEN START TO SEE THE REAL PEOPLE AND THE PHONY PEOPLE.TRUST ME ONCE YOU SEE YOUR BABY YOU WILL NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK OR FEEL OR IF THEY EVEN CARE TO ASK ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU ARE DOING. TRUST ME ON THIS.IT WILL BE ALL ABOUT YOUR BABY.LOVE YOUR LIFE NOW AND FOREVER AND STOP STRESSING.GURL YOU GONNA MAKE ME STRESS.LOL.SMOOCHEZ