21-1-2009 - Yesterday's OB visit

My mood while writing this blog: Embarrassed

Hi girls! Hope everyone's day is going well.

Okay, so I went to the doctor yesterday and she had some good news and bad news for me. I need some support with the bad news, because it is really bad to me..

The good news is great;

-I printed out the ingrediants and vitamin facts for the One a Day with DHA because the other DHA vitamins are so expensive with my insurance ($60-$75, no thanks). I compared them to the ingrediants of all of the samples she gave me and gave her a chart that I put together (I know, I was a bit obsessed) and she said its fine if I make an effort to get the missing 200 mg of folic acid through food or supplements, which is great because it will save me around $40 a month!! Whooo Hoo!

- The baby has a stronger heartbeat than average for 14 weeks and is more comparable to that of a baby around 20 weeks. This is SUCH great news! I would have been fine with average, but above average is supurb! 20 must be the magic number because...

The bad news is that I HAVE GAINED 20 POUNDS ALREADY :-(

I had a feeling that I had gained a little more than I did with my daughter at this point, but my doctor looked back in my record and told me that I had only gained 8 pounds at this stage with Julia. Now when I was carrying her I made a special effort to exercise, drink all of the recommended water and I ate healthy. If I wanted chips, I had an apple. But in the end, I still gained 55 pounds. I lost 75 pounds by the time she was 6 months old, but pretty much starved myself and over-exercised. I started too soon and created some complications with the scar from my c-section. But with the exception of starting activity too soon, I hope I can do it all again. I got back down to the size I was my junior year of college-which is my ideal weight.

But anyway, since I still gained so much last time, I have been enjoying myself more this time around. I have had more fast food than ever, if I want chips, I have chips. I have not done my prenatal workout video once- so the good news to the bad news is that I know what I need to do. But I am so sad and scared about this and have these horrible thoughts. I have some serious issues with body image and part of me regrets even getting pregnant this time. What if I can't change it now? What if I am this size forever? I still am excited for the baby and can't even explain how happy I am about the heartbeat, but I don't want to be overweight because of it. I think of that year during and after my pregnancy with my daughter and all I think is "hungry". LOL I was starving the whole time- but maybe thats why it was so easy to lose the extra 55 pounds. Weight is a serious issue to me, it actually takes a lot of balls for me to post this. I considered not discussing it because some of you have mentioned not gaining anything yet.

Sorry so long. This is why I try not to blog. I am a wordy girl.